Sent in by Shadowed One Ironically, I became a christian due to mental problems, which lead to a psychosis. I guess an ideal Christian is a eunuch (you remember those parts about them in the bible, don't you?), who had a lobotomy so he has no sinful wishes or blasphemous thoughts. Well, from that point of view year of taking neuroleptics was very useful. My doubts grew over time, but the moment,when I stopped considering myself a Christian was when I read about God killing 70,000 innocent people because David ordered a census of the people (1 Chronicles 21) . The book of Job is also pretty stupid. God has a bet with devil that no matter what happens Job will remain loyal to him. To check it out he lets devil kill all Job's slaves and children and "smote Job with sore boils from the sole of his foot unto his crown." Another nice Christian story. Also,I was a member of Messianic community, where pastor was very serious about the "don't ignore the OT" stuf...

Sent in by Johnny I was sitting with my pastor at the seminary I was attending for development in Christianity program, and we were talking about one of the finer points in Calvinistic dogma, that being predestination. This was the moment, after 20 years of Christian living, that would instill the mustard seed of doubt into my mind, which would eventually lead to my leaving of Church, of the faith, and eventually any notion of God. I was raised in a Christian home, by Christian parents. I was taught all of the same teachings that every Christian has heard thousands upon thousands of times. I was pulled out of secular middle school to be home schooled with a Christian curriculum. I had science classes that taught against evolution. I had writing classes with exercises that were always Christianized in theme. I had math classes that had me adding and subtracting problems, with Bible verses on the sides of the page. I went to Church every Sunday. And youth group every Tuesday. And I had B...

Sent in by Melinda It has been a hard six months for me since the beginning of my questioning. I started college as a devout Christian, knowing the warnings of other Christians about the secularism of college and the dangers of the information I might receive in classes. After ending a ten month relationship in which my self confidence stooped to an all time low, and my life had been centered around the ex-significant other, I let go and moved towards some of my new friends in college who happened to have more open minds than I did. I became comfortable talking about topics I "should have" felt guilty about and listened to some of their opinions with interest. Not too long later, I met a guy through one of my friends and we hit it off. It was the first healthy relationship I had ever had, in which we were compatible with each other and both felt comfortable, like we had both finally found someone who fit us. The relationship started out wonderfully, until my parents fou...

Sent in by Angela Let me first start out by saying that I love Christianity. Many of my fondest memories as a child and some of my dearest relationships are based on this religion. But I am not a believer. There was a time when I struggled to reconcile my doubts about Jesus, the Bible and the Christian Church, but now I am able to completely accept the logic that used to nag me. Despite my evolution of thought, I have not completely expunged Christianity from my life, and I don't think I ever will. I now consider myself a cultural Christian. I feel free to partake in all religious rituals and holidays because Christianity is a part of my family history and culture. I don't skulk away or outwardly protest at family gatherings when a prayer is said, I just respectfully bow my head. I don't take any of it too seriously, it only means something if you let it. People who have strong beliefs about Christianity or Atheism may see this as a dire conflict to be resolved, but li...

Sent in by DK I was brought up as a fundamental, evangelical Christian - in fact, I am a missionary kid (MK) from Africa. But it took me 50 years to start seriously questioning anything that I had been taught. I had been brainwashed for so long and knew all the answers and comebacks, but they are is so full of holes - and it is so obvious now that I am an outsider looking back. This morning on the way to work I was listening to a book on tape, and they mentioned Mithra, who pre-dated Jesus by 600 years. He was born on December 25, had 12 disciples, was crucified, and rose again, and so many more similarities. Why haven't I ever heard of this before? This is almost PROOF that Christianity is not special - but just a clone of previous ancient pagan religions. This information has blown me away, and although I have already de-converted, I am totally horrified that this is not common knowledge with enough debate material to shoot down any Christian argument. Do you know if someone has ...

