Schizophrenic Faith
Sent in by Kristina
I had the kind of faith that was coined as "childlike." My mom (a Christian) would remark on it often, saying she wished she had my kind of faith. That is funny, considering where I am now. I started going to church at the age of 10. I actually enjoyed it, and I used to beg my parents to go. Why? I don't know. I didn't even really have a relationship with God.
Then all of a sudden things got very serious.
I made a vow to read the entire Bible (almost succeeded too). I was only 11 then. From what I'd read about God, I had gathered he was a pretty angry guy, so I would pray EVERY single night without fail. I was afraid that if I didn't pray, God would get very angry at me and cause bad things to happen.
My prayers were "answered" on a few occasions. So, I thought, "Hey, this works," and continued to pray.
I don't remember ever questioning my faith. I didn't have the questions that kids usually have, like where did the dinosaurs go? or anything like that. I just accepted it as it was given to me. My life was pretty chaotic back then too. I lived with a dying grandmother, three alcoholics, and a bipolar mother who was unpredictable and often angry. I made up for my family's dysfunctions by being a very "good" girl. I vowed never to get angry at anyone. I made mom's lunch, cleaned her room, was nice to everyone. I was rarely noticed as a child. Some people would call it neglect, but it was only emotional. I was taken care of in every other way. I later learned I'd been molested as a toddler. My life was actually pretty screwed up. Having God helped me at times, even if He was "angry."
Mom decided it was time to pick up everything and leave. No shock, we'd moved a few times before, and I actually enjoyed it at times. There was a sense of adventure.
Things changed when we moved to Minnesota. The family moved on and got better, somehow, but I got worse. Mom had finally gotten meds, but my illness was just beginning. I lost faith very quickly in high school; all it took was a few friends with open minds. But I had gotten crazier and crazier as the days went on. I was diagnosed: depressed, histrionic, agoraphobia, social anxiety, general anxiety, bipolar, and schizoaffective, then bipolar again, all within the course of five years.
I had even attempted suicide a few times.
After high school I became hard to live with. My mom sent me to live with my grandmother. And it was there that I started hallucinating.
I had tactile hallucinations, not only that I was delusional, I felt things that weren’t there. I thought they were ghosts, then demons. These hallucinations would rape me at night — sometimes they would hurt me. I did a ritual about fifty times (I counted on a piece of paper) to try and get rid of them.
Then, finally, I turned to God.
Still didn't get rid of them.
My mom came and took me to a psychiatrist, and they gave me anti-psychotics, but that didn't work.
NOTHING gets rid of these hallucinations.
They sent me away to a three-month residential treatment center. I got a little better; they went a way for awhile. When I came home, that's when I started to get more involved with God. I went to church as an experiment.
I listened to Christian music even though I hated it. At first I felt nothing at all, but gradually I got more into it, and then I became a dedicated Christian.
At first, things got better for me. Faith seemed to be working out. I started coming out of the house, I wasn’t as moody, my hallucinations had died down for a while. My mom attributes all of this to God and not the fact that I worked with therapists for five years and took my meds, and went all the way to New York just to get cured. She says I'm the reason she knows that God exists, because nothing short of God could have cured me.
Hallucinations came back.
I sobbed endlessly... wouldn’t come out of my room... prayed. I was miserable.
People told me that the reason the hallucinations didn't go away was because I didn't have enough faith. That's like telling a cancer patient their cancer will go away if only they believe.
Bullshit.
It's funny, because I told myself the very same thing. And not only that I didn’t have enough faith, but I also that didn't deserve to have them taken away.
The fact is, I prayed and nothing happened. This whole time I convinced myself that I loved God, and I would do anything for Him, etc., but every time I prayed, I cried.
I seemed to mourn my faith.
I hated it.
I studied all the apologist books, because I wanted to be able to defend my faith. But NO matter how much I learned, nothing seemed adequate. There was always something to knock down my faith somehow. I wanted to die. Every night I prayed for a car wreck, just to get me out of my miserable life. The Gospel should have set me free, but it did the exact opposite, I was imprisoned. I felt like I was in some sort of co dependent relationship where God smacks us all around, and I'm supposed to make excuses for Him.
I finally began to question my "child-like" faith. I researched the arguments against God. (I'd already read all the ones for God).
I gave up on God.
I have never had so much clarity, happiness, and independence — ever.
