Free At Last

sent in by Lisa

I'm so glad to have found this site. I'm at that newly-deconverted, lonely stage; although husband of 27 years and two teenage children deconverted with me. Turns out the kids were having more questions than I was. We were even "elite" Christians - "come-outers" who left the organized church system in favor of home meetings - where the "Spirit" flowed freely and no person was in charge. We stopped believing in hell years ago; favored "universalism", or salvation for all. But through difficult circumstances I began to have more questions than answers. God never answered my prayers; the scriptures lied: "The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much" - NOT! "The prayer of faith shall heal the sick" - NOT! And I began to stop forcing myself to accept that every bad thing that happened to me was God's will for my life: "count it all joy when you fall into diverse temptations". "Think it not strange concerning the fiery trial...".

It was like I was supposed to roll over and accept that every bad thing that came along was God "perfecting, purging, testing, chastising (He chastises those whom He loves") me. You can't be a good Christian unless you're being persecuted - I began to live a life of self-inflicted suffering and persecution; instead of standing up and fighting for what I loved, I believed it was God's "will" for me to lose it and suffer for His sake. How sick is that? I actually believed I was special to God because He allowed me to suffer so much - I must be worthy! Now I look back and can't believe that I believed such poppycock, and that I was so sick - and that all Christians are so sick. And when I began to question - WELL!!! "Are YOU asking GOD to PROVE HIMSELF TO YOU?????" How dare you? Who do you think you are? It must be something wrong with you, because God is perfect in ALL His ways!

Can you tell what a relief it is for me to be free from this? And "thank God" (pun intended) my children got freed from it so young, so they won't grow up as warped as I was. They're already so balanced and normal - they can enjoy life, take the good things without fear of God taking them away so they can be "tested and proven", and fight for what they love; make their own minds up and live life on their own terms.

Thanks again,

How old were you when you became a Christian? young child
How old were you when you ceased being a Christian? 45
What churches or organizations or labels have applied to you? Assembly of God: born-again, spirit-filled, Charismatic
What labels, if any, would you apply to yourself now? Freethinker
Why did you become a Christian? Dad was a preacher-turned-alcoholic
Why did you de-convert? Too many questions, too many discrepancies, too many unanswered prayers; in short, it just didn't work
email: SHe9909732 at aol dot com

Pageviews this week: