the end of my life
sent in by Onanite
Well ..... Things have come a long way since BIOLA. I posted a testimony here a few months ago. I knew I had cancer then, but did not mention it. Things have kind of gone downhill since then.
Today is a really bad day, lots of pain, even though I am on the best pain meds. Science can only do so much. I am still at home, where I want to be. I do not want to die in a hospital or hospice. My partner has agreed, he is wonderful.
I read this site everyday, I love it. My reality is that there is no God, maybe I will find out differently soon. I know one thing for sure, if there is a god, it has to be better than all I know about love.
You see, for me non-existence is like a deep sleep, nothing to fear. Just the end of all reality. There is no pain, there is just nothingness. Nothing to be afraid of.
I cannot say that I am not afraid of dying, I am. But I know that it could not be worse than what I feel right now.
Onanite
Beverly Hills
CA
USA
Joined: I was a youngster
Left: Late teens
Was: Christian and Misionary Alliance - BIOLA University
Now: Atheist
Converted because: Family
De-converted because: Reality
Well ..... Things have come a long way since BIOLA. I posted a testimony here a few months ago. I knew I had cancer then, but did not mention it. Things have kind of gone downhill since then.
Today is a really bad day, lots of pain, even though I am on the best pain meds. Science can only do so much. I am still at home, where I want to be. I do not want to die in a hospital or hospice. My partner has agreed, he is wonderful.
I read this site everyday, I love it. My reality is that there is no God, maybe I will find out differently soon. I know one thing for sure, if there is a god, it has to be better than all I know about love.
You see, for me non-existence is like a deep sleep, nothing to fear. Just the end of all reality. There is no pain, there is just nothingness. Nothing to be afraid of.
I cannot say that I am not afraid of dying, I am. But I know that it could not be worse than what I feel right now.
Onanite
Beverly Hills
CA
USA
Joined: I was a youngster
Left: Late teens
Was: Christian and Misionary Alliance - BIOLA University
Now: Atheist
Converted because: Family
De-converted because: Reality
Comments
Sean
Enjoy your peaceful journey into the freedom that you've never known, my friend. :-(
This is the type of post that leaves a person silent, with nothing to say back.
I don't have very much to say to you. I just sit here in owe of your courage. Your courage to have left a belief system that hurt you beyond description. The courage to live the life you wanted to live under your own terms.
I feel lucky to have crossed your path, to have read your posts, to have shared this forum with you.
Peace to you,
Lorena
Peace, man.
Thanks for sharing so much of your time and so many of your observations with us. You will ever be a part of all of us.
Add me to the list of those who have admired your words on this forum. I hope you know that because you have opened your life up to share your personal experiences with others here, you have enlightened many a cyber friends. May you find serenity and strength to help you through this time and to put your mind at ease.
We all shine on! Like the moon, the stars, and the sun.
Love lives on.
I wish you peace at this end to your pain and suffering. Be happy that you have touched all of us and that we were proud to have you as part of our community.
We will miss you.
Steve
Smile, my friend, and find some peace.
What emptycan is spouting, however, is anti- semitic propaganda.
Pure horse manure.
May you find ultimate peace, devoid of any need to be more or less, than the beautiful person you are.
It is a pleasure to "know" you. Your post are insightful, intelligent and logical.
Wishing you all the best!
Rudy Cox
A young freind of mine (church going believer, but still an excellent young man with possibilities unlimited except by himself) spoke to me a couple weeks ago, said it just dawned on him that he was going to die someday. Disturbed him greatly, wanted to know how I coped. I have directed him to this entry, and with the other things I told him, I hope this helps him.
From me to you, peace.
Best Brian
Just to let you all know, my doctor will fit me with a morphine pump tomorrow. He says it should help. Cool.
Thanks again everyone
Some of these posts probably aren't helping you. I'd like to try.
I want you to know that what you did was good, throwing off the shackles of Christianity. Yahweh was only one of the gods worshipped on a very small chunk of land thousands of miles from here and thousands of years ago. Jesus claimed to be this same god, in the flesh, and very few believed him. Some of those who did believe him said he came back to life. The empty tomb story never made sense. Solomon was probably right that the dead know nothing.
Solomon didn't seem particularly afraid of death, just kinda bummed out about the inevitable prospect and the finality of it.
The worst thing about death is that people who love you won't have you any more, and you won't be able to enjoy them any more. Love is the highest value. The rest is just stuff. ("Here, you can have my wallet. But please don't shoot me. I have kids at home.")
Well, I'm new to this post, but it looks like you have friends who will miss you. It's sad that you'll be missed. I hope it also comforts you to know that you'll be missed because you've done good and others value you.
