I realized that God does not exist

Sent in by Kyle

Hi. My name is Kyle, I live in Austin, and I am a former devout Christian.

I grew up in a semi devout family. By semi, I mean that my grandparents on both sides were extremely religious, but my parents were not too religious. I did the whole CCE Church deal on Wednesdays as a child, and went to Church on Christmas, but that was about all.

However, once I became about 15, I started to study more about religion. This was my Confirmation year for the Catholic Church, so I started wondering a bit more about why I was Christian. And, I ended up becoming extremely devout. Every week I would now go to Church with my grandparents on my mom's side, and I became extremely religious. My grandpa on my dad's side is a Protestant Pastor for the Church of Christ, and so I talked with him all the time, about theology, the Bible, and anything Christian!

So, to sum it up... My parents were not really religious, but when I became a teen I became extremely religious. My grandparents were religious, and they always took me to Church functions, and all that.

So, I stayed extremely religious all through high school, and then my Freshman and Sophomore years of college. I had read the bible many times, did the Rosary daily, you name it!

Now if you know about Austin, you will know it is a very liberal city. Liberals all over! So during my years, I met many open homosexuals, and all that. In college, I met a very good friend of mine who told me he was gay.

Now this friend of mine (who I will call J) is the nicest guy I have ever met. He is such a great, loving person. And, he is gay. And I just asked myself "Why would God send this dude to hell for being gay!" It just made no sense to think about such a nice person going to hell.

So, I started questioning the ideal of hell. And then, many more questions popped up. I started readings some atheist books. I began to look at the skeptical approach to not just Christianity, but God in general.

So, questions filled my head. And I was worried about all these questions. I could not sleep at night. So, I just kept thinking about it for about 3 or 4 months.

Then, I decided that theism was not right. I just found that the Bible is a book that is nothing beyond human comprehension, and was just not satisfied. I learned about a lot of pagan roots in the 3 abrahamic religions, and learned a lot of skeptical approaches to different aspects of religion. I studied other religions during this time.. Islam, Hinduism, Buddhism, Shinto, Ositris, you name it..

And, I just could not believe in a God anymore. I just realized that God does not exist.

For a few months it depressed me. But, then I became more appreciative of life.. this world is so amazing, and I am just so glad to be here.. It is great to see how this world works, without thinking of some "loving God".

I just graduated from college, and I am now a happy atheist. :)

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freethinker05 said...

Welcome to the real world Kyle. When I finally became a non-believer in biblegod, it felt as though I had a spiritual awakening, and I am also glad now to be alive and experience this amazing world around me. Great testimonial, and welcome, Roger A/A

Anonymous said...

I began to question my faith after examining the concept of hell.I fully deconverted after seeing Mel Gibson's "The Passion".

I could no longer worship a god that would put his only begotten son through such torture.-freedy

Anonymous said...

Good for you Kyle! I found that kind of peace by coming back to monotheism, and it is indeed a good peace. I found the piece of Truth that I needed, and it looks to me like you found the piece that you needed.


liniasmax said...

I have a problem with the Hell idea - it's the whole idea itself. Good for you for realizing early what took me a few decades to figure out. I'm with freethinker05 - the world is amazingly big and religion is amazingly small. Don't understand the last post from anonymous - I like the idea of Truth with a capital T, but I don't think that is the Truth being referred to. I posted a semblance of a testimony today - it may pale in comparison to some of the great stuff I read here, and indeed to this post.

Anonymous said...

liniasmax said:
"I posted a semblance of a testimony today - it may pale in comparison to some of the great stuff I read here, and indeed to this post"
Hi liniasmax,

If you really meant you 'posted' a testimony, then I sure can't find it anywhere on this site.
Did you perhaps mean you started putting one together that you will post, instead?

I'm looking forward to reading it.


webmdave said...

ATF: His testimonial just went up.

eel_shepherd said...

Kyle, in the topic post, wrote:
"...For a few months [god's nonexistence] depressed me. But, then I became more appreciative of life.. this world is so amazing, and I am just so glad to be here..."

That's it, exactly. "Glad to be here" is the whole idea. The world is the greatest show in the world. You're with it, and it's with you; just like the supposed god was supposed to be (but never really was; it was just you and the world all along).

"...It is great to see how this world works, without thinking of some `loving God'..."

A loving god somewhat given to rather frightening mood swings.

Telmi said...

Welcome, Kyle,

Whether there is or there is no God/god is beyond verification or falsification. But if one is alluding to the Bible God, then one can get much info about him by reading the Bible. And if you have read Prof Victor's interesting book, God the Failed Hypothesis, you would be aware of his very convincing, rational arguments against the existence of the Bible God,believed by his followers to be all-omni [the so-called "3Os".

