The kitten and the carnivore convention

sent in by Richard

Let me be honest and up front with you: Christianity is bullshit. I am going to tell you a story, my story about my life as a Christian and why I left. I cannot, with a clear conscience, sit here and do a partial truth because I am afraid that I step on someone's toes. I owe it to myself and all others wondering to be honest.

I accepted Christ as a young man with an extreme fear of dying and going to hell for the sins I had committed. I was only nine and was raised my whole life in church. I was taught that Jesus is not just a religion, but a lifestyle that must be lived and abided by every second of every day. As the years went on I tried, out of a sincere compassion for people, to be as involved in ministry as a "good Christian" can be. I joined AWANA in high school and taught a group of young kids on Sunday nights. I provided hospital visitation to the youth department . I cleaned the church on weekdays, attended Wednesday night services, and was present every Sunday for all day at the church. I was an usher and an errand boy and did my best to become more involved every day in what gods will would be for my life and the church. Then the revelation hit me: What if it all was bullshit? What if everything I was doing was simply pleasing the man behind the pulpit and had nothing at all to do with god?

It all started when I was around fourteen years of age. The man who took over as pastor for our youth department was none other than the early twenties-something son of the head pastor and not a week out of the Marine Corp. By his actions he was hardly what it typically defined as a godly man but was sucked up to because of who his daddy was. In a strange turn of events the pastor's other son took over the music ministry without a spec of musical knowledge. I started wondering why the pastors sons would be appointed pastors themselves when they had none of the qualities that are required to become a pastor. As I got to thinking about the issue more I realized how much of an idiot I was for not picking up on this sooner. It turns out that seven out of the twelve pastors at the church I attended were related. The other five were best friends with another appointed pastor. I could not believe the connection . I started looking more into who my pastor was and why i had even trusted him. I recorded his messages for about twelve weeks and listened to them. The one thing funny that I noticed was that they were all connected, in one way or another, to giving to the church or submitting to it. It seems the pastor was very obsessed with either getting your checkbook or your service and not much else.

The real kicker was when I went on vacation for two weeks when I was fifteen. I came back after a two week cross country trip to find out that my new youth pastor was waiting to spiel with me. He came over to my house to tell me that because I was a no show for two weeks at church without their knowledge of my activities I was going to have to step down from my ministries. Ironically, he spent four years away from the church in perhaps the most non-Christian branch of the military, but we just don't talk about that. I explained I was on vacation and did not feel that I needed to tell the whole church where I was going. He told my reaction was a definite indicator of my heart attitude and unless I changed immediately I would have to step down completely. I was sixteen and, out of partial pressure from my parents I submitted and apologized to my youth pastor and assured him it would not happen again. Then i noticed that some of the pastors children, my own youth department classmates, were leaving for a month at a time and everything was fine. Nothing would be said to them because of their status.

When I was seventeen my father became severely depressed and quit going to church. For three years my mother has been going to the pastors of the church begging them for help. Asking that someone go and visit my father to make him feel like someone other than his kids and wife care about him. Just one person. For three years she has been promised that someone will show up to visit with my dad and show him the "love of god". Needless to say no one ever showed up.

I quit church altogether when I was eighteen and able to move away from my fanatical parents roof. I quit being a Christian two years ago. It is not that I do not believe in a god. It is that I no longer believe in people. I look at Christianity for what it is and frankly there is not much there. There is a god who sent his son to die on the cross for our sins, go to hell for us, and then rise again three days later; However, somewhere in all the action we somehow forgot to let any reputable person know about it, so that is why it isn't in a history book. Somehow it slipped the radar of the Romans, who consequently were the best record keepers of their day. A man beat death and no one knows about it? do you see where I am going with this?

I find it hard to believe that a god would come to earth and go through all that trouble and fail to make it abundantly clear that it happened. Many Christians say that that is where faith comes in to play. I wonder if they ever stop and consider that when you have faith in something you must first be able to prove that it exists in order to believe that it is going to do what it says.

This is the tip of the ice berg in the things that made me turn from Christianity. There is a lot more but I included the main points. I can sit here with a strait face and tell you that I was one of the most zealous and sincere Christians that you can be. But I never did feel god. I never saw him in a church or in someone else. I never knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt that anyone ever did. Do I believe in god? Absolutely. Who is he/she/it? You're guess is as good as mine. If he wanted us to know he would not have gone through so much trouble to make him hard to find.

