Atheist after reading the Bible

Sent in by Susan

I was raised Catholic. My whole family still believes in the Church. My dad is even a "Knight of Columbus."

As a child, I was afraid there was no God. I was always doubting. But since my parents believed, I assumed there must be a god, even though I couldn't see him. I sometimes felt uplifted at church.

When I was in high school, I had a boyfriend who was a born-again Christian. I liked his friends and the church activities. So I tried to buy into it. It's actually very simple: You just follow the rules.

After a while, I realized the rules were stupid. I stopped going and went to college. At college, I continued to be scared of dying. What if there was no God? No Heaven? That was very scary to me.

After a year at college, my mother died of cancer. I was angry at God and turned away from him. I said I was an atheist because god would not let things like that happen to my mom.

This went on for awhile. I would say now, that I didn't have a true atheism. I still believed in God because I was angry at him. I suffered from anxiety attacks when I thought about death. The anxiety attacks were very scary.

After college, I met my first husband. He was a manipulative jerk, but I was so depressed at the time, I was just glad to have someone in my life. It was a very sad, pathetic time in my life that I'm not proud of. My first husband was a born-again Christian and converted me back. The anxiety attacks mostly stopped because I could believe in something.

After awhile, I divorced my husband and met someone new. He had always been searching for the truth in life himself. We got married.

I began to really read the Bible and research what others said about different religions. I met some Mormons and learned about what they thought, too.

Reading the Bible showed me that the Bible is contradictory, mean-spirited and anti-family. As a mother of 2 kids, I would never choose God over my kids, but the Bible expects a person to do that.

After all of this research, I realized that there is no way that there is a God. People want to believe because it makes them feel better. It made me feel better, too. But believing in something that isn't real isn't very satisfying to me. I'd rather that there was a Heaven. I'd love to see my mom when I die. But I know that's not true. It's wishful thinking.

At this point, I became a true atheist. I started taking medication for my anxiety and depression. It turns out that I have a chemical imbalance that I probably inherited from my parents. The medicine balances me. I am able to think more clearly.

I discovered the writings of Epicurus. It helped me deal with death. There is nothing to fear.

I have am raising my kids to be free-thinkers. I hope they will choose atheism. My husband is not an atheist, but neither is he religious. He is moderately "spiritual." I hope more people can learn to turn away from religion. It is a pipe-dream, a wishful desire that leads to nothing. Appreciating life and celebrating it every day is what is most important.

El Paso
Joined: born into it
Left: 28
Was: Catholic, Christian (Born again)
Now: atheist
Converted because: Born into it
De-converted because: Read the Bible


xrayman said...

Welcome to the world of reality. Yea it's a little sad realizing that we are never going to see our deceased loved ones again. They can only live on in our memories while we are still alive. When we die, one thing is for certain, we will be at peace.

What is that really supposed to mean when one says, "Put God/Jesus before family?" I would like to hear of a concrete example of a situation where that would come up. As if Jesus is going to ask you to dinner some night when you already have plans with the family, and you must cancel plans with the family. There is no circumstacne where someone really would have to put God/Jesus before family. It's just Christian jibber jabber.

Piprus said...

Welcome Susan...
Though you've obviously had problems and obstacles in your life, you've surmounted them. You're a thinking person, and you've come to a realistic point of view. Good for you! And congratulations on your decision to raise your children to think freely. Hats off...

Steven Bently said...

Hi Susan, For some reason people think that by having a "belief" in this life, will somehow "protect them" in the next life! It's like you said, it's just well wishing!
Welcome to sanity, from christianity!

Anonymous said...

Hi Susan---welcome to the true atonement---"at-one-ment". Stick around.


Anonymous said...

Hi, Susan. Well, that's why people believe, because reality is tough, and no one wants the merry go round to stop. Most people want to believe that they've grabbed a brass ring for a never ending ride. It's understanable: I've spent too many nights in holes in the ground waiting for someone to come and kill me to hold folks who are afraid of the ultimate dark in contempt. too bad most of them think that by refraining from really living this life they'll have another, but everyone has to get through...or not.

Have you noticed that all authority requires you to put all other loyalties and loves to the rear? Countries, religeons, work...they all want to actually own you, religeon just holds the note longer.

Anonymous said...

Hi, I am so saddened for your horrible experience(s) with religion. Man, it really is gross and the veryy worst bondage. You should read the writings of an amazing person who detested religion and the religious elite who put their blind followers into the bondage of guilt. That man was Jesus, the Christ (ie. Saviour, Liberator) who came to set captives free! IF YOU HAVE NOT EXPERIENCED LIBERTY YOU HAVE NEVER MET CHRIST!! So hang in there, because He cares for the lost and will keep knocking at the door to your heart thruough the precious person of His Holy Spirit who will only set at liberty, never put in bondage. Again, I am genuinely very sorry for your horrible experience and I, too, loathe religion but man oh man, I love Christ both for who is is and what he's done in my life. Cheers..

