sent in by Jeff A Lackluster Faith Journey The story of my conversion to, involvement with, and de-conversion from the Christian faith is not nearly as dramatic, lengthy, or painful as it has been for others. Growing up, I had little exposure to Christianity except for irregular visits to a Lutheran church for Sunday school and attending Catholic Mass with my grandparents once in awhile. Neither of my parents was particularly religious; my dad was and is a confirmed agnostic leaning heavily toward atheism, though if you asked him today he'd probably identify strongly with Buddhism. Interestingly enough, at one time my father had been pursuing a career in Christian ministry. He'd been raised in a strict Lutheran home, and due to some factors stemming from a dysfunctional family and his own personal demons (homosexuality), he felt at the time that immersing himself in faith was the answer. It wasn't. But this really isn't about his faith journey, so it suffices to sa

sent in by Cyrano Hi all, I'm Cyrano and I walked away almost five years ago. It was actually my best friend's coming out that started me down that road, although I'd been going down it a while. I was raised a Fundamentalist Baptist and exceeded even my zealous father's dreams in terms of my own "holiness" (read: self-righteous prudery). I was one of those horribly better-than-thou people who had read the Bible backward and forward, knew every apologetics answer to anything an unbeliever could throw at me, and actually wrote my graduating thesis on the value of the KJV over any other version of the Bible. In short, I was an annoying little shit. And when I got out of my father's house (or the Bible Bubble, as I like to call it), I kind of went crazy. Well, crazy for me. I dated and unbeliever *gasp* and had sex outside of marriage *double gasp*. I ended up pregnant and scared and so I got married. My husband (now ex) was a great guy, understanding of a

sent in by Philip Agora I became a born-again Christian in a Fundamentalist Church when I was 14-year-old boy, wrestled with various issues from the start, found myself dissenting on numerous matters, social liberalism for one, difficulty with idea of hell for another (an idea dealt with succinctly by Bertrand Russell, one of my good guys even when I was a Christian). I have been a university gospel team preacher and developed an idea of Christian epistemology based on the experience of the so-called Holy Spirit. I found my Christianity more tolerable as a Quaker worshiping in a silent meeting that included a pagan and a jew in our midst. In a word we were a very accepting group of Friends. However a few years ago I found myself analyzing Christian doctrine more critically than I had ever before, and particularly the concept of "spiritual." What does one mean when one speaks of "spiritual values"? What are "miracles," a "phenomenon" about

sent in by Derek My decision to become agnostic did not happen overnight. It took several years before I came to realize exactly what I believed. I grew up believing Christianity was fact so it took time for me to kill that virus that had infected my mind. I hate to be harsh for those of you who are Christian reading this. But that is what I believe Christianity is: a virus of the mind. My hope is that you will read this article and hopefully it will allow you to question what you believe. I can't imagine anyone would want to believe in something that is not true. You don't believe the moon is made of cheese? or do you? I challenge you to read this article with an open mind. Explore the questions and really stop and think about them. Why do you believe what you believe? Do you know why? I sincerely only want to be where the truth is. If someone can convince me that Christianity, or any other religion is truth, then I want to be there. But unless I have concrete evidence I can&#

sent in by Marie Murdock Ok where do I begin? I grew up in an abusive environment, which led to many emotional/mental scars....As a teenager I dabbled in drugs/alcohol/sex...and because of my past, I knew I needed to learn to cope in a healthier manner. I started going to church when I was 15 because my Mom, had gotten "saved", and was told that God was the only thing to save anyone from drugs/alcohol and self destructive behaviours. Of course being so young and wanting to "still serve my flesh", I continued to as most teenagers, and kept in the partying mode. When I met my husband...his Dad, a "christian" started taking us to church and we were told "we had to get married" because we were having sex...so 3 months later (age 19) we were married in a ceremony I had nothing to do with, accept show up~! The church made all the arrangements and I just needed to be there! (WE were "offending" ppl, by our lifestyle of sexual sin, and th

sent in by Becca I grew up in a marginally Catholic family, and became extremely devout at a young age, turning to God and Jesus in an attempt to cope with abuse from my psychotic mother. I'm an intelligent, discerning individual, and so remaining faithful was a tremendous struggle because so much of Christianity just plain does not make sense. But at the time, I saw God as my only hope for any real love and support. Silly me. You don't want to know how many nights I spent crying into my pillow and begging for help, comfort or at least acknowledgment from God. I finally broke down and told my confessor that I was being abused. But instead of calling CPS or something sane, he just told me to pray harder. You can guess how well that worked. I decided that maybe Catholicism itself was the problem, and went looking for God in various other denominations. I sat through Lutheran services, talked to some of the Campus Crusade for Christ folks, studied the Bible on my own, and then m

sent in by Sandra G A friend of mine posted here a while back and suggested that I do the same. From reading a lot of the testimonies it seems that people generally abandoned their beliefs for intellectual reasons. I think most religious people have questions or some doubts about their beliefs but most don't abandon their religions outright. The doubts co-exist with the desire to believe. I think leaving your faith usually takes more than doubts. I think there have to be other factors or events involved. I'll explain my situation. My mother died when I was 11. People at our church really reached out to us. My father and I always got dinner invitations on Sundays (no close family lived nearby) and church members offered to care for me after school when my Dad was working. However, something just didn't seem right to me. My best friend at that time was from an athiestic family. Of course, Dad didn't know that. My friend's mother was such a help to me during the di

