By Eveningmeadows Awhile ago, I had a thought that I was quite surprised about. I had thought that my life was a "testimony" when I was a xtian. I was told that we were all created with a purpose, and whatever happened in our lives, it was god's will. Well, out of the blue, I started thinking about that statement. Was it a testimony for me to live in poverty? I was thinking about how ridiculous that thought was! I was working for some middle-class women who had comfortable lives. They had nice houses, new cars, medical and dental insurance, vacations. This is where the stupid part comes in! I started working with these women after my ex had left me for the last time with two small children. I didn't receive child support, I drove a really old car that didn't give me much confidence on long trips. I lived in a third floor apartment in an area that these nice women wouldn't choose to live in, and didn't. My apartment didn't have any insulation to spe...

by Swabby The Hindu god Ganesha by wallyg via Flickr I deconverted from Christianity over three decades ago. I was raised in the United Methodist tradition by a conventionally conservative Nebraska family. I think the roots of my disbelief may have been planted as early as the time I discovered the non-existence of Santa Claus. I took a tangential interest in Sunday school during the 1960s when I was looking for mainstream religious validation of my peace movement alignment against the war in Southeast Asia . But beyond that, I didn't put a lot of faith in the Bible-God or Christ. I officially washed my hands of Methodism after I left home to move to San Francisco in 1973. I love ritual and pageantry, so I got swept up into the surface practice of the New Age movement . I didn't actually believe any of the stuff, aside from a short journey into astrology, numerology and psychic healing. I tried my hands at those things and figured they were all bogus as well. I ...

By VisibleAtheist During graduate school I conducted a qualitative research study on the deconversion experience for those in college. I optimistically thought that the research would impact the lives of other questioning or deconverted students by educating administrators and raising awareness. My own deconversion experience was a profound part of my college experience, although it was so deeply personal it appeared separate from college life. When I was younger, I had a strong desire to understand God and to be with God. I prayed often and fixated on what would put me in God’s favor. I worried often about the state of my loved one’s souls because they were not nearly as dedicated to religion as I was. This was the main crux of my identity when I was growing up, even past the first year of college and into the third year of college. I could not imagine anything else. My visions of heaven and hell, not to mention the change that God could have over my life, were both too powerf...

By Ryan Image by DennisSylvesterHurd via Flickr It was not a long trip from agnostic to atheist, but it took years. My story is a bit different than many of your testimonials, but I wanted to post this in solidarity and respect for the bravery that so many of you have shown. I can’t imagine what personal strength it must have taken to leave a faith that was given to you from childhood, and especially to feel yourself drift from a spouse whose traditional faith remains. I have read this story several times over on these pages, and it is an impressive display of humanity. And in many cases heartbreaking, when a marriage or family is pulled apart. I’ve considered myself agnostic for many years. I’m in my mid-thirties, and I’ve not been a part of any church since I was a child. Even then, we were not a religious family. We attended Lutheran, and then later Methodist churches, but only as a social custom. My parents, who no longer attend church, consider themselves Christians o...

Kuala Lumpur -- Image by Christopher Chan via Flickr By Crissy Last week three churches were bombed in my city of Kuala Lumpur . It was a confirmation of issues that had been brewing in my head for the past few months. I am 21, and I've been through the whole assembly line. Sunday School, youth groups, you name it, I've done it. It was only for the past few years however that the euphoria and eagerness died down. I was an emotional teenager, and as I grew more level headed as an adult, I assumed that my 'relationship with Christ' was just plateauing as a result of that. As I gained friends and a boyfriend, I found that I liked who I was and I didn't need affirmation from this God who 'loved me'. I did my best to fan the flames again. I took up a one year Bible reading challenge where I bored myself every night with chapter after chapter. I went to a remote Bible camp to seek peace and understanding. I served more fervently than ever at church. I confess...

Image by wonderbjerg via Flickr By Scott I have been an ex-christian for over 10 years. I was "recruited" into christianity in 1992 by sheer stupidity. I was young and much like most high-school graduates, didn't know what I wanted to do with my life. I had already had an interesting summer and through a friend, I had heard about this girl who happened to be one of his exes. Strangely enough, he even recommended that I date her! Anyway, skipping ahead to the meat of the story, I got to know this girl's mother first..... literally. It didn't take her long to profess her faith to me and through the telephone, she could sense that I wasn't a willing participant in that part of the conversation. Evidently, something sparked in this woman and she urged me to run right down to where her daughter was working and pick her up and so on.... This was the beginning of what I like to refer to as the "rope-a-dope." For the two years that followed that fatefu...

by Ouchimoo Image by Whewes via Flickr I 've been following the stories on this site for a long time now and I'm finally getting around to writing my own. I can't say that it took me courage to hunker down to write this because I am actually quite loud and proud about my atheism. Apparently that makes me a fundy AND militant. And depressed, and sour, and mean, and miserable, and wasting my life away, and meaningless, and etc. Funny really, considering that the only reason why any of those were applicable at any time were because my family and communities put a great deal of effort into subjugating those effects. Well, despite the nasty effects that has happened it didn't seem to bother me so much because I was already used to being an outcast. Well five years ago, that changed. I moved away, got married to a delightful agnostic and joined a bunch of great clubs full of free thinkers. I also discovered in my new residence, that people my age are usually very accepti...

by Bret P I was raised in a fundamentalist Christian environment starting out at a very strict Baptist church and moving on to a Bible Church (basically the same with boring music). We were taught to disregard the word religion, because we had a relationship with Jesus Christ, unlike those other denominations. The Catholics were a religion because of their sacrament and rituals. The Lutherans were a religion because they believed in baby baptism and good works. We true Bible believing Christians were not a religion, because of our true relationship with Jesus Christ. Let's suspend our knowledge of the actual definition of religion as defined by the dictionary for a moment (a belief in and worship of a superhuman power, a system of faith and worship). Let's forget the fact that we had communion ceremonies, worship services, relied heavily on a holy book, and had a belief in a deity without evidence (because the proof is in the Bible, isn't it?). We had a reason t...