I went out shopping, something I never do. I drove, and was lost, and I didn't care,
I opened a new bank account. I talked to strangers. I WAS FREE.
These are things I’ve never done even under God's own dominion.
I didn't really make my separation from God complete until today.
This is the event that triggered it:
I told Mom that I didn't believe anymore. She said that Satan had gotten to me.
Whatever.
She also told me a story about something that had happened to her.
She said that she was sitting in her room depressed, and how usually when she's depressed she tells herself how dumb and worthless she is, and so on. And then she said she heard a voice that wasn’t hers and it said "stupid bitch," and she rebuked it and then prayed. And then she said she felt so much lighter. She says this voice is Satan.
I get very quiet and she asks me what's wrong.
I reply "Well, whenever I say I hear voices that aren't mine — in MY head — or that I feel things that aren’t there, people call me crazy. But somehow when it happens to YOU, it's Satan. Sorry, I just don’t quite get that."
Then she tells me that she prays for me all of the time. (She knows I've somewhat strayed, but she doesn’t know to what extent).
All of a sudden I had this irrational fear that the Christian God was real. And He was going to hear her prayers (and the Bible study, and her evangelism class, because they are all praying for me too) and then make me miserable again so I would come crawling back to Him.
Oh yes, He does that all the time. Just read Hosea.
And I told her to do me a favor and not pray for me. Then I said my own little prayer to this non-existent God... for closure.
"God I hate you, you bastard" Don't you dare take away my happiness — you don't have the right. You're just an asshole that can’t stand the sight of his creation. I don't want you."
I'm not going to look back.
Anoka
MN
USA
Joined: 10
Left: 20
Was: Lutheran, non-denominational and Baptist
Now: Agnostic pagan
Converted: because SOMEONE said it was a good idea
De-converted: because I realized that it was really a horrible idea
sendkristinagifts AT gmail dot com
I had the kind of faith that was coined as "childlike." My mom (a Christian) would remark on it often, saying she wished she had my kind of faith. That is funny, considering where I am now. I started going to church at the age of 10. I actually enjoyed it, and I used to beg my parents to go. Why? I don't know. I didn't even really have a relationship with God.
Then all of a sudden things got very serious.
I made a vow to read the entire Bible (almost succeeded too). I was only 11 then. From what I'd read about God, I had gathered he was a pretty angry guy, so I would pray EVERY single night without fail. I was afraid that if I didn't pray, God would get very angry at me and cause bad things to happen.
My prayers were "answered" on a few occasions. So, I thought, "Hey, this works," and continued to pray.
I don't remember ever questioning my faith. I didn't have the questions that kids usually have, like where did the dinosaurs go? or anything like that. I just accepted it as it was given to me. My life was pretty chaotic back then too. I lived with a dying grandmother, three alcoholics, and a bipolar mother who was unpredictable and often angry. I made up for my family's dysfunctions by being a very "good" girl. I vowed never to get angry at anyone. I made mom's lunch, cleaned her room, was nice to everyone. I was rarely noticed as a child. Some people would call it neglect, but it was only emotional. I was taken care of in every other way. I later learned I'd been molested as a toddler. My life was actually pretty screwed up. Having God helped me at times, even if He was "angry."
Mom decided it was time to pick up everything and leave. No shock, we'd moved a few times before, and I actually enjoyed it at times. There was a sense of adventure.
Things changed when we moved to Minnesota. The family moved on and got better, somehow, but I got worse. Mom had finally gotten meds, but my illness was just beginning. I lost faith very quickly in high school; all it took was a few friends with open minds. But I had gotten crazier and crazier as the days went on. I was diagnosed: depressed, histrionic, agoraphobia, social anxiety, general anxiety, bipolar, and schizoaffective, then bipolar again, all within the course of five years.
I had even attempted suicide a few times.
After high school I became hard to live with. My mom sent me to live with my grandmother. And it was there that I started hallucinating.
I had tactile hallucinations, not only that I was delusional, I felt things that weren’t there. I thought they were ghosts, then demons. These hallucinations would rape me at night — sometimes they would hurt me. I did a ritual about fifty times (I counted on a piece of paper) to try and get rid of them.
Then, finally, I turned to God.
Still didn't get rid of them.
My mom came and took me to a psychiatrist, and they gave me anti-psychotics, but that didn't work.
NOTHING gets rid of these hallucinations.
