I have never been happier

Sent in by Kat

I was raised in Maryland under strict gospel Baptist teachings: salvation, hell and damnation, witnessing. Christianity permeated my entire life. I was active in youth groups and Christian-based school activities (i.e., "Prayer at the Flagpole," which is actually a violation of the commandment of Matthew 6:6: "But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly").

I entered theological studies and became a lay youth minister at 22, on the fast track to becoming ordained and leading my own flock (note the use of sheep analogy when discussing Christians: sheep are docile and easy to control). Fortunately for me (unfortunately for the church as they lost a very active missionary), I began to think about how my life lined up with the teachings I was given. I was born a child of rape, which made my mother (who has recently made apologies) resent my very existence. The resulting abuse led to low self-esteem, severe depression, alcoholism, and suicidal episodes. I remember being 17 and calling out for God to just take me; if Heaven was so much better, why was I doomed to suffer the way I was? According to the Bible and my family, I was possessed by a demon. Which is hilarious, since i had lived my life as sin free as humanly possible.

I kept looking for some hidden sin that was keeping me in extreme pain, and drank the pain away. The pattern continued through two marriages and three lost babies. At age 23, during an alcoholic binge, I felt the pain of living so deeply that I attempted suicide for the last time. That's when the stupidity of my position hit me. Wasn't life to be enjoyed, not spent worrying about whether some childish, spoiled god was able to bribe my love with promises of eternal bliss? And who was this god, to offer eternal pain and agony for rejection of the "love" that was offered?

What kind of love is that?

What parent (and I know, for I am finally a mother) demands that their child love them, but uses threats of suffering to gain that love? Having freed myself from the oppression of Christianity, I met and married the love of my life, and spend my days raising my son and discovering myself and the universe. I have never been happier.

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6 comments:

Larry said...

Keep up the good work Kat, you have discovered the truth behind xtianity, oppression, that is how they keep the docile and controllable sheep in line with threats of hell and damnation, fear and terrorism, that is how christianity works.
Now that you are free of it, do not allow your child to become enslaved by the terrorism of xtianity.

Anonymous said...

That's one of the most beautiful posts I've ever read

clair said...

I am very glad for you, that you are free. Also I'm very sorry for the loss of the other babies. I have two children and at first really struggled with the worry of what to teach them to believe. What has worked for me is to teach my oldest (7) to think for herself. We live in an extreme southern baptist area, and public school teachers teach out of the bible frequently, and pray a lot. I do not take any choice away, to pray or not, and I don't promote atheism as a die hard religion. I have noted that some do, and sometimes leave a child to fight the atheist fight alone at school as they will be. It is not a religion, or fight to pick. It is making sure a child learns to and is allowed to think for themselves. A strong mind is the best thing a parent can nurture, certainly better than ten million trips to any church. Allow a child to think for one's self, and they will. C

jfraysse said...

Hello Kat! It’s was wonderful to read your success story. I hope you and your man continue to relish the freedom you have found in your life together and I also like Clair’s thoughtful advice.

You are strong! How do I know? Because you broke out of the oppressive mindgames and decided to live your life outside of the lies. You allowed your mind to save you! Without trying to sound too cold, evolution “requires” that you produce offspring that will benefit from you life lessons and nurturing. How delightful that you now have a son!

What you have accomplished takes guts! Countless millions have not had your strength or will. May your tribe increase! Good luck in your Journey to both you and your family! Grace & Peace, John

pikd said...

yours are a good story of telling people howw to grow up,and i think it's essential

Nvrgoingbk said...

The use of threats of eternal torture and/or rewards of eternal bliss simply for believing one way or another is what I find the most repulsive aspect of Christianity. Sure there are elements of morality to be found among the scriptures, but that can be said of nearly all the world's religous writings. It still boils down to: "believe or suffer".

The best way to get me to do exactly the opposite of what you want me to do is to threaten me should I fail to comply. Perhaps that is foolhearty of me, but I have never done well with ultimatums. To be fair though, I must admit that even should the doctrine of Hell be tossed into the heap of other mythological beliefs where it belongs, I still could not except the claims of the Bible and the doctrines of Christianity. That old familiar putrid smell of dung persists everytime I open it's pages making it impossible for me stomach its contents - exactly the same feeling I get everytime I step foot into a church or see Paula White on television.

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