sent in by Sigrun Odinsdottir I have bipolar disorder, and have been in and out of institutions for the past 3 years. My last experience with a psych facility, I was in for a year and a half, residential, and I won't name names because I don't want to get sued, but most of the staff was born-again Christians. At this time I had been practicing Asatru, which is Norse neo-paganism (www.asatru.org), for five and a half years. I was not allowed to have my Freyja statue or my runes, although another resident was allowed to have a breakable crucifix. Well, after you hear that you and your religion are evil umpteen times a day every day, you are going to break under pressure. On September 27, 2005, i "received Christ as my lord and savior", renounced Asatru, and proceeded to dispose of $1000 worth of books and ritual items (thank the gods that I had more in storage at my mom's house, where I now live). Then the brainwashing began. Everyone thought I was getting bet...

sent in by Angie I was raised in a devout Catholic family. We went to Mass every Sunday, and said the Rosary every evening. I had doubts as early as nine or ten. This was about the age when I started to separate fantasy from reality. I started to realise that magic, dragons, fairy tales, Santa Claus, storks delivering babies, etc. were simply fantasy. I couldn't help but throw religion into the fantasy category. Yet, I was confused because unlike dragons and fairy tales the adults around around me took religion very seriously. Like with Santa, I thought maybe everyone was pretending to believe for the sake of us kids. I actually asked my mother one day if God was make believe and got into trouble. Then I realised that, yes, God was real. So, I continued go to Mass. I was involved in youth activities. I met my husband at a church singles event. Despite my good Catholic exterior, inside it all still seemed like fantasy but I kept this to myself. My older brother, my only sibling. was...

sent in by former pastor left the church and Christianity two years ago. I had been a Christian since the age of eight when, out of fear of hell, I prayed to Jesus to forgive me. My family had only intermittent contact with the church over the next 12 years, but at the age of 20 I had what I believed was a real conversion experience (more so than my fearful prayer as a child) and began an 18 year ’adventure’ in Christianity and the church. I believed I was called to minister, so much of this time was taken up with bible college, one-to-one studies and tutoring, mentor ships and so on, and then with my own teaching, serving on church boards, serving as a deacon, and culminating with becoming a pastor. All through this time, I saw the best and worst that exists in the church. I received great help and support when I needed them; I knew many deeply loving people who moved me with their depth of character; I saw people pulled out of bad situations (addictions, abusive relationships, etc.)...

sent in by Mark I am a seminary graduate, so I know all the 'arguements' of these shallow, glassy-eyed hypocrites. I served as a 'lay leader' in a couple of churches for 15 years, often being hurt by those who most demanded that I pander to their spiritual 'needs'. Yet god was nowhere when: 1. My wife dies in my arms with cancer five years ago, 2. My Father endured two decades of ill health, and 3. My Mother died of cancer last month. If you're a Christian reading this, don't you dare tell me "all thisa happened so you can serve God better", else I shall REALLY get angry! London England Joined at 17 Left at 39 Was: Pentecostal Now: Angery agnostic/atheist Converted because: My friends are members of a church youth club De-converted because: The whole thing was no help when the brown stuff hit the twirly thing

sent in by John My story begins when I was three years old, my mother, who just left my father, rededicates herself to God through her connection to her church, The Church of Christ, and dedicates her children as a gift to God... This comes as some friends from this church help her to kick an amphetamine habit. When I was nine, one Sunday morning in 1973, my mother explains to me that I must obey God today, that I was a "footstool of the Lord" and that I had no choice but to be baptized today... At church, she pushed me down the aisle, but I told the minister my mother made me do this and asked him to talk to her... He lectured her about when a child was ready for baptism... My mother soon placed membership in another Church of Christ in the area and asked the minister and elders to talk with me. This started in earnest in 1975, when I was 12... Gospel Meeting, a visiting minister wanted to meet all the eligible "young people"... When he was told by an acquain...

sent in by MJ Where to begin...I'll start with what the word "Christian" meant to me "Christ-like". I'd like to say that I was trying my hardest to be Christ-like everyday since I was 8. I wanted to grow up and be in the ministry. When I was 15 er so my church's pastor had an affair. I was a little angry by the hypocrisy, but I knew that all 'sin' and who was I to judge anyway. I watched that church split in half. Then a year later it split again. Well shortly after that I found a different church in Urbana to go to. I hoped that I would never experience that type of pain again. After all, who was I to put a human on a pedestal? I began to love that new church. After graduating from high-school and when I was going to college I became a leader at that church's youth group. I was the leader of the drama team there. It was then I started to see the politics involved behind the scenes. I was a strong believer that church was a place that people...

sent in by Jim T Before I start I just want to let everyone know who has posted a comment or testimony by saying that you have really helped me sort out a lot of the thoughts and questions running through my mind. I think my testimony is similar to many others in here and I would like to share it with everyone. First let me give you a little background to my story. I guess I can begin my story at about 6 years old. My family and I were living in a suburb outside of Detroit called Pontiac which many of you will be familiar with from the car. It was me, my mom, my brother, and my dad. Everything was going fine until my dad decided he wanted more out of life and struggling with his own personal issues succumbed to the bar life and drugs. Well, my mom was not too thrilled with my dad's new habits and after two years of fighting and arguing and not to mention my dad living a destructive lifestyle, my mother finally divorced him. After the divorce, my mother who had always had a bit of a...