They sent me away to a three-month residential treatment center. I got a little better; they went a way for awhile. When I came home, that's when I started to get more involved with God. I went to church as an experiment.
I listened to Christian music even though I hated it. At first I felt nothing at all, but gradually I got more into it, and then I became a dedicated Christian.
At first, things got better for me. Faith seemed to be working out. I started coming out of the house, I wasn’t as moody, my hallucinations had died down for a while. My mom attributes all of this to God and not the fact that I worked with therapists for five years and took my meds, and went all the way to New York just to get cured. She says I'm the reason she knows that God exists, because nothing short of God could have cured me.
Hallucinations came back.
I sobbed endlessly... wouldn’t come out of my room... prayed. I was miserable.
People told me that the reason the hallucinations didn't go away was because I didn't have enough faith. That's like telling a cancer patient their cancer will go away if only they believe.
Bullshit.
It's funny, because I told myself the very same thing. And not only that I didn’t have enough faith, but I also that didn't deserve to have them taken away.
The fact is, I prayed and nothing happened. This whole time I convinced myself that I loved God, and I would do anything for Him, etc., but every time I prayed, I cried.
I seemed to mourn my faith.
I hated it.
I studied all the apologist books, because I wanted to be able to defend my faith. But NO matter how much I learned, nothing seemed adequate. There was always something to knock down my faith somehow. I wanted to die. Every night I prayed for a car wreck, just to get me out of my miserable life. The Gospel should have set me free, but it did the exact opposite, I was imprisoned. I felt like I was in some sort of co dependent relationship where God smacks us all around, and I'm supposed to make excuses for Him.
I finally began to question my "child-like" faith. I researched the arguments against God. (I'd already read all the ones for God).
I gave up on God.
I have never had so much clarity, happiness, and independence — ever.
I went out shopping, something I never do. I drove, and was lost, and I didn't care,
I opened a new bank account. I talked to strangers. I WAS FREE.
These are things I’ve never done even under God's own dominion.
I didn't really make my separation from God complete until today.
This is the event that triggered it:
I told Mom that I didn't believe anymore. She said that Satan had gotten to me.
Whatever.
She also told me a story about something that had happened to her.
She said that she was sitting in her room depressed, and how usually when she's depressed she tells herself how dumb and worthless she is, and so on. And then she said she heard a voice that wasn’t hers and it said "stupid bitch," and she rebuked it and then prayed. And then she said she felt so much lighter. She says this voice is Satan.
I get very quiet and she asks me what's wrong.
I reply "Well, whenever I say I hear voices that aren't mine — in MY head — or that I feel things that aren’t there, people call me crazy. But somehow when it happens to YOU, it's Satan. Sorry, I just don’t quite get that."
Then she tells me that she prays for me all of the time. (She knows I've somewhat strayed, but she doesn’t know to what extent).
All of a sudden I had this irrational fear that the Christian God was real. And He was going to hear her prayers (and the Bible study, and her evangelism class, because they are all praying for me too) and then make me miserable again so I would come crawling back to Him.
Oh yes, He does that all the time. Just read Hosea.
And I told her to do me a favor and not pray for me. Then I said my own little prayer to this non-existent God... for closure.
"God I hate you, you bastard" Don't you dare take away my happiness — you don't have the right. You're just an asshole that can’t stand the sight of his creation. I don't want you."
I'm not going to look back.
Anoka
MN
USA
Joined: 10
Left: 20
Was: Lutheran, non-denominational and Baptist
Now: Agnostic pagan
Converted: because SOMEONE said it was a good idea
De-converted: because I realized that it was really a horrible idea
sendkristinagifts AT gmail dot com
Comments
There's no reason to hate God... after all, you can't hate that which doesn't exist. I choose to hate Christianity, and the destructive power it has on human kind. Without Christianity (or any other religion), there wouldn't be hatred of homosexuality, of Darwinian evolution. We'd have less bigotry and more progress as human kind would be free to explore without the bondage of Christianity holding it back.
Thanks for sharing your story. There were a couple of things you said that I identified with.
First, I also sufferered from depression, along with anxiety and panic attacks. I've never had the horrific hallucinations that you've had, but I suffered from extreme intrusive thoughts that the devil would possess me and turn me into a maniac. Also at times I thought that god would possess me and make me babble in tongues incoherently. It got so bad that I wanted to lay down on the highway and let a truck run over me just to end the mental torment. Fortunately I was able to hide this from my friends and family, I hate to think what they would do if they knew I was extremely close to a mental breakdown.
