Broken dreams
Sent in by Ramos28
To all the Christians who come to this web-site, I want you to all read this and think about what I have to say. Many of you are great human beings who happened to believe in Jesus and the Bible, and you preach because you think you're doing others a favour, but next time you are sharing your faith, I hope you'll remember me and my story. And I HOPE this will make you STOP and let the person live their own life, letting them belief whatever they want to belief... Also, I actually want you to respond to this letter and say what you think. So go ahead, post your opinions below...
This is my story...
What would you say if you were happy, socially popular, doing well in school, living life to the fullest, and having dreams for your future-type of person. Pretty much things are going great for you and life is amazing. Then a friend comes along and invites you to a church and you're naive enough to believe what you hear...What happens next is you become depressed, anxious, your self-esteem goes down the drain, your ability to enjoy life is gone, your ability to study is non-existent and you fail a course for the first time in life!!!, you drop out of school and are forced to take a break from it, your dreams for a good paying job and happy life are replaced with an ability to only do very basic jobs that pay like crap, and finally, your ability to relate to friends and especially women is gone as well. So you start loosing friendships, and the last time you had a girlfriend and kissed a girl was about 5 freakin' long years ago. Oh and yeah, your ideas about sexuality and ability to enjoy it are f***ing messed up, and you don't even know how to go about it anymore.
Pretty much your life is on the verge of a suicide, you hate it, and you don't know how to get out of the worse emotional prison you've ever experienced...
All I can say is THANKS! Christianity for turning my manageable OCD/anxiety into a religious SCRUPULOSITY which is by far the hardest form an OCD can have. Thanks for this great gift, this free grace, this great news. Thanks for showing me the light that lead me into the darkest places within my own mind.
Where do I go from here? I don't know...sometimes I feel like just ending it all and ending this life, but i don't want to miss out on life as there is still a hope within me that one day I can be myself again. There is also the fact that I don't want to ruin it for my parents.
Some days bring a glimpse of a bright future you have always imagined, and you start thinking that maybe, just maybe, one day you'll learn self esteem again, that you'll be able to forget those 5 years of indoctrinations, that you'll be able to take a girl on a date and actually enjoy that present special moment, instead thinking of hell, heaven, sin, etc.... Sometime I still hope that I'll be able to be a good student that I once was, graduate from university, and get a job that pays more that $10 an hour, which I know won't allow me to support a family and kids I'd like to have one day. My hopes are endless, because if I look at it, my life is a one big mess, and almost every part needs fixing.
Yes, I had problems before I became religious, but they were manageable. However, if you do have OCD and you get into a religion, especially Pentecostalism, boy you're in for a ride!!! You don't need to fear hell after you die as you'll be in hell while still alive. If you want to know what hell is, then go ahead, get into a religion, get into Pentecostalism, believe the doctrines, take them to heart, serve on the ministry teams, be in the music ministry, and maybe even think of becoming a pastor upon graduation...which are all the things that I did during my years as a Christian...
Maybe after reading this post you'll think I don't have it all together and need some professional help... WELL YOU BET I DO...I just had one of the worse weekends (emotionally) where it takes you to the point of crying and wishing you have never walked into that church, never started reading the Bible, and never accepted Christ as your Lord. But I can't undo the past... I did go to that church, I did read the Bible, and I did accept Christ as Lord... and now I am hoping to be able to somehow pick up the pieces of my broken and damaged life.
To all the Christians, once again...I know you care and you think you're doing people a favour by sharing your faith... but remember, please remember my story, my life, and the broken dreams your religion has given me.
Thank you for everything...
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To all the Christians who come to this web-site, I want you to all read this and think about what I have to say. Many of you are great human beings who happened to believe in Jesus and the Bible, and you preach because you think you're doing others a favour, but next time you are sharing your faith, I hope you'll remember me and my story. And I HOPE this will make you STOP and let the person live their own life, letting them belief whatever they want to belief... Also, I actually want you to respond to this letter and say what you think. So go ahead, post your opinions below...
This is my story...
What would you say if you were happy, socially popular, doing well in school, living life to the fullest, and having dreams for your future-type of person. Pretty much things are going great for you and life is amazing. Then a friend comes along and invites you to a church and you're naive enough to believe what you hear...What happens next is you become depressed, anxious, your self-esteem goes down the drain, your ability to enjoy life is gone, your ability to study is non-existent and you fail a course for the first time in life!!!, you drop out of school and are forced to take a break from it, your dreams for a good paying job and happy life are replaced with an ability to only do very basic jobs that pay like crap, and finally, your ability to relate to friends and especially women is gone as well. So you start loosing friendships, and the last time you had a girlfriend and kissed a girl was about 5 freakin' long years ago. Oh and yeah, your ideas about sexuality and ability to enjoy it are f***ing messed up, and you don't even know how to go about it anymore.
Pretty much your life is on the verge of a suicide, you hate it, and you don't know how to get out of the worse emotional prison you've ever experienced...
All I can say is THANKS! Christianity for turning my manageable OCD/anxiety into a religious SCRUPULOSITY which is by far the hardest form an OCD can have. Thanks for this great gift, this free grace, this great news. Thanks for showing me the light that lead me into the darkest places within my own mind.
Where do I go from here? I don't know...sometimes I feel like just ending it all and ending this life, but i don't want to miss out on life as there is still a hope within me that one day I can be myself again. There is also the fact that I don't want to ruin it for my parents.
Some days bring a glimpse of a bright future you have always imagined, and you start thinking that maybe, just maybe, one day you'll learn self esteem again, that you'll be able to forget those 5 years of indoctrinations, that you'll be able to take a girl on a date and actually enjoy that present special moment, instead thinking of hell, heaven, sin, etc.... Sometime I still hope that I'll be able to be a good student that I once was, graduate from university, and get a job that pays more that $10 an hour, which I know won't allow me to support a family and kids I'd like to have one day. My hopes are endless, because if I look at it, my life is a one big mess, and almost every part needs fixing.
Yes, I had problems before I became religious, but they were manageable. However, if you do have OCD and you get into a religion, especially Pentecostalism, boy you're in for a ride!!! You don't need to fear hell after you die as you'll be in hell while still alive. If you want to know what hell is, then go ahead, get into a religion, get into Pentecostalism, believe the doctrines, take them to heart, serve on the ministry teams, be in the music ministry, and maybe even think of becoming a pastor upon graduation...which are all the things that I did during my years as a Christian...
Maybe after reading this post you'll think I don't have it all together and need some professional help... WELL YOU BET I DO...I just had one of the worse weekends (emotionally) where it takes you to the point of crying and wishing you have never walked into that church, never started reading the Bible, and never accepted Christ as your Lord. But I can't undo the past... I did go to that church, I did read the Bible, and I did accept Christ as Lord... and now I am hoping to be able to somehow pick up the pieces of my broken and damaged life.
To all the Christians, once again...I know you care and you think you're doing people a favour by sharing your faith... but remember, please remember my story, my life, and the broken dreams your religion has given me.
Thank you for everything...
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