by G Adams Image by Greencolander via Flickr I can finally call myself a humanist. I spent a good decade or so in church and attended every service under the sun. I have lead youth services, performed in Christmas plays and been part of many Bible studies. My now estranged mother was once an evangelist missionary in pentecostal churches. We never really got along. The only real reason why I did about 90% of the things that I have done was to get her out of my face. I didn't want to hear all that hell and damnation bullshit. I guess what got me involved in Christianity was my parents divorce. I wanted so desperately for God to put them back together. My father's mother was a church mother and my father was a very talented church drummer. He was also had schizophrenia and would terrorize myself, mother and younger brother on several occasions, but put on the good church face and act like the perfect father. I look back on it now and see that if he weren't believing in...

by Jimmo Image by Malu Green! via Flickr It has taken me many months of reading the articles on this site to finally pluck up the courage to submit a testimonial. In some ways it feels like doing this is a declaration of loss of faith to the world at large where as so far, up to this point, it has all been happening in my head. In all truth there is still a slight niggle that professing my dying faith with my mouth (on this Internet site) will lead to eternal suffering and torture in hell. What if I am wrong? What if the bible is all true? I do miss the personal times of walking and talking with Jesus, after all! But the more I look at it, the more I feel that I have been caught in the BIGGEST PROTECTION RACKET the world has ever seen. Belief in this or that is vital, if not then hell awaits. But don't worry. There is a way out. Believe in Jesus and things will be hunky dory, otherwise it's Goodnight Vienna! Like other entries, I can't believe that a God of love ...

by Stefan Image by Jari Schroderus via Flickr It is with a great deal of discomfort and uneasiness that I have managed to take an honest account of my life. I noticed a recurring thought or theme that keeps popping up; the utter pointlessness of it all and my inability to accept it as such. At this stage I have what seems to be an ambivalent attitude towards life. I am afraid I have climbed out of one ditch just to fall into another. I posted my de-conversion story some time ago and although not much has changed with regard to the practical aspect of my religion (I still don’t believe in any deities familiar to me); much has changed regarding the way I feel. I think a brief account of why I find myself staring down this black abyss would be a good idea at this stage. I was raised in a typical middle-class, white South African home, where religion played an integral part of my life. I (and by I, I mean my parents) attended a typical Protestant church, and invariably all sort...

By David J Image by dullhunk via Flickr When I took the plunge into Christian fundamentalism at the tender age of 14, I was a shoe-in to accept the Bible -- lock, stock and barrel. The hope for a better afterlife was a hard deal to turn down. I had been physically and mentally abused by my father and the neighborhood kids. You see, I just wasn't rough and tumble enough for the other boys in the neighborhood. One neighborhood kid actually tried to kill me for that very reason. Enduring sexual molestation didn't help, either. Throughout my adult life, the promise of the abundant life never materialized. Something was wrong. I still endured crippling depression and anxiety, very low self-esteem , lack of a social support system and ambition. I bought into the lie: "Real Christianity means you have to suffer just like Jesus did." "Look at the apostles, they didn't live a charmed life." I would tell myself, "Suffering will ensure you...

by Cowboy I'm lucky in many ways. If I were still Christian, I would probably say that I've been blessed. I was lucky enough to attend a public school, whereas many of you out there attended Christian schools for your entire school career. At 11 years old, I was the kid in elementary school who was getting into trouble with some frequency. I was quite smart, towards the top of the class, but I got bored and stirred up trouble. It didn't help that I was excessively overweight (I actually weigh less today at 20 than I did then), so I was constantly a source of jokes for my classmates. And at 11 years old, my parents, who up until that point taught me Christian beliefs, never took me to church, decided it was time. Well, the story goes better at that point actually. I made a few friends who accepted me, on my own I began to loose weight, and the Baptist church and God gave me a source of comfort if nothing else. I was saved at 12 years old and baptized. Many ha...

by Adam Sometimes you are just left wondering... did that really just happen to me? I look back on the past two years of my life and I ask that question, seeing how my social network has completely changed, friends have made continuing relationships with them impossible unless I believe what they believe, and how ridiculous my coming out processes were...all because of Christianity. It was a double-whammy; not only did I come out of my faith, but I also came out of the closet . I became a Christian at the age of 13. I'm 20 now. It makes sense now as to why I chose to become part of the faith; I had almost no friends in school at that time, and my parents took me to church where I met all sorts of potential friends...who were all extremely serious about their faith. I think now I see it also as a way for me to have hidden the fact that I was gay...after all, no one who was THAT big of a Christian could POSSIBLY be gay right? And by BIG Christian I am not exaggerating at a...

by Leslie Image by that_james via Flickr I was born and raised in the church while growing up in the South; a place where fundamentalist Christianity is seemingly (and quite correctly!) ubiquitous. My family and I wound up in Texas and I lived there through high school. We attended a Methodist church in Mississippi and Arkansas and Texas, but in small towns in the South, a Methodist church often has the same doctrines and is run like all of its fundamentalist neighbors. From an early age (under 4 as we were still in MS) I remember my well-meaning dad reading from an illustrated Bible story book at bedtime each night. I didn't think of these stories as any more valid than my other story books, but I was often dismayed and sometimes frightened by their content. Specifically the story of King Solomon, in his famous wisdom, threating to cut a baby in half. I felt the same way about Moses almost killing his son because God asked him to. I thought God must be pretty scary. These w...