the end of my life

sent in by Onanite

Well ..... Things have come a long way since BIOLA. I posted a testimony here a few months ago. I knew I had cancer then, but did not mention it. Things have kind of gone downhill since then.

Today is a really bad day, lots of pain, even though I am on the best pain meds. Science can only do so much. I am still at home, where I want to be. I do not want to die in a hospital or hospice. My partner has agreed, he is wonderful.

I read this site everyday, I love it. My reality is that there is no God, maybe I will find out differently soon. I know one thing for sure, if there is a god, it has to be better than all I know about love.

You see, for me non-existence is like a deep sleep, nothing to fear. Just the end of all reality. There is no pain, there is just nothingness. Nothing to be afraid of.

I cannot say that I am not afraid of dying, I am. But I know that it could not be worse than what I feel right now.


Beverly Hills
Joined: I was a youngster
Left: Late teens
Was: Christian and Misionary Alliance - BIOLA University
Now: Atheist
Converted because: Family
De-converted because: Reality

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