sent in by Curious and curiouser
Hi this is a GREAT website and I may post a couple more times cos I'm new to this (only started really de-converting about two months ago!) Hope that's ok?! :-)
Enjoying all the testimonies, they help a LOT! Now, let me cut to the chase here. I no longer believe in the Bible, biblegod, jesus etc. BUT.....Ritchie's testimony about his penticostal experiences prompted me to write this, had been thinking about doing so anyway as I want to hear your views.
Right.........When I was conceived my mother didn't want me and I don't hold it against her OK but she was REALLY upset about being pregnant and tried to kill herself several times.
(1) The first time she overdosed on sleeping pills but just chucked them back up and when she asked the Doctor for more he was suspicious and wouldn't give them to her.
She could have o.d.ed I could have been killed (inside the womb) too but I wasn't and she didn't.
(2) She tried to gas herself but while she is SURE she shut the windows - and yes, especially in THAT state of mind she COULD have been mistaken, I know! - she went to sleep, the next morning she woke up to find one window wide open so we again could have died and didn't.
(3) This is the biggest mystery perhaps. She put her head in the oven and turned on the gas. She HAS had migranes before but NEVER a neck ache and she had a sudden terrible pain in her neck and she felt a hand pull her head out even though there was noone in the room. ! (
4) She would have liked to have had an abortion (rather than attempting suicide!!) but she didn't know where to go to get one (this was the early 70s and she was too ashamed to tell anyone, even though when she did MUCH later on tell them about me, her best friend and family even her mother were very accepting but she thought they wouldn't be. So I was not aborted (obviously, or I would not be writing this now - duh!)
(5) Her best friend told me a few years ago that my birthmum at five months' pregnancy - when she tried all this stuff - looked like a woman who was nine months' pregnant (yes, I know she didn't tell her best friend at the time, she must have told her later!) and it was as though there was a protective coating around me so I was not brain damaged but the attempt at sleeping pill OD for e.g! After all THAT I was adopted out at the tender age of three weeks and ended up in a fundamentalist Christian home! Hmmm after hearing all THAT and my birth mother is NOT a Christian, she believes in God but that's IT, I thought maybe I was SUPPOSED to be born and SUPPOSED to be brought up in a Christian home.
(Although I guess logically speaking it would have been a LOT easier if God wanted THAT to just make it so my dad (i.e. adoptive dad I have now) COULD have kids and then we wouldn't have needed to go through 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5!)
I have since come to realise there is no WAY the bible can be true and therefore my parents' beliefs are WRONG. So that theory goes out the window but on the OTHER hand, WAS someone intervening in my pre-birth to keep me alive and WHY and WHO THE FUCK WAS IT?
I am NOT a Christian anymore I am NOT a troll and (you'll have to take my word here and I KNOW swearing on the bible won't mean NOTHIN to me or you guys!!) OK I swear on my dead and much loved Grandmother's grave I am NOT making this stuff up!!
So guys, any possible explanations? A few I have come up with, by the way, tell me what you think (just DON'T tell me I or my birth mum are full of shit! cos she's no liar either and NOT a drama queen who lies to get attention cos I know the type and she's NOT it! and being irreligious she HAS no agenda!)
Right, my possible explanations:
(A) There IS a God. OR Goddess or more than one of those who for some crazy reason decided to help out. I have also considered there may be a deity/deities that IS there but is NOT omnipotent, has LIMITED powers. I mean, I'd be pissed off if SOMEONE OR SOMETHING out there helped ME out but didn't stop the tsunami if it/he/she/they COULD have stopped it!
(B) There is an ancestral spirit that actually gave a damn about it's descendant. Again, not an omnipotent one, of course.
(C) I was extremely lucky to be alive and that's all there is to it. And my mother was just imagining the hand thing and confused about the window because of her state of mind which obviously wasn't in a good place!!! and the neck ache was from tension and the fact she's never had one before or since means nothing. (Possible, I've had one single migrane and so far never had one before or since)
This also brings me to the crazy point that however it happened perhaps I or she or both of us are here for a reason but I'm 31 and although I am basically a kind and caring person who helps people when I can I haven't exactly found a major life purpose that makes the world a better place yet! I've also thought re. the family thing apart from the fact it could have been a coincidence and probably was maybe the reason if there is one I was put into THAT family was because THEY needed ME. MAN does that make me sound an egotistical meglomanic or WHAT?
Well I'm NOT OK?! Let me explain: My brother told me he was a father at 20 three weeks before he told our folx so maybe it helped him a tad getting that out. My father had an affair and I didn't condone it and wasn't exactly thrilled with him but let him know I accepted him no matter what.
Yes, I was in my 20s but still living at home but STILL! And my brother has been a total shit especially the five years he was a drug abusing alcoholic and caused us all KINDS of problems - also adopted, by the way, from an alcoholic family, yes really! now he's a fundie in some ways it's not much better! But ANYWAY my mum often said what a wonderful support I was to her in those times.
In case you are thinking I am putting myself on a pedistal I think despite how bad the fundamentalism Christianity has been for me but that's another story this one is WAY too long as is, appologies! in some ways my family have been good for me too, e.g. my dad is quite successful (no millionaire of course! but he does alright) and that inspires ME to try my best for just one e.g. So, any thoughts on any of that?
E.g. WHY?????? and HOW???? and WHO???????
Became a Christian: 3 weeks? ! ;- P OK maybe nine years old actually
Ceased being a Christian: 31
Labels before: What churches or organizations or labels have applied to you?
Labels now: Am I allowed to say eclectic? New Thought plus New Age plus Gnostic plus Deist plus Humanist etc! plus nothing against doing the odd wicca incantation!
Why I joined: Thank the family for that! Not wanting to go to hell! (at nine!)
Why I left: Because I realised the origins of the bible were questionable as was it's logic and it's contents so how could it be true. Plus I've always (almost always) been open-minded at heart back to my true self at last!