Egg on my face

sent in by Riley J


I was born into Mormonism. My mother’s parents were Jehovah’s Witnesses. My mother was disowned for turning to Mormonism after leaving an abusive home. I’m not sure if she was abused or not. People make up those things to get pity or demonize others for not getting love. My parents were never there for me. They were never there for themselves as a matter of fact. They have never had any expectation for themselves. When I was five, I woke in the middle of the night after a nightmare and told my mother I did not want to go to hell. She has no answers for me. She said to go back to bed. I knew from that day on my parents didn’t know shit. My non-active Mormon parents always perpetuated the Mormon belief, by never went to church much. The missionaries would come to the house while my parents were gone somewhere and search for coffee and cigs.

Fast forwarding to High School. I found myself trying to get more involved in the Moron church when I was 18. My parents never went much. My grandparents started to get involved then too. My grandfather is what they call the keeper of the storage house. I think that’s like the “GateKeeper” on Ghostbusters. Or maybe it’s food for disasters. I was behind in school because I was a lazy Mormon who moved a lot because my father was in the military. My parents were lazy too. They did not graduate HS. I was learning from them. Again, I knew I wanted higher standards. I tried to go out for sports and be a part of society. I wanted acceptance like everyone else. My parents told me I should not care what people think and continue to be a ragbag. Since my parents had a no aspirations, I was expected to have none either.


I found myself in a summer job at 18 after my Junior year. They had a group called Campus Crusade for Christ where I worked. They were waiting at the door step when I arrived. An attractive girl told me that Jesus loves me and that all other churches are cults. She said Jesus is like Coke “Jesus is it!”. The girl looked good to me so I listened. She seemed to accept me like no other person ever did. She told me that other churches were false profits. I later found myself willing to listen. I knew Mormons were full of shit already. She got me at Hello. But after I converted, she got married and forgot about me.


I starting learning scriptures out of context like 99% of Christians. I used scriptures like:
Proverbs 3:5&6; Jer. 29:11; and other fuzzy feeling scriptures. I tried to convert everyone in the Army. I was a serious hardcore Christian. It seemed like I was the only Christian on the face of the earth in Army. I was always hit and cussed by other soldiers. I was told that is because I am a son of god. I was self-righteous and made half-way Christians mad. Funny how all the half-way Christians now try to convert me back to the fold. I moved to Atlanta after 5 years as a Christian. I had completed my psychological self-victimization by that time. I felt everyone who did not agree with me was going straight to hell. I felt like everyone was hurting me. I know now that I grew up soft-hearted and never wanted to hurt anyone because I hated to get hurt myself. I had not caught up with rest of the world on the thought that you have to forgive others because we hurt each other anyway. I realize that we all have different tastes for pain. For instance, my parents always lied to me. I now hate lying. But lying is a big part of our society. Lying and chaos have a big payoff for those who create it. You see this in marketing, relationships, politics and religion. Broken promises. God promises me a lot of shit in the bible and he’s not come through. Ask and it shall be given. Follow me and I will bless you. I promise you life and promise abundance. Man should not be alone. I have a plan for you. Give tithe and I will reward you. All broken promises. This god lacks clarification. This god lacks faith in me. He wants my faith. I want his too.

I stood back as a Christian and waited as god asked me to. I did not go to college because god said to seek his kingdome first and all would be added to me. Bullshit. I did that without lacking faith for 15 years. I served overseas for god in missions. I did everything I could to convert stupid people. I even lied like all Christians because I thought lying was Ok as long as I get converts.


I have started the last two years realizing that Christianity is just mental. God is nothing but the unconscience. Clear you self-evolving sex-crazed mind and you can do shit that seems like god. Christians have their PAT phrases for every little whim. If they read the whole bible, they would see its non-sense. They love to say “I’ll pray for you”. That works on people who want to believe it’s true and are having problems and doubts. If someone tells you they are praying for you, you start looking remedy because you feel relief and you believe help is on its way. John Kerry said that too. John Kerry is like Jesus in that he said “I have a plan for you”. Also, the plan is never revealed by JK or JC.

Jesus said to his peeps that he would be back in the same generation and that would be soon. 2000 years is not soon. A Christian will say that 1000 years on earth is 1 day in heaven. What a crock. Christians use what is convenient because they can’t think for themselves. Christians use the 1 day-1000 years when it’s convenient for the conversation. Jesus said he would rise in 3 day. Is that 3 heavenly days? That is 3000 years on earth.

Christianity has changed before my eyes. The Christ peeps tell me to now look at the church peeps, but when I was being converted they told me to look at the church peeps. They said “look at me, I am joyful and you are just happy.” There is a difference. I was joyful too when I thought there was a heaven and I was not dying. If you turn over all responsibility to daddy in the sky you feel like you have no worries. That is the placebo. You are in lala land. Give credit to big daddy when it goes right and the devil when it’s wrong. Christians are hi-jacked. If they leave, the church community will say you out sinning. You know this because the preacher is telling you every week about your friends who backslid this week. That proves the god is you and the church. As long as you go to church it’s ok. You can’t have god outside of going to church. As long as you go church, you can have all the sex you want. I know this because I sat back in churches for 15 years watching people repent of Saturday’s escapade on Sunday morning.