Susan Bury, in a recent Skeptical Inquirer article said, ". . . our best approach to life [and death] may be humility before the staggering complexity of what surrounds us and gratitude for everything we have." I think there are many people who are grateful they have you and will always be grateful for your memory.
I wish you the best.
Peace.
Take care.
1) I was very close to my cousin, he was like my best friend. So in the reading John Edwards mentioned my name Brian to the tee, saying that my cousin wants to tell me that he is ok. Now, for him to get my name correctly out of my entire family, which is pretty big family is amazing, especialy when my aunt and uncle lived in NY and I lived in Florida.
2) He also mentioned the name of another cousin, that my cousin was close to on his mother's side. Which I never meet, To tell her that he was ok.
3) Also, at the time i was going through a rough depression, i even wanted to kill myself, so I was committed to a hospital for depression, Now...think about this one...this is another "he couldnt have possibly known this", in the hospital, i was so depressed and frustrated, so i threw a chair. Keep in mind... I'm in Florida and they were in NY, John Edwards mentioned that my cousin told John about a chair being thrown and to tell BRIAN that dont worry because everything is going to be ok.
4) Another thing was, my aunt and uncle put into my cousins coffin his favorate baseball cards, now keep in mind there was absolutely nobody around when they did this, and the funeral was a closed casket because my cousin was pretty banged up from the accident, so nobody knew that they put the cards in, plus they didnt do it until the funeral was over and they didnt tell anyone either. John Edwards said that Micheal (my cousin) thanks them from putting his favorate baseball cards with him.
Now..there was a lot more that I can share. which my aunt and uncle had recorded.
But think about this, from everyone and all my cousins in the family, he mentioned Micheal's to close ones, myself and the one from his mothers side, he mentioned the baseball cards which nobody was around to document it, he mentioned about me throwing a chair and being depressed, plus I was in Florida and they were in NY, which i was depressed before my cousin was killed, of course that didnt help.
The details, are the details that only one would know if they were there, now either John Edwards is either the best guesser for accuracy or he really is talking to the dead. Either way that's pretty dam gifted. You can make your own conclusion, but for me and my family, my cousin is still alive and around us all the time.
My aunt and unlce also went to another psychic, this Tuesday April 11th, 14th year my cousin died, I dont think it was John Edwards, another amazing reading. I can tell you that one if you want me too.
take care, Brian
I am so sorry to hear that. I wish you a peaceful journey, wherever it may lead. Take care.
I don't know what to say, except goodbye.
Your Pal,
Farris
enjoyed your comments.The people
on this site are awesume, and your
situation has brought them out of the woodwork! Thank you for your courage and support as we send back to you our love. Peace to you and all those who love you.
Too often we comfort others because they have lost someone, it is rare that we are able to wish someone well on their journey into the unknown.
May you find peace, and at the very least, live on in the hearts and minds of those who love you.
It's been good to know you.
See you in space.
I watched a special on 48 hours or 60 minutes...don't remember which one exactly. The subject of the news show was about questioning the validity of those who claim to have psychic powers.
These people get paid to tell lies and make educated guesses. As J.E. and others point to a section of the audience and says..."I am getting a name that begins with a B." Well, probability tells you that names beginning with B are common enough to have someone in that audience to whom it applies.
But this show went even further.
Private investigators actually infiltrated the J.E. show and caught their scheme on tape. They also found an inside whistleblower that was willing to talk about and expose the truth behind the John Edwards Crossing Over show.
Certain staff members of his show were being implanted in the studio seats amongst the audience before the show actually began. They were fishing for information, as the incognito staff members pretended to be just another guest as they would talk like they were there for the same reasons. They would ask common questions from those unsuspecting members in the audience that were seated around them. Many times, they did not even have to do that because people were just talking openly about their anticipated "reading" and the pain caused by the passing of their loved ones.
Meanwhile, their microphones transmitted those personal conversations taking place between the shows "spies" and several other participants.
Relative and specific information about people and their deceased loved ones were always inadvertently revealed as they sat in the studio sharing stories amongst themselves about whom they would like to "hear from".
The information then guided the content of the show via the producer and John Edwards back stage.
It was a set up and he got busted.
That is why he is no longer being broadcasted on cable or primetime. He was and is an absolute fraud.
Sorry to tell you that, but it pisses me off when folks like him use other peoples emotions for their own personal financial gains, especially because it uses the deaths of loved ones.
It is all too typical of the entire religious plot to convince the billions of gullible people in our world that they are more special for pretending to be connecting to a supernatural being while at the same time, it disconnects them from their own natural identity as a regular member of the human race.
This thread is not the place for this discussion...but I feel it should be publicly corrected as it relates to a prior posting from Brian. I think everyone should know the bitter truth about this trifling scam.