God is dead, or a liar

Sent in by Mike R

This is the conclusion that I have come to after thirty some odd years of Christianity. To understand the “why” I offer my testimony.

I became a Christian at the tender age of 11. My father had just become a Christian, and so naturally he taught me about Jesus, hell, and Gods gift of eternal life. Being a child I just knew that I wanted to go to heaven, so I prayed the prayer. I accepted Jesus and starting my life as a Christian.

I took all of this teaching to heart. I often went to bed early so that I could read my bible. I loved to read the four gospels. In my mind, these were the actual words of Jesus, so that is what I wanted to read. Nightly I would read and pray until sleep came upon me.

However, as I grew into my teens I was starting to become depressed. Why? It seams my dad could not stay put in any one place. So my family moved every summer. Often because we did not have much money we would end up stranded and living in the car. I can remember going two or three days without food. This was a yearly occurrence. When school time began to approach my father and mother would apply for welfare so that we could get a place for the winter. Often toward the end of the month we went hunger, as welfare did not cover enough to last a full month. It was during these years that depression started to grow.

Luckily I finally reached the age of 18. The first thing I did was joining the Navy. I was so excited. I was going to get great training and see the world. Also, I was going to get free of the poverty and living in the car. Even while I was waiting to get into the Navy, we were living in the car-yet again.

It was at this point in my life when the heaviest blow came to me. One morning was we struck head one by a drunk driver. This left me in a wheelchair for the rest of my life. For the first time in my life I had something good happening, and BAM, I was now a cripple. This was an emotional blow to me. I felt that I was just crapped on. All my life I heard that if you was a Christian and tried to live for Christ you did not have to worry about such things happening. God will protect you. Thanks for being a liar Pat Robertson!

The funny thing about Christians, they always turn events around to try and make you think that it was a good thing for you. I am laying in bed, tubes running out of every hole in my body (and they made a few more too) facing a life in a wheelchair at 18 and these Christians are telling me God loves me. How absurd. I tried to follow him and this was my reward. Of course they sad you cannot blame God, it was the devil. Interesting how God is powerless when the devil is around. Excuses, upon excuses. This is contrary to what I had been taught about being a Christian.

After I got out of the hospital, and adjusted a little, I continued to try and seek God. After all I was hurting like you could not believe. I felt that my life was over. Many nights I cried to God out of the blackness. There was no comfort. There was no healing. There was no help to end the tears in the darkest hour of night. I begged God night after night to let me die if He was not going to help. Still the Christians kept saying, with that false piety, God loves you. Made me sick. At night when I was alone with my emotional pain, crying and pleading- He was nowhere, just a deaf ear. The depths of my depression and broken heart were so great that words fail me now. All those promises that I read about Christ being there, comforting us in time of need, what a perverse lie.

This continued on for twenty years. I would give up on God because that help never came. Then a few years later I would come back because I was so desperate for help. Still there was no answer to the tearful pleas. No comfort from God, no healing of the deep depression. Nothing.

This last year is when I decided to come out of the closet to be an atheist. Christ failed me! All my life I wanted to serve him and be a faithful servant. Even still no help came from above.

Now in my life I am still on disability and cannot work because of various health issues. I tried to tithe because that is supposed to bring blessing. It did not it only brought more hardships to me. Again, more Goddamn lies.

Funny thing, now that I am not trying to serve God I am so much happier. I believe that science is the cure for mankind’s ills-not Christ. It is funny; Christians say that if I reject Christ I am going to hell. Funny, he was never there, but it is my fault.

Now I am thinking of trying to become a writer. I want to do something to help my situation and build a life for myself. So if anyone reading this is a writer and could be my mentor, I will sure be grateful.

Does anyone think that a book dealing with my experiences ,and God's failure on his promises, be of any interest?

Thank you for this site and a place to talk to others who have gone through such things themselves.

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24 comments:

Carl Kaun said...

That's a pretty crappy route to unbelief, and I wish I could do something to make it better. I can't, of course, except to offer you my best wishes for the rest of your life.

Reality is what it is, and your situation is pretty good evidence that there is not a personal God who will help us, even when we deserve that help.

I am not a writer, but I do wish you the best of luck in finding a mentor to help you tell the stories you have within you.

Truthbound said...

