You may ask why I started my testimonial as if I were at my first AA meeting. It is simple. I see religion like any other addiction.
Things are going shitty in your life, you tend to turn to something external. In my case, I turned to Christianity. Like all other addictions though, it makes your logical thought fuzzy, divides and causes hassles and rifts in your family, and you reason with yourself constantly, that it is actually doing you some good, despite the fact you don't actually like who you are on this "drug" of choice; you think it makes you feel better about yourself and who you are, when in reality you just lose all of who you are and become a fake individual, living in a synthetic, "Stepford wives" kind of pseudo reality.
I lived the bliss of ignorance for near 2 decades. Believed what the pastor told me, believed the Ark story, believed the immaculate conception of Jesus... or was it the Davidic bloodline one??... oh well... even though they contradicted themselves it didn't matter, believed that if I dared to ask any questions, that "it's gods will" or "god works in mysterious ways" was a viable enough response, which sadly at the time, made sense because I needed it to!
The ironic thing is though, in my quest to please god, I started reading the Bible! ACTUALLY READING IT! Seems that this is the biggest mistake a devout Christian can make: actually reading it, rather than relying only on the carefully chosen sermons of the day provided by the resident brainwasher/pastor, or those chosen for the perky Bible studies class, where you can "glow and grow" in the love of Christ! lol
Well, I read and I learned, I cross referenced and read some more. I even asked the pastor as to my many new questions, but it was obvious by his replies that HE had never actually READ the Bible, but instead just went with the fodder he was feeding the parishioners , week to week as well! I could go on and on and on as to my now ex-xian status, however when it comes down to it, it is this simple quote that put my non-belief into perspective.
“Love is always patient and kind; it is never jealous, love is never boastful or conceited; it is never rude or selfish; it does not take offense, and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people’s sins but delights in the truth; it is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes. Love does not come to an end.”
If you read the bible, god is impatient and jealous and boastful and conceited and rude and selfish, he takes offense and is resentful, he takes pleasure in peoples' sins and constantly changes 'His' mind as to what truth is or isn't, doesn't like excuses, trusts no one and his claimed love is purely conditional, based on fear and wrath.
God is the contradiction of what love is supposed to be... so therefore... see ya God... it's been totally UNreal!
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