Since my departure from "the faith"

sent in by "Freedy" Jackson

For 22yrs I was a minister/Christian songwriter & keyboardist. Over this period I wrote over 200 crappy, sappy worship & praise songs...what a waste! In the last year I've been reading a lot of books like the Jesus mysteries, which expose the truth of the Jesus myth cycle. I've come to believe the bible to be a compilation of plagiarized myths & fictional history.

Now that I'm free from that patriarchal, tyrannical serial killer and torturer "god of the bible," I can now move on to seek & study vast universe of truths about what or who god may be.

Since my departure from "the faith," my wife, a Christian school teacher, divorced me. I also lost all my friends & some of my family. There is definitely a grieving process to all of this. I also have four very smart kids, three of which do not believe. They attend a strict style Christian school where they are made to pledge the allegiance to bible and to obey every thing in it. Two of my sons refused and were harassed & threatened with expulsion... so of course they relented. I

Sure glad I found this site!... Freedy

Fort Worth
How old were you when you became a Christian? 23
How old were you when you ceased being a Christian?45
What churches or organizations or labels have applied to you? non-denominational/ charismatic
What labels, if any, would you apply to yourself now? agnostic/deist/true seeker
Why did you become a Christian? I was lost in sea of booze,drugs & sex
Why did you de-convert? I no longer could take the crazy doctrine and or people in the church, just stopped working and I woke up !
email: caseyjack3 at netscape dot com


Anonymous said...

listen just erase all religon as a way of living. just ask yourself is there a god.
it says in the bible do not boast about anything just boast that you know god. just believe in god and jesus.
don't tell me that good and evil in the world doesn't exist that's it's just apart of your imagination.
I'm talking about where your going to spend eternity heaven or hell. this is serious.

sightedone said...


I am excited to be the first real person to respond to you. I am glad you found your way to this site as well because I know what help it has been to me. It has been about a year to a year and a half since I let go of my belief system. Fortunately, my wife and I are following similar paths. She still believes Jesus was real, but that he was a man the same as the rest of us. She has what she thinks of as a sort of gnostic point of view. But she is willing to admit she will never know the whole truth.

Me, on the other hand, I have taken a bit harder line against the bible. I have studied enough to see that the Jesus of the bible probably didn't exist.

I am still a bit amazed at you and others here revealing your change of beliefs to everyone in your lives. None of my family know about my 'apostacy,' but they all live in another state and don't know much of anything about my lifestyle. The church I went to seems to have gotten the word out that I am an atheist (though I still would say I am agnostic) but some of my friends from there are still connected with me - albeit differently than before. So, I am curious, has your family just found out, or did you speak to them about your change of mind and heart?

In response to what "anonymous" said, I agree that this is serious. Just not in the way he or she is saying. I wonder; this decision to leave religion, God, and Jesus in the search for truth, how important is it to the future of our world and the human race? Some teachers would seem to say that our "awakening" is what is going to bring real healing to the world. Peace, security, hope, joy, acceptance: do all these things really come from abandoning the words of so called leaders and gurus and letting go of our judgements of each other and the world? I am thinking so. I know that in my life, letting go of my judgements and assumptions about people and the world has led to all the peace and love that I always expected to come of christianity.

Thank you everyone who has contributed to this site. You have all helped me to let go of the fear put on me by the church. And Freedy, that includes you.

Welcome aboard.

Anonymous said...

I have a very similar story as told in my book "From Minister to Honest Doubter: Why I Changed My Mind."

I wouldn't say my Christian experience was a waste, but I sure as hell wished I had done something different with my life.

I have an education including three master's degrees in theology and philosophy, which means little to me in the way of getting a real job with a really good paycheck.

Plus, had it been different my children and I would not be estranged today.

Regrets? Too many to number.

I wish you well. It's quite a struggle, but I have made a new life for myself and you will too.

Without God's help.

Anonymous said...


I'm so sorry to hear that your wife divorced you. Is this not certain evidence that religion does nothing but divide people?

To "Anonymous" of 12/15/2005 7:46 AM--

If someone said to you, "Hey, just believe in Krishna, or Rama, or Allah, or Zeus, or [fill in any deity here] otherwise you will burn forever", would you be able to force yourself to believe? Just because you quote some leather-bound book with golden-edged, onion-skinned pages doesn't mean it's true. Freedy comes in here sharing his pain of losing his wife, children, family, and friends, and all you can offer in Christian comfort is the standard, drone threat ("believe or burn!")?

We must continue to labor for a world wherein the peoples of the world are instructed from childhood to love one another, not cut each other down in the name of the Invisible Magical Friend of their "Only True Religion" (TM).