Ditto here, I am sorry to hear of your troubles. I’m not a writer either but aspire to become one like yourself. One suggestion, though, is that you continue to post of your experience here and elsewhere on the web. Like me, you and so many others, this is where people turn when they are searching for answers to the questions that religion fails to answer. I do believe that our experiences are beneficial in that way. Good luck to you and your dreams! I look forward to reading your work in the future.

mike said...

Thanks all for your kind support. I appreciate it. That is what I hope to be, someone who can encourage others through their pain.

Thanks for your input too.

Anonymous said...

Dude,

Christians told you to blame the devil and yourself. It sounds like you want to blame the God you now don't believe in. Did you ever think about blaming the idiot behind the wheel? Who knows what it takes to be happy in life, but if you think not having the burden of God in your mind is the trick, the go for it.

Moonpearl said...

Of course, all your Christian friends with their great "piety" were just following the example of Job's friends in the Book of Job. At least that part of the story is all too accurate! Best of luck to you from here on out - especially with the writing idea.

mike said...

Anonymous,

In reality I dont blame "god" for the accident.I might as well blame the tooth fairy. The point of the article was to refute all the "promises" that christians always make about god "being there" in the time of need.

However, if a person could have prevented, say a murder of their child, and they did not, would they not be just as guilty or close to it, of that childs death? In the same way god would be quilty.

It is amazing how christains always say god did not do it, the devil did. God always seams powerless when the devil is active. You see it is always excuses with christians and no logic at all.

mike said...

Hi all!

I'm Mike's wife. What I've seen when we first were married, is a man who earnestly, completely, and whole-heartedly cried out to god and searched for him relentlessly. All I witnessed is heartbreak. When you watch someone you love in so much anguish and there is nothing you can do to ease their pain, this too will turn you away from god. I felt like that if he really cared about my husband, he would at least help him with the complications of being in a wheelchair. I don't think that was asking a lot. So to me, god either doesn't care or doesn't exist.

Chris said...

Hi Mike and Mike's wife,

I'm very sorry to hear what's happened to you. Stories like this, however strange it may seem, do help to change the world. You've made it known to the world how painful it is to be duped into a false hope. Beyond that you've revealed that you were tricked into financially contributing to the people who delivered that false hope. Just getting the word out makes a huge difference. Christianity is getting uglier and uglier with each revealing truth that comes out about it.

It's very honorable that you had planned on joining the Navy. It sounds like we really could use good men like you in the military. I am considering joining the Army. You can rest assured that if I do, you will be in the back of my mind, driving me to be the best I can be. When I remember your story I will not be able to take for granted the abilities and freedoms that I have.

Fed Up With Christians said...

Hi Mike,

I'm not a writer either unfortunately, however I have thought about writing a book that exposes the faulty lies of Christianity.

I can't imagine the pain you have had to endure, however I know where you're coming from about God failing you.

I was lied to and deceived by all these dip shit asshole preachers about how God was this and that, and how he was so wonderful only to be let down in the end. They also used their precious Bible to claim these truths and they turned out to be nothing but lies.

I too have heard that same lame brain excuse "God didn't do it, the devil did it". I always tell those same idiots that God had the power to intervene but he didn't, and that it seems that God and Satan are the same individual or they are partners in crime.

If the devil is doing all this evil and if god is standing by allowing it to happen, then god is also guilty of the crime.

EXAMPLE:

The devil robs a bank and god is driving the get away car.

Then of course christians like to use another one of their lame excuses that we live in a fallen world. Even though we didn't live back then and we didn't commit the crime of eating the fruit from the tree, we are all guilty somehow.

Once again why in the hell did god allow satan into the garden of eden? It seems we were never meant to have a perfect paradise and that god set us up to fall. That is if he even existed in the first place.

Christianity is all a bunch of pure B.S. and it just kills me that hundreds of people out there continue to defend such an insane belief. I now see Christianity for the cult that it really is.

Best Wishes.

PerryStL said...

You may already be aware of this site... If not, give it a look...

http://whydoesgodhateamputees.com/

Andrea said...

Fed Up,
I also hate all that "fallen world" crap! It's like they're not even listening to the stupidity they spout off.

Mike & Mike's wife,
I'm so sorry to hear about the accident. Such an unfortunate way to reach the conclusions about chritianity that many of us did without actual injury. Also shows that God doesn't much care if you're in a wheelchair or not, doesn't it? What a way to show that he "still answers prayer."

I'm not a writer either, but I agree that you need to share your story with others. The sharing will be therapeutic for you if nothing else.

