A FOOL FOR CHRIST

Sent in by Agnosticator

When I was 17 and naive, the Christians came knocking upon the door of my mind, persuading me to join the ship of fools for Christ. I thought we were embarking upon an upward journey to the city where the streets are paved with gold. Reality dictated otherwise. My journey did an about face when I realized the streets are paved with pyrite, or fool's gold!

I sacrificed my personal goals and aspirations to serve Christ, but the bait-and-switch tactics of conservative-evangelical Christianity and the New Testament showed they were primarily concerned with mind control and self-sacrifice for the church.

I set out to be a good Christian. But wait. All the talk about Christians being morally superior because they are forgiven, and becoming better people, was obviously untrue. It took years for my Bible-pickled mind to learn this lesson.

Christian morality is but a smokescreen covering faith. Faith is believing in spite of what is real. Faith displaces reality with New Testament fantasy. Believe and be saved; fail to believe and become condemned to hell.

The convoluted result of faith is best seen while considering this: A mass murderer or serial killer will be forgiven and gets a free pass to heaven, while a morally upright, kind unbeliever (or any non-Christian) is condemned solely for lack of faith. God so loves us to death!

Faith belittles morality by placing itself (i.e. religious belief) above how we should treat each other (i.e. morality). The person who approves of this cruel injustice exposes his own deflated empathy-one divisive effect of New Testament mind control.

A FOOL FOR CHRIST

Sent in by Agnosticator

When I was 17 and naive, the Christians came knocking upon the door of my mind, persuading me to join the ship of fools for Christ. I thought we were embarking upon an upward journey to the city where the streets are paved with gold. Reality dictated otherwise. My journey did an about face when I realized the streets are paved with pyrite, or fool's gold!

I sacrificed my personal goals and aspirations to serve Christ, but the bait-and-switch tactics of conservative-evangelical Christianity and the New Testament showed they were primarily concerned with mind control and self-sacrifice for the church.

I set out to be a good Christian. But wait. All the talk about Christians being morally superior because they are forgiven, and becoming better people, was obviously untrue. It took years for my Bible-pickled mind to learn this lesson.

Christian morality is but a smokescreen covering faith. Faith is believing in spite of what is real. Faith displaces reality with New Testament fantasy. Believe and be saved; fail to believe and become condemned to hell.

The convoluted result of faith is best seen while considering this: A mass murderer or serial killer will be forgiven and gets a free pass to heaven, while a morally upright, kind unbeliever (or any non-Christian) is condemned solely for lack of faith. God so loves us to death!

Faith belittles morality by placing itself (i.e. religious belief) above how we should treat each other (i.e. morality). The person who approves of this cruel injustice exposes his own deflated empathy-one divisive effect of New Testament mind control.

What made me finally start thinking

Sent in by Ryan P

Image by ::: Billie / PartsnPieces ::: via Flickr

I was born in New Orleans Louisiana as a Catholic. I attended Catholic School until I was in the third grade when my parents decided to move to a rural area 1.5 hours north of the city. Though not that far away, the difference in religious belief was staggering. I had entered the Bible Belt.

There were no Catholic churches near my new home and all the friends i had met were southern baptist who's families were heavy into church. I was nine years old and wanted to do what my friends did, so I asked my mom if I could start going to church with my friends. I suppose my mom thought that some church was better than no church, so she was fine with it. Again, I was a kid. I had no idea what the differences between Catholics and Baptists were. I assumed we all just believed in God and Jesus... the basics, so I never claimed to not be a Catholic. Well, this did not sit well with the adults in the church and many of them regularly told me that I was going to hell because I was Catholic. They pressed me to be "saved" and pushed me to do so many many times. I never did because it just felt icky. the whole thing felt icky. I went to enjoy time with my friends. I didn't want to be like the adults of the church. They were hateful people, racist, and very judgmental. Sure they were kind to one another, but the second someone different was around or brought up, the bigotry ran wild. Most of them were not well educated and I could see this as a child. Why would I want to be like hateful ignorant people? I decided to stop going to church.

Later in high school I started dating a girl who was a Baptist. She was very open minded and smart. We were very close. She was also the niece of a fundamental baptist preacher and her parents had raised her to be a non-questioning believer (though i always knew she questioned on her own.) She went to church with her family weekly. Her uncle ran a small church outside of town. I was surprised when i finally attended church with her that most of the congregation (a small one at that) were very.... economically challenged... individuals and families. I had never seen this many struggling families in one place. Most of the churches in town were full of expensive outfits and popular "mainstream" local gossip of the town's "elite." The children were dirty, so were a lot of the adults for this matter. They were delightful people who were happy to be alive and worship god, but at the same time, they were obviously dealt a bad hand. I felt sorry for them. My girlfriend's uncle did a wonderful job of reaching these people and gave his best effort to do so, and though i had many problems with his teachings, I would never dare question the one bright spot in many of these people's lives.

Later I asked my friend about the origins of the little church and I was shocked by her response. Apparently all the members of the church attended the larger Baptist church in town. Her uncle was an active member and was an experienced preacher. At some point the leaders of the church approached my friends uncle and offered him X amount of dollars to start his own church. He was flattered by the opportunity and accepted immediately. They then proceeded to throw on a the stipulations. They would fund the building of the new church only if he would recruit the poorer members who currently attended the church. They didn't want the "peasants" clouding their cosmopolitan social circles.... He still accepted and did what they asked.

I was so shocked by the story that it was the final straw to my hold on religion. Religion instantly became a horrible thing to me. It had proved time and time again to bring more bad to the world than good.

I am a proud agnostic atheist and feel religion is the primary cause for most of the hatred and pain in the world. Good is innate in most of us and we can easily find it if we think for ourselves. We do not need other people or a god to tell us to treat one another fairly and justly.

I would never try and take someone's religion from them, but I will not hide my views neither. I will openly speak negatively of "religious" people who are obvious bigots and are not leading their lives in the man they worship so much supposedly did. I feel I see a beauty in the world and in humanity that can never be seen if you are viewing the world through a religion mask. I can appreciate the wonders of this life. The religious ring will miss the beauty provided for them here because of a completely hopeful beauty in the next.

What made me finally start thinking

Sent in by Ryan P

Image by ::: Billie / PartsnPieces ::: via Flickr

I was born in New Orleans Louisiana as a Catholic. I attended Catholic School until I was in the third grade when my parents decided to move to a rural area 1.5 hours north of the city. Though not that far away, the difference in religious belief was staggering. I had entered the Bible Belt.

There were no Catholic churches near my new home and all the friends i had met were southern baptist who's families were heavy into church. I was nine years old and wanted to do what my friends did, so I asked my mom if I could start going to church with my friends. I suppose my mom thought that some church was better than no church, so she was fine with it. Again, I was a kid. I had no idea what the differences between Catholics and Baptists were. I assumed we all just believed in God and Jesus... the basics, so I never claimed to not be a Catholic. Well, this did not sit well with the adults in the church and many of them regularly told me that I was going to hell because I was Catholic. They pressed me to be "saved" and pushed me to do so many many times. I never did because it just felt icky. the whole thing felt icky. I went to enjoy time with my friends. I didn't want to be like the adults of the church. They were hateful people, racist, and very judgmental. Sure they were kind to one another, but the second someone different was around or brought up, the bigotry ran wild. Most of them were not well educated and I could see this as a child. Why would I want to be like hateful ignorant people? I decided to stop going to church.