I never cease to be amazed at the outright destruction that religion causes: whether in relationships, societies, or nations. It's such a shame. I know first hand; I used to be a drone who destroyed countless relationships in my zeal for Christ (whom no one alive has seen or met), his doctrine (which no one can agree on), and his church (which splits itself into new denominations every two days).

Dear Freedy-- I hope your wife can come to realize that her God is really just a figment of her desire for immortality, see how _you_ are the one who truly loves her (and for that matter, Truth), and reconcile based upon the Truth that all you have in this world is each other and your children.

My heart is deeply saddened for you.

muttmutt1978 said...

the God of the bible resembles hitler. most of the people that i know that are christian are not too intelligent. also, those that are are usually self centered arrogant jerks. if the God of the bible was the real deal id rather join satan agianst a cruel tyrant of a God. Me and a friend were *counting churches*(dont ask- its a Pagan thing) when i came across a dead squirrel. it was killed by touching a church. im not joking. and since my fiancee has been awakening my chakras i can feel the dark energies in a church! before this, i had no idea how truly evil church was. i can feel the darkness inside of a church!!! im not joking here. im dead serious!!! christianity is the true evil of the world - in south america they force poor people to convert or they starve to death:( Freedy youve made a great choice in leaving christianity most christians are bound to go to the hell they condemn others to. THEY HAVE NO IDEA THAT CHRISTIANS ARE THE ONeS THAT REALLY GO TO HELL BECAUSE THEY FEAR IT SO BADLY!!!!

Anonymous said...


It's always great to hear someone who stands by their convictions, it's a characteristic that seems increasingly harder to find. What your kids are going through really hits home with me as I spent many years in a fundamentalist Babptist school. As far as your "friends" and ex-wife, you don't need people who dessert you just because you don't fit their mold any more. You aren't the problem, they are. Sounds like you have very good kids, and that's more than a person could ever need. More than likely, they will always love you for who you are and not what superstitions you subscribe to.

muttmutt1978 said...

oh heres a nice double standard. im native american. technically christians killed my ancestors. christians want me to take the blame of their jesus death. but when i tell them they are responsible for killing my ancestors they say they were not there and had nothing to do with it yet they want me to take the blame for thier saviors death. double standards pi$$ me off

jimearl said...

Note to anonymous: If we could erase all religions and their books, there would be no knowledge of "God". Gods were invented by religous men in search of answers like where do we come from and why are we here. No god has ever written a book, not even Jesus, who may have been a man but was certainly not a god. I personally don't believe he was even a real person. Eliminate religious writings and there is not any mention of Jesus. Odd huh? Anyway, I have a lot to say to Freedy but I must do it later. Jimearl

Anonymous said...

Welcome to reality Freedy.

What is a church? It begins with a plot of land, most often donated by a citizen in the community having feelings of guilt bestowed by the rantings of religious propaganda that they have heard somewhere or are nearing death from illness. Now this particular plot of land was functioning as a natural state of nature, when all the sudden comes the bulldozers and tears down the trees and levels the ground all around and totally disrupts and destroys the natural beauty of the surrounding area. Now this church of God is being built, mostly square with a pagan monolith or steeple on top, now a preacher must be elected, or a Mini Pope lets say, now every Sunday at 9 am people come in and pretend to worship this invisible God, so where was this God before this church was built and how come a man and other men have to build a church? How come God does not supply his own church, and how does one know how large to build this church? If God can create the whole universe, how come he can't build his own church? Could it be that the whole concept of God and worship is entirely the invention of a man?

Anonymous said...


You might be interested in listeing to this show from NPR. It is an hour long interview with Bart Ehrman who has written a book called 'Misquoting Jesus.' Ehrman is an evangelical turned agnostic. He is the chairman of the religious studies department at the University of North Carolina, Chapel Hill.

Anonymous said...

Hi Freedy. Like you I did some extrensive research. I was very fortunate though, my wife studied with me. Actually we set out initally to prove that Jesus was God's son. Then the shit hit the fan so to speak. We found out that the New Testament Jesus didn't exist. We were devastated at the time but pressed on with the research. Lost all of our Christian friends in the process Today we are atheists, proud of it, and leaving Christianity turned out to be one of the greatest decisions we have ever made as a couple. It's a damn pity your kids are being brainwashed into Christianity via school education.

Anonymous said...

Jerry said."Could it be that the whole concept of God and worship is entirely the invention of a man?" Guess what Jerry. The whole concept of God, Gods and Goddesses are the workings of the mind of men who want to control others.

Buffalobilly said...

