Free At Last

sent in by Lisa

I'm so glad to have found this site. I'm at that newly-deconverted, lonely stage; although husband of 27 years and two teenage children deconverted with me. Turns out the kids were having more questions than I was. We were even "elite" Christians - "come-outers" who left the organized church system in favor of home meetings - where the "Spirit" flowed freely and no person was in charge. We stopped believing in hell years ago; favored "universalism", or salvation for all. But through difficult circumstances I began to have more questions than answers. God never answered my prayers; the scriptures lied: "The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much" - NOT! "The prayer of faith shall heal the sick" - NOT! And I began to stop forcing myself to accept that every bad thing that happened to me was God's will for my life: "count it all joy when you fall into diverse temptations". "Think it not strange concerning the fiery trial...".

It was like I was supposed to roll over and accept that every bad thing that came along was God "perfecting, purging, testing, chastising (He chastises those whom He loves") me. You can't be a good Christian unless you're being persecuted - I began to live a life of self-inflicted suffering and persecution; instead of standing up and fighting for what I loved, I believed it was God's "will" for me to lose it and suffer for His sake. How sick is that? I actually believed I was special to God because He allowed me to suffer so much - I must be worthy! Now I look back and can't believe that I believed such poppycock, and that I was so sick - and that all Christians are so sick. And when I began to question - WELL!!! "Are YOU asking GOD to PROVE HIMSELF TO YOU?????" How dare you? Who do you think you are? It must be something wrong with you, because God is perfect in ALL His ways!

Can you tell what a relief it is for me to be free from this? And "thank God" (pun intended) my children got freed from it so young, so they won't grow up as warped as I was. They're already so balanced and normal - they can enjoy life, take the good things without fear of God taking them away so they can be "tested and proven", and fight for what they love; make their own minds up and live life on their own terms.

Thanks again,
Lisa


Louisiana
How old were you when you became a Christian? young child
How old were you when you ceased being a Christian? 45
What churches or organizations or labels have applied to you? Assembly of God: born-again, spirit-filled, Charismatic
What labels, if any, would you apply to yourself now? Freethinker
Why did you become a Christian? Dad was a preacher-turned-alcoholic
Why did you de-convert? Too many questions, too many discrepancies, too many unanswered prayers; in short, it just didn't work
email: SHe9909732 at aol dot com

15 comments:

Bentley said...

Wow thanks for that anti-testimony. You sound so much like so many we've had come on here and write and then they always express that they are so glad to get free from the mind-cult.

I lost my whole family to the mind-cult, what I can't understand is that no one is brave enough to step out and question the BS, because they have been taught even to question the bible and the word of god, there will be dire consequences to be paid, because they know for sure that God and Jesus is watching their every move from the clouds above, and God knows how many hairs you have on your head and your ass.

People are just like cookie cutter christians, and they must goose step to the preachers every command, they must display supreme loyalty to the god called preacher, especially with their monetary gifts and special recognition and praise.

Why can't people see a church is not about all about worshipping a god, it's the money for the preacher and it's all about the praise for the church members. I went to church for 15 years and I never did see god, nor any act representing a god, never felt no god, where was god if it was his church? It wasn't god's church, it was a man's church, that men built so that they could pretend there was a god there.

It's all adult make believe imaginary pretend, it's so very immature it is down-right sick and mentally ill, even the concept of a god, is sick and mentally ill.

This just shows the mental state of our country, it's been totally distroyed by religion, a false belief in an imaginary make-believe fairy tale. I do not see how anyone can fall for such nonsense for so long.

Religions are not getting any more weaker, they're getting stronger, they are building more churches and rebuilding the one's already existing even bigger, to hold even more people so the can spread their lies to so many, it's a sickness that cannot be stopped.

They all got to have these big screen TV's in the background and put the preacher in the lime-light, and they have to wear these praise robes and have the TV evangelistic look and the preacher makes a huge fortune per year and jesus is hanging on a tree stub with blood and snot hanging out of his nose while the preachers are telling everyone how wonderful they are.

