Image by alasdair.d via FlickrI have submitted a few rants and testimonies in the past. I wanted to outpour my feelings and emotions on my current situation. To give some quick background, 3 years ago I married a wonderful woman, who also happens to be a hardcore Christian. Her motto is "if it's in the Bible, it has to be true." I knew this going in and at the time of our marriage, I called myself a Christian as well and generally believed what I was exposed to me in my faith.
About a year and half into our marriage, (and you can read my testimony last December 2008 for more on that) I told my wife I had become a hard core athiest after walking with God for seven plus years.
We still enjoyed our daily relationship, but a huge hole had been shot between us. She felt I had hoodwinked her.
I have thought about separating from my wife for sometime now; in early May I pulled the trigger. She was in total shock, even though she had told me a week before that she was enjoying daily conversations with Jesus. I told her I was surprised that Jesus had not warned her that I was planning to leave her. I sincerely tried to make my wife see her delusion, and the error of her ways, but I realized as much as I tried to talk rational common sense into her, she would hear none of it. For example, the week of my announcement, she was watching Joyce Meyer, and there was a gentlemen announcing how his faith in God was rewarded with his timely escape from one of the twin towers on Sept 11. In other words, God heard his prayers and got him out of the building before it imploded. And my wife was believing it! I looked at her and told her I was disgusted and appalled that she was watching this, and said this situation raised the obvious question, "What about the other 3,000 people who died that day, many I am sure who prayed for a miracle? All my wife could say was "God has a plan for everyone, blah, blah, blah." She could not see that none of the people who were trapped on the floors above where the planes hit the towers had their prayers answered. Nor did the people who were crushed when the towers came down, and I am sure that none of the prayers for the passengers on the hijacked planes were answered either. Unfortunately, the dead do not get an opportunity to give their testimony, "God ignored my prayers, thus I am dead."
My wife cannot get her brain to think rationally about real world situations like these. There was never any real deeper thought going on in my wife's mind; It was like a total ignorance of the real world. All she could give was just a reiteration of what she has heard in church for the last 20 plus years....God must have his reasons, and even though he just allowed 3000 people to die, that in no way, affects my ability to believe that he will answer my prayer today to make a sale so I can pay my bills... Couple this experience with her visiting friend's account of a recent mission trip to India where she was able to bring a man to accept Christ because his God didn't love orphans and Jesus does, and I felt like that panicking woman in the comedy movie, "Airplane". I GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE! SOMEBODY HELP ME!" I gut wrenchingly told my wife I wanted out and I have not looked back.
We are still working on the terms of our separation, but the great thing for me is that I am no longer exposed to such childish beliefs. I have even told several friends that I no longer believe in God, and they just cannot belive that I do not. One of my wife's friends even played on Pascal Wager with me, elaborating that although she didn't have the higher education that I had, and hadn't studied the Christian faith as much as I had, that it seemed like a good bet, and she would rather be safe than sorry. In fact, I have noticed this defense when Christians percieve they are being attacked; "I believe because...it's the Bible, the Holy Spirit spoke to me, it has to be true..." And most of these people are what I would call normal intelligent human beings. I am saddened that people lose their ability to think rationally as they submit themselves to their weekly brainwashing session.
Anyway, I am looking forward to my new life. I have a clear conscience that I have done the right thing for both our futures; my wife can now spend the remainder of her time here on Earth with someone who is equally "Yoked" and I can do likewise. The future at least for me, is not up to some omnipotent invisible being who although doesn't answer the prayers of innocent people in burning buildings, has great plans for my life. Its all up to me, and me alone. I wouldn't have it any other way.