sent in by LeeD
Well first of all I would like to say hello. I have been visiting this site for many months just reading and listening to others. While I do not agree with everything that is written here it is certainly a good forum for ideas and a good place to meet with others who have been through Christianity.
It all started for me when my mother use to take my younger brother and myself to church when we were kids. Church at that time was quite boring. Full of old people and crappy old hymns, what a waste of a perfectly good Sunday monring!
A few years later, when I was around 11 - 13 years old received my first propper bible (The New Life Good News Bible) It was full of pictures and helpful reference stuff. As I began to read about Jesus in the gospels, my young heart and mind was gripped. I fell in love God and knew that I wanted to take church and Christianity a little more seriously.
Church seemed to take on a new meaning. I enjoyed the ceremoinal of the ritual. The priest in his white robes, the altar with the candles, the procession etc. To me there was a majesty about it all. When in church I felt a real reverence for God, that he loved us, but that he was holy and to be respected - there was a dignity about it all.
Later as I went through my teens, I rebelled against this type of church, as I read the bible and it talked about mircales and healings, I thought there must be something more. It was then that a full gospel church moved in on my estate and opened up. The leaflet advertised a "Full Gospel" approach to Christianity. It promised, healings, deliverance, miracles, intercessory prayer etc. Man this was for me I thought.
Several years went by, I struggled with masturbation and sexual supression, but I knew this was the truth so persevered.
The church closed and I went to another one. This one was less "fundamentalist" it seemed to have a more sensible approach to these things. It still believed in the things mentioned above, but it didn't make a song and dance over it. Nothing was forced. At last I had found the "true" church experience.
It was about this time that the Internet started to take off. Most households now had a computer and probably an internet connection. I had both. I found myself regularly viewing pornography and then beating myself up over it. But I had a demon so it was alright - I only had to cast the demon out and all would be fine (No personal responsibility!)
It was also about this time that I discovered the vast amount of material exposing false prophecies and contradictions in the bible. This just blew my mind. At first I denied it. Up until this point I just believed with 100% certainty that the bible was true. How other people could not believe it was beyond me. But over a period of several years of supressing and denying this stuff I realised that I had to take a proper look.
I found myself unable to believe the mainy stories found in the bible, but still I continued in church. It was also at this time I found High ceremonial magick (deliberate spelling). This I found to be far more interesting and applicable to modern life.
The rest as they say is history.
One thing I would just add though, as I have been reading this web site I notice that there are some people who adamantly proclaim that there is no god or spiritual reality! To me this is just as foolish and dogmatic as the Christians who claim that there is a god. No one truly knows and to say one does for sure is pure folly!
Have a nice day.