The other thing I experienced like you was the sublime relief of my depression and anxiety after I pushed christianity out of my life and stopped believing in hell. My head cleared and I was able to really feel normal for once in my life.
It's hard enough to deal with a traumatic childhood and a predisposition for mental issues without throwing in the fear of burning forever, invisible (or visible) spirits who want to possess you just for thinking the wrong things, christian relatives creeping you out by telling you the spooky things they've seen and heard (like my grandmother does to me), and the repression of natural human thoughts and feelings.
Reading stories like yours helps me to feel that I am not alone in what I went through. The good thing is that now you, I, and all the other ex-christians can do life on our terms, using our own minds and re-learning how to handle our struggles in a realistic and logical manner.
The interesting thing is, I've always loved Halloween as my favorite time of year, but I always felt a little guilty because of my christian background. Now I can really enjoy my monster movies because I know none of it is real, and that some "demon" is not going to possess me because I watched The Exorcist.
Psychological problems and all, you are a brilliant individual. I like what you told your mom about the voice of satan.
Welcome to the religion-free world!
" Jesus never came for christianity.. Now where in the bible does the word christianity pops up..Its man made.. Jesus came to give life and that we all may have more abudantly."
Lorena responds:
Good one! I never heard that one before.
But, come on, we would have never heard of Jesus if it wasn't for christianity. In which case, we wouldn't have been screwed so bad by the religion.
And most likely the book was brought over here only to be used as toilet paper.
That would be it's only legitimate purpose!
If you read the blabble and believe it, it will destroy your mind! Untill you reject it's mind warping trash, just as you have done Kristina, good for you! Best Wishes for ya!
I'm very sorry you had to go through all that sorrow and pain, but perhaps it did have a purpose...to help you wake up and see how christianity and religions sometimes cannot help us, and that we sometimes have to walk on our own feet and use our own hands to solve things. Lorena made a recent post on her blog that might sum it up:
"Really, if god does exist, she wants me to help myself instead of being on my knees beating my chest and waiting for heaven to send some help. Why would god want me to expect the supernatural, when the natural is good enough?
I believe that the universe holds the answers I need. And the universe includes my insights and that of my friends and loved ones, the resources at hand such as books, and health care practitioners with the knowledge to help me. If there is a god, that’s what I call god."
I imagine God might say "There's help for your illness. Go forth and get treatment so that you may get better." Perhaps what you went through was a message that you can't count on a force to do everything for you, that sometimes you have to work at solving problems, rather then praying and hoping God is going to solve them.
With that said, i'm glad you feel better, and that you're free. I too can testify from experience that it feels really good to yell at God about something (in my case, it was how I was never, ever going back to christianity, you got that God?!?!). May the road in front of you be good and fortunate as you walk the new path of your life.
I believe these things are not hard to overcome with time,..but spiritual abuse goes on and on and is totally sanctioned by our country/world.
Thanks for your story,..it helped us to remember the continuing horror of religious abuse on children!
Lorena: Thank you so much for the compliment.
stanley: I don't really stand in wonderment at how people let the bible control their lives, because I used to be one of them. It doesn't puzzle me one bit. Christianity is based on fear. That's why the people let a bible control their lives.
Ian: I agree with you completely if a god/goddess does exist then they definitely want us to help ourselves. One of the other turning points was when mom and I were sitting in the car, and I was arguing about how God makes all the major decisons in my life (according to christianity we should pray for his will) like marriage, and which job I should take. I decided then and there that I would begin to take control of my own life. Whether it be my mental health, or anything else.
freedy: Spiritual abuse is prevelant in our society. I made a vow that I would NEVER raise my children Christian, Jewish, or Muslim...if they want to deal with that later on in life then that's fine. But I'm not raising my child to believe in hell...ever.
j.c.: I have thought of that often too...I probably would have been exorcised or just committed to a mental institution (those things were horrid, possibly still are) for life. I am so glad that I had a family to support me. And the courage to pull myself out of the mire.
Everyone: Thanks for reading my story and commenting, thank you so much for your encouragement. Sometimes it is hard leaving Christianity.
