No longer the mindless doll

sent in by Christopher Michaels

Four years ago I thought I had found what so few around the world needed. The cross, a testament of his glory and love for all of humanity. This man, Jesus Christ, was the person who for the last four years I had made the center and core of my life. I remember the heartache I felt when people would put down or curse the Holy Trinity or when a non-believer would reject the offer of eternal salvation. These people were fools to reject such an offer, and I would debate with them for hours for their lack of faith... I now realize that I was the one that was the fool and how wrong I was for believing in such a cult. But I now stand before you with my testimony and assurance that I am no longer a doll. I apologize...

I was raised with a mildly christian childhood, my mother and father were believers of the faith, but not very devouted. I lived a pretty much normal childhood before christianity, a life free of judgment of others, or fear of being unequally yoked... Life was simple then, as it is now that I have abandoned cross carrying.

We lived regular lives unitl my aunt joined this church, Harvest Outreach. Her already radical personality latched onto this church like a leech on human flesh. The christian virus soon began to infect us all when she created a family bible study. I must say that out of my 13 cousins, 2 aunts, uncle, mother and grandmother, I was the virus' most useful doll. I became so amazed at the power and might of God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit that I read the bible daily, prayed to God on an hourly basis (literally) and gave him all the glory and praise. The hardest part was supressing my unpure thoughts and wandering eyes when it came to females. I began making friends in the church and got involved in childrens ministry (my biggest regret). I started to abandon all of my other friends after they failed to accept the gospel under the doctrine of not being yoked with un-believers. I must admit that I felt somewhat superior to these damned creatures (despite the sorrow I felt for them)

After bathing myself in the New Testament I decided to read the Old Testament beyond the Genesis and Exodus childhood stories. What I saw was the most sickening thing I have ever read in my life. This loving and all forgiving God commited the most horrid abominations that would make a saint out of Hitler. That conclusion planted seeds of doubt into my concrete faith. Soon those seeds would blossom from within the cracks of my unwavering faith.

The contradictions, the lies, the excuses for slavery, the crusades, the witch trials, the degrading of women and the pagan roots all contributed to my disbelief. I prayed for God to help me, to save me from these evil thoughts (or should I say facts). I was greeted with cold silence...something that I had mistaken for "It's not his will at this moment" as a christian. Well if it is not God's will for me to be one of his blessed children, then I would gladly smirk at the bastard from the darkest depths of hell.

I declare that I am no longer a doll to be manipulated and controlled. This doll has deemed the master unfit for worship and his entire agenda to be false. Christianity is a home for the sheep and dolls, for people who long to be controlled by the pastor, bishop, pope and the so called early christians of past. I whole heartedly apologize to every atheist, gay or nonbeliever that I have ever offended. I regret being a tool of this orgainzation and teaching little children to believe in a non-existent God or judge others on a level that equals and even surpasses racism. By sharing my testimony with others perhaps I can repent lol. Goodluck everyone and I hope that you all enjoy life to the fullest.

"God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son so that whoever believes in him will not perish with intelligence but will have the delusion of everlasting life" (BS 3:16)


Joined at 13
Left at 17
Was: Non-denominational
Now: Freethinker
Converted becuase of: The love, hope and message it presented
De-converted because: I awoke from the illusion and saw the error, horror-filled past and actually read the entire bible
email: kelley123757 at cox dot net