True Inner peace=no more Christianity

sent in by Sarah

I have been on a journey leaving Christianity for the last two years. It started when we joined a controlling charasmatic church four years ago. Before that we attended a Lutheran church that was pretty normal for the most part. I think if I would have stayed in the Lutheran church, I would still be a Christian today because for the most part Lutherans are pretty liberal and laid-back.

But despite being in the Lutheran Church, things were not normal and peaceful in our lives:(my husband and I) we alway felt like we had to do MORE, get closer to God MORE, pray MORE, read our bibles MORE and then maybe then we would attain some character transformation or inner peace, but the real result, more guilt and more anxiety and fear..(And the whole guilt-ridden Christian culture that promotes waiting till marriage to have sex!!! I could go on for an hour about how damaging that is, but I won't. Most of you know already and the topic is rather strange to talk about on a public forum.)

So, after we left the Lutheran Church due to the fact that our favorite Pastor left, we started attended a Charasmatic Christian Church.

The new church we joined compounded and accerlerated our problems: This church claimed to have annointed pastors and healing and all the miracles and works. The people were so dedicated to the bible and church they would stay at church worshipping for hours and pray hours and hours. Most women took the bible so literally, they lived oppressed lives, homeschooling all their kids, not using birth control, and submiting to their dominating husbands.

My husband and I got swept away with all the powerful worship and music, which was really no different than drugs or any other addiction. So we went to church to get high on Jesus and adopting the crazy absurd lifestyle without much question. (I mean we had these great spiritual experiences, so it HAD to be real, right??)

But the reality was we fell farther and farther away from reality, our friends and family watched us almost disappear into this Christian charasmatic cult. There were many last straws. One was, the leaders expected us to submit to them and let them give us Godly advice to follow. Next, we were told by the church leaders we could not fellowship with ex-members who left the church for various reasons.
And then on top of that was the elitism. The church members thought they were going to a high place in heaven and above other believers because they were the lost army of God (or some strange crap I can't believe we sat and listened to)

So one night, I read a book about prophesy given to me as a Christmas present from the pastor. The prophet talked about witnessing a healing at a conference center he was at for a Christian conference. He described a women getting some type of healing from a healing facilitator. At first, he said, he thought it was a REAL healing from God, but then he saw a sign next to the healer that stated something about a New Ager Conference. So the prophet immediately dismissed the healing as satanic. (Because only healings that occur in the Christian religion are from the Christian God.) I remember reading that and thinking,"how absurd!" How could the prophet dismiss a healing just because it wasn't done by a Christian? If there is a higher power, it only heals Christians? How do we explain healings from other religions, the devil??

That is when I started to believe that hell and the devil didn't exist....

So shortly after that, I prayed a long sincere prayer, that God would strip me of any conditioning, or brainwashing, or anything biased I learned about him/her from church and other people. I prayed that God would reveal who he/she really was, instead of who the church claimed he was.

Shortly after the prayer, during the weeks following, I seemed to find resources and books where ever I went about unconventional thought and universalist thinking. I found a healing facilitator on-line who left Christianity as well and offered a lot of resources about New Thought and Eastern Thought. During this time, I also read an interesting book on universalism, "If Grace is really true, then God will save everyone." I can not remember the authors' names of that book, but I highly recommend it to any Christian in transition out of Christianity because it was written by universalist Christians.

Suddenly, the whole Jesus died for my sins, didn't make sense. Why would God have to kill himself for me?? Sin is an illusion in my mind created for social control.

And the believe it or burn theology just didn't work for me either anymore. I found some healing and some truth from agnostic, new age, buddhist, and universalists/unitarian thought. My life has never been the same. I leave in peace, guilt-free! I no longer have to DO MORE, or PRAY MORE, or convert people who didn't think like me. And the issues I used to pine over and wrestle with character wise, don't seem to cause much struggle anymore.

Everything seems to make sense in life. I still don't know exactly what I believe and can not label myself --that is too restrictive and confining.

I do know and believe in a higher power, a source, but one that doesn't confine itself to the bible. One that loves and lives in everyone and everything regardless or religion, sexual orientation, and belief or unbelief. But the amazing thing about that higher power is that I believe it is a part of all of us and all of us are bits and pieces of God/Source/Goddess.

But the greatest part of what I now believe is that I don't have to try to force others to think that way. I have friends in every religion possible and as well agnositc friends and athiest friends. And I don't think I am absolutely right any more!!

Finally, I think I have achieved inner peace... I no longer worry about what God thinks or says, because that God I once believed in doesn't exist in my mind. He was just created by the early church for the purpose of social control.

And the higher power/God/Source that I believe in lives in everyone ! The best part: we get to decide our life path. (not some separate eternally damning being up in heaven)

Became a Christian: 8
Ceased being a Christian: 26
Labels before: Charasmatic Christian, fundamentalist Christian
Labels now: Universalist/Buddhist/New Age/Eccletic
Why I joined: Fear of going to hell, relationship with Jesus
Why I left: Asked God to reveal to me the truth about who he/she is and he/she did: Christianity is a guilt-ridden cult that controls people. The real God lives within everyone (in my opinion)


Anonymous said...