I am a free man now, and not because I am "hiding my inner guilt" like the Christians teach you to think when someone denies Christ. I am a free man because I can do what I want and think for myself without the fear of retaliation from a man and a church hellbent on control. I am free to meet people now who are not of the Christian faith and accept them for who they are. I am convinced that some of the most respectable people in this world are some of the prisoners, porn stars, and homeless people. I love talking to them because they have nothing to hide and no one to impress. It is clear who they are and what they do. You will never find that kind of honesty in the religious world.

If you would like more information about any of this story, or just want to write me please feel free to email me. I thank you for reading this and wish you the best of luck and a wonderful day.


Anonymous said...


Join the croud of people whose eyes have been opened about the egocentricity of the priesthood of all organized religions, not just Christianity.

From the time that the ancient Egyptian power elite discovered that the rising of Sirius meant that the Nile would flood and kept this knowlege secret to convice the masses of their power, the priesthood of all religions have used group psychology for political power and personal gain.

As to Jesus, I'm certain he was a great reform Jew who meant well, but whose teachings have been so distorted as to become meaningless in the hands of his disciples.

Who would argue that churches, and the Catholic Church, do not benefit from controlling its masses? I'd love to be penniless, yet live in a palace and be driven in a limo to masses wanting to kiss my hand. Not! Life is much to full of other rewards for that ego trip.

xrayman said...

It's fine folks like yourself who do all the leg work so people like myself never get involved in the cult of Christianity. I find it very interesting that you never felt "God." That is the whole reason I have never bought into it. I asked for God to come into my life many times, yet never felt the love. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I would love to e-mail you, but you left no address.


Anonymous said...

Thanks Richard, good post. I spent my childhood from third grade till my teens searching for God. I never found him. I went to all my friends differant churches from Christian to Catholic and everything inbetween, including Bahai, etc. What I decided was God was a word, with a definition. I had a hard time with that definition. I did not ever hear back from God when I prayed so I decided to put my faith in my self and not submitt to the whole religion "thing". I felt it had caused more harm, seperation, and death then anything else. I decided that everything we need to know is right here, and if I die and this is all there is -- it is more then good enough. I do not fear death nor believe in Heaven or Hell. These are fear tatics used to convert people. I consider my self a Realist.


Piprus said...

Hi, Richard, thanks for sharing your story. I myself was "saved" at a very early age, but I gravitated away from fundy xianity not long thereafter, never to return.

I can well understand your disillusionment with the particular group you were involved with, and I salute you for getting yourself out of that mess. Are you still a believer in the Judeoxian god, or have you taken a broader perspective?

By the way, get ready for the canned responses from those you left behind, i.e. "you were never a christian in the first place", or "you weren't in fellowship with true christians".

Please continue to hang out with this group. You'll find a lot of support here and a wealth of interesting comments. Best wishes,


Anonymous said...

Welcome Richard,..the worst part of deconverting is the transition from cultism to nothingness.There is so little out there for us.
Please continue to be encouraged by those on this site!

Anonymous said...

It is written that in the last days
many will depart from the faith giving heed to seducing spirits and doctrine of devils and teachings of God would turn to fables. So I pray and hang on to faith and only hope in Jesus Christ because this world is passing away and the world will end at a time we think not. Example those people on 9/11 felt safe and would never thought that their lives would be snatched away in an instance. Jesus says to watch and pray for you do not know when that hour is......

Anonymous said...

Ohhh, so scared, shakin in my shoes!

Jeebus didn't say anything because he didn't exist. Anonymous, you are a fuckin idiot. Go away and find some fellow sheep to tell scary stories with.

Welcome, Richard. As Piprus said, you will hear the same old shit from fundies about not being a true xian, it is a relationship not a religion, blah, blah. Don't give them a second thought.

Regards, carol

Steven Bently said...

For the definition of God, click on my name above.

Anon said:
Jesus says to watch and pray for you do not know when that hour is......

So anyone can say, watch! for no man noeth the hour that the lord may come, when you die it's the end of the world for you regardless how you die, and no one knows how they will die, a tree could fall on you, or you could have a heart attack, or be eaten by a bear, WTF ever.

It's not like Jesus was this great rocket scientist philosopher, most everything he may have said, anyone able to speak, could have said the very same thing, does that make Jesus a man from god? Hell No!

Anonymous said...