Later in high school I started dating a girl who was a Baptist. She was very open minded and smart. We were very close. She was also the niece of a fundamental baptist preacher and her parents had raised her to be a non-questioning believer (though i always knew she questioned on her own.) She went to church with her family weekly. Her uncle ran a small church outside of town. I was surprised when i finally attended church with her that most of the congregation (a small one at that) were very.... economically challenged... individuals and families. I had never seen this many struggling families in one place. Most of the churches in town were full of expensive outfits and popular "mainstream" local gossip of the town's "elite." The children were dirty, so were a lot of the adults for this matter. They were delightful people who were happy to be alive and worship god, but at the same time, they were obviously dealt a bad hand. I felt sorry for them. My girlfriend's uncle did a wonderful job of reaching these people and gave his best effort to do so, and though i had many problems with his teachings, I would never dare question the one bright spot in many of these people's lives.

Later I asked my friend about the origins of the little church and I was shocked by her response. Apparently all the members of the church attended the larger Baptist church in town. Her uncle was an active member and was an experienced preacher. At some point the leaders of the church approached my friends uncle and offered him X amount of dollars to start his own church. He was flattered by the opportunity and accepted immediately. They then proceeded to throw on a the stipulations. They would fund the building of the new church only if he would recruit the poorer members who currently attended the church. They didn't want the "peasants" clouding their cosmopolitan social circles.... He still accepted and did what they asked.

I was so shocked by the story that it was the final straw to my hold on religion. Religion instantly became a horrible thing to me. It had proved time and time again to bring more bad to the world than good.

I am a proud agnostic atheist and feel religion is the primary cause for most of the hatred and pain in the world. Good is innate in most of us and we can easily find it if we think for ourselves. We do not need other people or a god to tell us to treat one another fairly and justly.

I would never try and take someone's religion from them, but I will not hide my views neither. I will openly speak negatively of "religious" people who are obvious bigots and are not leading their lives in the man they worship so much supposedly did. I feel I see a beauty in the world and in humanity that can never be seen if you are viewing the world through a religion mask. I can appreciate the wonders of this life. The religious ring will miss the beauty provided for them here because of a completely hopeful beauty in the next.

Why I left the Christian faith

Sent in by Mitchy

Image via Wikipedia

I’ve not been a Christian now for over 20 years, since 1988. Church was not a very important part of my childhood, as my parents stopped going to church (they were Methodist) when I was about 4 years old. My mother in particular was rather cynical about organized religions, believing they were only in it for the money. Still, I was somewhat fascinated with Christianity as I grew up and kept reading the bible. I became enthralled with the stories of heaven, eternity, and biblical prophecies, and truly wanted to do what was right and good. By the time I was a teenager, I had accepted Jesus and Christianity and started going to different Protestant churches with friends. However, the seeds of doubt and skepticism started growing when I was in high school.

The more I read the bible, the more I began to question what it said. One sticking point for me involved passages from Romans 13, stating we must submit ourselves to the governing authorities, because God established all authorities, and that rulers hold no terror for those who do right. Oh really? Even rulers like Hilter, Pol Pot, Stalin, Ivan the Terrible, Richard III, Cesare Borgia, Idi Amin, Nero, and so on? I loved to study history and knew all about evil rulers, so this biblical teaching seemed insane or morally wrong if taken literally. Still, I accepted this as referring to authority in general, to maintain social order.

I also never understood the need for the sacrifice of Jesus. I was taught that if I simply accepted Jesus as my lord and savior I would be forgiven for all my sins and the sinful nature I was born with and rewarded with eternal life. I didn’t think I was that bad, but whatever. Well, if I could be forgiven so easily, then why did Jesus have to suffer and die? How did his one death pay the price for everyone’s sins? If God knew nothing else would suffice, why wasn’t Jesus sacrificed at the time of “the Fall of Man” for Adam and Eve? And if my sins could be so easily forgotten, were they really that bad to begin with? So bad that if I didn’t accept this so called gift of salvation by believing, I deserved damnation for all eternity? So many questions, but it all seemed strangely morally disturbing and outrageous. And I also never felt quite comfortable with the reasons given to explain why an almighty and all loving god couldn’t or wouldn’t stop or prevent all sorts of evil from happening in the first place. Still, I kept telling myself that God knew better.

I listened to some preachers say that, because of original sin, we deserved any evil that we suffer. This seemed unfair, cruel, and far from loving. And furthermore they taught that our goodness was not good enough to get us into heaven if we don’t believe; only faith will do, no matter how evil we’ve been. Again, it shows that my religious orientation was Protestant. So a lot of goodness from non-Christians means nothing, but a tiny bit of sincere faith from a serial killer before he or she dies (even when the choice to believe is made under duress with the threat of hell) is enough to do the trick? This sounded like a terrible game with absurd rules! And why was believing so important anyway? After all, God, who supposedly loves us, will send us to hell for not believing but is unwilling to reveal Himself to everyone like He did to Paul to get us to believe? These moral scales God was using seemed terribly unbalanced. Still, who was I to question the very word and preferences of God?

Besides the plan of salvation and the need for the crucifixion not making sense to me, I never quite understood the need for the resurrection of Jesus to demonstrate a victory over death when we all supposedly have an eternal soul whether we are saved or damned. And for those souls who have gone to Heaven, I never could make sense of why they would need to come back to Earth at some point to be resurrected. Still, I believed God knew what He was doing.

The dreadful actions of God in both the old and new testaments bothered me too, whether it was God commending Abraham for being ready and willing to murder his son Isaac for Him, killing the first born of Egypt, slaughtering whole cultures in Canaan, threatening to send mere non-believers to hell, or wiping out over a third of humanity in Revelations. God sounded more like an angry prudish tyrant or a cruel mafia don. Still, I felt God was God, and ultimately deserved to do whatever He did or would do.

It also didn’t help when I studied how the bible itself was composed, and that some churches accepted and rejected certain books and passages as divine scripture. Was this the Word of God or wasn’t it? Why was it so easy to be interpreted by so many different denominations over the centuries? And why did so many translations seem different, even on little matters? And again, why didn’t God just reveal Himself to everyone all the time?

I had so many questions and rarely received any satisfying answers when I was confident enough to ask. Still, though confused by all of this, I remained faithful and simply believed that other Christians understood better than I did.

I didn’t stay active in a church during my college years, but was inspired to question my religious beliefs in a philosophy and reasoning class. Simple methods and concepts of critical thinking that were taught in the class resonated in my brain, allowing me to challenge or question the very ideas I had accepted on faith or taken for granted for years. Instead of accepting religious scripture or any supernatural claim as true and fascinating, I began to look upon them with greater skepticism and suspicion and found them to be quite lacking as anything trustworthy, logical, or real. The bible became a work that seemed to be more inaccurate and contradictory the more I read it, and nothing more special than Greek mythology, except perhaps for some of it’s moral instructions. All of the questions I had about the bible and Christianity seemed to make sense when I concluded Christianity was false. Jesus just became another mere mortal and teacher at best with a great deal of magical legends wrapped around him by his followers, just as Saint Nicholas eventually became known as a jolly joyful magical elf who lives at the North Pole and brings presents to good girls and boys the world over on a merry single night each year.

Critical thinking gave me an epiphany, opening my eyes and allowing me to confidently see the world with a naturalistic and skeptically cautious outlook. Naturalism, which seems to be continually confirmed by science, made great sense to me, far more sense than any supernatural claims ever had. It finally seemed obvious to me that all the talk of divine miracles, supernatural events, spirits, angels, demons, hell, and even heaven were nothing more than imaginary tales and fictional ideas designed to make people obey, behave, and feel good, hopeful, and scared.