Kristina
My entire Christian experience (sixteen years worth) was nothing but fear, confusion, and torment. I would see Jesus naked on the cross when I was sixteen and pray that God would forgive me and take away such thoughts about my "savior" (I had always thought of Jesus as a big brother of sorts, and since my brother had molested me, I would be tormented by visions of Jesus naked). I remember once feeling that demons were all around me in my room. I just laid there in bed scared to death and begging God to protect me from them. For 16 years I wrestled with the issue of what it takes to be saved, hypocrisy within the church, doctrines of men (they're ALL doctrines of men), troublesome scriptures, etc. etc. For years I battled self loathing, suicidal thoughts, anxiety attacks, and came close to having nervous breakdowns many times. I would picture myself in a bathtub of bloody water after having imagined to slit my wrists and would feel some small sense of peace; even if I could not follow through with the act, I could entertain the thought, ya know? I envied that image of me dead in the bathtub, because I saw a woman that was no longer tormented. If it wasn't suicidal thoughts, than I would entertain thoughts of committing myself to an institution just to obtain a prescription that would anesthesize me and help me forget, if only for a little while, the Hell on earth that I was living in.
Too many victims have gone crazy, comitted suicide, murdered in the name of God, ostracized others in the name of "God", judged others in the name of "God"...Too many families have been destroyed, too many pastors have fleeced the flock, molested their youth, slept with their parishoners wives...Too many friendships have been lost, too many homosexual men and women have lived in shame, too many people have lived in terror of Hell simply for the "sin" of unbelief, too many denominations have been formed... When will it all end?
Your story is tragic, but you are free now. There is so much freedom and beauty this side of religion. There is so much clarity this side of religion. "Into a daybreak that's wonderously clear, I rise" as Maya Angelou would say..."I am the dream and the hope of the slave."
You, Kristina, are no longer a slave.
Then you see the Muslims on the news running around like a bunch of brain dead lunatics, why all because of a friggen belief, (narcissistic personality disorder) infected by an authority figure, idiot parents!!!
Religious people are desperatly missing something, mostly common sense and no faith in themselves to think for themselves without a personal God waiting there to slap them with a yard stick to correct them onto the right path. It's fear based suppression from reality, as if reality is your worst enemy. So the Bible's and Q'uran's agenda is to inflict fear and suppression from reality and to keep people thinking and acting mentally insane, religious agenda is to keep people mentally off balanced.
The very same can be said for politics, keep people mentally off balanced, and the government can keep screwing the people.
You are so right, that was great, thanks!
It´s at least one bear off the road now.
Schizophrenic is such a good word for it.
If dividing up the different aspects of our personality into these characters of 'Jesus', 'God' and 'Satan', with all their imaginary helpers and enemies, then fitting it all into some invisible battle that nobody around us can see isn't Schizophrenic then I don't know what is.
No wonder the world is such a mess with so many people living this way, and not even knowing it.
Without the belief in a god there's no basis for the belief in his enemies, ie. demons, etc.
So it's a powerful thing to see that, despite resisting 'demons' all your life, the nightmare wasn't really over for you until you rejected 'God' 'him'self.
Thanks for that story.
Kristina,
How terrifying to have those thoughts. I can see where you would have that fear with all that you've been through. I applaud you for being able to overcome the damage that Christianity has done to you. Welcome to the site. You'll find alot of support and friends here.
Jennifer
blame God for everything
blame God for everything
>>
poor poor poor idiot
can't understand we don't blame god for anything...
-Wes.
Hey Y'all! Pa-raise the Lard!
This is what you are suggesting.....
God – “I love you, you human beings I created. I love you so much and want you to spend eternity with me because my heart overflows unbounded with love for you.” I love you SO, SO MUCH! I can’t think of anything I love SO much as you human beings. I’ll even allow a third of myself to be killed and have that third come back from the dead to show you how much I love you!"
Us – “Um, because it appears you only exist in a book, we aren’t sure we can return that love...".”
God - "…THEN GO TO HELL…and burn in torment for ever and ever and ever and ever and ever.”
