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7/23/05                                                                                       View Comments

This one's rather angsty. :P

sent in by Becca

I grew up in a marginally Catholic family, and became extremely devout at a young age, turning to God and Jesus in an attempt to cope with abuse from my psychotic mother. I'm an intelligent, discerning individual, and so remaining faithful was a tremendous struggle because so much of Christianity just plain does not make sense. But at the time, I saw God as my only hope for any real love and support. Silly me.

You don't want to know how many nights I spent crying into my pillow and begging for help, comfort or at least acknowledgment from God. I finally broke down and told my confessor that I was being abused. But instead of calling CPS or something sane, he just told me to pray harder. You can guess how well that worked.

I decided that maybe Catholicism itself was the problem, and went looking for God in various other denominations. I sat through Lutheran services, talked to some of the Campus Crusade for Christ folks, studied the Bible on my own, and then made a huge mistake--I agreed to study with a Jehovah's Witness friend.

My experience with them was alarming and abusive. They took Christianity's basic problems and amplified them by making their religion into a full-fledged cult. The damage to my self-esteem was very severe, and I found myself stalked for a while when I left.

I tried being independently Christian, but I couldn't get around God's silence, the craziness of his fan club or all the contradictions in Ye Olde Holye Booke. I gave up in college, and started studying Paganism. I've never done anything better for my self-esteem or peace of mind.

SF Bay Area
California
USA
joined: Born into it
left: 23
was: Catholic, Lutheran, former target of the Jehovah's Witnesses
now: Seeker, marginally Pagan, still recovering
converted because: I was baptized Catholic and raised in the faith.
de-converted because: God never answers prayers, the Bible is unintelligible and most Christians practice hatred more than love.
email: writerhelp at yahoo dot com