Image by Philerooski via FlickrAll of us at this site either are at that point or past that point where we finally stopped doing the Xian thing. We feel that sense of loss, frustration and anger for what we have been through and given up or lost as a result.
My time was 1998 when I had that breakdown and sense of frustration and anger over what I lost and gave up because of my life as an Xian. I went through a very dark period of my life as I gave into the anger and frustration of what I went through.
So what is one to do at this point? After looking at my life then and now I feel I can point out some help and hopefully help someone avoid the same journey and dark place I went through.
1. Don't give in to the anger.
The anger will eat you up inside. Xians love this as it makes them feel they were right all along about thinking you can only be happy with god. Do you really want to prove them right? Hell no! The anger will also take you down even farther and make your recovery harder than ever. Took me years.
Instead let the anger go and if you can't do that us it. Yes focus the anger into a tool and find ways to make your life better. I put a lot of energy into working on computers as learning is how I focused my anger. Take up a hobby or a class and focus on something that will make your life better.
2. Cherish the loss.
Huh? Cherish the loss? Think of it as a truck driving with a load of junk and as the driver turns the corner all the junk falls out of the truck. He can sit there and focus on all the junk he just lost or he can turn around and see that nice empty truck. A nice empty truck that is now free to be filled with better stuff. Leave the junk behind and go out and find something good to fill that empty void. Art, music, hell it's a big world with many possibilities and now that you are no longer limited by being an xian you are free to load up. Yes I'm telling you to litter. LOL
3. Don't look back.
Ever see a runner in a race? Ever see what happens when they peer over their should as they run? They start to lose their speed. This happened to me as a kid. I was in a 100 yard dash and was in the lead. I saw my mom on the side and turned to smile and wave. I lost the race because I slowed down from being distracted. Pick a direction in life you want to go and just take off running. Don't let anyone hold you back or slow you down. You may find yourself losing friends because of this, but this is a big world with lots of new friends who support you and the direction you chose in life.
4. No Fear
Don't be afraid. This is the hardest part and I still struggle here. But the fear slowly fades as I move forward. I may be afraid a bit to share with friends and family my new belief system (or is that lack of belief system? LOL). But I am not afraid to change my life or live as I see fit to live my life. The best part is I have made my life much better than many xians I know and they admire me for it. Just gives me more of a chance to prove life without god is possible and lessons the fear of telling them even more.
5. Build that new life
Now that you have all this time and freedom what are you doing sitting on your butt? Get up and look at all the doors that are now open to you. The possibilities are endless and you can really build yourself an awesome life without limits. It's now your life and all is up to you. No one else has the right to tell you different. Now get going and get building!
Here at this site we have all made new friends. Friends who support and understand what we have been through and lost. Feel free to seek us out for advice and support. That's what we are here for. I hope that this helps a few if not more people who have been through what I have been through.
Remember, healing and recovery take time. Be patient and work through it. If you work at it the outcome will be worth it.