An inferior person who needs to be crushed by God

Sent in by John D

For the past two years or so, I've experienced intense bouts of anger, hatred, and depression all wrapped together into one big nasty mix. Yes, I am an ex-christian. I know and am glad the most feared, sadistic, tyrant talked about so much in public circles is not a real being. I no longer have to worry about the things he might do to me if I dare to disobey him, and this was indeed a great relief for me just as much the time of my deconversion as it is for me today.

Yet I still feel extreme bouts of rage and depression due to the fact now that I am an ex-christian, my family and relatives see me as an inferior person who needs to be "crushed." While I am no where close to being some kind of superstar prodigy, I've been a relatively responsible and motivated individual. Despite this, my family and relatives still treat me as if I am the lowest person on the planet. I am really starting to believe they want to kill me, not literally but psychologically.

They call me a young and foolish idolater who will realize the stupidity of my ways one day when God comes for me. They see any and all unfortunate events that happen to me as divine wrath for my heresy. The bad things which happen to other family members who are Christian are just seen as the devil attacking them instead or just pure coincidence.

For example, once when the motor in my car was ruined probably due to making a mis-shift, my relatives believed it occurred because God was punishing me for not following him, and that this was only the beginning of his wrath upon me. Then the following summer, I foolishly posted a message and picture about George Bush on a message board, which resulted in the Secret Service seizing my computer for a hard drive forensics test. The Secret Service interpreted the post as threatening even though I didn't mean it that way. Thankfully, I was only investigated by them and never charged with anything. My family actually cheered the fact that this happened to me. They are extreme right-wing Republicans who said that I hate George Bush because I hate God, and God used the Secret Service to break my will to resist the Lord. No, I am not kidding, they really said this and actually believe it.

I also have gotten sick feelings in my stomach when I receive Left Behind novels from my family. The stuff contained in those books is worse than Mein Kempf. So I guess what they are trying to tell me by giving me these books is that God will cleanse the Earth of the subhuman unbelievers (anyone who isn't a Christian Republican) and finish us off by throwing all of us in a big lake of fire to be tortured for eternity.

Then my "loving Christian" family members send me obnoxious Focus on the Family tracts and write me things implying that atheists and gays aren't real American citizens.

Lastly, when I'm around these fundies, they use all sorts of cruel mindgames like using their young, brainwashed kids as puppets to say nasty, mean spirited comments about how deceived I am, and how they will be all be praying for me. Then they lay judgmental Bible quotes on my belongings when I am not looking.

I could just go on and on about the negative experiences I have had with my relatives in just the past couple of years since I deconverted from Christianity. While they haven't physically harmed me, they have harmed me mentally and emotionally with their psychological games and condemnation. Some people really do treat you as a whole different class of person when you reject their religious beliefs. When I was a Christian, I was never treated like this. I would like to know if anyone else had these types of experiences with Christian family members or relatives?

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