Furthermore, being exposed to different ideas, information, and opinions clearly showed me that Christianity (especially the version I was familiar with) was not the only game in town or the only way to play it. The classes I took in Philosophy, Comparative Religion, Anthropology, Earth Science, Astronomy, Human Sexuality, and Biology all seemed to contradict many ideas that the bible seemed to assert as true or original. The enlightenment that came with my higher education also made it very clear to me why “belief” is one of the most valued and essential parts of Christianity, as it helps to keep people loyal to the faith despite whatever they learn, and it makes them feel bad when they question the faith or consider not believing. Of course, it’s also a handy reason to convert others and increase the numbers of the faithful.

So time went by for me being an ex-Christian.

Still....

After four years of being a naturalist and an agnostic, I came to wonder if I had been too harsh and too quick to come to such a definite dismissal of Christianity. I came to wonder that maybe it was possible that it could be true, that God and heaven could exist. I have to admit that emotionally at the time I still desired to survive death and make it to someplace like heaven. As it turned out, I allowed myself to be persuaded by a girlfriend to give it another chance and dive back in, this time with a more liberal interpretation of the bible. I felt that perhaps the meaning behind the language was what was most important, that message being the value of love and forgiveness and living a “wholesome” life. I truly devoted myself to accepting the bible not as the only word of God but as one of many holy scriptures that was greatly inspired by God and worth living by.

I continued to live as a Christian for three years, even praying to Jesus, but the more I read the bible the more I realized it’s advice and teachings often made little sense. At times it seemed very unhealthy and reckless and inspired prejudice. And any part of it that seemed healthy and helpful certainly wasn’t something you would ONLY find taught and adhered to by Christians or any kind of theist. The whole plan of salvation still kept bothering me as something disturbing that didn’t seem to make any sense, whether it was professed by a fundamentalist, evangelical, or liberal Christian. And I had to admit that prayer was not changing my life one way or another, but served more as wishful thinking. Without Jesus being either a moral master worth following or God incarnate who is somehow necessary for salvation or able to improve my life or anyone else’s, my reasons for remaining a Christian were gone.

But at least my girlfriend stayed and became my wife, even though we disagreed religiously.

Even if I wanted to believe in a higher power or an afterlife, I knew this didn’t mean I had to only accept the narrow beliefs of Christianity. But I also came to believe that this life can be very fulfilling, whether a god or afterlife exists or not. The four gospels and letters of the new testament no longer persuaded me at all with their supernatural tales, warnings, and promises. Why should I let this collection of magical stories and questionable moral edicts decide or influence how I should live my life? Obviously many non-believers around the world led moral, productive, happy lives based on responsibility and loving kindness, as well at least as most Christians. The more I read and learned and thought, the more I was moved, intellectually and emotionally, to once again give up the Christian faith and embrace my agnosticism. My dedication to ~ and bondage in ~ Christianity was over for good. Since making that final decision back in 1988, I’ve gone on to truly enjoy my life free of religion, with neither shame nor fear nor regret.

But I truly respect anyone who has decided to be or stay a Christian, provided they show the same respect to me and others in return. That’s their choice and their life, and I happily accept the kindness behind their well wishes of “God bless you” and even “Jesus loves you.” But I do take offense when they insist I must believe as they do, that it’s wrong for me to share or bring up my disbelief, or that I’m lost, confused, foolish, selfish, untrustworthy, immoral, intolerant, hostile, or destined for hell simply because I reject Christianity. I’m happy to proclaim that I’m an ex-Christian when asked, whether they like it or not, because we all have the right to our own beliefs and finding our own way. Live and let live.

It’s also such a great comfort these days to see a growing community of former Christians and non-theists, and readily available information, publications, and groups that support those who are moving away from (or have already let go of) Christianity. It’s still a struggle for many of us, but it’s wonderful to find others waiting to help us once we’ve completed our journey.

Why I left the Christian faith

Sent in by Mitchy

Image via Wikipedia

I’ve not been a Christian now for over 20 years, since 1988. Church was not a very important part of my childhood, as my parents stopped going to church (they were Methodist) when I was about 4 years old. My mother in particular was rather cynical about organized religions, believing they were only in it for the money. Still, I was somewhat fascinated with Christianity as I grew up and kept reading the bible. I became enthralled with the stories of heaven, eternity, and biblical prophecies, and truly wanted to do what was right and good. By the time I was a teenager, I had accepted Jesus and Christianity and started going to different Protestant churches with friends. However, the seeds of doubt and skepticism started growing when I was in high school.

The more I read the bible, the more I began to question what it said. One sticking point for me involved passages from Romans 13, stating we must submit ourselves to the governing authorities, because God established all authorities, and that rulers hold no terror for those who do right. Oh really? Even rulers like Hilter, Pol Pot, Stalin, Ivan the Terrible, Richard III, Cesare Borgia, Idi Amin, Nero, and so on? I loved to study history and knew all about evil rulers, so this biblical teaching seemed insane or morally wrong if taken literally. Still, I accepted this as referring to authority in general, to maintain social order.

I also never understood the need for the sacrifice of Jesus. I was taught that if I simply accepted Jesus as my lord and savior I would be forgiven for all my sins and the sinful nature I was born with and rewarded with eternal life. I didn’t think I was that bad, but whatever. Well, if I could be forgiven so easily, then why did Jesus have to suffer and die? How did his one death pay the price for everyone’s sins? If God knew nothing else would suffice, why wasn’t Jesus sacrificed at the time of “the Fall of Man” for Adam and Eve? And if my sins could be so easily forgotten, were they really that bad to begin with? So bad that if I didn’t accept this so called gift of salvation by believing, I deserved damnation for all eternity? So many questions, but it all seemed strangely morally disturbing and outrageous. And I also never felt quite comfortable with the reasons given to explain why an almighty and all loving god couldn’t or wouldn’t stop or prevent all sorts of evil from happening in the first place. Still, I kept telling myself that God knew better.

I listened to some preachers say that, because of original sin, we deserved any evil that we suffer. This seemed unfair, cruel, and far from loving. And furthermore they taught that our goodness was not good enough to get us into heaven if we don’t believe; only faith will do, no matter how evil we’ve been. Again, it shows that my religious orientation was Protestant. So a lot of goodness from non-Christians means nothing, but a tiny bit of sincere faith from a serial killer before he or she dies (even when the choice to believe is made under duress with the threat of hell) is enough to do the trick? This sounded like a terrible game with absurd rules! And why was believing so important anyway? After all, God, who supposedly loves us, will send us to hell for not believing but is unwilling to reveal Himself to everyone like He did to Paul to get us to believe? These moral scales God was using seemed terribly unbalanced. Still, who was I to question the very word and preferences of God?

Besides the plan of salvation and the need for the crucifixion not making sense to me, I never quite understood the need for the resurrection of Jesus to demonstrate a victory over death when we all supposedly have an eternal soul whether we are saved or damned. And for those souls who have gone to Heaven, I never could make sense of why they would need to come back to Earth at some point to be resurrected. Still, I believed God knew what He was doing.

The dreadful actions of God in both the old and new testaments bothered me too, whether it was God commending Abraham for being ready and willing to murder his son Isaac for Him, killing the first born of Egypt, slaughtering whole cultures in Canaan, threatening to send mere non-believers to hell, or wiping out over a third of humanity in Revelations. God sounded more like an angry prudish tyrant or a cruel mafia don. Still, I felt God was God, and ultimately deserved to do whatever He did or would do.

It also didn’t help when I studied how the bible itself was composed, and that some churches accepted and rejected certain books and passages as divine scripture. Was this the Word of God or wasn’t it? Why was it so easy to be interpreted by so many different denominations over the centuries? And why did so many translations seem different, even on little matters? And again, why didn’t God just reveal Himself to everyone all the time?

