Look ma, I’m agnostic!

Sent in by Heather

It says it all in the save title really. The belief? In Christianity and a God in general. I was in youth club a few months ago and you know what? The same thing happened that has been going on for the past year, ever since I turned 19. I kept thinking:

‘Are they even listening to themselves?’ and


I think I would have liked to believe when my faith began to fall for the first time; but I’d rather know the truth. I don’t want to waste my life. What they said that day was true, when the minister gave a list of reasons of why so few young people are Christians, many people don’t want to waste their lives when they are young. I’m the same.

I’m 20 years old you know? There are things I can do now I’ll be laughed at for in 15 years time. I am at the best age stage apparently. When you’re old enough to do a lot of things yet young enough to get away with being a bit stupid now and again.

The fact is, I’ve read that books the “case for faith” before. Yeah those elements weren’t in large amounts in the atmosphere to create life, but they were in underwater volcanoes- that’s where life likely sprung from. He (the author) didn’t bother to seek further. I bet all he heard after that Muller experiment was “however…” slapped it in the book and didn’t bother to investigate further.

That is blind. I don’t want to be blind.

When you think about it, I mean really think about it the whole religion from start to finish is one crazy story. The world created in seven days? Nope not true, sorry. Not even a little bit. The old testament is blood thirsty. When I read it, God seems to be a malicious maniac. Killing women and children with no question? What the hell? I mean seriously some of these people get booted out of their own land just for ‘his people’. That’s not fair at all. Not even a little bit.

In the OT in general God seems like a very angry person indeed. People say in hindsight to bible stories “They should have believed in God”. Should they have? Should they have really? They may have won wars (if indeed what they say is true, do they ever tell the truth?- there were no real slaves in Egypt building pyramids you know so get that image out of your head). At what price? The blood of countless innocents on their hands? Just because they didn’t have the same religion it was okay to murder them? What possible sane rational person would think that was okay?

God is supposed to be perfect. I’m not talking about letting suffering happen but actually ordering it to be committed. That is not the idyllic ‘God’, the perfect being.

We’re told we can’t understand the mysterious workings of God we should just trust that he has a plan. That sounds a lot to me like “sit down, shut up and do as you’re told. Pea brain”.

Right. Thanks for that, that really answers my questions.

Every Sunday at home I lie. I pretend to believe to spare my parents feelings. So my aunt, my mother’s sister won’t nag. She’s blindly followed all her life. She doesn’t see why I shouldn’t too.

Just because she wasted her life, should I waste mine?

Also my sexuality would likely put me at odds with the church, if they ever found out.

I think I might be a bisexual romantic asexual. As in I would be romantically but not sexually involved with men and women.

I’d ‘love’ my aunt’s reaction to THAT. That her eldest niece was ‘half gay’. Admittedly I’d go for men more than women, but I’m not directly opposed to the idea of relations with the same sex.

I’ll keep it to myself for a while though. My family shall never know the real me.

I might tell my sister. ONE day. But I hardly see myself telling anyone else I’m genetically related to. She’s a bit more open minded. And throughout the years I’ve had the distinct impression she might be bi too or even a full lesbian. (Just because she had a boyfriend recently means nothing). Not as an insult (God no). But she’s always seemed like a closed book. It’s been something I seriously considered.

Sexuality is something a lot of people hide. (Something that is largely religion’s fault) My sister may be no different.

They say the figure of 10% being gay might actually be twice that, what with people even now still hiding. I don’t know about bi numbers.

Though actually I’ve always secretly thought if people were more honest about themselves they’d find out everyone was a little bi at least, that the choice between gay and straight may even be an illusion. There is no choice, we’re all kind of both, just at different grades of preference when it comes to the same or different genders.

No, the only people who will know shall be the friends I’ll make throughout life. The family I’ll choose.