Why is that mostly ugly people are in church? They have no friends? Why are only the ugliest people in church some how get called to be single for life in their 40’s? Why was it when god called me to ministry that I could not do ministry because I was not a member long enough? Did the church stop god? As a southern Baptist in GA I was told that I should pray about what church to go to? If this is so, why is god leading white people to white churches and blacks to black churches? Is god still racist like back in the day when Christians said god does not allow blacks in white areas? It’s funny how blacks love the white Jesus so much. They use to be in tribes and had their own idea of belief and traditions. Their ancestors were kidnapped for slavery by the mighty whity and given the only religion that is righty. They claim those were people and not god. What a cop out. That is what I call the bait and switch or what I call the horizontal and vertical. This is where Christians tell you to look at them and their so-called bless lives. They say they are good and that’s proof of god. God is in them. In their hearts. What part of the brain is the heart? By the way, if the brain is where all our memories are stored and we die, our brain is dead. How can we be judged for our past thoughts when we are brain dead? Dead is dead. Let me guess, our thoughts are in our soul. What soul? That leads me to the incredulous woman of Christianity. Why is that woman use to be inferior to men under god and now they are not. Same as the blacks I mentioned. What’s up the Spanish inquisition? Christians killing non-converts. The only thing different these days in Christianity from the world is that they are one step behind from our worldly morality. They preach about not having sex and getting married first. Funny how sex is natural and marriage is not, but Christianity is ass-backwards on that. They should admit that Christianity is a concoction made up by constintin to stop us from acting like apes. They needed to get us in line. They voted on the books in the bible and left out the parts about marry and Jesus having kids.

Why was if wrong to listen to music back in the day? Now that Christian music is cashing in, it’s Ok. Why do woman show their cleavage in church now. I thought that was wrong? What about those mini-skirts? Why does Creflo Dollar want my W-2 to join the church in Georgia? Why can’t I talk Charles Stanley? Why does Johnny Hunt think drinking alcohol is kissing the devils lips? Those damn preachas.

I use watch the few attractive girls in church. I check out their butts all time. They are so succulent. I use to get shot down all the time by the woman in church because I was not what they thought was a great sprite leader. I mean spirit leader. That translates into they want the guy with most money. The best looking. The guy with the best confidence like in the real world. The stupidest thing about strong confidence is that it’s fake. It has no substance.

I use follow the scripture about being equally yoked, but that was egg on my face. I wanted to walk on water for Jesus, but walked on egg shells instead. The last time I went to church this girl told me that she prayed and god told her not to date me. I had prayed and god told me we should date and that we would be having sex soon. I was kidding about the last part. I know all single Christians have sex. But it’s OK as long as you go to church. I tried going back to church, but threw up literally. I could never step back in church again. I came to realize that it’s all bullshit. Christians are really agnostic emotional relativists. They all believe in something that they feel and it’s based on what they feel. No two Christians have the same exact believe. If the same god is talking to them in a personal relationship, why are they all doing different things? Most Christians think god has pre-ordained them to marry someone specifically. The soul mate they call it. Why do so many professing Christians get divorced if god has a plan for them that is pre-ordained before time? If god knows the number of hair on your hair, why do you use propecia? Why are Christians so caught up in politics? They are supposed to be separate from the world. Why do they take jobs from the Gov’t? The Gov’t approves of abortion. It’s legal. Why do Christians make so much money and live lavishly? Jesus said to sell all you have follow him. It’s easier for a camel to get into heaven than you to pass a need through your butt. Don’t quote me on the last one. It may not be totally accurate. It depends on all the interpitations that men read that several men quoted that other men translated that other men wrote that other men wrote that men said that Jesus said. Jesus did not write one word in the bible. The red letters are to make is seem like his blood and that he said it. God was created in man’s image.

Churches claim to have the Truth. Truth does not change my friend. The bible says god never changes, but according to your conversation with him, he does. Christians always use the word “faith” as their last word when they are too stupid to answer a question. I don’t ask question because I want to believe or proof, it’s because I am trying to save you from your own disillusion. Jesus is dead just like your faith. Don’t be scared of death. You will just cease to exist. There is no heaven or hell. You will not meet 5 people in heaven. Funny how there are few scriptures about heaven, but long books about it. Christianity is just a pass-me-down value. You only believe because you don’t want to disappoint the church or mom and pops.

Sex: Male
City: Washington
State: DC
Country: US
Became a Christian: Born into mormonism; born again at 20.
Ceased being a Christian: 31
Labels before: Mormon and southern badtist
Labels now: borderline agnostic/athiest
Why I joined: I wanted acceptance and truth
Why I left: I could not get acceptance and I proved the bible to be bullshit.
Email Address: riley_jensen at yahoo dot com

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