I was a pastoral worker

Sent in by Alan

Back in 1993 I was a pastoral worker in a church overseas. My then wife and I decided that we should return to the UK. The day after we returned she left me. I have not seen her since. As I was in my home town I looked for support from the church I had previously attended there. When none was forthcoming I looked to other churches and found none there either.

This situation continued until February '94. During this time I started to analyze my Christian experience. The more I looked the more I realised that the I could not truthfully quote one instance when one of the promises of the gospel had happened directly to me. I decided then to clear my life of things that where holding me back. Part of this excess baggage was Christianity. Appropriately enough this was on the 24th February. 10 years to the day since my "conversion".

Of course the reaction of the Christians I knew at that time was that I had become the Devil incarnate. Really I didn't feel any different, but I had a lot more free time to myself! Having left Christianity I had effectively divested myself of all my "friends" and some of my family.

Since then I have met no ex Christians, I have not heard expressed by anyone the problems I have encountered. What a relief it has been to find your web site today. Having experienced much of the hurt and problems of leaving my faith behind, I have, several times, in recent years tried to rekindle it. My most recent experience has only highlighted that Christianity does not seem to work for me.

I find myself uninterested in Bible contradictions etc. What my question has always been, “What return will I see on the investment I make?” I am not even bothered if the return is to the benefit of others not me. There should be some demonstrable return.

If I donate £10 to a charity because I believe the charity is doing some good then the charity is £10 better off. If I donate £10 because I am a Christian then the charity is £10 better off. What has the Christianity added?

The church I have most recently has deliberately started a clique within itself. For those people who give £15 000 pa above "normal tithes and offerings". Every week they go on and on wanting more money but when I was almost homeless their help was minimal to say the least.

If something is not working I may try to fix it before throwing it away. I'm not up to fixing Christianity, so I'm outta there. For the first time in 13 years I am finding that I'm not alone in this. Thank you.



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