It's mentall sickness at it's best, displayed every Sunday.

Then they tell everyone how great prayer works and god is just waiting to receive your prayers, just ask 6 million dead Jews, god's favorite people, just how well prayer works, 6 million Jews can't be wrong.
Thanks for sharing! TC Ben

Bill Dearmore said...

"And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free." Welcome to truth and freedom, Lisa.

Bill
www.NoBull.ws

WidowMaker23 said...

They all got to have these big screen TV's in the background and put the preacher in the lime-light, and they have to wear these praise robes and have the TV evangelistic look and the preacher makes a huge fortune per year and jesus is hanging on a tree stub with blood and snot hanging out of his nose while the preachers are telling everyone how wonderful they are.

Your comments are right on Preacher ben. Most of these mega churches that has crop up are nothing more but a Las Vegas side show. The pastors, ministers or Reverends who preached at these churches don't even know their own flock by their names and the people who attends these churches don't get to meet their religious leader maybe once a year if the people are lucky they can meet them more than once but it depends if they are a big donor or contributor of their superchurch.

Lorena said...

Lisa,

Great story. That leads me to ask everybody, is there an end to the loneliness period?

I am happy for you, Lisa, that the whole family saw the light at the same time. I hope you guys will be able to make new friends in a snap.

nirrti said...

"Your comments are right on Preacher ben. Most of these mega churches that has crop up are nothing more but a Las Vegas side show. The pastors, ministers or Reverends who preached at these churches don't even know their own flock by their names and the people who attends these churches don't get to meet their religious leader maybe once a year if the people are lucky they can meet them more than once but it depends if they are a big donor or contributor of their superchurch."

Then you have the ones such as Creflo Dollar who actually have body guards who prevent people from coming near them.

Sarge said...

Lorena, it depends. My circle of friends may be small, but they're good friends who see what and who I am, good and bad, but still like me. Some are even religeous people, oddly enough. Don't get desperate, just be kind and be yourself, and you'll find that you'll get to know a lot of people who value you. Not overnight, no.

AndrewT said...

Congratulations! I am a recent de-convert as well and share your sentiments. Christians do think that when bad things happens it is God's will. What rubbish! Enjoy your new freedom.

freedy said...

Lisa,..my three sons and deconverted two years ago.Envolved in minstry for 20 yrs...,I really put them thru it.We now laugh and rehash the crazy crap we believed.
WE no longer are terrified of everything we see,do,watch,or listen to, for fear of going to hell!
I really believe many doctrines of the church are "child abuse" and I'm glad to see your kids not suffering these abuses anymore.
Thanks for your story and good luck!
P.S. I now teach my children to do good because it's the right thing to do,not because they fear a vengeful,angry,and sadistic diety
who allows billions to be tortured for eternity.

Truthbound said...

Lisa, Thanks for sharing your testimony with us! I began deconversion about a year ago now and have been coming here ever since. These tetimonies help me to remain somewhat hopeful that the madness (christianity) might come to an end! I am a salesman and do a lot of traveling by car and it's ironic that, as a christian, I used to think that christians were the minority, but now that I am free from the "bug", as I drive around, I realize that the opposite is true. There are churches on nearly every corner and in every singly city in this county!

Unlike you, I am the only one in my family to have deconverted, my wife forces the kids (I have four)to continue to go even against their will! it's a sad deal.

But hearing stories like yours again and again gives me hope that one day I will have my family back and even better, that maybe this country will pull it's head out of its @#$!

Thanks again for sharing, enjoy your new found freedom!

swabby429 said...

Lorena,

The "loneliness period" does end. It happens when you give up grasping for a change of heart from your family and acquaintances who remain within "the faith". You finally realize that it is futile to expect other people to behave the way you want them to behave. When you can deeply appreciate the beauty of solitude, is when the "loneliness period" whithers away and the fullness of life in all its various emotions and flavors bursts forth. When you stop trying to control the "negative" and prolonging the "positive" and simply let life flow while you observe, you feel and live with more freedom and oftentimes more joy.

