If the God you believe in exists, why did He turn His back on me when I was collapsed on my bedroom floor sobbing and begging Him for more faith? Why did He leave me alone and bewildered when my faith of 20 years begin to unravel?
When I started questioning the Bible I did the right thing. I rebuked Satan, believing he was trying to deceive me and humbled myself before the Lord and prayed for more faith. But He didn't answer my prayer. Or wait, according to Christian reasoning, He did answer my prayer and the answer was a big fat "NO".
While I was crying out to Him on my floor that night, I would have accepted even a vague sense of peace and love as proof of His Spirit and thus His existence, but He offered none. The only conclusion I could come up with was that God didn't want me to be one of His children. I wasn't chosen.
I'm glad that He has blessed you with faith. I'm glad that He chose you and he loves you enough to give you reason to believe. But He didn't give me faith no matter how hard I tried to be a good Christian and have a relationship with Him. All he gave me was a brain and critical thinking capabilities so thus far I've had no other choice but disbelief in the God of the Bible.
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