I had so many questions and rarely received any satisfying answers when I was confident enough to ask. Still, though confused by all of this, I remained faithful and simply believed that other Christians understood better than I did.

I didn’t stay active in a church during my college years, but was inspired to question my religious beliefs in a philosophy and reasoning class. Simple methods and concepts of critical thinking that were taught in the class resonated in my brain, allowing me to challenge or question the very ideas I had accepted on faith or taken for granted for years. Instead of accepting religious scripture or any supernatural claim as true and fascinating, I began to look upon them with greater skepticism and suspicion and found them to be quite lacking as anything trustworthy, logical, or real. The bible became a work that seemed to be more inaccurate and contradictory the more I read it, and nothing more special than Greek mythology, except perhaps for some of it’s moral instructions. All of the questions I had about the bible and Christianity seemed to make sense when I concluded Christianity was false. Jesus just became another mere mortal and teacher at best with a great deal of magical legends wrapped around him by his followers, just as Saint Nicholas eventually became known as a jolly joyful magical elf who lives at the North Pole and brings presents to good girls and boys the world over on a merry single night each year.

Critical thinking gave me an epiphany, opening my eyes and allowing me to confidently see the world with a naturalistic and skeptically cautious outlook. Naturalism, which seems to be continually confirmed by science, made great sense to me, far more sense than any supernatural claims ever had. It finally seemed obvious to me that all the talk of divine miracles, supernatural events, spirits, angels, demons, hell, and even heaven were nothing more than imaginary tales and fictional ideas designed to make people obey, behave, and feel good, hopeful, and scared.

Furthermore, being exposed to different ideas, information, and opinions clearly showed me that Christianity (especially the version I was familiar with) was not the only game in town or the only way to play it. The classes I took in Philosophy, Comparative Religion, Anthropology, Earth Science, Astronomy, Human Sexuality, and Biology all seemed to contradict many ideas that the bible seemed to assert as true or original. The enlightenment that came with my higher education also made it very clear to me why “belief” is one of the most valued and essential parts of Christianity, as it helps to keep people loyal to the faith despite whatever they learn, and it makes them feel bad when they question the faith or consider not believing. Of course, it’s also a handy reason to convert others and increase the numbers of the faithful.

So time went by for me being an ex-Christian.

Still....

After four years of being a naturalist and an agnostic, I came to wonder if I had been too harsh and too quick to come to such a definite dismissal of Christianity. I came to wonder that maybe it was possible that it could be true, that God and heaven could exist. I have to admit that emotionally at the time I still desired to survive death and make it to someplace like heaven. As it turned out, I allowed myself to be persuaded by a girlfriend to give it another chance and dive back in, this time with a more liberal interpretation of the bible. I felt that perhaps the meaning behind the language was what was most important, that message being the value of love and forgiveness and living a “wholesome” life. I truly devoted myself to accepting the bible not as the only word of God but as one of many holy scriptures that was greatly inspired by God and worth living by.

I continued to live as a Christian for three years, even praying to Jesus, but the more I read the bible the more I realized it’s advice and teachings often made little sense. At times it seemed very unhealthy and reckless and inspired prejudice. And any part of it that seemed healthy and helpful certainly wasn’t something you would ONLY find taught and adhered to by Christians or any kind of theist. The whole plan of salvation still kept bothering me as something disturbing that didn’t seem to make any sense, whether it was professed by a fundamentalist, evangelical, or liberal Christian. And I had to admit that prayer was not changing my life one way or another, but served more as wishful thinking. Without Jesus being either a moral master worth following or God incarnate who is somehow necessary for salvation or able to improve my life or anyone else’s, my reasons for remaining a Christian were gone.

But at least my girlfriend stayed and became my wife, even though we disagreed religiously.

Even if I wanted to believe in a higher power or an afterlife, I knew this didn’t mean I had to only accept the narrow beliefs of Christianity. But I also came to believe that this life can be very fulfilling, whether a god or afterlife exists or not. The four gospels and letters of the new testament no longer persuaded me at all with their supernatural tales, warnings, and promises. Why should I let this collection of magical stories and questionable moral edicts decide or influence how I should live my life? Obviously many non-believers around the world led moral, productive, happy lives based on responsibility and loving kindness, as well at least as most Christians. The more I read and learned and thought, the more I was moved, intellectually and emotionally, to once again give up the Christian faith and embrace my agnosticism. My dedication to ~ and bondage in ~ Christianity was over for good. Since making that final decision back in 1988, I’ve gone on to truly enjoy my life free of religion, with neither shame nor fear nor regret.

But I truly respect anyone who has decided to be or stay a Christian, provided they show the same respect to me and others in return. That’s their choice and their life, and I happily accept the kindness behind their well wishes of “God bless you” and even “Jesus loves you.” But I do take offense when they insist I must believe as they do, that it’s wrong for me to share or bring up my disbelief, or that I’m lost, confused, foolish, selfish, untrustworthy, immoral, intolerant, hostile, or destined for hell simply because I reject Christianity. I’m happy to proclaim that I’m an ex-Christian when asked, whether they like it or not, because we all have the right to our own beliefs and finding our own way. Live and let live.

It’s also such a great comfort these days to see a growing community of former Christians and non-theists, and readily available information, publications, and groups that support those who are moving away from (or have already let go of) Christianity. It’s still a struggle for many of us, but it’s wonderful to find others waiting to help us once we’ve completed our journey.

Questioning my reality

Sent in by Jason

Image by eylon via Flickr

I was born into a strict Christian family that followed a cult-like version of Christianity that was similar to the Seventh-day Adventists, called the Worldwide Church of God. There was a heavy emphasis on the Old Testament and so my brother and I grew up in a pretty sheltered life, attending the church-ran elementary school. We didn't know better, as it was all we knew. Sure the occasional childhood 'why?' popped up, but there was always a bullshit answer that, coupled with the reassurance of our parents and our whole social bubble, there never was a reason to truly question the teachings. Besides, the bible said we were right and everyone else was going to burn in the lake of fire while we enjoyed eternal life. Man, what a sham. Eventually, in my rebellious teens I finally waved the bullshit flag when the church began to question a few of its prior teachings. I saw a crack in the facade of Christianity and began to feel real anger. I was told I had the devil in me and everyone tried to bring me back in the fold. It only pushed me further away.

Eventually I helped convince my parents and we stopped attending the church. It was a brave new world. We each had our problems coping. My mother had difficulty finding new friends, and my father became an alcoholic and gambling addict. I continued to have difficulty containing my rage. I saw a counselor my freshman year of college. He was full of bullshit as well. Psychobabble bullshit.

Over time we've successfully adapted. My mother found friends at work as she dropped her behavior aversions. My father stopped gambling and has slowed his drinking. I joined the military, attended pilot training, fought in Iraq, and once again find myself questioning my reality. The ability to question strongly held paradigms is one of the best things I've taken away from my experience.

It saddens me that people constantly need some sort of reinforcing structure to shape their world. When you consider the enormity of our universe and all of the possibilities therein, it seems like such a damned waste to drastically limit ourselves with obsolete religions. I'm no longer mad. I'm saddened for our collective loss, but that's just the way it is. One thing's for sure, life is certainly more interesting now that the blinders are off!

