Questioning Everything

sent in by Harry M

Hi everyone. My name is Harry. I've posted on here a couple of times before. At this stage in my life I am very confused and feel like I'm in a paradox. Currently, I attend a United Church (you know, that church that some evangelists consider a church of the devil because we accept all people). Anyways, I'm involved in some activities there and even chair a committee. But lately I've been questioning my faith altogether. So what I'm doing now, I guess, is just writing out my thoughts so that I can get more clarity to figure out what exactly I believe.

I am 26 years old. I've been a Christian since I was five. Went through some difficult times with addictions at the age of 19 and when I was 20 I attended a local Bible College where I became indoctrinated every day about Salvation and Hell and Evil this and Evil that, etc. I graduated with a diploma but after graduation I began questioning my faith and explored other religions (became a Muslim briefly). Didn't know what to believe anymore and finally came back to the United Church.

In my recovery progam I have often sensed my higher power more than I do at church. I have so many unanswered questions when it comes to religion in general and the Bible in particular. And yet, when I think about it more and more, I do have the answers. I'm just too afraid to acknowledge them. It feels like the truth is staring me in the face but something is holding me back.

I consider myself to be a spiritual person. I believe in a higher power, but I am beginning to wonder if maybe this being is simply the creator and is the source of all of us humans. When we die, we return to that source. Did he/she/it really intend for all this hypocricy in religion and for people to kill each other in God's name?

The doctrine that I have the biggest problem with, is the concept of hell. How God could make various peoples, knowing they would have various beliefs and religions, and then condemning them to hell because they were born into the wrong religion. Also, Pre-Destination. God creates us and then Pre-Destines us to heaven or hell and rather than not creating us at all, he makes us and then says.... sorry you can't enter my kingdom because I already pre-destined you to burn in hell for all eternity. It kind of contradicts the notion of free will.

Anyways, I recently finished reading "The Davinci Code". It was a good book and it got me thinking about the church and hypocricy and stuff like that. A lot of evangilists and right wingers are scared of this book because they know that if people start thinking for themselves, they won't need religion anymore. The church will crumble, but not just church, other religions as well. If there is a God, wouldn't he want us to love and respect one another and to do good works to benefit humanity? Eat, Drink and be Merry, for today we LIVE!!!!

Life is short. I believe there are still things for me to discover that I don't quite understand. Maybe I need a vacation from church to clear my head. I don't know. Any suggestions any of you reading this may have, feel free to e-mail me. I would greatly appreciate it. Thanks for letting me vent briefly.

Joined: 5
Left: 26?
Was: Many, currently United.
Now: Seeker of Truth
Converted because: local group converted me
De-converted because: Questioned everything
email: spare at accesscomm dot ca

Pageviews this week: