My story beyond Christianity

Sent in by Jennifer

I'm not real sure how to start this. I will apologize now for any grammatical or spelling errors that occur.

My grandparents raised me to be the model Christian. They had me in church from the time I was 15 months old all the way up to the time I left home. I was involved in all the youth groups, but I never felt comfortable enough to tell others how to get "saved". I felt that it was a personal choice for a person to make. I started noticing all the hypocrisy in the church when I was around 12 years old. Our church broke up because of some things that were said. It never got back to normal. We were one of the largest churches in that town and then we went to having a total of maybe 20 members.

I had a member of that church criticize me for, of all things, having yellow teeth. That was the start of me really not liking the people in that church.

By the time I was 17, I had stopped going to church altogether. It just wasn't that important to me. I felt that religion was hypocritical and that the bible was my link to God, not what a preacher told me. I held this view all the way up to when I was 21. Then the worst thing possible happened to me. I lost my first son to a stillbirth. I carried him to full-term. I had the so-called Christians tell me that God had a reason, or that I was not the Christian I should have been and I was being punished. That made me turn my back on Christianity altogether-- no Bible, no church, nothing. I wanted nothing to do with any of it if God was that mean-spirited as to punish an innocent baby for the sins of it's mother.

As if that wasn't bad enough, when I was 25, something happened again. My grandmother passed away. She was a charter member of the church I grew up in. She and three other couples started that church in someone's living room. You would think that as such a pillar of their church, they would have some respect for her. She was sick from October until February when she passed away. I can count on one hand all the church members that came to visit her. The preacher himself only came twice. That was pretty pathetic. As a result, I am so pissed off at those people. They didn't take into account that a lot of those people she had known for 40+ years and it had nothing to do with whether or not she went to church with them. Just a little respect, please.

Starting a few years ago, I began questioning my philosophy on life. I figured that there had to be something more out there because not all things can be explained by science. I started on a personal journey to explore all religions and to try to make sense of what they teach. I have studied Judaism, Muslim, and even into the occult, and witchcraft, paganism, Wicca. None of those hold the answer for me. When I told my family that I was studying Wicca, I was told that I was going to Hell because the Bible condemns witchcraft. My aunt told me this, the one who has not picked up a Bible or been to church since she, herself, was a teenager. The typical hypocritical Christian response to gaining knowledge.

I do not believe in the Bible or that there is this one all-powerful deity. He seems pretty mean-spirited to me. I don't believe that Jesus was divine. I think that, if he even existed at all, he was just a man, a rebel who caused a lot of problems. I don't have all the answers, but I do just roll my eyes at the fundamental Christians. I have read too much and watched too many documentaries to believe anything in the Bible.

Anyway, this is my take on it. I don't know everything, but that is why am studying things. I believe in solid, verifiable historical fact. Now, any suggestions as to how I can make my search better would be greatly appreciated.

Ft. Hood
Joined: Really young
Left: 25
Was: Christian (non-denominational)
Now: Agnostic, at best
Converted because: My grandparents took me to church as a child, so I was raised in the faith.
De-converted because: too many reasons to count
email: jen2192000 AT yahoo DOT com

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