sent in by Meg I was born & raised in Seattle, one of the most agnostic cities in the nation. I grew up in a largely non-religious household; my father was (and still is) basically agnostic, while during most of my childhood my mother was in a crisis of faith and on her own spiritual path. She experimented with a lot of different religions when I was a child, so I remember going to church occasionally, but I don't remember ever being compelled to attend or being told what to believe. I should mention that my mother was also an alcoholic, because that plays a significant role in both her religious experience and mine. When I was around 16, my mother hit rock bottom, and had what she believes was a healing experience. She discovered Jesus and quit drinking because she believed that God had healed her of her alcoholism. (Whether she's right or not, a positive thing is that she has been sober for 16 years now.) I should also mention that my mother was emotionally

sent in by RUTH STONE When I became a Christian, it was because I wanted to do something 'right' for myself and my children. I wanted to have the rules all spelled out for me. And peer pressure (most of my friends were already churchies). But I also remember reading the Book of John and being inspired by Jesus. He said things that made sense to me...things that I could agree with. So I started going to a church where it all changed. Yes, at first it was all about Jesus...his love and his forgiveness. Who doesn't want a clean slate? But, with each Sunday sermon, the Jesus that lured me into the church became less and less visible. Suddenly it was the harsh, jealous, smiting God who loomed large. But, by then, I was already deep into it, and felt like I couldn't back out. I had built an entire social circle of friends who would not let me walk away. A few years go by, children were born, and I was becoming more and more beligerent and hateful. Suddenly, consp

sent in by Curious and curiouser Hi this is a GREAT website and I may post a couple more times cos I'm new to this (only started really de-converting about two months ago!) Hope that's ok?! :-) Enjoying all the testimonies, they help a LOT! Now, let me cut to the chase here. I no longer believe in the Bible, biblegod, jesus etc. BUT.....Ritchie's testimony about his penticostal experiences prompted me to write this, had been thinking about doing so anyway as I want to hear your views. Right.........When I was conceived my mother didn't want me and I don't hold it against her OK but she was REALLY upset about being pregnant and tried to kill herself several times. (1) The first time she overdosed on sleeping pills but just chucked them back up and when she asked the Doctor for more he was suspicious and wouldn't give them to her. She could have o.d.ed I could have been killed (inside the womb) too but I wasn't and she didn't. (2) She tri

sent in by anonymous I'm 22 years old, and have just recently found the freedom that had long awaited me. I was born into a church of Christ cult, and I accepted everything I was taught until high school. Upon entering high school, I sensed that something just wasn't right about the atmosphere at church. The youth group excluded me because I wasn't breaking the rules. They were basically one big clique. There I was, following the rules, being a good little Christian girl, while the other kids plunged into the world that we were taught to avoid. During my freshman year in high school, I joined a Christian club where I was told that the coC was nothing more than a dead church. At that time, I still believed in the Christian God, but not the coC version of God. I noticed something quite inconsistent: While at Sunday School, I found that I was the only youth member who was interested in the Bible, who actually read the Bible every day and fed my ears with Christian/inspirat

sent in by Marsh Like so many other people of this world, I became a Christian thru birth. Before I was able to form a complete sentence or thought I was in Church with my parents. Most of the family members on my mothers side are die-hard Christians. So the influence of the church was apart of my everyday life. Every time we had a family gathering of some sort we would form a huge prayer circle while one of my aunts or uncles would have the honor of talking to God. As I look back at my childhood and all of the religious influences I’m kind of surprised that as a young adult I was able to throw the title of being a Christian out of my consciousness. At an early age I displayed the ability to look at things objectively. This all started with the myth of Santa Clause. While attending a small private elementary Christian school I made it a point to tell some of the kids that Santa Clause was make believe. This would make some of the kids upset but I felt that

sent in by Michelle Pederson I joined the mormon church to make my hubby and his family happy but I was miserable. So I stopped going or having anything to do with it. My husband, for a few months now, is finally getting that the church is full of bullshit and not true. So we sent a letter to member records in Utah to have our names removed from the records, so it will be like we were never apart of it. Thank goodness!! :) He's also writing a book about all his expeirences growing up in it and the things that go on in the temple. He's hoping to get it published and if his family found out what he was doing he would be disowned and they would not talk to him again, which to me wouldn't be a bad thing. :) All of his family live in Utah, except for a brother that's in AZ and another brother that's in NC. He hardly ever hears from any of them and when he told them that he was leaving the church and that he didn't believe in it anymore they told him to