sent in by Mark Well I grew up in an ultra fundamentalist home. Dad was a marine DI, mom was a very involved Christian/homemaker. I was hit and abused as a child. As I became a teen I was confused, attracted to other guys, and told all gays were going to hell, my life was very sad. All through high school I had sex with others at my school, and at church asked for forgiveness. I was alone and very conflicted. I was close to suicide often. I applied for and was accepted to BIOLA (college) in 1977. I went to the college, and was lodged in the all male (men and women were separated) dorms. Living in such close proximity to so many other young (teen) men, I became very sexual. I had sex with MANY of the young men at the college. I changed roommates. I asked a very effeminate and obviously gay older schoolmate to become my new roommate. His name was Zane. He agreed. We moved into another room in the freshman dorm. He was a junior. The first night in the room, I confessed to ...

sent in by "Freedy" Jackson For 22yrs I was a minister/Christian songwriter & keyboardist. Over this period I wrote over 200 crappy, sappy worship & praise songs...what a waste! In the last year I've been reading a lot of books like the Jesus mysteries, which expose the truth of the Jesus myth cycle. I've come to believe the bible to be a compilation of plagiarized myths & fictional history. Now that I'm free from that patriarchal, tyrannical serial killer and torturer "god of the bible," I can now move on to seek & study vast universe of truths about what or who god may be. Since my departure from "the faith," my wife, a Christian school teacher, divorced me. I also lost all my friends & some of my family. There is definitely a grieving process to all of this. I also have four very smart kids, three of which do not believe. They attend a strict style Christian school where they are made to pledge the allegiance to bi...

sent in by J. Strong For the past five years, I've struggled with making a decision. Whether I should stay with Christianity or leave it alone. Over a period of time, I've found that the religion I've once relied on has the credibility of any children's fable. I go to church every week and sing in the choir. The whole experience can be nerve racking because I feel like I'm the only one saying "am I the only one hearing this garbage?". I don't have any experiences of abuse or mistreatment by the church. As a matter of fact, I've grown to respect, love and appreciate members of the church. Especially those who have been a part of my life since the very beginning. That's one of the reasons it's so difficult to leave. The other is that my wife, mother, father, sisters are all Christians, therefore it would not be a great environment for an agnostic or atheist. I don't have many other friends or activities outside of the church...

sent in by Kevin Smith First of all, let me say how much I have enjoyed this website, and how encouraging it is to hear from others out there who have sacrificed the spirit of superstition at the alter of reason. I would especially like to thank this website for introducing me to the works of Thomas Paine. Secondly, writing this is part of a very difficult process for me. Working through these religous issues has not been easy, it has conjured up painful memories and forced me to relive them. One episode of the Sopranos said it best, Tony's psychiatrist likened the purging of painful memories to giving birth, Tony replied "no, it's definately like taking a shit". Well, anyway, maybe it's a good idea to start "In the beginning...". Like many of you, my childhood was spent in a fundamentalist charismatic home. At the age of five, my parents left a mainstream Baptist church (ok, they were kicked out) and joined the home church movement. They went from ...

sent in by redwolfd I'll admit it. I was a Christian at one point in my life. I will not lie to anyone and say that I did not think I was happy either. I was the typical Baptist bible thumping goody two shoes who always stood out as the example for other christians to follow after. I can remember in high school being the leader of teaching sessions to new christians teaching them how to act "proper" because it was more effective when someone who was the same age as the other kids who would show them what was "Christian". I was very good at being the person whom every young person should strive to be like. Yet I always questioned whether or not what I was doing was true, or why I was even doing it in the first place. I noticed how the favorites got played among the leaders of the church by "promoting" relatives and friends into positions of leadership and forgetting about those who were not of proper lineage. I remember being told as a young man ...

sent in by Thomas I was born into a evangelical family. I became a Christian at age 12, it was an enormous relief after years of being desperate to know I was a Christian and no longer facing hell. Through my teenage years I was 100% convinced and read the Bible every day. I was persecuted at school for my faith but always turned the other cheek when beaten up, which was not a very successful strategy. At Univerisity I was president of the Christian Union and led the "mission" to promote Christianity to the lost students. Nothing made me happier than seeing people come to faith and find salvation. I married very young, believing it was better to marry early rather than risk falling into sin. We attended Church early in our marriage 5 or 6 times a week. The first tremor to shake my faith was a few years later when I found out that the leader I most respected in the church had been committing not just a sordid sin but something that was criminal as well. Furthermore the pastor ...