Where the Bible God is concerned, he can be seen as a freak, an insane, genocidal maniac - and it's all in the Bible. I have never stopped wondering why some people can continue with their worship in this God. Simply bizarre!

Another book I would recommend you to read is "God is Not Great" by Christopher Hitchens. It is simply top-rate.

Huey said...

Kyle said:

".... and I am now a happy atheist. :)"

And xtians think we're suppose to sad and lonely people!

Hi Kyle! Welcome to our ever-growing world!

Bill B said...


I can't relate to a heavily indoctrinated person who deconverts because I never was. It must be depressing at first. I do remember the moment when this tepid God believer realized the truth. It was quite the HOLY SHIT moment. I was estatic. Despite the fact I had the illusion of answered prayers,I never really felt or experienced the presence of God and damn I tried so hard to seek him at times. I guess something deep inside me always knew that God was imaginary.


Bloviator said...

Good for you, Kyle, for freeing yourself early in life. Funny how something like an interpersonal relationship with a REAL person (not the J-man) can be the motivator that helps a person redefine their world-view. To me it is one of the great things about being human. What a gift! Nice to know you can love and appreciate someone without a checklist (gay? commie? liberal? non-christian?). Bill, you and I seem to have a similar mind-set. The older I wax, the more rational my mind gets -- and last year that meant leaving xtianity behind. And it wasn't really anything other than that slow, creeping realization that what I believed had no merit. When I admitted it to myself, it all vanished, just like that (I should say, with the help of this site and also Debunking Christianity).

Bill B said...

Hey Bloviator,

I would love to chat with you sometime. You and I are about the same age and both recovering drunks. I would love to converse with someone who doesn't give the higher power all the credit. If you are interested drop me a line.


Anonymous said...


Thank you for sharing your ex-timony with with us. What you've said about the world is something that we as atheists should say more often: the world is a beautiful place, full of wonder and majesty, and all of this stands on its own without religion. Some Christians claim that their religion is about witnessing the mystery of the universe, but that cannot be, since their religion claims to have answers to currently unanswerable questions. Or at the very least, easy answers to difficult questions. Since leaving religion, I have come to find the world and the things inhabiting it more eautiful than when I was torturing myself over the idea that there was a being devoid of human emotions judging humans . . . for being human.

The world is wonderful without God.

Bloviator said...

X - I'll drop you a line soon. I get on at night, usually late (EST) as my kids keep me too busy during the day. Talk to you soon.

Unknown said...

I tried to find proofs from Christan that god exists, and I tried to fid proofs from non-Christan that god does not exist. Non of them can make me draw any conclusion.

So I came here to hear from ex-christans experience. Still the same, there is no objective evidence can leads to anything. It is just how different people intepret it.

I don't think the bible is 100 percent correct. But I still feel that there is god.

TheJaytheist said...

fei, I hope you realize that we don't need to prove that god doesn't exists anymore that someone who doesn't believe in leprichans needs to prove that they don't exist. The difference is that the person making the claim has the burden of proof. In this case it would be the one who claims that a magical,supernatural super-duper,fantastical being runs the universe that needs to show the proof. How else are we supposed to believe it?

Anonymous said...

I agree with stronger now; it's not our burden to prove that God does not exist, and it never has been. However, the Christian God can be proven to not exist. Either it doe snot exist, or it is a liar. In which case, if it does exist, then it is a cruel being and does not deserve our worship or respect.

Fei, I think you want to believe that there is a God, and so you will tell yourself whatever you have to in order to keep up that lie. But it can easily be proven that there is no Christian God. Go to www.godisimaginary.com. There are dozens of proofs there for the non-existence of the Christian God. Either that, or the Christian God as described by the Bible is a liar.

Once you get past the idea that there 'might be' a Christian God because someone cannot 'disprove it' (again, see the website), then you have to contend with the idea of a God without Christianity or other religion. Good luck with that. I tried to unify that possibility, and it failed. So will yours.

Anonymous said...

Kyle, I'm about your age, and having wonderful friends who supposedly "wouldn't go to heaven" was one of the biggest causes of me doubting, and eventually leaving, Christianity. I had two close atheist friends and a very close gay friend, and when I thought about them, I couldn't imagine them being condemned for eternity. They're just too wonderful of people for that! Glad I'm not the only one who's had this experience. :)

Anonymous said...

The thing that did it for me was a line in a Patti Smith song called "Gloria"

First line in the song is, "Jesus died for someone's sins, but not mine."

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