Christian Vomit

sent in by Jonathon "DeathWorship" Todd

i guess i should start earlier than age 15..

i was born into a heavily christian family so i was obviously forced to go to church every sunday morning when i was a child.. i never actually "got saved" when i was a kid because when you're 5-10 years old, you really dont worry about eternal damnation alot. i always just used to think that if you didnt do anything GRIEVOUSLY wrong (i.e. kill/rape etc..) then you were pretty much straight as far as the afterlife..

skip ahead..

age 15, a very very close friend to me died in a car crash.. this hit me extremely hard, and some vile christ humping god-body saw my weakness and bereavement as a PRIME oppurtunity to gain points with his imaginary best-friend, and proceeded to tell me things to the effect of "i sure hope she knew the Lord" and "i will pray for her soul". that was the first time in my life i ever really worried about MY "soul" and actually got scared for my afterlife. the next sunday i attended church, i got saved, in all of gods glory, i got saved, HALLELUAH!! the next 5 years of my life.. were horrendously depressing.

i found myself carrying a bible with me everywhere i went, and this frequently threw me in the debate arena with non-christians who, in retrospect, were ALOT better equipped for a religious debate than i was. i had heard ever argument to debunct christianity you can think of, predestination, suffering in the world, why doesnt god show himself these days.. etc.. and all i could EVER respond with was the magical christian failsafe "you cant understand god, i mean, hes GOD!".

if the constant contest of wills wasnt enough to discourage me and wonder where god was while i was being blasted by reason and logic, the guilt for just being human was absurd. almost everything i did that was fun, self-gratifying, or otherwise, i felt like i had to immediately drop to my knees and beg for forgiveness or be struck down right then and there. i also succeeded in supreme assholism by projecting my guilt on other people by condemning what they were doing, no matter what it was, the music they listened to, the movies they watched, the books they read.. it was ridiculous.

age 19 was when i really felt my faith starting to fade, i had gotten utterly fed up with always beating myself up for the things i did that TO ME didnt feel wrong, the lack of gods presence in my life had gotten much more apparent, until one day i just gave it up.. and i can honestly say THAT was my salvation, losing religion was salvation. i tried to hold on to relationships with my christian friends, but that was a total mistake, i finally saw them for what they really were, and what i was at that time in my life, we were snakes.. feeding off of misery. thats what made me hate christians so much, they think they are doing something wonderful when the amplify the sorrow in your life. when you are at your lowest point in your life, when you are beaten, run-down, and have noone and nothing left in this world, you either turn to jesus or put a fucking gun in your mouth (yes i stole that from Preacher), and i never realized the truth in that.

so here i am and thats my store.. 22, iconoclastic atheist, and ive never been happier.. and my thought now is.. if there IS a god, and there IS a hell, and i really AM going there (which i highly doubt all 3).. at least all my friends and my favorite bands will be there. :D

Joined at 15
Left at 19
I was a Southern Baptist
I am now an Iconoclastic Atheist
I converted because of Guilt
I de-converted for Freedom
infinitynihil at yahoo dot com

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