sent in by anonymous Practically from day one, I have been brainwashed by Christian schooling. Oh, I don't doubt that they had nothing but the best intentions, but that is beside the point. I went to a Christian elementary school, where I thought I had become saved at a very early age. There was however no joy or feeling of the spirit, etc...a fact which later caused me accept countless more salvations. Saved, not saved, saved, not saved....Let's not even go into the Tulip Principle. After elementary school, I (and of my own decision,unfortunatly) went to another Christian school. The former was Lutheran, this was Mennonite based, but really was a collection of the individual beliefs of each teacher. Upon arrival I noticed the startling difference in their worship,(you know...sappy, emotional music, hands raised, prayers said under the breath. The kind of stuff that sucks you in...you know) and had strong feelings of guilt that I was unable to share their enthusiasm or...

sent in by Ryan I have been educating myself on this forum for several months now. I must say, I have learned so much from everyone on this website and I truly appreciate the inspiration and comfort I receive. To begin with, I was raised from day one into the Southern Baptist dogma and culture. I was always taught the Baptists had the right way and no others. Catholics? Going to Hell! I can remember as young as seven being stricken with fear as the preacher asked all the saved people of our church to come forward in the altar area to fellowship. My mother had informed me beforehand that I would not be going forward because I was not “saved” yet. Well, when everyone went forward I thought I was going to hell, not to mention I had the deepest sense of being abandoned by my family, sitting alone in the pew. As you can imagine, I bawled like a baby. I guess the preacher thought I was being a repentant sinner, so he took me aside afterwards to ascertain whether I understood t...

sent in by Luke A cousin of mine used to go out and get drunk every single weekend. After a tough week at work he liked nothing better than to let loose and go wild on the weekend. Stress relief is what he called it. When his wife got pregnant with their first child he regretfully decided that his drunken weekends had to come to an end. He was surprised to learn that he not only enjoyed spending his weekends at home or going out and having a couple of quiet drinks but he preferred it to getting drunk. He hasn't been drunk once since then. That is how I felt before losing my faith. I thought life would be meaningless without belief. I couldn't fathom not having God during difficult times. I thought that nonbelievers must lack a moral compass and that their lives must be very empty. Like my cousin, I realised I didn't need a drug to be happy and to have hope and meaning in my life. Six months after I got married my wife dropped a bombshell. She had been struggling with her fa...

sent in by Jo Well the only religious family member I have is my gran. She is a God fearing Catholic. She forced my brother, cousin and I to go to church every Sunday with her from a very early age. We were told that there was a man sitting at the back who was watching us to make sure we were being good. I hated church, though eventually when I was about 8 the brainwashing paid off and I became a good Christian. But something at the back of my mind was niggling me. It kept questioning what the priest would say. I later became Church of England as it was less demanding than Catholicism. But one sermon angered me. The Rev. told us that we were not individuals but we were one. He kept repeating how we were not individuals. Was he on drugs or something? How can we not be individual? If we were not we would be a mass of pink goo slurping and making weird fart noises as we move as one being! I came across a website which states all of the evil things in the bible that the Christian god has d...

sent in by Michael I was raised in a family that talked more about hell than God. Religion was all about the devil and how he was always watching you and was going to get you. I was told that the end of the world was coming an that I shouldnt worry about growing up because the end was coming, and most likely I was gong to go to hell instead of heaven. When I was around 15 several of my cousins were "saved", and began talking to me about it. They went home after they were saved and threw away all their rock albums, including rare ones that are today worth very much. Well, I bought into their rhetoric and got "saved". But, I still didnt throw away my albums, that was NEVER gonna happen. I began reading the bible, and going to prayer meetings and such. I always felt like I didnt belong, but I went anyway because I thought it would score me brownie points with THE BIG GUY LOL. There was all this talk about how gods work could be seen, and that the devil was at wo...

sent in by Craig I guess it’s my turn, to share my testimony with you all. I wasn’t going to at first, but after reading so many of them, and realizing how much they have helped me in this difficult era of my life, I feel obligated to share my own story in hopes that it will encourage others. Unfortunately, like many others (testimonies), this too desires to be too long. I promise to make every effort to keep it tame. My wife and I moved to Colorado in the fall of ‘96, and after some shuffling around due to job promotions and such, we landed in a quiet, medium sized town the fall of ‘98. My wife, being the social butterfly that she is, began making acquaintances, all of whom, were very nice. I didn’t find out until later that they were Christians and all of them belonged to the same church. It wasn’t long before they started inviting us to different church functions and ultimately, we became exposed to the gospel message, which we both fell for. My excitement and enthusiasm for the ...

sent in by Blue Heron My xtimony could be very, very long if I covered every negative thing about my xtian life, but I will make it as short as I can. I apologize for the loooong sentences I’ve used in some of it too. This deconversion is all VERY recent for me, and unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. My mind has been trying to process it all, and the fact that I’ve been connected to the Matrix all my life, only just now getting unplugged and experiencing a world vastly different that I’ve been missing. I just turned 32. My whole life was steeped in Christianity. I regret all the years of turmoil, fear, guilt and anguish over the religion (or “relationship” as xtians say). But, I can’t go back and change it, only learn from it and move on. By the way, for all you Christians reading, I was a blood-bought, born-again, Bible-believing Christian with the “lord jesus christ” as my “only savior”. Let there be no saying that I wasn’t really “saved”. The Bible has to be the most mix...