Astreja said...

Hi, Mike and Mike's wife. I'm sorry for the pain you've experienced. May you always find the strength, love and courage you need to see you through the days ahead.

As for the writing -- I'm not a pro (yet!) but I think that you do have a story worth writing. My suggestion is that you try something similar to the annual NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) methodology: Just start writing down your story, a little bit every day, and don't worry at all about editing until you've finished the first rough draft. Let your thoughts wander and recapture the spirit of your day-to-day experiences, and the story will tell itself.

Spirula said...

Mike,

I wish you the best in your infirmed state. I have no idea what daily life is like for you but I'm sure it must be very frustrating at times. You are lucky to have a spouse who is so supportive. (If you read this sight often you will read about the frustration of some of the members here who have "believing" spouses...difficult situation for some of them). Despite your ordeal you did rid yourself of an additional infirmity; belief in an abusive diety and trust in his minions.

My only published writing has been in scientific journals (with multiple authors), so I would never consider myself a writer. However, I do think you may want to start a blog where you can get feed-back on your writing from a number of individuals. It might be a good start and an opportunity to test the waters.

Pull The Other One! said...

It seems to me that you want to write that book Mike.

Looks like you'd better write it!

mike said...

Hello Everyone,

Thanks so much for your encouraging words and advice. I have gotten more support here then from my last church since I left!

Thanks for all the ideas also. I am very grateful to you all. I think it is time for folks like us to speak out about how god has let us down in various ways.

Thanks all. Mike

Anonymous said...

Sad story man, but glad to see you snapped out of the lie (God) and you got your motivation back in shape.

Best wishes for your life, and I hope you can achieve your goals. Greetings from Portugal.

jfraysse said...

Hey Mike and Your Most Excellent Lady:

Your story is horrible and makes me so very grateful that I have not had the same experience. Your writing does express your anguish and experience well, so I would encourage you to pursue your dream, as there are many out there that can relate.

Having someone that Loves you is VERY important and it seems you have this. Wonderful! You are lucky, at least in this regard. I also perceive that you have a strong character – one that does not easily give up! So writing about how you and your wife have been more or less successful at overcoming the challenges of being confined to a wheelchair would probably be of great interest to others and might even be therapeutic to you as well. In everything, you must realize that your life matters (even without god) because you matter to others, others matter to you and you matter to you! Do what you can to improve the human condition, especially for those who are struggling with similar challenges.

By the way, I’m sure some Christians might have preached the “Prosperity/Protection Gospel” to you but if you read about the Biblical “Men of God” for yourself you might find the examples very disturbing. “God” is apparently very selective about who is protected and when they receive his grace, even concerning his best subjects. Almost all of the OT prophets were ultimately murdered by the very people they were sent to “help”. The same is true of Jesus, Jesus’ disciples (Paul included) and millions of Christians that followed “The Way” for centuries after the time of Christ. It seems that god protects both his prophets and his “commoners” when he has something for them to do and then looks the other way, allowing them to be whacked via sundry barbaric methods (for his glory?). With a similar line of “reasoning”, Joni Eareckson Tada (www.joniandfriends.org) believes god allowed her to be crippled for “his higher purpose” as a witness to the world and especially handicapped people. The inaptness of her god, I’m sure, is very troubling to you because it is so familiar, but I personally find her “never give up attitude” both inspiring and crucial to success in life. We should never allow the negative aspects of our past to define our future!

Enough said. I would like to wish you and your wife all the best that life has to offer! Good Luck in all that you do and wherever you go! Oh, and Welcome!

Grace & Peace, John

Neilmarr said...

Hello there Mike:

I've been a pro writer for forty-odd years and am currently a fiction editor with a small independent press in Europe.

You have three things going for you; you can string words together well, you have something to get off your chest ... and you have terrific backup in your wife. That support and encouragement is possibly your greatest asset.

Asticja above suggested NaNoWriMo. It's a good scheme, fine practice and there's some peer support as you progress through the years toward a word-count target. It's also darned hard work and you must stick to a pretty hefty schedule to get through.

My own suggestion would be to start with a local *live* writers' group. If there's not one handy, join one or two online circles. The better sites can be tremendously effective. And the best are free or cost a nominal ten bucks a year or so toward expenses (never part with any more than loose change as you develop -- paid-for schemes are far too often rip-offs).