Questioning my reality

Sent in by Jason

Image by eylon via Flickr

I was born into a strict Christian family that followed a cult-like version of Christianity that was similar to the Seventh-day Adventists, called the Worldwide Church of God. There was a heavy emphasis on the Old Testament and so my brother and I grew up in a pretty sheltered life, attending the church-ran elementary school. We didn't know better, as it was all we knew. Sure the occasional childhood 'why?' popped up, but there was always a bullshit answer that, coupled with the reassurance of our parents and our whole social bubble, there never was a reason to truly question the teachings. Besides, the bible said we were right and everyone else was going to burn in the lake of fire while we enjoyed eternal life. Man, what a sham. Eventually, in my rebellious teens I finally waved the bullshit flag when the church began to question a few of its prior teachings. I saw a crack in the facade of Christianity and began to feel real anger. I was told I had the devil in me and everyone tried to bring me back in the fold. It only pushed me further away.

Eventually I helped convince my parents and we stopped attending the church. It was a brave new world. We each had our problems coping. My mother had difficulty finding new friends, and my father became an alcoholic and gambling addict. I continued to have difficulty containing my rage. I saw a counselor my freshman year of college. He was full of bullshit as well. Psychobabble bullshit.

Over time we've successfully adapted. My mother found friends at work as she dropped her behavior aversions. My father stopped gambling and has slowed his drinking. I joined the military, attended pilot training, fought in Iraq, and once again find myself questioning my reality. The ability to question strongly held paradigms is one of the best things I've taken away from my experience.

It saddens me that people constantly need some sort of reinforcing structure to shape their world. When you consider the enormity of our universe and all of the possibilities therein, it seems like such a damned waste to drastically limit ourselves with obsolete religions. I'm no longer mad. I'm saddened for our collective loss, but that's just the way it is. One thing's for sure, life is certainly more interesting now that the blinders are off!

Waking up

Sent in by Kate W

Image by ericarhiannon via Flickr

My family was never really very religious when I was growing up. My father would randomly take me and my two siblings to church, but he beat my mother so it's not like he was instilled with values. When my mom left him, we moved far away and she never made us go to church at all. My father's side of the family is very Christian and whenever we visited him in the summer we were made to go to Sunday school and church service. When I started making friends after moving to a new state, some were church-going. I would tag along with them. Eventually, I started going to one Methodist church in particular. Mostly because my friends did too. I then became baptized as a Methodist.

When you're younger, they never really talk about all the very important issues in the Bible that we encounter now in our everyday modern world. They just tell you Jesus loves you and that Ggod loves everyone and yada, yada. When I started getting older, I asked a lot of questions and wanted some answers, but always got the runaround. Also, when I was a preteen and teenager I was very overweight, and I think that because I was accepted as a person in the church, because I believed in the same things and had friends that liked me because I believed the same things, that it provided me with instant support. I was shy and didn't actually have many friends who I hung out with in school.

When I moved away for college, I began to really read the Bible. I still was going to church and attending retreats and helping out at a local Christian radio station. But, the things I was reading just did not seem very right to me. Who was God to say who could love whom? Why did the Christians not believe in evolution, and how is it even possible that God just spoke and all the animals ever known to man were there, ready for the world? More things really irked me, and I can say that was when I started to just not believe in these things anymore. I started to hang out with friends that had more different and open views of the world. Going to art college also let me explore other religions of the world and what other people had to say. I made friends with people that were gay or lesbian and did not believe that these people were evil in any way just because of whom they love. They are all nice people, having the same human imperfections as any heterosexual would have. I also lost A LOT of weight and no longer really leaned on that crutch of the church friends. They looked at me strangely when I questioned things and even became hostile towards me. They were all hypocrites, being my friends because I had believed in their god. They did not like me for me. It turned out that they were not true friends. Some of them were, and I still hang out or talk with them, but that's because they are pretty open about people having different views, and it was maybe two or three of them.

I moved back to my hometown and I occasionally see someone I went to church with when I was younger. They ask me why I don't go or ask me to go. I can't really explain an epiphany or waking up to the real world to them in passing, I just say "Well, nice to see you." and that's that. If they don't want to talk to me and understand that I have other things that important to me in life, then that is their own narrow view and I'm sure they can go on with their life and still be happy.

I consider myself to be agnostic now. I kind of like the Wiccan or Pagan views. I just like to think that we are just put on this earth to live life to the fullest. We don't need a text to tell us what is right and wrong and what can make us happy. Sure there are morals that are instilled within us, and there are things people do in the world that are not very nice. But to base your life on the fear of a god and to live your life around the fact of if he will accept you when you die just seems like a waste of time to me. If there is a god, or a higher being, I'm sure this being isn't worried about if you lied this morning or if Tom and Henry are getting married. We only get one human life, we need to live it to the max. We need to love and be loved. And we need to use our brains and study the world around us to draw conclusions about where we came from and how animals and plants got here, not some 2,000-year-old fairytale written by a bunch of guys.

Peace.

Waking up

Sent in by Kate W

Image by ericarhiannon via Flickr

My family was never really very religious when I was growing up. My father would randomly take me and my two siblings to church, but he beat my mother so it's not like he was instilled with values. When my mom left him, we moved far away and she never made us go to church at all. My father's side of the family is very Christian and whenever we visited him in the summer we were made to go to Sunday school and church service. When I started making friends after moving to a new state, some were church-going. I would tag along with them. Eventually, I started going to one Methodist church in particular. Mostly because my friends did too. I then became baptized as a Methodist.

When you're younger, they never really talk about all the very important issues in the Bible that we encounter now in our everyday modern world. They just tell you Jesus loves you and that Ggod loves everyone and yada, yada. When I started getting older, I asked a lot of questions and wanted some answers, but always got the runaround. Also, when I was a preteen and teenager I was very overweight, and I think that because I was accepted as a person in the church, because I believed in the same things and had friends that liked me because I believed the same things, that it provided me with instant support. I was shy and didn't actually have many friends who I hung out with in school.

When I moved away for college, I began to really read the Bible. I still was going to church and attending retreats and helping out at a local Christian radio station. But, the things I was reading just did not seem very right to me. Who was God to say who could love whom? Why did the Christians not believe in evolution, and how is it even possible that God just spoke and all the animals ever known to man were there, ready for the world? More things really irked me, and I can say that was when I started to just not believe in these things anymore. I started to hang out with friends that had more different and open views of the world. Going to art college also let me explore other religions of the world and what other people had to say. I made friends with people that were gay or lesbian and did not believe that these people were evil in any way just because of whom they love. They are all nice people, having the same human imperfections as any heterosexual would have. I also lost A LOT of weight and no longer really leaned on that crutch of the church friends. They looked at me strangely when I questioned things and even became hostile towards me. They were all hypocrites, being my friends because I had believed in their god. They did not like me for me. It turned out that they were not true friends. Some of them were, and I still hang out or talk with them, but that's because they are pretty open about people having different views, and it was maybe two or three of them.

I moved back to my hometown and I occasionally see someone I went to church with when I was younger. They ask me why I don't go or ask me to go. I can't really explain an epiphany or waking up to the real world to them in passing, I just say "Well, nice to see you." and that's that. If they don't want to talk to me and understand that I have other things that important to me in life, then that is their own narrow view and I'm sure they can go on with their life and still be happy.

I consider myself to be agnostic now. I kind of like the Wiccan or Pagan views. I just like to think that we are just put on this earth to live life to the fullest. We don't need a text to tell us what is right and wrong and what can make us happy. Sure there are morals that are instilled within us, and there are things people do in the world that are not very nice. But to base your life on the fear of a god and to live your life around the fact of if he will accept you when you die just seems like a waste of time to me. If there is a god, or a higher being, I'm sure this being isn't worried about if you lied this morning or if Tom and Henry are getting married. We only get one human life, we need to live it to the max. We need to love and be loved. And we need to use our brains and study the world around us to draw conclusions about where we came from and how animals and plants got here, not some 2,000-year-old fairytale written by a bunch of guys.

