Sent in by Chip S I was not raised in a Christian home. My parents had not made a conscious decision for atheism, I suppose. But their daily lives and lack of religious practice certainly would label them as non-Christians. They were always in that ambiguous category of people who simply had no time for theism or atheism. It was simply a non-issue. For a whole I attended church with a friend, in elementary school. Of course I didn't comprehend enough to understand what was being taught, let alone make a decision to subscribe to the beliefs advocated by that church. But I did learn enough to remember certain things... John 3:16, the claim that Jesus was God, etc. I had this vague understanding of the person called Savior. It was in middle school, which I now quaintly think of as the “Dark Ages” of my life that social awkwardness and intense depression led me on a search for more. Perhaps it was not as conscious of a search as I would now imagine, but a search nonetheless. I...

Sent in by Chris A Although the Biblical concept of the human experience had always seemed somewhat unfair, my doubts really began with the issue of homosexuality; specifically, why did the Christian god despise it so much? "Why," I asked myself, "Would God kill everyone in those cities for following the urges that He created them with in the first place?" It was shortly thereafter that I realized that this irrational act on god's part was just a microcosm of an even greater injustice: "Wait..." I thought, "If God is all-powerful, why must He persist in creating sinners instead of saints? And why must He then damn people for following the sinful natures that He gives them?" You'd think, wouldn't you, that such impious ruminations would herald a formal conversion to atheism? You would, however, be mistaken. Rather than having the courage and mental fortitude to pursue my inquisitions, I resolved to deal with my growing uncertainties by...

Sent in by L.S. Some people think I'm lying when I tell them that I just woke up one morning and realized that I was an atheist, but that's what really happened. My parents are Christian but they don't go to church. We stopped going to church when I was about 6 because they disagreed with how that particular church treated a family with 3 young daughters who couldn't always make it to Sunday worship. Because of the hypocrisy, they rejected the idea of organized religion but maintained their beliefs. They pray at dinner and do the whole Christmas thing and occasionally will talk about god, but they aren't zealots. It was because of their attitude that I grew up thinking of god/Jesus as that distant relative that you know you're related to, people talk about and you're supposed to love them but you don't really know exactly why. God wasn't a being to me. God was an idea that I never really understood. I was a really sheltered child. I (mostly) did what...

Sent in by Marie I don't know how to summarize my story. I was raised Lutheran, and then moved into being a Baptist. I went to a Lutheran private school for several years of grade school, and then went to a private Lutheran High school for the entire 4 years. The first time I started having doubts about my faith can be pinned on the first religion class I had of my freshman year. The teacher thought he would be really clever and came in talking like a neo-paganist, talking about how we can worship the trees, and don't take the Bible too literally. He was messing with our minds to, I suppose, open our minds and prepare us for the future. Someone I had trusted had exposed to me ideas that weren't Christian. From that point on, I struggled between labeling myself a Christian and an atheist. All of my friends were greatly concerned for me, and I became a source of a lot of drama. Everyone wanted to save my soul. I was so frustrated and cried at night about my doomed fate to hel...

Sent in by Danny Hi to everyone here. I will try to keep it short...well, as much as I can. My name is Danny, the youngest of a family of 10. I am Filipino. My family is of Catholic background. Most Filipinos are. I grew up spoiled (I am the youngest). My family is well to do. That's really sad knowing most Filipinos live below the poverty line. My brothers sisters and I went to private Catholic schools and to good universities. We were all indoctrinated (brainwashed) to the Catholic way of thinking. Every Sunday (Mithra's Day...hehehe!) we as a family went to Catholic Church. After church, my parents always treated us somewhere usually good. That lasted until I was a teenager. After that, my parents let us go to church on our own time. My father (a businessman...he owns several apartments) was a good mathematician and finished first honorable mention in his school. My mother is also a good mathematician. She graduated salutotorian in the same school. My broth...

Sent in by Julie W I can still pinpoint the exact time and date that I turned my back, forever, on any form of organized religion, whether it be Christianity, or any other. I often wonder if there are any others out there who experienced the same life-changing force, as I did, on 9/11, when I witnessed what humans will do to each other ‘in the name of God.’ That brisk morning in Colorado, happened to be my daughter’s first day of kindergarten at Coal Creek Elementary School in Louisville. It was an exciting morning and she had dressed herself proudly, choosing to wear a new outfit purchased just for that first day. I had turned on the usual morning show on TV, so I could catch up on the overnight news as I fixed her breakfast. As the TV warmed up, the screen remained black at first while voices of panic and disbelief screamed from the television reporter and news anchor. I rushed over to the TV and witnessed the horror, while my daughter walked over to me and slid her han...

Sent in by Meredith T I recently de-converted after 15 years as a Christian while going through a divorce and enduring hypocrisy in the church. If I had a nickel for every email I got saying, "God Hates Divorce!" and, "I love you but I don't agree with you," I would be rich! I even got one saying "I'm sorry to hear you gave up your space in eternity for this (divorce)!" OK, well who the f!#k do you think you are to take a stance whether you 'agree' with me or not? Is that any of your business, and did I even ask you? One former friend said, "We have the right to know why you are doing this." I’m sorry, but why do "close Christian friends" feel the need to decide everything as a group -- even to declare someone's marriage as "divorce-worthy" or not? Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, I de-converted not solely because of what my church and Christian friends did to me (even though that got me 'thinking'), b...