Let me be honest and up front with you: Christianity is bullshit
Above are your words Richard. You hit the nail right on the head, Christianity is bullshit with a capital B. Want some more good honest news, God's of religion do not exist. What ever brought about creation and the beginings of life it has nothing to do with a supposed God or Gods. Check out my web page.

muttmutt1978 said...

im goign to put my two cents in. I liked most of what you had to say. However i disagree with something
you said: "I am convinced that some of the most respectable people in this world are some of the prisoners, porn stars, and homeless people." sadly most of those people you mentioned are christians. i liek honest people though.

Anonymous said...

Thanks, Richard. Great story!

Richard said...

Thanks for the support everyone, you have all been a wonderful tool and allowed me the privelage of seeing others like me.
I was wondering what an anonymous blogger would be doing chastising me for "Not being right with Jesus" and the end times when by all accounts he should be in church worshipping the very god he speaks of. Instead he is surfing the web reading about why people left Christianity. Do you really need a sign that you may not be a believer either?
Thanks again everyone for your help and I hope to hear more posts from you.



Glad to see your out of this madness we call christianity. I think one thing you'll find funny about this website is all the wonderful loving christians who come in here and threaten the rest of us with hellfire and damnation. I'm not sure if its jealousy because we had the balls to leave the cult of christianity or if its because they are truly cold confused people who are showing their true christian colors.

Hobbes/Max T. Furr said...

Hi Richard,

Great post. Free thinking is really what it's all about. Anonymous posted a very good example of the religious message of fear. I wondered, from an early age, why my fellow Christians always used the term, "fear God," and he/she "is a God fearing person." I wondered from time to time why anyone would believe that a "loving" god would create an atmosphere of fear in order to show "his" love. Made no since.

Can love flourish where fear abides? When I was a child, my own father was always there to punish by whippings, but never paid any attention to us kids any other time. Thus I feared him, but I can't say with honesty that I ever loved him. He was just this guy who beat the crap out of me when I did something bad.

My own story is in the archives, “The Renaissance of My Life,” and it’s refreshing to read how others escaped from the chains of religion into the light of free thought.

My motto: The unexamined belief is not worth believing.



Anonymous said...

To anonymous,...sure is ironic to compare 911 with the last days/rapture considering that it's fundies like you that helped 911
to happen. Man, you need to show more respect for those innocent victums/families of that horrible
day you fundementalists caused those towers to fall!!

emptycan said...

freedy said: "you fundementalists caused those towers to fall!!"

That's good point, freedy. the fundies of xinity and islam destroyed the tower with the thousands lives in them. Sometimes I worry those crazy fundies will try to destroy whole mankind for their greedy gods. The atheists, or other innocent people will suffer. It make me feel sad. We have to let them know what is wrong in their religion like the members of this site is doing. Who knows that maybe the future of our mankind is on our shoulders?

whatever said...

all i know - all i know - all i know - is that with so much evil there must be a god or evil would have destroyed us all long time ago so - what do we do?stop believing in god because christians,
so called, are full of shit? yeah, i am convinced that christians are among the most dangerous animals on this earth - but, there must be a god - i believe in him - he, is not a christian - he is god - i hurt and hurt and hurt and hurt over what "christians' have done to me - you would not believe but really, I know you would. we all want to belive - but i do not want to belive in what people think i want to belive in god as he really is. he has saved my life more than once - i do not understand but there must be a god. and, he is good...................

mq59 said...

How did Christian fundamentalists cause 9/11? I don't recall Pat Robertson in the cockpit kamikazing a building.

Upon reading the testimony, I would like to apologize on behalf of all Christians for the stupid and immoral behavior of that particular church. They're going to answer for that.

Stuff like that is why I avoid the hyper-conservative (if conservative is the right word, considering a lot of "religious right" stuff isn't Biblical) churches.

May I recommend United Methodists and/or PC-USA (although the latter at the upper levels is getting waay too liberal)?

Anonymous said...

I was refering to the lunatic fringe of fundamentalists in all religions. Literalist religions breed these people thru their dogmatic and intolerant doctrines.
"Pat Robertsonis part of that by the way."

Anonymous said...

Thanks for everyone for commenting on my post. It means a lot to me that you all care enough to continue to show your support.