I want to share with you so much my trails, we have so much in common.God is still working on me. I was once an atheist, amongst other things. One thing that has helped me understand myself, was even as a small child I felt betrayed by my mother when I found out she lied to me about there being no Santa Claus. It does sound stupid, but it hurt me tremendously, because I thought my mother was "perfect" and never lied. She was NOT a Christian, but a really good mother. It seems, all children, EXPECT their mother to be perfect, but they are not and neither are ANY Christians. You have been what is called "spiritually abused." And NEVER EVER RECEIVE it when someone tries to tell you you didn't pray enough. That is a LIE. These Christians who have believed this are "in error". They mean well, that is, if you knew the Word better than them, you could easily point out their error, but as a child, this is really sad to me. But, I have even been "spiritually abused" and I am old enough to probably be your mother. So, some people just believe "in error" and we have to NOT RECEIVE such nonsense!!! That is why we are to read and understand the Bible for ourselves, so no one can fool us, even our selves we deceive. Sometimes, yes, I do anyway. But, the truth is, Jesus is real and no one on the face of this earth has been able to "prove" that the Bible is wrong. They can prove that other Christians are wrong and so could I. I have been hurt by those in the church and I took a sabbatical from church for two years because God knew the hurt and anger I felt and it wasn't doing me any good to go to worship with all that hurt and anger unresolved and no one was there to help resolve these issues and they held to a few things really out of place, but I wasn't 'read up' enough in God's Word and didn't know the Love He had for me, so I continued to be under the authority, spiritual authority that was in most ways right, but in a very BIG WAY REALLY WRONG! And, I think there are many, many, many of these types of churches and Jesus, through the Apostle John in Revelation, addresses these issues. IN that respect, we don't have to worry about them, God Himself is already dealing with them, even though we can't see it and He will deal more roughly (that's in God's Word) with teachers and preachers and such, than the rest of us.
What we need to do is forgive them. (I am going through a really close similar experience as you that is why I share this with you.) If you look around at the overcomers, the victorious Christians, the FEARLESS ONES, they KNOW that Jesus did not come into the world to CONDEMN, but to save!!!! Don't worry about the others in error right now, for satan to throw you off so much and so quickly, you can be sure you were threatening satan and that God loves you very much. The Christian walk IS the narrow way, but it is a decision as well. We have to overcome our self, satan, the world and sin. This is no easy task, nor did Jesus ever say it would be. To turn away from conforming to the world and believing what the world says is very hard. And I won't go into the rest, but it IS a narrow and difficult way, but I have to confess, that as a seeker and a former atheist, etc., etc., etc., etc., etc., and I am embarrassed and they are all in my past, so that is why I don't identify with them, but as a TRUE SEEKER of whether "this guy" as I formerly put it - is real - well, I found out that He is and He IS worth putting it all on the line.
God doesn't condemn you, and no one ever should have told that. I will try to be in prayer for you Kristina, that you will be able to forgive those people who spiritually abused you, just know that Jesus' biggest hurt, too, was from one of the disciples (a disciple who even "kissed" him)! I have felt this pain and I will never forget it! I have been abused in other ways, unfortunately like so many others in this world, but I still feel that the greatest angst and pain I suffered was from a church who "spiritually abused me." It took me almost two years to find out that "I" didn't have the problem, but "they" did. And then, God wanted me to pray for them and to forgive them, because it was most likely error passed down from generation to generation or from faulty leadership. You are precious, Kristina, and I have been where you have and even tried other things. It is also a LIE that Christians hate people who are homosexual. Some do, but whether they are "Christian in name only" is what God sees, because God has already said in His Word to us, that "we will know them by their works and their love for one another." If any Christian judges or condemns like that, what does God say about that?
Jesus would have opened wide his arms as he did with the prostitute, the tax collector, etc., remember? And He still is today, except you are right, the church is supposed to be His Arms, but where are they??? It isn't God's fault, it's people and their twisting things around. In fact, he made specific references to the fact that the prostitute and tax collector and sinful person who KNOWS they are a sinner and in need of God's grace and deliverance, He said, "they will make it into the Kingdom of Heaven first..." I can't find my Bible right now, but it's in there, the rest of it.
It is the ones who think they "got all the knowledge" of Jesus, and that's all they need to get into Heaven, who are wrong, and Jesus addressed them many times. He said "Woe, woe, unto you scribes and Pharisees, and that is the exact attitude of so many "Christians by name" today." We must be careful not to judge anyone ourselves, but we also must learn to be wise enough to stay away from those who are not really following Christ correctly. He is the only perfect Lover of our soul who is Lord of all. Satan is still the "prince of the power of this air" and we are in DAILY warfare with him. If a Christian comes up to you or acts like they have "attained total enlightenment or whatever", read Paul's message..... He fought DAILY for his salvation and to be an overcomer. And we are all to do the same for we are ALL in warfare for our own souls. And he was a killer of Christians in his life before meeting the Lord!