Sent in by Brent S I have been reading many of the testimonials on this site for a while now and so have decided to share my own brief account. Like so many others, I was raised in a barely Christian household. We considered ourselves Christians, but beyond Chuck Heston movies, we didn't really know much about religion. Christmas and Easter, and the occasional renaissance painting, since my Mother is an artist who well emulates that style. Anyway, when I reached junior high, we started having bible studies with a couple of Jehovah's Witnesses. They were a very nice couple and came to our house every Wednesday for a reading and a discussion. I also started going to a centrist Christian Youth group with some friends from school. I was quickly addicted for several reasons: the first was that I had recently discovered my own homosexuality and was desperate for some form of escape from that terrible affliction, and secondly, stemming from the the same core issue, I was an outs...

Sent in by Chris S I arrived at University in the autumn of 2004 never having given religion of any kind much thought, I was every inch the wide eyed fresher! I quickly encountered the local group of evangelicals who ran the Christian Union at the University and I found they gave me a great sense of fellowship and warmth when I was around them. As a result I thought I would go along to the variety of events they were putting on, that target new students, such as film nights and discussions over coffee. After a five week course in the local coffee shop looking at the basic of the Bible’s message in Romans, I decided it all seemed to make sense and gave my life to Christ at the end of the final session through a prayer. For the next two years I was every bit the convinced, fundamentalist Christian, a somewhat bizarre species in Britain, but they do exist! Not far off a million of them in a variety of shape and form, and they exist in almost every University. I attended many conferences, ...

Sent in by Rip Woodward I remember at an early age thinking of Jesus as Santa Claus. If I pray to him ,and I am good, then I will get what I want. I contemplated becoming a priest at 16. I delved into the bible and really questioned what the verses meant. I got no greater pleasure than stumping a so called "bible expert". One thing that always bothered me was the notion of G-d not being accessible to me. I had to go through his mediator, Jesus, to talk to him. It did not fit in with my belief in a loving G-d. Later in life I began to experiment with drugs and eventually developed into what most people would call a junky. One thing that drugs do well is equalize people. When you are an addict there is no better than or less than, only who has dope and who does not. To make a long story short I used for too long and eventually got clean. I joined a program for recovering drug addicts and was given some instructions, one of which was to turn my life over to a higher power. Th...

Sent in by Robert W For me, the worst part of being a Christian was this: taking things on faith, even when my mind totally, utterly disagreed with what Christianity wanted me to believe in. I'm soon going to be 31, and I had my first moments of doubt when I was about 15. I can't remember what, exactly, set me off, but the end result was that I became a bit more fanatical about my belief in the truth of Christianity. That's not odd, I suppose. How many Christians who, when they feel doubt, begin to fear that Satan is working his wiles upon them? They, like I was doing at the age of 15, cling more tightly to a sinking ship. The water spills out of the ship, the ship goes down to the deep, so to speak, but the faitful remain unawares in a mad, blissful sort of way. That's how I was at age 15, and up on through till my mid-20s: unaware, mad with faith of a sort, and blissful with that happy sort of stupidity that only a complete denier can possess. Now, at almost 31, I...

Sent in by Nick M I like to occasionally visit this site and read testimonials of people who've drifted away from their faiths, and admire the courage of many of them. Still, one thing strikes me every time I hear it, and that is the fear associated with giving up one's faith. I can understand the stigmas associated with it, affecting your family and friends, but I'm talking about the, if I may be so blunt, illogical fears associated, such as the continued belief one might still 'run afoul' of god. Just so you understand where I'm coming from, let me give you a little backstory on myself. My childhood was as normal as any suburban family. I went to church every Sunday, never asking questions, just listening attentively, and waiting for the reverend to rescind his pulpit so I could go home and play Super Mario BrosAt the age of eight, my life took what some would call a rather startling turn, though I know for a fact it was the best thing that could have happen...

My parents were saved before I was born, and can be labeled religious fanatics! To their credit, they have been consistent in their beliefs for more than 50 years, and as far as I know, their only sins are little ones … but let me start at the beginning. My first church attendance was at the age of 2 weeks, the first of too many to count. At the age of 16, I went with my parents to the mission field, and ended up staying overseas for 29 years, working in the secular world and raising my children. This whole time I was heavily involved in music at church, Bible studies, etc. and my parents were pursuing their missionary career. I always dreaded the prayer meetings when everyone was expected to pray around the room. I don’t think I ever prayed for God’s benefit. Not a public speaker, I was more concerned on my presentation to those around, and would think of what to say until it became my turn. And if somebody before me prayed about my chosen subject, I panicked! I always wondered why I ...

Sent in by Peter B After nearly two decades immersed in Christendom I must concede to the idea that this life is simply a series of random events... but mathematically speaking there is sometimes pattern evident in chaos. These patterns can be sometimes interpreted as coincidences and luck. The more romantically natured people will fictionise such clusters of coincidence as divine intervention from a god who is pulling at the strings. Their God is a loathsome creature who 'allows' the most grotesque things to happen to its 'beloved children'. Any purely good god would have intervened and thought up a better way to make a set of toys to play with... without having to try melting them with a magnifying glass. I spent a good part of my life in ignorant bliss. That's fine... at the time it felt fine. In the light of new information and a new mindset, I can see that it was a waste of time. I'll still live and die and will currently do things that will still seem to h...

by Best Blanket Two people I love very much died within months of one another. They were father and daughter. He was ill for a very long time and we all had been readying ourselves for the worst in one way or another, but she was killed first by a cancer that spread quickly after its diagnosis. We learned she was given 2 weeks to live while we were at a hospital here in New York awaiting a surgical procedure on her father. She lived in Florida and hadn't told many people about the diagnosis, but she had assured the few in the know of her doctor's confidence in there being a remedy. I don't think a month passed before she was terminal. Her mother and I flew out to stay with her until she died. One of her sisters went a day or two earlier and her other sister stayed in New York with the father and the rest of the family. It was chaos and I could never put it in the most accurate and effective perspective. Hours before and moments after she died, everybody at her bedsid...