Peace.

Rational delusions

By European House Sparrow

Image by Ennor (unwell-resting) via Flickr

I've always been a rational person. Educated in math and science, you wouldn't find the likes of me writhing around in a church and speaking in tongues. But yet I believed.

I believed because that is what I, and most all of us here in the Bible Belt, were told from the minute we are born. I believed because all my family, friends, and relatives believed. I believed because all you hear in this culture is that the great deceptive power of evil plants seeds of doubt in your mind, and to not have faith is to deny the source of all love.

Church is community, friendship, charity....

Yes the Bible has some bronze age brutality - but those immoral atheists are just cherry picking the bad and ignoring the good, aren't they. Aren't they?

Perhaps I should read that book - that would make me feel better and inspire me. OK old testament maybe not the best place to start - I'll focus on the new, which absolves the old, doesn't it. Doesn't it?

9-11 pierces my slumber like a shrill alarm. The will of God to kill thousands of people - if only they would be Christian - Christians would never do anything like that, would they. Would they? It is because of the gays and the liberals? What?!? OK, fundamentalists are just twisting the message of love.

I then develop an interest in biology, start studying it formally. Evolution is beyond question, must be Gods plan. Why are those Kent Hovind (is he out of jail yet) people covering up the science. A true Christian would never lie, would they. Would they?

Seems to be some intelligent apologists out there, lets hear what they have to say. Logic 101. What constitutes a valid argument. Pascals wager. Problem of evil. God of gaps....

ExChristian.net...

Red pill...gasp... choke... what? Where am I? What are all these twisted logic tubes hooked into me?

Well now just look at me - I seem to have popped out of the Christian matrix.

Its so sunny out here! The world is full of wonder and has so much to be discovered! I have more unconditional love in me than I ever had! I can do the right thing just because its the right thing to do! I haven't eaten my young!

Goodbye Jesus old friend, when you are ready to come down off that cross, I will welcome you with open arms into the loving kingdom of rationality.

Just don't preach to me or I will give you a copy of "The God Delusion" and lock you in a sauna for all eternity. Because I love you.

Rational delusions

By European House Sparrow

Image by Ennor (unwell-resting) via Flickr

I've always been a rational person. Educated in math and science, you wouldn't find the likes of me writhing around in a church and speaking in tongues. But yet I believed.

I believed because that is what I, and most all of us here in the Bible Belt, were told from the minute we are born. I believed because all my family, friends, and relatives believed. I believed because all you hear in this culture is that the great deceptive power of evil plants seeds of doubt in your mind, and to not have faith is to deny the source of all love.

Church is community, friendship, charity....

Yes the Bible has some bronze age brutality - but those immoral atheists are just cherry picking the bad and ignoring the good, aren't they. Aren't they?

Perhaps I should read that book - that would make me feel better and inspire me. OK old testament maybe not the best place to start - I'll focus on the new, which absolves the old, doesn't it. Doesn't it?

9-11 pierces my slumber like a shrill alarm. The will of God to kill thousands of people - if only they would be Christian - Christians would never do anything like that, would they. Would they? It is because of the gays and the liberals? What?!? OK, fundamentalists are just twisting the message of love.

I then develop an interest in biology, start studying it formally. Evolution is beyond question, must be Gods plan. Why are those Kent Hovind (is he out of jail yet) people covering up the science. A true Christian would never lie, would they. Would they?

Seems to be some intelligent apologists out there, lets hear what they have to say. Logic 101. What constitutes a valid argument. Pascals wager. Problem of evil. God of gaps....

ExChristian.net...

Red pill...gasp... choke... what? Where am I? What are all these twisted logic tubes hooked into me?

Well now just look at me - I seem to have popped out of the Christian matrix.

Its so sunny out here! The world is full of wonder and has so much to be discovered! I have more unconditional love in me than I ever had! I can do the right thing just because its the right thing to do! I haven't eaten my young!

Goodbye Jesus old friend, when you are ready to come down off that cross, I will welcome you with open arms into the loving kingdom of rationality.

Just don't preach to me or I will give you a copy of "The God Delusion" and lock you in a sauna for all eternity. Because I love you.

Chucky's first video: My early years of atheism

By Chucky Jesus

How I became an atheist and early years of atheism

Chucky's first video: My early years of atheism

By Chucky Jesus

How I became an atheist and early years of atheism

From hardcore Jesus freak to atheist

Sent in by Marcus

Image by mattlemmon via Flickr

I wasn't just a Christian. I was a hardcore, Bible-thumping, tongue-speaking, over the top extreme Christian that other Christians wish they were like. I believed God literally talked to me. I believed God had a "mission" for my life. And I was ready to do anything, no matter what the consequences.

Well fast forward several years and traveling several countries to do God's endless work, and I burn out spectacularly. Christian ministries and organizations used me up until I had nothing left to give and then some. Finally like Icarus I burnt my wings and hit the ground hard.

I found that not only was God clearly uncaring to all my work and efforts for Him but chances are He wasn't even watching, or was and didn't care. There were no rewards for my work as I was promised. God wasn't there for me when I had nothing left. There were no answers, and the answers I'd give others when others were in pain just didn't work. God wasn't listening or indeed doing a damn thing. And fellow Christians told me that if my life had been thrown into the spin cycle, clearly I must have done something wrong, clearly I screwed up somewhere, or God was punishing me for some unknown sin or failing, or just for not loving Him enough, who knows.... after all we are talking about a deity that will throw you into hell for eternity if you don't choose to love Him back, right?

But clearly I was wrong about everything, because nothing I had been taught and believed made any sense whatsoever. It just didn't add up, like trying to put 2 and 2 together to make 5. Add the numbers as many times as you like but you won't get 5. That's what life became: an impossibility. Based on everything I was taught and believed about God, Christianity, church, the Bible, life, love, sin, right and wrong... it just. Didn't. Make. Sense.

Then finally I realized that the reason nothing made sense anymore was because clearly there is no God. That was the simplest, clearest, most obvious answer out of all the possibile conclusions. The contradictions and implausible, weak arguments and ridiculously flawed conclusions that consist of Christianity and any religion, they had been piling up in the back of my head all my life and I stubbornly ignored the facts and the obvious logic. This is already aside from the mountain of self-contradictions present in the Bible, and the oceans of additional contradictions in our various interpretations of it, something I had a hard time reconciling all through my life reading and studying it; trying to explain away to others (when I didn't know myself) why every church and sect cherry-pick the verses that suits their taste, why there's a verse to directly contradict every other verse; a myriad of scriptures directly refuting the established doctrine of every church denomination on earth, from the most orthodox Catholics to the wildest Pentecostals and everything in between. Let alone the simple lack of logic and common sense in the very basic story so far that even a child could point out in a matter of minutes of considering it.

Ultimately I realized I believed in God for the same reasons I used to believe in Santa Claus. Santa rewards you when you've been good but gives you a lump of coal when you've been bad. There's no evidence of his existence either, and the entire mythology of Santa is incredibly dubious, implausible, ridiculous and fantastic at best (traveling down the chimneys of every household in the entire world in one Christmas eve night? I'm pretty sure that violates the laws of Physics as well as common sense). The only difference is that children stop believing in Santa past a certain age. Ultimately there is literally no difference between God and Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, zombies, goblins, unicorns, etc. etc.

