A few points of why I de-converted
Sent in by DC
My testimony of de-conversion is not as dramatic as some that I've read on this site but I decided to post it early on in my membership so no one could accuse me of copying it from someone else’s story. There are, no doubt, similarities to other stories because many of the reasons for doubting are the same for many people.
I was raised in a Christian family. We went to church every Sunday but seldom discussed it outside of church. So I was not beaten into submission or strongly coerced or anything. One of my few arguments as a teenager with my parents was not about me going to church, but about where I would go to church.
In writing this down I tried to distill things into just a few points of why I de-converted. There are literally at least a hundred reasons. Most of them minor ones that may not make much sense to anyone but me. So here are those I boiled it down to:
1. Never, in my 41 years as a "Christian," was there a clear, definite answer from God to a prayer.
2. God has never "moved" in my life in a tangible way.
3. God is in no way real. I cannot touch, taste, smell, hear, or see him, so therefore, if he did exist, there is no way to interact with him.
4. I got to a point that I realized I didn't care about heaven. If I'm not willing to do what is required of me by Christianity in this life it's not worth doing.
5. Bible does contain errors/contradict itself.
6. Real archeology/bible do not match.
7. If it was god's plan for Jesus to come to earth, be betrayed, and be crucified, why would Judas be condemned for carrying out god's plan?
8. I truly, deeply, sincerely believed in god and wanted a deeper relationship with him. The further I went in seeking the less real it all became. I wanted to know what first century Christianity was like and discovered it was not at all of one accord. Discovered that what ended up in the canon of scripture had more to do with politics than religion.
The first 8 reasons listed are all internal to me. In other words, not based upon the actions of others or observations of others. The final two items are based on others.
9. The church that I belong to preaches all about love and forgiveness until you get the least little bit out of line. Then they become totally condemning and hateful.
10. People's lives are not changed. One woman I know who has been a Christian "since I was a little girl" is now on husband #5. In the 5 or 6 years I've known her she's also lived with at least three different men. I commented on this to a friend and was told - well, she just makes poor choices. I'm thinking, poor choices? Sounds more like she's a "professional" to me! Another woman, once again a Christian since she was a little girl, had multiple affairs during her first marriage because her husband had an affair. Three of the four children out of that marriage were not fathered by her husband. She divorced, remarried, divorced again. Since I have met her, she has had two affairs with married men. Yet there she is, front row of the choir every Sunday, lifting up her hands and praising the Lord! Except, of course, if she is out of town with one of her boyfriends.
Whatever damage this has done to me has been more of "by omission" than "by commission." Instead of taking responsibility for my own life and actions I spent too many years expecting god to magically do something to show me where he wanted me to go, what he wanted me to do, to take me out of one situation or another, and to provide guidance in my life,. The only time things have improved is when I took action.
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My testimony of de-conversion is not as dramatic as some that I've read on this site but I decided to post it early on in my membership so no one could accuse me of copying it from someone else’s story. There are, no doubt, similarities to other stories because many of the reasons for doubting are the same for many people.
I was raised in a Christian family. We went to church every Sunday but seldom discussed it outside of church. So I was not beaten into submission or strongly coerced or anything. One of my few arguments as a teenager with my parents was not about me going to church, but about where I would go to church.
In writing this down I tried to distill things into just a few points of why I de-converted. There are literally at least a hundred reasons. Most of them minor ones that may not make much sense to anyone but me. So here are those I boiled it down to:
1. Never, in my 41 years as a "Christian," was there a clear, definite answer from God to a prayer.
2. God has never "moved" in my life in a tangible way.
3. God is in no way real. I cannot touch, taste, smell, hear, or see him, so therefore, if he did exist, there is no way to interact with him.
4. I got to a point that I realized I didn't care about heaven. If I'm not willing to do what is required of me by Christianity in this life it's not worth doing.
5. Bible does contain errors/contradict itself.
6. Real archeology/bible do not match.
7. If it was god's plan for Jesus to come to earth, be betrayed, and be crucified, why would Judas be condemned for carrying out god's plan?