sent in by sightedone I posted here a while back but didn’t really tell my story. I feel like the time has come for me to really put my thoughts and experience in writing for my own growth. I grew up in what seems to me to be a pretty classical evangelical family. I spent the first 20 years of my life in the “Covenant” denomination and then from college on tried several other churches. I went to bible camp every summer for years, was a model youth groupie and went on two different month long mission trips to south America by the time I was a freshman in college. I went to a Christian college where I received a degree in psychology, and got married with one of my professors giving the message at my wedding. Not long after marrying, my wife and I went into the mission field for a half year in a third world country. For the next 10 years I refined my beliefs and got to the point where it was really all making sense to me. However, whenever I was really honest with myself and admitte

sent in by Lord Hades I wouldn't necessarily call it a crisis of faith, but lately I have found the resolve and courage to confront a very disturbing, yet liberating, issue within myself that I have carefully ignored and avoided over the last few years: namely, that I am not so certain, anymore, if I actually believe God exists, at least not in the ways that I have always been taught that He does. The older I get, the less I find evidence that God exists in the ways that I have been taught to believe. It's an age-old circular argument that I have refused to answer, truly, because of what that answer would do to my perception of reality: if God exists, and He truly loves each and every one of us without prejudice or judgment, then why does He allow such horrible things to happen in our world? I understand the reality of war: people get killed by other people, even civilians. Even ants have wars. But when I read about the Holocaust, and the systematic rape of thousands of women

sent in by John Murray My time in christianity was relatively short and my conversion and deconversion alike were nothing out of the ordinary so I won't bore you with the details. Although I think that a lot in Christianity sucks big time, I must admit that even after all these years of deconversion I still get that nagging feeling:- what if I find out when I die that I'm wrong? I just haven't been able to make the confident break that many writers on this site have done. I am often criticised for sitting on the fence, but there again it is easy to go from the extreme of being a closed minded fundamentalist to an equally closed minded non-believer. Both to my mind are equally guilty of having made up their minds and now look for evidence that backs up their beliefs while dismissing any that contradicts it. Despite having read stuff by once highly dedicated former believers such as Dan Barker, Farrell Till, Charles Templeton etc, there is some of the evidence does

sent in by Dennis I guess you can say I am an ex-Christian. I used to believe all that crapola like jesus loves you and so on. But then one day I discovered all this religious crap is a load of bull. If God/Jesus/Allah/Great Zabbadabba or whatever we're calling him this week really gave a crap about us why is there so much suffering in the world? Don't give me that line of crap about free will and all that. If God gave a rat's ass about people he'd get off his ass and prevent shit like September 11th himself. What else served to finally wake me up to the bullshit Christianity really is, Is when my mom who was a Christian all her life died of cancer at the age of 52. She was a very good human being and actually cared about her neighbors,family,friends etc. unlike some jackass actor, musician,or athlete who's only concern is what color Beemer to buy this week. I got really tired of watching football games and listening to some brain dead jock prattle on and on about

sent in by Rich Ok where to start on my incredible boring journey?? Hmm lets see.. Born into a very strict catholic family on Long Island, NY.. Started first grade in 1968. Wow those Nuns with the horrible outfits and the 12 in rulers… Scary! I remember once I was yelled at by Sister Margaret Joseph the principal of my grammar school for running in the hallways.. WTF was that about? I was punished by being made to walk up and down the hallway and up and down the stairs in the school for an hour while others were in class.. I thought that was cool because I’d rather be walking the halls then be in class learnin’ bout jeebus… Well in fourth grade there was Sister “ Butch dyke” or whatever the hell her name was.. One day we were in English class and my friend Michael was caught whispering in class.. She walked back to his desk, grabbed him by the hair and dragged him up to the front of the classroom and smashed his head against the blackboard! There was blood everywhere. I ran down to

sent in by UberKuh My transition from belief to doubt encompasses a long, arduous journey, but I can summarize it as follows. The Bible states in verses like Proverbs 8:17 and Jeremiah 29:13 that God wants us to learn more about Him and that, when we do, He will reveal His presence to us. These verses inspired me. I understood them as statements of a single promise, not a potential. In other words, I understood that I could count on the fact that, every time I looked for God, He would find me. These verses initially inspired me, but they later confused me. The deeper I searched, the harder it became to believe that the Bible would fulfill its promise. No one seemed to be able to answer most of my questions and, given that I continued to ask questions when others were answered, the net result was that nothing added up. This became unbearable. I could cite a number of problems that overwhelmed me, but one stands out because of its prevalence in theological debate. This is the problem o

sent in by Jeff I'm almost embarrassed at how dull this will be, but here goes: I was baptized into a Lutheran family. I don't remember much about the first couple of churches, but my father liked the pastors at a Missouri Synod franchise in Ames, Iowa. Since this church was on a university campus, it was more liberal than most LCMS churches. It was mind-numbingly dull. All of it. Vacation Bible School (I don't know why they call it that, it's no vacation), Sunday school, all churchly activities. My parents encouraged to me question and think for myself. My father is a scientist, who understands that evolution is a fact. I found out that the pastors and other members did not accept something so obvious. If my dad knows this is true, what the hell is wrong with these people? I learned that there were other religions, and read about them. They really didn't seem so bad, and could not understand how God could send people to hell simply because they believed what they

sent in by Sandy I grew up Mormon, which was not a good experience. I was born to a single teenage mother and was then adopted by my great-grandparents who did love me very much. But as a child born to an unwed mother I was automatically labeled as a bad kid. I remember when I was about 11 I started asking questions. Looking back I realize how much my Great-grandmother really loved me. I asked why the doctrine didn't make sense, and she simple said she didn't know. At home I never got in trouble for asking questions. Around the same time some of my friends would invite me to their churches, and Mama (great-granma) would let me go. To Mormons that is a big no-no. You see people might get ideas and slowly start thinking for themselves. One Sunday I went to the Baptist church and was given the oh so lovely "your Mormon parent is going to hell" speech. Real nice thing to tell a kid. Well I was a pretty shy kid with a vicious temper. I got expelled from Jr. Hi