A word of warning, though: it's a tough old business as I'd advise you to approach it as something you feel compelled to do or would get pleasure from rather than a potential source of significant income. Very few get to that stage and, if that's a major consideration, you might be in for more heartache that you don't deserve and could well do without.

One thing I can promise -- writing about a problem is a heck of a lot more successful in terms of therapy than prayer. There's always some form of return.

Very best wishes & good luck. Neil Marr (France)

PS: There's one writing contest that just crossed my mind (free) at www.toowrite.com. It's UK-based but open to writers anywhere in the world. They're looking for true life stories in, I think, under 2,000 words. You could handle that. First prize is $2,000 and all entries are carried on site and constructive comment's invited. Feedback is as valuable as a prize at your stage of the game. N

mike said...

Hello Neilmarr,\

Thanks for all the great advice. I appreciate your comments and encouragement. I will check out that website. Thanks again.


Hell jfraysseo,

I appreciate your comments also, very good. I do have a great gal. I never thought that would happen for many years. It is funny thing what someone can accomplish once the mind is over the fear.


Thanks again all.

Mike

Valerie said...

Hi Mike -

I've been doing some writing in this space for a couple of years and would be happy to share my experiences with you. You can reach me at VT at valerieTarico dot com.

Anonymous said...

ok listen here mate, god does luv you and firstly its not the failure of god and its not his fault, its the drivers fault, its so easy to blame god. yes the devil does do stuff to us that makes us fall but god is always there he might not heal us and me might never feel his touch but he is always there, he might of been testin you to see if you was for real god doesnt just work like that he needs to see your real but your alive today right well then god was there for you if he wasnt you'd be dead ok im out much luv to you all and i hope yall find christ

Astreja said...

No, Anonymous, *you* listen.

Did you not read Mike's testimony? I mean, really read it and think about it? Your god was asked for help. Your god didn't bother to show up, most likely because it never existed in the first place.

So you think that this was all a "test"? Think again, buddy. Why would an all-powerful and supposedly all-knowing being need to test anyone? And why would a supposedly loving god allow "the devil" to abuse people?

My answer: There is *no* all-powerful, all-knowing and all-loving being out there. There may or may not be gods, but the supergod of the Bible is not one of them. "The devil" is simply the false hope of religion, and the hardship and suffering that it causes in human lives.

May you come to understand these things, that one day you, too may abandon your religion for a genuine life in the real world.

Anonymous said...

HEY PAL YOU AND ME THINK THE SAME WAY.!

Luke said...

Hi Mike

You wrote: "This continued on for twenty years. I would give up on God because that help never came. Then a few years later I would come back because I was so desperate for help. Still there was no answer to the tearful pleas. No comfort from God, no healing of the deep depression. Nothing."

I'm pretty cut about your story, and I can see how someone could move from what you did believe to what you now do.

I would like to ask though:
What help were you after? What comfort and healing? I ask these things not because I doubt your ernesty in asking, but because there are many Christians who too must suffer with lifelong disabilities and mental illnesses, and whose sincere prayers seemingly go unanswered - and yet maintain their faith because they believe that God is God and, as Jesus prayed "Your will be done."

It's fair to say that many, many people of many faiths must struggle with burdens as you have shared.

You also wrote: "
The funny thing about Christians, they always turn events around to try and make you think that it was a good thing for you. I am laying in bed, tubes running out of every hole in my body (and they made a few more too) facing a life in a wheelchair at 18 and these Christians are telling me God loves me. How absurd. I tried to follow him and this was my reward. Of course they sad you cannot blame God, it was the devil. Interesting how God is powerless when the devil is around. Excuses, upon excuses. This is contrary to what I had been taught about being a Christian."

Far out! There's no way anyone has the right to turn this terrible situation into a "good thing". It is a tragedy, & that Christian friends of yours would lack empathy is terrible - and really, not biblical. Jesus reached out and LOVED to hang with (& even heal) the down and out. Is it your assessment that God should have prevented your accident (and, to be fair then, every tragic occurence throughout history)? I think it's wrong for your friends to have sat there and blamed the devil (because I can imagine that would have sounded like a copout), they should have just supported and loved and listened to you. False piety is rubbish I agree. Did you move from this straight to the idea that God isn't in control?

I'm not quite there in my pondering God, but I'd re-examine everything you've been told & see if it matches up with what the Bible actually says. This Pat Robertson doesn't know what he's talking about, Christ never claimed an easy life. Look at his own.

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