I would like to make an observation for something I noticed. People always say that the way we can trust the bible to be accurate is to trust God that he gave the right people the information to properly translate the bible into the accurate word of god. Following that logic, wouldn't we then be able to say that god would also be careful enough to only place the right people as the head of churches so as not to allow them to be turned the wrong direction? if he supposedly could do it for one, why not the other? WHy do we have so much disagreement about the most basic of fundamentals of Christianity? It does not fit.
I have said that I find it impossible to not believe that there is some sort of intelligent design, even if it is in the most basic of form. Yet I cannot fathom this thing, or creator, or whatever caring that much for us yet allowing so much confusion. As Christians will say: "Actions speak louder than words". How can a man have faith in something that cannot even make its intentions cut out and clear? In order for me, for instance, to believe I can run, don't I first have to know that I have legs?
God it not the author of confusion? Then tell me who is, because if a person has to ask a scholar or doctorate of theology to understand some of the things in his so called truthful word, than he seems to be doing a good job confusing me. It is really very simple. To have faith is one thing. Yet to have faith in something that has written such a confusing, contradictory book for the whole world to "easily understand" is quite another. It is simple and pure bullshit. there is no getting around it, no ducking under it,no going above it. Would trust someone to write a will for your mother that could not get the facts right? Why then would you trust a god with a big responsibility to save you when in fact he cannot even ace the small points of his story? what makes you think he is capable of the big things? Interesting.

Anonymous said...


To have a true relationship with God you have to surrender to him. It is not about church, pastors, or elders they are all just men and sinners like us all.You have to prepare yourself one of the first things you have to do is forgive yourself, others and surrender and when you are ready for he knows your heart he will send the Holy Spirit to guide you. There is nothing we can do to earn everlasting life. It is the gift of Grace from God. The same with our faith he has given us all the same measure. It is up to us for we have be given freewill. To work out out our salvation with fear and trembling. He love us all and will do his best to correct us. Repent get his book. I read the King James and let the Holy Spirit Guide you. God himself is not a respector of men. Do not let what a few men have done rob you of your salvation. Love, Agape Shawn

Steven Bently said...

Anonymous said...

To have a true relationship with God you have to surrender to him.(surrender to god! what is he high sheriff?, so ridiculous, just parroting something you've heard)

It is not about church, pastors, or elders they are all just men and sinners like us all.You have to prepare yourself one of the first things you have to do is forgive yourself, others and surrender and when you are ready for he knows your heart he will send the Holy Spirit to guide you.
(He will send the Holy Spirit to guide you, what Holy Spirit? To Guide you! How ridiculous, just repeating something you've heard.)

There is nothing we can do to earn everlasting life.(Then why make up shit and spew you ridiculous nonsense?)

It is the gift of Grace from God.(Grace from God! More ridiculous shit that you're repeating you know nothing about any GOd.)

The same with our faith he has given us all the same measure.(Listen to your parroting bullshit!)

It is up to us for we have be given freewill.(Who made that shit up?)

To work out out our salvation with fear and trembling.(Yes we must live in constant fear and bow down to the ridiculous teachings, all bullshit.)

He love us all and will do his best to correct us.(His best? Is that all this powerful God can do? Is try?)

Repent get his book. I read the King James and let the Holy Spirit Guide you. (It's not his book, it's a man's book, and there is no Holy Spirit, you dumbass!)

God himself is not a respector of men.(No he just calls certain one's to preach!)

Do not let what a few men have done rob you of your salvation.(you never read one word that Richard wrote, you're so into your self-rightousness, judgemental bullshit, you're so full of shit)

Love, Self-righteous Idiot Agape Shawn

Read the damned testimony by Richard, fool!

Anonymous said...

I am sorry you find the truth so upsetting. Having judged me so harshly, I am sure you are ready to be judged and you will be. We have two choices life or death and it looks like you have chosen the latter. These are not things I have heard but come from a book over 2000 years old. I hope and pray that you will someday read this book at least once. As you are throwing away so many wonderful gifts that the Lord so wants you to have. Everlasting life, true joy, peace, comfort just to name a few. If you have read the Bible please correct me. Don't let fear stop you k Ben. Here are a few you might want to start with 1 John 4:16, Matt 11:27-30,1Cor 13:4-8, James 3:16-18. I have forgiven you Ben for your harsh words and will pray for the saving of your soul. Another gift, which God gave us all with his very own breath. We are made in His Image. He love's us all but hates sin. He is Soverign the Lord God Almighty!!! I hope you will at least find out who you are up against, for your sake. We are for Him or against Him there is no middle ground. Hope you will someday knock on his door.

Love Agape, Shawn

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