Congratulations in finding your way out. I used to be a Mormon/Christian, now I am neither and happier and more at peace than I have ever been in my life.

I have just written and produced an EP album dealing with recovery from abuse and religion. One of the songs is called "In Spite of You" and it talks about not fitting into the Mold of Christianity.

You can hear snippets of my songs at

Bravo to you and all of us who have found the courage to look at the hard issues and make courageous decisions.


Anonymous said...

Hi Freedy,
I read your testimony and had to welcome you. I haven't been posting on the site for a while, but ususally visit once a day or so to see what is going on.

I have been exchristian for about 20 years or so, but didn't find this site until June of this year. Ever since, I have been reading the comments and articles, and I have become more educated about why I couldn't buy into the myth of god and religion, and confirms that the decision I made a long time ago to leave religion was the right one. The people here are so kind and smart, and eager to help and give good tips about books and material that is interesting and informative. (except for the fundies lol) I have been helped greatly in my ability to have good confident answers to friends and family when they challenge me about being an atheist, and believe me, I am unashamed to say that I am atheist without apology or fear.

As for anonymous, I am sure with your background, you will ignore the ramblings of one who still insists on believing in an ancient superstition. Take care,

Freedy said...

To anonymous,....I'm reaching out to you like I use to do to "sinners".
I very glad you mentioned hell,for the doctrine of a fiery eternal torment is the reason I started to doubt the bible. What kind of supreme being would create such a thing as hell? Not one I would worship. Who's going there?
alot of people who commit crimes
do drugs are mentally ill,...should god hold them accountable? what about the 5 billion people in other world religions? What if you get to heaven & your parents,siblings are not there, & later your kids don't show up?.Will you go on praising the torturer of your loved ones?
Just some food for thought,
thanks to everyone of you who responded, guys are awesome!
It's a big help to know I'm not alone.

Anonymous said...

Freedy/John W Loftus
Welcome aboard it is good to see other ex-ministers here.
Freedom is sweet.
I've a story here also. ex-pentecostal preacher. Might be of interest to you.
I found this site a few months ago and love it. Have been out of the xian mess about ten years.
The regular posters here who are exian are quite knowledgeable as is evident. The bible is its own worst enemy, as those of us who have studied know.
Welcome again.

ex-pentecostal preacher

Anonymous said...

Welcome, Freedy!

Fred said it: The people here are wonderful. Very supportive and brilliant.

Ex-Christian was what I was thankful for this past Thanksgiving.

I am sorry about the family rift, but truly the best thing is to get out of hateful Xtianity!

Anonymous said...

Freddy said: "What if you get to heaven & your parents,siblings are not there, & later your kids don't show up?.Will you go on praising the torturer of your loved ones?"

So profound! I couldn't have said it better myself.

Matter of fact, I would love a rebuttal from a fundie...would they say, you won't know that your love ones are burning?...hummm then one can logically conclude that in the afterlife of the sweet by and by, you are transformed into a robot. Ah another conclusion: No one has freewill in heaven.

Would the christians recognize god or remembered that they worshiped a god when they were alive? Another breech of freewill - which brings me to wonder if there is no freewill in heaven, why couldn't this god made it so in the beginning.

Anonymous said...

I would go a step further.If hell is a reallity than we already are in it now. This place call earth is a nightmare then christians should be spending all their money to reach those destined. do they? NO!!
Am I crazy or is this true?

Anonymous said...

Good for you

I am glad you were able to get away from the myth of Christianity. Good luck.

Freedy said...

Thanks onanite,luck back at you.

Anonymous said...

Freedy/ex-pentecostal preacher.

Dan Barker is compiling a book of testimonies of ex-ministers and invited me to write a chapter.

I need to know how to contact you to see if you may be interested too.

Or you can e-mail me at

Anonymous said...

Hi I'm very new to the website and really feel like I have found some sanity for the first time in my life. Its really great to hear the stories and of course I thought I was the only one. I'll be entering my testimony some time in the near future as soon as I collect my thoughts. My question is why doesn't this website ever mention Michael Martin's book >>>The Case Against Christianity. What an absolute great book and a must read for Christians, ex Christians, and non Christians. He practically explores everything and hits the resurection of Christ pretty hard. To date I feel there has not been a solid response to this book from the Christian world. Just the usual christian response but nothing solid. I'm 29 years old and have been out of the church for about five years now. I just wanted to let you know that I think this is a great website. Thanks again to everybody who wrote all these great testimonies. I can't believe I just discovered this website.

Anonymous said...

hey dad its your son and this is pretty cool that you can tell everyone finally what you believe in so you can give your testimony and stuff like that!

See you some time!


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