Bad things didn't happen because I did something wrong and God was punishing (sorry, "chastizing") me; good things weren't rewards (or in Christianese, "fruits") of good or right behavior. Wealth wasn't a sign of blessing, neither was poverty a mark of holiness. Things weren't "destined" to happen. God didn't have a will or plan for anyone's life. Guilt wasn't punishment from God or condemnation from the devil, just consequences of actions you don't feel good about later. Repenting of sin wasn't making me more holy; it was making me stupid and causing me not to learn from my mistakes and change on my own but rather depend on some external spiritual force to be a better person. Neither beauty nor tragedy required an explanation; neither did our existence itself. There's no meaning other than what we make. And we need neither God or Hell to motivate us to be good; we know why we should be good people already.

Becoming an atheist freed me of more pain and emotional baggage and confusion and frustraion than I have time to list. My journals documenting my struggles trying to figure it all out all the years gone by, they could fill a library. And once I considered that maybe the whole darn thing was all in my head, all that mental wrestling was over. And things are clearer and clearer everyday.

Life isn't significantly easier, but now I take responsibility for my own actions. When I see injustice or suffering, I don't go home and pray about it and assume God will take care of it; I realize I have a personal responsibility to make my part of this planet better within my own tiny resources. If anything becoming an atheist makes you care far more about others and the world around you, because you realize this is all there is. God's not going to save anyone, we're going to have to save ourselves and each other, to loosely quote a certain German band. If you want meaning, consider the quote: "no single raindrop believes it is to blame for the flood."

Sometimes the most obvious, simple answer really is correct.

I don't believe in god/s because the idea of god - an omnipotent, omniscient, benevolent god that's directly and intimately involved in our everyday affairs and decides where we spend our afterlife - simply doesn't make any sense.

From hardcore Jesus freak to atheist

Sent in by Marcus

Image by mattlemmon via Flickr

I wasn't just a Christian. I was a hardcore, Bible-thumping, tongue-speaking, over the top extreme Christian that other Christians wish they were like. I believed God literally talked to me. I believed God had a "mission" for my life. And I was ready to do anything, no matter what the consequences.

Well fast forward several years and traveling several countries to do God's endless work, and I burn out spectacularly. Christian ministries and organizations used me up until I had nothing left to give and then some. Finally like Icarus I burnt my wings and hit the ground hard.

I found that not only was God clearly uncaring to all my work and efforts for Him but chances are He wasn't even watching, or was and didn't care. There were no rewards for my work as I was promised. God wasn't there for me when I had nothing left. There were no answers, and the answers I'd give others when others were in pain just didn't work. God wasn't listening or indeed doing a damn thing. And fellow Christians told me that if my life had been thrown into the spin cycle, clearly I must have done something wrong, clearly I screwed up somewhere, or God was punishing me for some unknown sin or failing, or just for not loving Him enough, who knows.... after all we are talking about a deity that will throw you into hell for eternity if you don't choose to love Him back, right?

But clearly I was wrong about everything, because nothing I had been taught and believed made any sense whatsoever. It just didn't add up, like trying to put 2 and 2 together to make 5. Add the numbers as many times as you like but you won't get 5. That's what life became: an impossibility. Based on everything I was taught and believed about God, Christianity, church, the Bible, life, love, sin, right and wrong... it just. Didn't. Make. Sense.

Then finally I realized that the reason nothing made sense anymore was because clearly there is no God. That was the simplest, clearest, most obvious answer out of all the possibile conclusions. The contradictions and implausible, weak arguments and ridiculously flawed conclusions that consist of Christianity and any religion, they had been piling up in the back of my head all my life and I stubbornly ignored the facts and the obvious logic. This is already aside from the mountain of self-contradictions present in the Bible, and the oceans of additional contradictions in our various interpretations of it, something I had a hard time reconciling all through my life reading and studying it; trying to explain away to others (when I didn't know myself) why every church and sect cherry-pick the verses that suits their taste, why there's a verse to directly contradict every other verse; a myriad of scriptures directly refuting the established doctrine of every church denomination on earth, from the most orthodox Catholics to the wildest Pentecostals and everything in between. Let alone the simple lack of logic and common sense in the very basic story so far that even a child could point out in a matter of minutes of considering it.

Ultimately I realized I believed in God for the same reasons I used to believe in Santa Claus. Santa rewards you when you've been good but gives you a lump of coal when you've been bad. There's no evidence of his existence either, and the entire mythology of Santa is incredibly dubious, implausible, ridiculous and fantastic at best (traveling down the chimneys of every household in the entire world in one Christmas eve night? I'm pretty sure that violates the laws of Physics as well as common sense). The only difference is that children stop believing in Santa past a certain age. Ultimately there is literally no difference between God and Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, zombies, goblins, unicorns, etc. etc.

Bad things didn't happen because I did something wrong and God was punishing (sorry, "chastizing") me; good things weren't rewards (or in Christianese, "fruits") of good or right behavior. Wealth wasn't a sign of blessing, neither was poverty a mark of holiness. Things weren't "destined" to happen. God didn't have a will or plan for anyone's life. Guilt wasn't punishment from God or condemnation from the devil, just consequences of actions you don't feel good about later. Repenting of sin wasn't making me more holy; it was making me stupid and causing me not to learn from my mistakes and change on my own but rather depend on some external spiritual force to be a better person. Neither beauty nor tragedy required an explanation; neither did our existence itself. There's no meaning other than what we make. And we need neither God or Hell to motivate us to be good; we know why we should be good people already.

Becoming an atheist freed me of more pain and emotional baggage and confusion and frustraion than I have time to list. My journals documenting my struggles trying to figure it all out all the years gone by, they could fill a library. And once I considered that maybe the whole darn thing was all in my head, all that mental wrestling was over. And things are clearer and clearer everyday.

Life isn't significantly easier, but now I take responsibility for my own actions. When I see injustice or suffering, I don't go home and pray about it and assume God will take care of it; I realize I have a personal responsibility to make my part of this planet better within my own tiny resources. If anything becoming an atheist makes you care far more about others and the world around you, because you realize this is all there is. God's not going to save anyone, we're going to have to save ourselves and each other, to loosely quote a certain German band. If you want meaning, consider the quote: "no single raindrop believes it is to blame for the flood."

Sometimes the most obvious, simple answer really is correct.

I don't believe in god/s because the idea of god - an omnipotent, omniscient, benevolent god that's directly and intimately involved in our everyday affairs and decides where we spend our afterlife - simply doesn't make any sense.

Everything over the past years started swirling in my mind

Sent in by Anon (hiding from lynchers)

Image by Funky64 via Flickr

My struggle with Christianity began in the third grade when I attended a Christian private school in the city (my parents were working class, and I would ultimately move to public school with the birth of my second sibling, when funding private school was not longer an option). The curriculum novels (i.e. propaganda) described glorious close relationships with God, and I tried hard to develop such a relationship. However, when I prayed most devotedly, nothing happened. It didn't help that I found services sleep-inducing and boring; it also annoyed me that I felt required to donate portions of my meager allowance to the offering plate, which they passed around Sunday school, which I felt I could use on toys. "Jesus will touch your heart in his own time," the preacher would scream over the pews. I worried that he must not have touched my heart; if he didn't soon, I would go to hell! Hell! Hell!

Fast forward to my high school years in the country (my family moved to escape city crime).

My father was quite a religious man, in the sense that he read his Bible daily and tried to emulate Jesus (or at least the ideal thereof) by practicing kindness and tolerance. Coming from an extremely liberal family up from the urban north, a family by divorce and alcoholism in his youth, he spent most of his life fending for himself; I believe he had turned to Jesus for answers while keeping the unique insight of liberal parents. Like most Christians with an actual sense of respect for humankind, he practiced apologetics in reconciling, through abstract interpretation, outdated, violent, ridiculous verses in the Bible.

He didn't attend church on an even semi-regular basis, or participate in mandatory church-centric living, however, which is the only sign of godliness in rural areas.