8. I truly, deeply, sincerely believed in god and wanted a deeper relationship with him. The further I went in seeking the less real it all became. I wanted to know what first century Christianity was like and discovered it was not at all of one accord. Discovered that what ended up in the canon of scripture had more to do with politics than religion.
The first 8 reasons listed are all internal to me. In other words, not based upon the actions of others or observations of others. The final two items are based on others.
9. The church that I belong to preaches all about love and forgiveness until you get the least little bit out of line. Then they become totally condemning and hateful.
10. People's lives are not changed. One woman I know who has been a Christian "since I was a little girl" is now on husband #5. In the 5 or 6 years I've known her she's also lived with at least three different men. I commented on this to a friend and was told - well, she just makes poor choices. I'm thinking, poor choices? Sounds more like she's a "professional" to me! Another woman, once again a Christian since she was a little girl, had multiple affairs during her first marriage because her husband had an affair. Three of the four children out of that marriage were not fathered by her husband. She divorced, remarried, divorced again. Since I have met her, she has had two affairs with married men. Yet there she is, front row of the choir every Sunday, lifting up her hands and praising the Lord! Except, of course, if she is out of town with one of her boyfriends.
Whatever damage this has done to me has been more of "by omission" than "by commission." Instead of taking responsibility for my own life and actions I spent too many years expecting god to magically do something to show me where he wanted me to go, what he wanted me to do, to take me out of one situation or another, and to provide guidance in my life,. The only time things have improved is when I took action.
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Comments
Highly agree.it occurs 2 me too.i dunno why,but the unconditional love was just like a mask.or they are simply think that everythin they said is truth
Thanks for the post.
I like points 1, 2, 3 and 10, as they all have to do with the fact that god does not do anything. Christianity does not have an active god as they claim, all it has a system of beliefs that explain away the fact that god is inactive.
They say "It is not god's will, or it is not god's timing" when things don't go right. Then the praise god for his action when it is either just random luck, or the obvious action of people.
A person will do something good and then other christians give the credit to god. But if a person does something bad, the person (or satan) gets the blame.
The pastor will say that god provided for the needs of church, but when you look at it, people were being suckered into opening their wallets and putting money into the plate. Wow, god really provides. Yeah, right.
Or when a person is in the hospital and has a successful surgery, god gets the credit, but not the surgeons. When the surgery goes bad, or is unsuccessful they have some lame excuse about god's will.
Basically there is not difference between their god and no god at all.
Thanks again for the story. Its good to have you here.
My favourite parts where (1) the "sinner" on the choir's front row (ha!)--so true. And (2), the part about becoming dependent on God and doing nothing else but wait.
Take care!
A quote I have seen "The ones that don't believe in evolution are the ones that need it the most"
Good luck in life Godless. It's great isn't it? :)
You said: "4. I got to a point that I realized I didn't care about heaven. If I'm not willing to do what is required of me by Christianity in this life it's not worth doing."
I didn't really give a shit about Heaven either, but Hell scared the shit out of me, so I was always trying to live the life required of me by Christianity. I came miserably short, though. I liked sex too much. I enjoyed smoking a joint at the end of the day to relax. I liked wearing my tiny bikini in the summer to get the best tan, and I have to admit that I enjoyed the attention that bikini got me. Vanity or pride in one's appearance, especially if you're a woman, is a sure ticket to the badlands of Hell. I never saw the "sin" in masturbating. I never understood why the word "fuck" or any other expletive for that matter would offend God so much. I never could grow sensitive to understanding the importance of observing the Sabbath, attending church every time the doors were open, or reading my Bible every damned day.
The rituals of Christianity seemed pointless to me, as did the prohibitions on certain activities. I tried to observe these necessary rituals and avoid those things which were restricted, but fuck, it was just too difficult. I mean, I would quit for a time, or I would attend church for weeks in a row, but I'd always return to my "sin nature". It seemed to me that what should really matter to this God were qualities such as integrity, truth, kindness, etc., but all that seemed to matter were doctrinal differences regarding the "gifts of the Holy spirit", pre, mid, or post-tribulation, and faith vs. works.
What a waste of sixteen years. Thank God I got out early enough that by the end of my life I will have more memories of freedom than of slavery.