sent in by Lord Umbra In 2002 I quit going to church. I had been a professing Xtian since ‘97. I converted late in life at the ripe young age of 37. My religious experience up until that point had been nil. I just suddenly “got religion” and joined the crowd. I got deeply involved and was serious in my faith. I taught and preached both in church and at the local Rescue Mission. I eventually was made an elder in the fall of ‘01. However, the same biblical acumen that qualified me to preach and teach, also made me aware that the church wasn’t quite right. Being honest, I could not deny that I disagreed with much of what the bible taught. I wasn’t too crazy with the behavior of the Xtians either. Plus which, in my own life, no matter how much I submitted to “God” and prayed in faith, “sin” never seemed to leave me. Well, what’s the point of being “saved” if you aren’t delivered from “sin”? Finally, in December of “01, tired of choking on my own bile due to frustrati

sent in by Rob My life has been fucked up since I was teen. It's all good though because I've got great friends and family that have helped me all my life. Molested by a female music teacher at 12, parents divorced when I was like 13, mom was institutionalized for manic depression at least 15, 16 times before they could find suitable medication for her when I was fifteen through nineteen. (I suck at remembering what happened when, to much pot) I would go to school and try to cut everyone up and get attention there. I became the class clown, of every class. I always needed attention, and I always got it. There was this one english class I had in high school that changed my life. I had always been told I was evil by various religious people and I thought to myself "No I'm not". It happened enough times that I started reading the Bible and preparing myself to fight should it ever happen again. One english class can change your life. There

sent in by EternalDarkness The original version is in the "Testimonies of Former Christians" section of the ExC boards. I've since expanded upon the story to include more information. It was originally supposed to be a little jot in reply to one of the other posts here, but it turned into an essay. My story basically goes like this: Like most of you ExC'ers here, I grew up in a Christian home. However, I always felt... "disconnected"... from the religion. I feel somewhat unique, however, because I was exposed to different denominations. My mother was a Catholic who converted to Methodism to marry her second husband (when I was in kindergarten). My aunt Cynthia is a Greek Orthodox. The rest of my family is largely Roman Catholic Italians. My mother used to bring me to Sunday Mass when she was a Catholic. I loved the pomp and circumstance, but it meant nothing personal to me. Rather like dangling a fascinating new toy in front of a small child

sent in by richie My name is Richie, Ive been raised mostly in a penticostal envirenment, up until a few years ago. I have been reading stories on this site for about 3 years, and I have to tell you that I appreciate all of you for telling your stories. Leaving christianity has been a long hard road, sometimes I feel like I am going insane. I am going to give a full version of my leaving the faith at a later date. I do however have some real important questions for the viewing audience, maybe those that have had some of the same experiences that I have had inside the world of christianity and the church. First off, I no longer believe in the bible, but I have had some personal experiences that keeps me from totally escaping from religion, and being at peace with myself. Ive been in church services where people are talking in tounges, falling down, acting totally crazy. On the issue of tongues, I have heard hundreds of people talking "bable" I usually rolled my eyes,

sent in by anonymous I became a Christian when I was five. I recently turned 30 and am trying to finally leave it...and all of the happy fake people. But I'm struggling; not because I miss church, or miss the people; I don't miss the guilt and the confusion, or feeling terrible about simple things, like loving hip-hop or dancing or trying to figure out how to have a balanced view about sexuality. I miss, miss, miss God. I miss looking out at the mountains or the sun and feeling connected with some being that orders it. I miss the idea of someone who invented love, and could do it better than parents or people. The strange thing is that I've met more Christians that are dysfunctional, have no connections to reality, are closed people than not. I don't want to be bitter; feeling that Christianity fails you is like feeling betrayed -- I understand the bitterness and anger. Feeling vulnerable, opening up your heart and spending years involved in something that doesn

sent in by Caligula I was born Roman Catholic. Now I know a lot of the fundies tend to think Catholics are evil…which I find to be much like the Ku Klux Klan calling the skinheads racists. Nevertheless, for those who don’t know, its extremely boring, mass is a like an hour long sleeping pill….and the communion crackers are like cardboard….if they gave out Oreos or something like that….maybe I would have stayed. My parents used to drag us to church every Sunday as well as on Christmas. So I grew up believing the usual God and Jesus stuff. One day, my parents decided to send me to Sunday school. The problem was, this Sunday school wasn’t even a catholic one, it was protestant. ( we still laugh about that to this day ) So I go...maybe twice and they literally had to drag me kicking and screaming. I didn’t pay much attention to what they said, the only thing I really remember, is they took a collection… ( yes…they took a collection of money from a bunch of 7 year olds) I notic