Meanwhile, I began dating a very respectful young man from my high school whom I will call Rob. Later I would I learn that Rob's father, whom I will call Joe, had severely physically and emotionally abused Rob and his mother, Sue, throughout Rob's childhood, although at least the physical poundings had stopped by the time I met Rob. In her distress, Sue had taken to abusing sleeping and pain pills.

Joe was a diehard fundamentalist Christian attending a cultlike church I will call Mountain Side Baptist Church. Joe preached on occasion at that church, and often abroad at other churches member to the Southern Baptist Association (or something like that). Neither Rob nor Sue particularly enjoyed the church's vicious caste system, which consisted of two castes: an inner circle of extremists and the unsuspecting members whom were the source of fierce gossip for the superiors. However, I attended this church with Rob to keep him company; his parents required him to attend it on pain of heavy emotional abuse.

For those requiring proof of the absurdity of this church's philosophy, let me provide some examples.

1) A diabetic woman aged 45 became pregnant (I know, you would think a married couple of that age would know how to use a condom). Both she and the baby were at severe risk of death because the mother is physically unfit to carry or birth the child. Rather than pursue an abortion to save at least the mother's life, she has, unsurprisingly, announced her decision to become a martyr in the name of a couple mindless embryonic cells. The fate of mother and child are still 'in the hands of God'.

2) All alcohol is evil. Along with other local churches, they purchased an ad in a local newspaper denouncing the community wine festival, a controlled environment event which celebrated the history and culture of the area while stimulating the community's poor economy. They believe (quite falsely) that any positive references to alcohol in the Bible actually refer to unfermented grape juice.

3) The pastor believes his church, to the exclusion of others, pleases God. All other churches lead souls astray. He has warned departing members of the consequences on their souls. Of course, considering that he receives the entire offering at preaching, one wonders whether he worries low attendance would hurt souls or his wallet.

4) Women must not hold any authority within the church. Women cannot preach. Vaginas impede one's ability to understand the 'Word'; penises are the antennae through which God communicates with man.

5) All music but gospel is composed by the devil. Even contemporary Christian music is evil.

6) The preacher held a meeting with the deacons to humiliate a young girl whom he claimed had uncrossed her legs while sitting on the front pew as she reached to play with an unruly toddler. He said the resulting view distracted him. He actually admitted this to the deacons and they did not call the cops. I knew the girl always wore at least knee length skirts. Secret meetings of this sort happened frequently, with various underlings from the lower caste their subject.

7) Interracial relationships are ungodly because whites are superior (I learned of this little jewel recently). A black man came to church with a white woman. The preacher threatened to resign.

8) All translation of the Bible except the KJV were created by 'evil homosexuals'. Even though it is only a translation itself, the KJV actually came from God's own mystical hand.

Joe became an ordained preacher one month, which, for the revered position of saving souls, required little more than being a heterosexual male and deciding you wanted to preach. Joe, a high school drop out, could read; however, while one would never trust a doctor with less than a decade of expertise to deal with your body, the Christians would trust illiterate wife-beaters to treat their 'immortal souls'.

Anyway, Joe accepted a full-time preaching position at a different church, Stone Creek Baptist Church, which included a stipend of $500 weekly for the time-consuming work of calling people out on their sins. Joe mysteriously left his position. I pressed Rob for the reason. Finally, I learned that Stone Creek, a faltering church whose remaining regulars consisted primarily of elder women, allowed females to run the church's financial matters. Of course, this collided with Joe's fundamental belief that female hands tainted God's holy money, so he had no choice, as a good Christian man, but to leave the heathen place.

One day, Joe caught Sue popping painkillers and confronted her. Sue made an escape attempt. Of course, Joe is the classic abuser, completely defendant on the victim to affirm his self-esteem. Rob finally convinced Sue to return. That night, Joe cornered Rob and accused him of causing his mother to take pills. The preacher later called Rob to repeat Joe's accusation, blaming the child for the dysfunctional relationship of the parents.

However, the final blows from this demented religion came when a heart attack unexpectedly took my gentle father's life one night. Let me reiterate that my father, though a follower, thankfully stayed away from these cultlike churches. He drank beer, listened to rock and roll, and loved all people. He defended me against naysayers when I made teenage mistakes. He encouraged me to chase my dreams.

To save expenses, we cremated my father and had the funeral at the church, which didn't charge for the room like some funeral homes. I had spent many hours creating a slide show of my father; the background was a classic rock song he and I had loved and seen in concert together. I also created the pamphlets they give out at funerals; the inner right page had pictures of his favorite items on it, including a small icon of his favorite brand of alcohol.

The church censored my music with a stupid gospel song, completely ruining the climatic effect I had worked hard to create. They made me mark out the pictures of the alcohol. If I did not meet these demands, they said, they would not allow the DVD or pamphlets to enter the building. With the funeral fast approaching and my emotional state far from rational, I agreed to their demands. Needless to say, I stopped attending the church soon after the funeral.

The church members never called to check up on my family, although they had surrounded Joe upon news of Sue's addiction. They still had time to gossip about the cremation, which they considered ungodly. Joe continued to emotionally abuse Rob, blaming him for Sue's addiction and threatening to hurt him if Sue ever left again. I could not understand how such an abusive, vulgar man deserved life in the eyes of God when my tender, loving father deserved death. How cruel God could be!

I remembered staring at my father's body on the back of the ambulance as paramedics thumped his chest. Joe reminded me that Sue's pain was worse than mine (although I had not requested a comparison) and warned me that I had better not take Rob or people's sympathies away from her.

I remembered my father telling me of his dream to become a preacher. "Why don't you?" I asked. Tears welled up in his eyes. "I'm too sinful, too imperfect to teach others," he said. I was thankful he never became one; he didn't match up with the arrogant, righteous, you-owe-me attitude of preachers. He didn't know that the joy he felt for humanity was entirely un-Christian.

Age eighteen arrived along with high school graduation. Joe and I fled to college out of state, finally free of the cultlike abuse of the church and his deranged father. Secular college education began opening our eyes to a scientific, humanistic world where being human was not an evil thing, but a beautiful thing.

I worried, the old cries from the altar of hell ringing in my head. I faltered. I began reading the Bible and other religious, hoping to find something, anything. The Bible offered more than something: violence, intolerance, judgments. Why did the church condone that Joe beat and raped his family? The verses were there approving it. Why was it okay to disparage minorities? The verses were there approving it. Even the creation story popped out to me as ridiculous. Why the hell did God let the demon into his so-called garden of 'paradise' in the form of a talking snake, which simply panders to mankind's ancient fear of serpents? Why were females conveniently created from males as subhumans of sorts? The crucifixion was absurd. Why did God have to kill himself to appease himself? More importantly, if he loves us, why did he send us to hell?

For a construct that wanted to explain everything in the universe and assuage human fears, religion posed more problems to me than it answered. Everything over the past years started swirling in my mind.

I watched as fundamentalist poured outrage over recent homosexual marriage laws. I could not figure out why they cared if two people married and it had no repercussions at all for the church. I watched as they spent millions combating this, abortion, birth control. Why not help the downtrodden instead?

I reveled in the colors of the flowers as spring opened over winter. The sunset splashed pink and orange over the horizon. I marveled at the lightning tearing the sky in half. I laughed at friends catching up in good humor, both human and animal. Rob and I held each other in the morning, new light spilling in through the sheer curtains of the open window, and I felt love.

Suddenly, I knew. In a vicious, lovely cycle, all of these wonderful things in life existed and the horrible things in life existed and I existed--and only God didn't. My life, my world, your life, your world, our universe; we're all validated without him.