Sent in by Jay P I was raised in the Presbyterian Church and had a flawless attendance record – so many “Gold Stars”. Then, there were church camps, becoming a Deacon in my mid-twenties and finally teaching a Sunday school class, made up of mostly teen-age girls (what’s wrong with that picture?) After a divorce, I was very much an “outcast” in the eyes of my fellow Deacons and life-long church acquaintances. I simply moved out of my hometown and for the next 40-years (other than the 3-years I dated a Baptist minister’s daughter) I never attended a church. Not an atheist during those times, but just generally “not interested”. Two years ago, my son the doctor, came for a visit. This is the young man, who during his entire life, was raised as a Lutheran – attended a Lutheran college (among others) and during his visits during that period of his life, would constantly use such phrases as, “Praise the Lord” or maybe, “God Love Him/Her” - and others. It just drove me nuts! But on this ...

Sent in by Mike Z I have just recently come to my good senses concerning religion and god. Religion is horrible and there is no god. I was raised the first 18 years of my life in a United Pentecostal Church, and those were the most awful years of my life. I am gay and going to church three times a week, sitting there listening to how I was going to hell unless I changed my ways, was the most unbelievably horrible mind fuck anyone could receive. I was told that I was an abomination and a "stink in god's nostrils." The thing was, I knew I was gay and I prayed and prayed to be "delivered." I had preachers try to "cast out the homosexual demon." Nothing worked. Nothing I ever did at church ever changed the feelings I had when I left the building. After I got out of the South and moved on I knew I didn't prescribe to that brand of belief, but I thought I had to hold on to to some sort of belief. I remember visiting my older brother and him telling me ...

Sent in by John D For the past two years or so, I've experienced intense bouts of anger, hatred, and depression all wrapped together into one big nasty mix. Yes, I am an ex-christian. I know and am glad the most feared, sadistic, tyrant talked about so much in public circles is not a real being. I no longer have to worry about the things he might do to me if I dare to disobey him, and this was indeed a great relief for me just as much the time of my deconversion as it is for me today. Yet I still feel extreme bouts of rage and depression due to the fact now that I am an ex-christian, my family and relatives see me as an inferior person who needs to be "crushed." While I am no where close to being some kind of superstar prodigy, I've been a relatively responsible and motivated individual. Despite this, my family and relatives still treat me as if I am the lowest person on the planet. I am really starting to believe they want to kill me, not literally but psychologicall...

Sent in by Alan B As far as I can remember I have been asking questions. To set the scene, I am from the United Kingdom, which is a country whilst not free from religious conflicts is not as willing to show religion on its sleeve with the same pride that America does. Both my parents raised me, and both my parents are Church of Scotland Christians. They are not the hell and damnation type, which seems to be a recurring theme on these testimonials, but the quiet type. In fact, you can barely tell they are of any religious persuasion. And this is where the questions would come. How come my parents were not as 'angry' as other Christians? Why did my parents not go to the same church as my Catholic friends? etc... The problem is, when you get two separate groups of Christians who both "love" their "god," but don't go to the same church, it is very hard to explain this phenomenon to a child. But here comes a sticking point: My parents would not go to a Cathol...

Sent in by Debbie L Sometimes I cry. Sometimes I'm sad to be so far away from what I used to be. It's like missing home. I wouldn't ever want to live with my parents again, but hey, there was some really good stuff there, too. Now they look at me funny when I say I don't go to church. They look at me with sad eyes and remind me that they are praying for me. I'm sure they are, and sometimes it's hard for me to know my choices are breaking their hearts. But, I haven't chosen a life of crime. I've never hurt anyone willingly in my whole life. You'd think I was choosing to become part of the Taliban or something. They send me emails on the dangers of "THE CHURCH OF OPRAH" and how I should warn everyone that she is leading millions astray with her views. ...sigh... I love Oprah. I know it's cliche, but I love how she speaks her mind, no matter how dorky it sounds, and that she isn't afraid to look convention in the eye and roll her e...