sent in by Edwin Wollet Like a lot of people, I was born into the shit. The early years were particularly mindnumbing, since my parents (and therefore myself) were charismatic Christians, washed in His blood, anointed, etc. We would do the speaking in tongues bit and the falling down (slain in the spirit) and the anointing of heads with oil. Then we switched to the Catholic church. Different style, same substance. "Jesus Christ died on a cross for your sins. You are a sinner. The only way to get to heaven is through complete obedience to Jesus Christ." What a load of guilt-ridden crap. But, coming from a small, Midwestern town, that's the norm. I heard about atheism (and agnosticism) in college, but did not give it much credence. There was no way that there wasn't a god, it just could not be true. Then, I graduated and went to work. Most of my friends turned out to be Atheists. By this time, my family had become liberal-minded Christians (i.e.

sent in by Jason Well, here it goes! I really don’t know where to start as it has been such a crazy journey. Since I always started my Christian testimony this way, I guess I will tell you guys that I was not raised in a Christian home or in any religion for that matter. Religion was not talked about and it was not necessary. Life was fine without all the god talk. However at the age of 21 I got married. We were both young. She was 20. She did have some understanding of Christianity and she shared her beliefs with me, but it was not something that controlled our relationship. During our short lived marriage, we visited several non denominational churches. It was good for us. We would go, listen to the sermons, maybe throw a little money in the plate, and then go home. It made us feel like better people. We just figured, hey people grow up, get married, and go to church..right? So we went evey so often. I wasn’t even sure if I believed in god and the church that

sent in by Ian I was not born into a Christian home. Quite the contrary. I was born into an abusive household with heroin addicts for parents. My biological father was a Japanese immigrant who was never there, and when he was there, he beat the shit out of me. My biological mother was also guilty of this. It was common place for my mother to burn me with cigarette butts, or to beat me within an inch of my life. My sister was born when I was but 3 years old. Since my biological mother was too busy shooting up dope to take care of us, we usually went without food. Most of the time we wouldn't have electricity. One year later, at the age of 4, after more abuse and hospital visits, the State stepped in and took me and my sister out of the house. We were bounced from foster home to foster home for a while, and were finally placed in a home with parents that weren't going to beat the shit out of us. I was about 6 at this time. The family my sister and I were staying with we

sent in by Cj I posted a testimony here a while back, but I still feel like I haven't fully left Christianity. I want to but I can't admit to myself that so much of my life was so false and pointless, as well as the people. I miss my Christian friends, and my community, and I want to be accepted and loved by them again, but I don't even think I believe that they are real friends. Since my deconversion I've been so depressed and insecure. I feel like all my security and hope died when I gave up on Jesus. I believed before that I had a relationship with him, but I just can't believe anymore. I've read endless essays, books and articles on this subject, which just convince me Christianity isn't true, but I so desperately want to believe that it is true. A couple of months ago I was feeling suicidal and very confused so I thought i'd go back to a Christian group I used to belong to, full of young people like myself. I thought they could help m

sent in by Tim My name is Tim. This is my de-conversion story. Prepare to be sickened! One day, my live-in girlfriend (now my wife) suggested we go to this local church she and her family attended in her youth. (she stopped at age 17) It was this church's 25th anniversary and her mother (devout xtian) invited us to the sunday service. (At this point, the only exposure I had to xtianity was a few years of being dragged to services at a seventh-day adventist church twice a month by my grandmother when I was between the ages of 4-7.) At age 30, I knew absolutely nothing about the bible or church. So, I decided why not. Hey, it'll probably score points with my girlfriends mom, right? And maybe it will make me a better person. So, off we went. What was coming from the pulpit was unlike anything I had ever heard. In just under an hour, I had the full gospel message preached to me from adam to revelation with conviction , much enthusiasm (holy ghost power!). I met a f

sent in by Riley J BORN INTO CHRISTIANITY I was born into Mormonism. My mother’s parents were Jehovah’s Witnesses. My mother was disowned for turning to Mormonism after leaving an abusive home. I’m not sure if she was abused or not. People make up those things to get pity or demonize others for not getting love. My parents were never there for me. They were never there for themselves as a matter of fact. They have never had any expectation for themselves. When I was five, I woke in the middle of the night after a nightmare and told my mother I did not want to go to hell. She has no answers for me. She said to go back to bed. I knew from that day on my parents didn’t know shit. My non-active Mormon parents always perpetuated the Mormon belief, by never went to church much. The missionaries would come to the house while my parents were gone somewhere and search for coffee and cigs. Fast forwarding to High School. I found myself trying to get more involved in the Moron