Christians just seem to make the decision for me, that the belief is not for me. I don’t agree with the views on alcohol. I like clubs- as long as people don’t hit on you or try to set you up with random strangers. I like to dance like an idiot. An odd drink will not send me to hell, even if it existed. I’m not a fool; I don’t drink heavily, or even often. I know alcohol can do damage, if you don’t control yourself from the beginning.

I don’t agree with their views on homosexuality- almost being ‘half one’ myself what would you expect? But even before I had my suspicions about myself I had a problem with it. A ‘perfect’ God should be accepting. How can he reject people for something they have no control over? How can people think they should ‘force’ themselves to be celibate (that is a completely unreasonable thing to ask), or that homosexuality is something that needs to be cured?

Then there are the Christians in power- like George Bush who feel the need to force their beliefs upon those who don’t even go to church. Politics and religion should remain separate. Always. The only laws regarding religion should be that as long as your belief does not harm yourself or those around you, you are protected. As are all beliefs. You cannot force your religion down the throats of others and expect them not to spit it out in disgust.

They are not the medicine to some imaginary disease called ‘sin’. Close but no cigar. The real diseases are ignorance, hate and fear in something that does not exist. Evil is not a living thing. Bad people do bad things. Religion does not make the mix even more volatile however Dawkins, the people who follow it do. Enough said. Though I’m bitter at time wasted; many religions did set the foundation of laws. People needed a reason to get the people to follow the rules than just death or imprisonment, for a time such punishment was not enough- so a higher being was made. Religion invented the name of sanity. Check- An invention. It served its purpose and now outstaying its welcome; it has become a hindrance in ways.

It just went insane over time. However I suppose there are the atheistic versions of fundamentalist Christians which also irritate me. It is idiotic I believe to be too convinced that there is or isn’t a higher being. There is no way of knowing for sure.

Angry people make an angry world Dawkins, like you are. You are no different to them. You see a weakness in the atheist condition- bitterness and anger at an insane world and use it to promote your beliefs, even though there is no proof or dis-proof of a god, no matter how many spaghetti monsters you talk about. It isn’t the same thing. It is like a certain person comparing a watch to the world…

Kind of like religion don’t you think?

Atheism, Theism. Truth is I have no real love of either. Look ma, I’m agnostic!

Jesus said that the people in the end would hate them for they ‘spoke the truth’. Well if the truth means that prejudice, denying who you really are and your individuality perhaps it’s best I don’t believe in such a ‘truth’ anymore.

Agnosticism is the true faith, perhaps?


Anonymous said...

"That sounds a lot to me like “sit down, shut up and do as you’re told. Pea brain”."

That's basically the end of the Book of Job (ch. 38-41).

Also Romans 9:20, "But who are you, O man, to talk back to God? 'Shall what is formed say to him who formed it, "Why did you make me like this?"'"

I've always hated Paul's argument in that passage. It's such a thought-repressing tactic.

-on the fence

Raytheist said...

OP wrote: "I’ll keep it to myself for a while though. My family shall never know the real me."

The entire article was good, but this one line struck me as rather sad, in a way. I DO understand it, and I realize we have to make certain concessions or compromises in order to function and get along with family, friends, and society.

Hiding "the real me" is a way to avoid unnecessary and hurtful judgments from others, or avoid criticism over things that are really nobody's business. And, true enough, sometimes when we know others will grieve over our decisions and choices we simply don't inform them. But it also means we weren't being fully genuine at times when it might be better to let them see us.

I have no suggestions or advice to the OP or anyone else, really; it's more an issue I myself am dealing with: just how much of myself am I willing to lay out for public viewing. And how often do people assume I believe, simply because I bow my head and keep quiet when others are praying, or simply say "No thank you" when offered a religious tract on the street, instead of saying "I don't believe in God and I'd rather not participate in your exercise in self-hypnosis" or "I don't want to read about your Imaginary Friend."

twincats said...

Heather (the OP) said:

"Just because she wasted her life, should I waste mine?"

Well, you know what they say about misery loving company, right?

Anonymous said...


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