The biggest mistake a devout Christian can make

Hi, My name is Jillian and I am an ex-xian.

You may ask why I started my testimonial as if I were at my first AA meeting. It is simple. I see religion like any other addiction.

Things are going shitty in your life, you tend to turn to something external. In my case, I turned to Christianity. Like all other addictions though, it makes your logical thought fuzzy, divides and causes hassles and rifts in your family, and you reason with yourself constantly, that it is actually doing you some good, despite the fact you don't actually like who you are on this "drug" of choice; you think it makes you feel better about yourself and who you are, when in reality you just lose all of who you are and become a fake individual, living in a synthetic, "Stepford wives" kind of pseudo reality.

I lived the bliss of ignorance for near 2 decades. Believed what the pastor told me, believed the Ark story, believed the immaculate conception of Jesus... or was it the Davidic bloodline one??... oh well... even though they contradicted themselves it didn't matter, believed that if I dared to ask any questions, that "it's gods will" or "god works in mysterious ways" was a viable enough response, which sadly at the time, made sense because I needed it to!

The ironic thing is though, in my quest to please god, I started reading the Bible! ACTUALLY READING IT! Seems that this is the biggest mistake a devout Christian can make: actually reading it, rather than relying only on the carefully chosen sermons of the day provided by the resident brainwasher/pastor, or those chosen for the perky Bible studies class, where you can "glow and grow" in the love of Christ! lol

Well, I read and I learned, I cross referenced and read some more. I even asked the pastor as to my many new questions, but it was obvious by his replies that HE had never actually READ the Bible, but instead just went with the fodder he was feeding the parishioners , week to week as well! I could go on and on and on as to my now ex-xian status, however when it comes down to it, it is this simple quote that put my non-belief into perspective.

“Love is always patient and kind; it is never jealous, love is never boastful or conceited; it is never rude or selfish; it does not take offense, and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people’s sins but delights in the truth; it is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes. Love does not come to an end.”

If you read the bible, god is impatient and jealous and boastful and conceited and rude and selfish, he takes offense and is resentful, he takes pleasure in peoples' sins and constantly changes 'His' mind as to what truth is or isn't, doesn't like excuses, trusts no one and his claimed love is purely conditional, based on fear and wrath.

God is the contradiction of what love is supposed to be... so therefore... see ya God... it's been totally UNreal!

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Anonymous said...

I really applaud your description of religion as an addiction. I had a similar experience and think of my past religion in similar ways. I hope you find the support you need for the new life outside the fold. Best of luck to you and thanks for an illuminating story.


Anonymous said...

great post! i love the "love is... and god is not" bit. it is sooo ture!

Audie said...

"God is the contradiction of what love is supposed to be... "

I could not have said it better myself.

Anonymous said...

I can relate to you quiet a bit. My life got messed up back in late 1993. I lost things and people who were close to me, so therefore, I needed a crutch called Christianity. The sermon that was preached at my ex-girlfriend's funeral appealed to me very much.

Then a couple of weeks later, I prayed to receive Christ. I was so excited at the time. I thought that it would be the beginning of a new life for me, only to be disappointed in the long run.

I had been use to achieving goals and succeeding with my own ability. I was taught by other christians, and preachers to deny myself, and trust more in God.

I have always been a "Reality Thinker", even as a Christian, I was still that way. I took a lot of criticism from many christians because I was not willing to die to "Self" which meant, give up reality thinking. It angered christians when I would dispute some of their teachings.

Finally I gave up,left the Church, and cut ties with pretty much all christians. I am now starting to be able to think for myself again, and have success in my life again.

Being a Christian kept me down, and only added to my existing problems at the time. However, they also teach that christians are suppose to suffer, and be like that loser Paul out of the Bible.

<< it's gods will" or "god works in mysterious ways" >>

Yeah, I heard the same lame ass comments like that all the time from other christians also.

That is how most christians deal with why God didn't do something, or was unfair, or why certain scripture in the Bible turned out to be wrong. That's the kind of lame excuses they come up with.

Christians are too scared to admit their way of thinking and the way they were taught using the Bible is wrong. In their mind, they would be denying the gospel message, and they would risk going to hell for questioning their God. Basically they are scared to death of their God, and his little scare tactics. They are truly enslaved.

So they come up with these little comments and excuses, because they don't know what else to do or say.

I'm sorry that you were trapped within that cult for so long. At least your out now.

Don't ever look back, and don't ever let some christian try to manipulate you with their Biblical Propoganda in order to try and get you to come back to their cult. Christians are some of the most manipulative people on this planet. If you are ever faced with that situation, make sure you put your foot down with them, and stand your ground.

Best Wishes.

Anonymous said...

Hi and thank you all for your positive feedback and support.

Writing that testimony yesterday was I believe, the final step I had to take to get the religious monkey off of my back, and thankfully to ME, I will never go back to the oppression and fear.

Poltergoost, you are so right when you say
"Christians are too scared to admit their way of thinking and the way they were taught using the Bible is wrong. In their mind, they would be denying the gospel message, and they would risk going to hell for questioning their God. Basically they are scared to death of their God, and his little scare tactics. They are truly enslaved."

I was chatting with a now EX friend (xian) just the other day and we had quite a heated arguement, which ended up me describing her the "SUB" to her gods' "DOM" status. Truly a slave to a cruel master, who strips people of their self awareness, self worth and free thought and also the capacity to really love. She then gave me the "free will - choice" rant.. (sigh).