Interesting, I am a member of a Charasmatic Church, it is not controling, totally allows and welcomes fellowship with anyone, even former members, and believes that Jesus loves everyone. Yes we believe that he was god in the flesh come down to wash us clean, but we do not think we are getting into a higher heaven, nor do we judge anyone. I did some shopping around before we ended up where we are, I messed with some New age stuff which sounds similar to what you are experiencing, Please remember that God Loves you, and mans legalistic manipulation of His word is not Gods Love but mans power trip. I am not trying to tell you what to believe, just Please say those prayers one more time, and listen to the still quiet voice deep inside, the one that says I love you, THAT is God. Bless you. Bryan Greager

webmdave said...


If you ever come to the point where you disagree with any of the teaching in your church and then question it, you may find out a thing or two about your church. As long as you walk in lock-step with a church and its doctrines, there will likely be little friction.

Get out of step though, and it's another story.

Anonymous said...

I am a Bible believing Christian. Self labeled. I have gone through struggles like you where I have felt unreasonably controlled by the churches laws, however, I took a few weeks and stopped going to church and decided I would pray about it and did a self Bible study and I am now ready to go back to church, but what I have found is that I was so deep in my sin that the church's expectations seemed impossible, but after drawing closer to God, his expectations are easy-love him- when you do the rest comes natural. I am not perfect, far from it, and all my bad habits didn't disappear, my self destructive attitude has changed. I believe in Jesus first, and put the relationship with Him first, the church is second.

Anonymous said...

i belong to a regular, plain old anglican church. it is not controlling and provides much guidance in regards to faith issues. maybe, and i dont want to tell you what to do, but maybe it was just a a "bad apple" of a church. plase remember that the grace of god is for everybody. however being a christian is not the easy way out.

Anonymous said...


Thank you for your honest post. I am a true believer in Christ and am not affilaliated with anyone except those who love me in His name. You will be surprised that although I love the scriptures and earnestly seek God's revelation by His Spirit that many a so called christian will look at me as half a christian because I have not jumped into their denomination or group plan.

I believe that anything that does not bring the sweet peace of God and ultimately the great respect for God is definitely not from God. Much of what is going on in our day and age is not of God and non believers laugh at most of christianity because it is fake.

I am someone described in revelation as one who has "overcome" I suffered 18 years of torment because of evangelical and charismatic teaching but have escaped by true experience of Christ in my life. I believe in Christ more than ever these days but am never going to put my trust in any man again except of course the God man, Jesus. I have also come to know the Father

I share my faith with others but never recommend them to go to a profit making religious organisation or to join anything or peldge allegiance to a brand of christianity. My wish is that they would receive a gift to know Christ. If one know's Christ Jesus- one will automatically want to seek people who also know Him. One will not care about the "brand" but will want to blessed by the fact that Jesus is present when 2 or 3 gather in His name.

I have to agree with you about the gult trips and the sickness in much of the so called church. Unfortunately we are living in a world where true belief on Christ is very rare and many people are stealing parts of God's teaching and peddling it with their own twist.

Much of people's beliefs are second hand i.e. they have not been convinced themselves of truth but have lazily followed some religious leader. This is why there is no power in their words or life.

This means that in christianity today, alot of the so called mainstream churches are actually cults and people's minds are being controlled . Sometimes people need to complain and disagree but many are being taught that any small disagreement with a teaching is rebellion against God. People are not given time to test themselves whether or not things are true but are forced to accept things at the spur of the moment. I believe God can make someone change a view in the spur of the moment but only under an incredibly powerful witness of the presence of God.. where the person knows for sure it is not a counterfeit. Otherwise, we need time to figure out what is real and what is not real.

I pray all those here who do know Christ in their hearts will overcome evil that has been put on them either by true or false believers.

boomSLANG said...

phili (at) yahoo...I believe God can make someone change a view in the spur of the moment but only under an incredibly powerful witness of the presence of God.. where the person knows for sure it is not a counterfeit. Otherwise, we need time to figure out what is real and what is not real.[bold added]

And do tell, what methodology do you use to determine what's "real", and what's "counterfeit"? In other words, you are implicitly suggesting that all Muslims have had "counterfeit" experiences with "God", when in fact, they believe, with all the fervor of any devout Christian, that they have had an "incredibly powerful witness" of "Allah"("God"). Listening.

phili (at) yahoo...I pray all those here who do know Christ in their hearts will overcome evil that has been put on them either by true or false believers

Here's another question for you--would you give someone else, perhaps a complete stranger, the authority to determine whether or not you are a "true believer" of some "thing", idea, or concept? If you are like most normal individuals, your answer will likely be, "absolutely not", or something that indicates a very firm answer in the negative. Going on the fair assumption that your answer would be "no"---what this means, is that YOU don't have the authority to determine whether someone ELSE is a "true believer", or not. Therefore, NO ONE has the authority to determine how, or what, other people believe.....and this goes for casting judgements on people who don't believe.

READ the testimonies before you barge in here and start painting things up with your mile-wide Christian brush. Thanks.

Archived Testimonial Pageviews the past 30 days