Anonymous said...

Sorry to hear of your past problems. Hey, at least you have realized the real way of the world early and can enjoy life as it comes and not spend your life waiting for a hope based upon really bad stories and pretend morals.

If you are still trying to find your way around reality, I had good luck with a group at". Trust me on the name thing. :-)

eam said...

Hi Susan, Hi Everyone...
This is my first time commenting on this site. I just discovered it 2 days ago after finally figuring out I'm a "nonbeliever" very very recently. I feel very similar to you Susan for I grew up Catholic too (12 years of Catholic school) and it wasn't until I actually started reading the Bible for myself (recently) that I figured out this stuff is crazy. It's weird -- in some ways I feel free for the first time in my life but I also feel sort-of depressed because having a "god" is a comforting idea. Now I feel very alone. I really want to connect with other atheists...any ideas of good groups in the Bay Area?

tigg13 said...

Welcome Susan!

I, too, have often wondered how the christians could go around stressing family values when jesus himself put so little value on families themselves.

jimearl said...

Good for you Susan. Welcome to the real world. Not all will ever find the peace and contentment of reality. Most will want to hold on to their pipe dreams. There are a great placebo in life. I was raised Nazarene and was taught all others would go to hell. Keep reading and gaining in your knowledge and never look back. You won't turn into a pillar of salt, but you may turn back to a sheep. Good luck.

J. C. Samuelson said...


Congratulations on finding the means to both reconcile your beliefs with reason and find help for your emotional difficulties. At one point I was also diagnosed with clinical depression - a mild case, but depression all the same - and found treatment that helped me overcome the issues causing it.

My amazement that many who read the Bible don't see its flaws is rivalled only by the amazement felt by Christians when faced with those who do.


Anonymous said...

I was also raised catholic,in
EL Paso,at Blessed Sacrament,in grade school.Much of those religious teachings really messed with my head. Making
a mistake, just before you die, could damm you to hell forever.I had resentents toward god.I felt this stuff was forced on me.The
idea of christ dying for our sins
seemed a little strange.AT that time I was a believer.AS I got older I began having serious doubts
about it.I have seen the flaws and crazy stuff that's in the bible.I
can't believe I use to call it a holy book.I have become an atheist
since than.I felt a huge feeling
of relief since that has happened.I
am fine with just dying ,and that is the end of it.I lost my sister
10 years ago to cancer.I felt like
a part of me was torn away.I don't
live in El Paso any more,but I do
visit my other sister, and nieces and nephews.I go to church with them,more just to be with them,and friends,then the actual church service.During christmas. Letting your kids become free thinkers,sounds like a really good thing.Good for you.

muttmutt1978 said...

Im not an atheist but congratulations for deconverting, theres always the option that God does exist but the God of the bible isnt the real God, i prefer the Goddess, sun worship makes more sense than christianity though, because you can see the sun and it gives life and it doesnt take sides.

not saying you should try it. Just saying there are multiple options to every issue including beliefs.

Anonymous said...


You made one of the most profound and true statements I have ever heard anyone make when you said, "have you noticed how all authority requires you to put all other loyalties and loves to the rear? Countries, religions, work...they all want to actually own you."

Anonymous said...

Welcome to the world of reality. Yea it's a little sad realizing that we are never going to see our deceased loved ones again. They can only live on in our memories while we are still alive. When we die, one thing is for certain, we will be at peace.

Every person to their own, xrayman and anyone else who is atheist. But I just can't understand how some people can say that there's not a creator or creators of the universe. Also, there have been so many testimonies of people who are sensetives to the world of spirits. That's something else that I can't fathom.
I myself at age 7 had a friend to have her head accidentally ran over by her grandfather, and the night of her funeral I spent with her parents at her house and I slept in her bed. I know for a fact that I saw her spirit appear to me. I wasn't thinking about her when I encountered it. Plus I was wide awake. I never told anyone because I knew that they would say it was just a dream. But I know otherwise. Will anyone who is atheist explain to me how they don't believe in a not all powerful being but somewhat powerful. For a person to continue to exist in their spirit after death is something that just can't be dismissed. I would appreciate for someone to elaborate on this for me. Thanks

Until the next time that I post a comment, everyone who visits this site take care.

Anonymous said...

Hi Susan...great post!
I have also found out after reading the Bible how truly menacing that Book really is! I was never aware of it before but the Bible is actually very violent, sexiest,intolerant and just plain dangerous, if you ask me! Certainly not a Book i would want children to read!
Atheism is difficult at first because reality is sad but i'd still rather "know" than be fooled into believing fairytales.

Mark Williams said...

As far as I am concerned christians are just like anyone else. There are some good people and some @#%#!@%# ! I don't really see anything different about christians and non-christians. Some people say there are two sides to a coin. I say there are three. We are living in a three dimensional world are we not? If "Christ" can save my soul then either it is saved or it is not. As far as I am concerned though I don't have a soul so I think it would be pretty hard to save something that doesn't exist.

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