Now I am out of religion, I wonder why I too "chose" oppression for so long.

Anonymous said...

Hi Jillian,

You're quiet welcome. :)

That was probably one of my less heated posts on here. A lot of my other posts are quiet heated, because of all the time I wasted being a christian, along with all the other deception that comes with being enslaved to christianity.

It's a good possiblity that some christians will come on here like they have on other posts on this forum, and quote scripture out of the bible trying to tell me, and others that we're wrong.

The thing is, most of these christians don't get it. They act like when they quote scriputure that we are all going to heed, and see that they are right, and we are wrong. Their effort is a waste of time. Their attempts are futile, and they can't seem to realize that. That is what happens when people are brainwashed.

Their book is a joke to all atheists, and some Angostics also. Christians must think that once they quote scripture out of the bible that we are all going to back down, and be quiet.

Apparently they think that the Bible is a literal "Double Edged Sword", and all they have to do is quote scripture out of it, and we will give in to what they believe, surrender, and go back to God. WRONG!!!

I've also read on here where other christians claimed that we were in the wrong church, and that church or preacher was teaching us false deception about God, and that we should give God another chance, and read the bible for ourselves instead of listening to a preacher.

Well, I have read and studied the Bible. I have tried to apply scripture to my life, with absolutely no results. It had nothing to do with a specific church.

The Bible simply is a mythical book that was written thousands of years ago by men who claimed they were inspired by God. That's the same thing Cult Leaders like David Koresh claimed, that they were being inspired by God.

When they claim that the Bible is God's inspired word, I believe that the men who wrote these books of the Bible thought they were being inspired by God's beliefs when in fact, it was their very own thoughts in their head that was telling them who and what God is, and what God is supposed to be.

The Bible is Man's thoughts and opinons of who and what God is suppose to be. That's what I believe.

I've heard many people over the years claim that God told them something, when it turned out to be false. It was nothing but that persons very own thoughts, not their God. I'm sure they would've like to have believed it was God.

The people who wrote the Bible thousands or years ago, are no different.

Anonymous said...

I recently read a book called Lucifer (I forget the authors name) and in the book the explanation for what happens (which is at the end) is because no-one really has "free will/choice" just for the fact that there is, (supposedly) a heaven & a hell to either look forward to or to fear (repectively) depending on how you live your life here on earth. Either way you're co-erced into thinking you should behave/do good because of the 'reward' of heaven waiting for you. At one point in the book it becomes clear that there is only a 'Hell' (and no heaven) and therefore everyone now is actually 'free' to make the right/wrong decisions in life because the 'reward' is gone.

Pantonality said...

I enjoyed that you quoted the "love is ..." part from Paul. What most Christians don't know is that Paul was the earliest of the Christian writers, but knew nothing of the miraculous virgin birth nor death on the cross nor resurection, just 30 years after they supposedly happened. It took another 100 years for those "facts" to come to light (get made up). That's a very different God than the rest of the New Testament which has more of a Roman Emporer flavor to it (the power model the writers were familiar with). That God was also very different from the God made up by the Jeweish zealots who wrote the Old Testament (another work of fiction).

Nowadays we have spiritual types who talk about the "Law of Attraction" and "The Secret" (as seen on Oprah). I find their God a lot more fun and even tempered. Their God was made up (they'll even admit as much) for a modern society for those who feel the need for a God.

Anonymous said...

Of course, Jillian, in your deliberately distorted description of God (and you know you did) leaves out the his characteristid of being willing to accept anyone who wants to join his side at anytime, anyplace...even if they have srewed up totally.

Human beings and human organizations are never so forgiving.

And, living in a college town, I was given quite a welcome to college life by atheists.

One thing I know...I will will never submit to atheist rule.

webmdave said...

That's nice, anti-atheist.

Run along now.

Pantonality said...

To the anti atheist,

I've never met an atheist who wanted to tell me how to live my life (i.e. rule me). I've met plenty of Christians who had "helpful" advice on how I could save my soul that delved deeply into my personal life.

Please don't project your own modus operandi as a Christian on those of us who've opened our eyes to the folly of the book of Jewish (and Christian) fables (i.e. the Bible).

Anonymous said...


<<< Of course, Jillian, in your deliberately distorted description of God >>>

Anti Atheist, you mean your "deliberately distorted description" of god. The one who you have been brainwashed to believe in who does not exist in real life.

<<< One thing I know...I will will never submit to atheist rule. >>>

Instead, you will continue to submit yourself to a "Invisible Mythical God", and enslave yourself to his rule, and never learn how to open your mind and be a free thinker. You will never learn how to succeed on your own merits without your spirtiual crutch.

Glad I no longer submit to the rule of a mythical God and other christians anymore.

It's so nice to be able to think for one self, and to be able to start having victories in life again.

I also want to thank you Anti-Atheist for taking the time to come on here and read all of these posts and testimonies. You may not realize it, but you are seeking the truth.

If you were so confident in what you believe in, and if you were so confident that we are the ones who are wrong, then you wouldn't be coming on here reading these posts and testimonies.

Most other christians that I use to be associated with would not go nowhere near a website such as this. They've been taught to stay away from Anti-Christian stuff.

Even though a lot of christians make fools of themselves on here most of the time, it's still a bit flattering to know that you and other christians find it important to take the time to read what is on here.

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