Sent in by Ted Goas I hope my testimonial is short and sweet. I was raised by two educated, traditional parents in the New York metro area of the U.S. I was introduced to, schooled in, and eventually confirmed Lutheran. At no point was I ever enthusiastic about my religion or going to church. But like many others I took religious teachings at face value, went through the motions and believed what I read in the Bible. But then I went to graduate school, which turned out to be my turning point. There I learned to question things, filter out bad information, ask for proof, and basically ask “Says who?” During this time I watched a documentary and heard this quote from Michael Shermer : “Smart people come to revisit things they learned for not-smart reasons,” or something to that effect. That was the straw that broke the camel’s back. It made me realize that children can’t control how they’re raised. But we can re-evaluate what we were conditioned to think. After doing so, my story is prob...

Sent in by Sean H I was raised in a Christian home on "Biblical Principles" (in this case as defined by an American evangelist named William Branham who my parents believed - and continue to believe - was God's prophet sent to this 'final generation' to tell them God is coming, I happen to be his mouthpiece, turn from your wicked ways, etc). Unfortunately for my pastor and parents, however, I have always had an inquisitive mind, and while I went along with all this nonsense, it never sat well with me. In my early 20s I left this fundamentalist group for a more mainstream version of Christianity. I figured that God was probably real but that I had just grown up in a community that misunderstood him. All I found though was that while the lifestyle was more enjoyable and sat more at ease with the rest of society, the same questions remained. I am now 29 and about nine months ago I started listening to podcasts from people like Scientific American , Astronomy Cast , ...

Sent in by Jim RL I was raised Catholic and attended Catholic school from kindergarten through high school. I read the Bible often and prayed every night. God was very real to me through college. During college I went to church every Sunday with my grandmother. I quit reading the Bible when I got to the end of 2 Samuel and it tells the story of God killing 70,000 Israelites via an epidemic because David took a census that God told him to take. I just couldn't accept that story. I had a pretty liberal view of the Bible, but this story couldn't be true. My God wouldn't do that. The God I prayed to, talked to wouldn't do that...couldn't do that. The crisis of faith was never quite settled, but the feelings that story gave me eventually died down. After college I still went to church in Columbia, South Carolina. I wasn't very comfortable with the more conservative church there. A priest in a homily once referred to NPR as "National Communist Radio". I didn...

Sent in by Jason I call myself a human animal, no better than any other being on this planet, but I fit into the life cycle like all the other species. I spent my life in a Christian home, with a pastor for a father who encouraged us to attend church and encouraged free thought and questioning. For this I am proud of him. I gave myself to Jesus as an adolescent without knowledge of all the facts and a warped understanding of the world. Two months ago I changed my mind. I have been through a mental and emotional roller coaster ride which culminated in me crying with my sister as we realised that when we die, that was it, and we would be apart. The here and now is what is precious and I let go of the hope in a paradise that is carefree and eternal. It was devastating after believing in it for so long. I just feel that others must know that they are not alone. I've been through thoughts of suicide as life now appears to be meaningless, and Christian friends keep saying, "If there...

Sent in by Philip I've done it. I've gotten myself out of Christianity. Now comes the hard part: letting go of YHWH altogether. The only real problem I'm having with this has to do with this series of vows that I've made over the course of about two years -- absurd vows, having to do with my sexuality, my diet, how much money I spend: all leftovers from being a nervous Christian fearing I wasn't pious enough. I've given up Jesus, because he wasn't the Messiah. But my timidness at finally giving up my vows has left me in a very awkward position as sort of a pseudo-Jew, still worrying whether or not Jewish god really does exist. If I can just get myself to break these vows, I'll be free. But this is the final threshold, and I don't ever want to look back if I can get past this. I'm miserable, as this cognitive dissonance is tearing me apart: my rational mind telling me it's mystical nonsense, and my baser superstitious self who keeps saying ...