sent in by redwolfd
I'll admit it. I was a Christian at one point in my life. I will not lie to anyone and say that I did not think I was happy either. I was the typical Baptist bible thumping goody two shoes who always stood out as the example for other christians to follow after. I can remember in high school being the leader of teaching sessions to new christians teaching them how to act "proper" because it was more effective when someone who was the same age as the other kids who would show them what was "Christian". I was very good at being the person whom every young person should strive to be like.
Yet I always questioned whether or not what I was doing was true, or why I was even doing it in the first place. I noticed how the favorites got played among the leaders of the church by "promoting" relatives and friends into positions of leadership and forgetting about those who were not of proper lineage. I remember being told as a young man that because I had not been to church for 2 weeks that I would have to step down from a ministry I was involved in. At the same time the man who demoted me, the son of the head pastor, had just been appointed as the youth pastor after being out of the Marine Corp. for about a week(a real christian environment lol). I remember some other people who were in high school being turned the blind eye when they got caught having sex or drinking. Yet you could rest assured that someone who did not matter, like me for instance, would be punished and brought before the church.
When I reached eighteen years of age my father had quit going to church. He became depressed and resorted to alcoholism. I can remember my mother and I begging for help from the church leaders to comfort and love my father like the great Jesus had commanded. All that was ever produced, though, was empty promises from church leaders who cared to much about sticking their heads up their superiors ass than lending a hand to someone who needed it. The reason was simple, my father did not matter. He was not important enough to give a dam about. I realized, at that moment, the games I had been involved in. How I had lived a life of pleasing those whom had thrown me aside when I became of little use them. And for once it was crystal clear to me; The church was nothing more than politics in its most dangerous form. It made you believe that if you simply did what was asked of you in a book which was constantly misqouted that you could be happy and accepted. And in the end all that occurs is the tearing down of a persons individualism and liberties.
I walked away from the church the day that I opened my eyes to this. I have heard people say that I cannot judge my personal relationship with god on others. But would a real god allow his place of worship to be tarnished with corruption and glory of the primitive human? Would a real god who preached reaching out to those who are in need let half of the world starve and those who are not of worldly stature fall to the wayside? Would a real god write to us about how much he loves us while allowing all kinds of evil to ruin peoples lives?
I am now free from the guilt of leaving the political institute which I once embraced. And needless to say I do not worry much about god smiting me with a thunderbolt anymore. All that is left for me to do is to start living very late in life and find out who the hell I am. Yet, suprisingly, I am more at peace with the world and my life than i have ever been. My eyes have been opened to different things that were condemned in the religious realm. I am finally accepting and being accepted and enjoying the things in life that make me happy. Finally, I am becoming whole.
Joined: Nine years of age
Left: Seventeen years of age
Was: Independent fundamental Baptist
Converted because: Family pressure and conviction from sermons.
De-converted because: The realization of being lied to and treated as a pawn.
email: richdennis84 at yahoo dot com