I will pray about your situation with the schizophrenia stuff. I have witnessed things, but this is all I wanted to share with you now, because you need to forgive these people who have "spiritually abused" you. There is a scripture that God even gave to me a dream for me AND this church I was going to. And it is Matthew 18:32-34.
The Lord specifically showed me these beautiful scriptures all throughout His Word that "we are to love one another" and he told me that "I" was not measuring up because I was holding unforgiveness against a beautiful Christian person who I felt was charging me too much money. Probably because at this other church school I went to, I received so much discounts. And well, that part is too personal and embarrassing for me, but I was holding a grudge and they may have been not perfect, but God showed me everything He had forgiven me of, and believe me, it wasn't pretty. Then he showed me that I was under false doctrine, not totally though, but they didn't preach forgiveness, and forgiveness is what God is all about. We will be forgiven AS we forgive and sometimes we have to ask God to help us forgive because we can't do it on our own. Anyway, He said then, if you refuse to forgive, I will turn you over to the "tormentors" (different versions of the Bible say it different), but the tormentors are "demons". I am not saying that is for sure what is going on, but its something to look at. I am familiar and have seen schizophrenic people delivered, but I will share next time.
I can never say anything bad about my Lord, for I know I have caused most of my own misery even without knowing it. And others have too, but I think I had the most hatred and anger because I grew up in an abusive home, so I forgive them a lot easier now. But it is NOT easy to forgive and Jesus told us it wouldn't be. I KNOW you are precious to God. God doesn't condemn. I wish I could give you a big hug, because I've been there and I know how painful it is. Remember Jesus does too.
Just like Rebekah (and her ilk) have yet to "prove" that the Flying Spaghetti Monster doesn't live on one of the moons orbiting Jupiter. Yeesh. -Wes.
Can jesus really understand the suffering and pain of female genital mutilation?
The guy has had 2,000 years hanging in heaven – I’m thinking that’d take some of the sting of those few days he had the shit beat out of him. I, mean, I’m just saying.
I'm not sure what "interseeding" means---but it's very disheartening to see that people living in the 21 century still superstitiously believe that legendary invisible beings are "here" and watching over us, especially in light of all the suffering around us, while the best excuse that the believer can come up with is that this suffering is all part of a divine "plan". Hogwash.
Since the rest of your post is full of presuppositional assertions, and nothing more, I'll just say this:
Won't you come and join us in reality? Choose reason...not superstition.
Sweet Z said: [Kristina] life is a journey and its obvious that you were disappointed that God did not cure you from your illness. Its ok to be angry, frustrated and mad with him.
No, it's NOT "okay" to be "angry, frustrated, and mad" at non-existant beings. That would only compound any mental illness that might already exist in the first place. On the other hand, it's perfectly normal and healthy to be angry for having been lied to.
Sweet Z: I know the awesomeness of God.
Yes, "awesomeness"!..like, "Hey, this snowcone sure does taste yummy on a hot summer's day. God is SO awesome!"
Sweet Z: He will not forget your childlike faith.
No, "He" won't forget your "childlike faith"....in fact, "He" counts on it. The same way any charlatan counts on their victims to have "child-like faith".
Sweet Z: I pray that the Jesus continue to interceed for you.
I think you fundies mean "intercede", no? Nonetheless, you are wasting your time down on your knees.
I don't think so. Christianity has made the world worse, not better.
"He is still interseeding (sic) on your behalf as you belittle him."
No. If ever he existed, he is now quite dead, quite gone, and quite unable to intercede for anyone.
"What God has prepared for those that love him is the gift of eternity."
Eternity does not require gods. If you mean eternal life as the person that I happen to be at this moment... Uh, no thanks. Not in the least bit interested. I hope to spend *my* eternity roaming the universe, being assembled and disassembled by the various cosmic forces and processes, and becoming more and more different every single nanosecond.
"A kingdom that is HIS where pain and suffering does not exists."
Can't be all that great a place if a bunch of the angels decided to leave.
One day we will have to give an account to Him for the things we have said and done in this life time.
No. We need to account to our fellow humans for what we are doing here and now.
"...I bless you with the love Of Christ. For it is he who is..." etc. etc. ad nauseum
Well, de Camptown Christians sing dis song/ Doo-dahh, doo-dahh..."