Gave up the guilt
sent in by Bill
It took my wife leaving me to realize this. For years, I struggled with guilt. I was not what you could call an "active" Catholic, however, my upbringing was such that to not consider myself a Catholic was wrong, and to not follow the basic tenets of the Catholic church was a sin.
When she left, I was completely devastated. I felt betrayed, and was putting my faith to the test. I thought that God would help me save my marriage. That was 25 pounds and several months of antidepressants ago. To make a long story short, she never came back, and I was left dealing with the guilt and shame of divorce, and with the idea that I couldn't be remarried in the church unless this marriage was annulled.
Annulment! The definition of that is:The invalidation of a marriage, effected by means of a declaration stating that the marriage was never valid.
To move on I would have to declare that my marriage was never real in the first place. How could I do that? It did happen, and it was very real! And for me to say that it wasn't was just ridiculous to me. It was at that point that everything came together - it was time to dump the guilt, pick myself back up, and put my life back together. I've since stopped taking the antidepressants (per my physician), excelled at my job, and put myself back on the right track. I did that by concentrating on me, right now, right here - I put aside all of the superstitious nonsense and stopped feeling guilty because "the bible says it's wrong", or "it's the doctrine of the church". I accepted divorce as a REAL THING, not a sin, and if I am lucky enough to marry again, it will be outside of any church.
My morality comes from the law and my conscience. If it hurts someone else, then it's probably not good - real simple and I don't need 10 lines to explain it.
I've heard of several people going through a traumatic experience and finding god, but I never in a million years thought I would become a (significantly) better person by finding atheism.
NY
USA
Joined at: Birth
Left at: 34
Was: Catholic
Now: Atheist
Converted because: That is what I was taught
De-converted because: What I was taught was full of contradictions
It took my wife leaving me to realize this. For years, I struggled with guilt. I was not what you could call an "active" Catholic, however, my upbringing was such that to not consider myself a Catholic was wrong, and to not follow the basic tenets of the Catholic church was a sin.
When she left, I was completely devastated. I felt betrayed, and was putting my faith to the test. I thought that God would help me save my marriage. That was 25 pounds and several months of antidepressants ago. To make a long story short, she never came back, and I was left dealing with the guilt and shame of divorce, and with the idea that I couldn't be remarried in the church unless this marriage was annulled.
Annulment! The definition of that is:The invalidation of a marriage, effected by means of a declaration stating that the marriage was never valid.
To move on I would have to declare that my marriage was never real in the first place. How could I do that? It did happen, and it was very real! And for me to say that it wasn't was just ridiculous to me. It was at that point that everything came together - it was time to dump the guilt, pick myself back up, and put my life back together. I've since stopped taking the antidepressants (per my physician), excelled at my job, and put myself back on the right track. I did that by concentrating on me, right now, right here - I put aside all of the superstitious nonsense and stopped feeling guilty because "the bible says it's wrong", or "it's the doctrine of the church". I accepted divorce as a REAL THING, not a sin, and if I am lucky enough to marry again, it will be outside of any church.
My morality comes from the law and my conscience. If it hurts someone else, then it's probably not good - real simple and I don't need 10 lines to explain it.
I've heard of several people going through a traumatic experience and finding god, but I never in a million years thought I would become a (significantly) better person by finding atheism.
NY
USA
Joined at: Birth
Left at: 34
Was: Catholic
Now: Atheist
Converted because: That is what I was taught
De-converted because: What I was taught was full of contradictions
Comments
Keep your freedom man!
"When two people are under the influence of the most violent, most
insane, most delusive, and most transient of passions, they are
required to swear that they will remain in that excited, abnormal, and exhausting condition continuously until death do them part."
- George Bernard Shaw
Anyway, welcome. ;)
Next, research now while you have an open mind and you are not blinded by your faith. I do not intend to make a flippant assumption about you, but many of us discovered the delusion thru a slow process of questioning and discovery. Your deconversion almost sounds too fast, as if you are reconciling your lost marriage by laying the blame on religion. Sadly this could mean that when your life becomes more stable you could easily slip back into your faith, your mind once again closing to all but the religious dogma.
Obviously I do not know you and I can only make my assumptions based on the information that you provided so please understand that I am not belittling your situation at all.
I'm just hoping that you seek the knowledge now while you have that open mind because once you actually see the man behind the curtain then the veil of faith cannot come back.
I would suggest this site as a starting point - http://whywontgodhealamputees.com/
Here is another with many people telling their story of deconversion - http://exchristian.net/
This is a very powerful story of a woman who wanted to refute the arguments that atheists leveled at religion, but in her research found the man behind the curtain - http://www.iidb.org/vbb/showthread.php?t=72552
And finaly, fundies DO say the darndest things (a calaberations of silly things that christians say on a DAILY basis) - http://www.fstdt.com/
After sixteen year of co-ministering with her, all we have left are four beautiful kids.all of which are agnostics now,and for that i'm grateful.
I'd..................
never marry again for its base on
Bible B.S.!
And marriage is not based on the Bible. People were getting married long before the Bible even existed.
I really do feel that my conversion (or deconversion) was a long time coming. I had been questioning things for several years. I think that it took a cataclysmic event like this to push me over the edge. However, I'm very happy with what I found over the cliff...
Thanks again for your comments.
Bill