Ironically, the people most fervent in their faith are the ones who are so insecure that they wish to impose their moralism upon others. Preacher Ben, yes, the organized insanity of the megachurch movement is a huge drain on and perversion of "spirituality". However, the very worst aspect is metacultural in nature. If you've been paying attention, you have probably noticed the megachurches are the epicenter of political activism to turn the USA, and in turn, other countries to theocratic rule.

They are hell-bent on micromanaging everybody's lives, not just christians.

JJ

xrayman said...

With the popularity of MEGA-Churches, and the fucking idiots who toss MEGA-bucks in the collection plates, I think it's about time to realize that these guys are highly paid entertainers, and it's about time to start taxing the shit out of them.

Piprus said...

Lisa,

Thanks for sharing your testimony. I'm happy for you, but especially for your kids. At an early age, as nonbelievers they live life on its own terms and appreciate it for what it is, without the confusion of xianity. The longer you're out of the collective, the better it gets. You'll find a lot of continuing support here.

(Xrayman, I'm with you. Churches or so-called "ministries" are businesses, no different than Proctor and Gamble, or Honest Charley's Used Cars. They should have no tax favoritism at all)

Best Wishes,
Piprus

freedy said...

Piprus,..I read recently where many cities/communuties are not allowing churches to build in the city limits,...kinda like wal-mart.

It seem they can't afford to lose the tax dollars anymore.I think tax free status will soon be a thing of the past!
*(I say any church over 200 people should lose their tax favoritism !)

Evelyn said...

Welcome, Lorena! I, too, am 46, deconverted about a year and a half ago from a similar background.

Deconversion seems to be a process and have stages. Sometimes you will feel lonely. Maybe the fear of hell will raise its ugly head. Maybe you will ask, "Is this world all that there is?" Lots of us on this site have been at these stages at various times, so if and when you feel the need to ask, "How do I cope with this, or get over this?", ask away and you will get plenty of empathy and advice.

You are so fortunate that your family is with you in this. I fortunate that my husband (no kids) has been totally supportive. There are several people on this site that have to deal with xian spouses who do not understand.

Stick around, you have found the right place!

Dano said...

Lisa,
Just remember! The more natural state of human existence, is an "absence" of a belief in, and total mental and physical subjugation to a mythology.

Dominate males and females, who run these cults, have discovered that they can use the promise of a make believe heaven, and the fear of a make believe hell to control the less dominate masses (The sheep if you will), and be in charge, and make a good living from it, and not have to do tedious exhausting work.

We are born without this imaginary stuff in our heads, and indeed billions of humans have lived and died without ever being exposed to it, but when charismatic people start telling us that their particular form of belief in magic will cure all of our ills and bring us happiness, we go for it.

The bad thing is most religions have "No way out mechanisms" written into them. The sheep are told that unless they conform exactly to what they are being told, they won't get good stuff, and they are headed for a heap of "bad stuff," thus they are hooked, and the religious elite go to their secret places and do all of the things they are telling the masses not to do.

Their, (The religion teachers) rewards come from having successfully manipulated the little people, and assuring their place at the front of the feeding frenzy. They get the first choice of all the good things by being the owners of the "Magic" They control how much magic is doled out to the little people, by convincing them that "they" are the conduit through which all the magic flows from the "great giver of magic."

Thus cults are born, people get religion, their brains are turned off, and the whole mind control thing gets started.

If you find your way out, it is a GIFT from your creator. If you get your brain back, you better use it to stay free, or he will take it back and give it a smooth talker in a $500 dollar suit!

Dan (Who realizes that the Jerry Falwell's and the Billy Graham's, and the Benny Hinn's are just being dominate males, and somebody has to do it!)

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