I create my own life

Sent in by Emily

I'm living in a country where Catholicism is rampant. Atheism is considered evil here, for the religious people here are so deluded by their faith. I almost became one of them until one particular night made me question everything.

I was depressed; all of my personal problems were killing me. I was praying all the time to make them disappear. Nothing worked. I talked to my friend who is studying to be a priest about it. He said that I should go back to the Catholic Church (I denounced my Catholic faith back then). I was moved by his words at that time.

But at the same time, it hit me: I thought, "If God loves me, He should make all my problems gone because I always prayed." I remembered being taught that God doesn't want us to suffer, so why I was suffering?

A lot of questions were entering my mind about religion, God & everything else. After a lot of thinking, I realized what was taught in Catholic schools is illogical, inconsistent & wrong.

Catholic schools teach that all humans are born sinful because of Adam & Eve's sin, a teaching I find stupid because babies did nothing in their mother's womb except live.

They teach that nuns & priests have no money, because they are taught to be poor like Jesus. But as I observed them: the nuns have the nicest digital cameras, the biggest house in the street, & have maids. Is that what you call poor?

But I was scared to tell anyone about my doubt, since it's considered taboo here. But that doesn't mean that I should or could stop the doubt.

With the help of the Internet, I found sites that are run by atheists & freethinkers. After reading & researching, I've slowly turned from an agnostic to an atheist.

I'm loving my atheism my right now. It made me realize that I create my own life & live it. It made me go from the delusions & wrong teachings of the Church. I've become a real person. I'm not a person who depends on someone who doesn't exist. I depend on myself & to the people I love when I need help.

Even though I still don't have enough courage to tell I know that I'm an atheist, I know that my life became more real because I'm not into false hopes anymore.

7 comments:

Telmi said...

Emily,

One of the many stories that I am glad to have read.

You have made a positive discovery, where I am concerned.

All the best in your future endeavors.

freethinker05 said...

Dear Emily, I also keep my atheistism
quiet where I work
because, if several
of the christians there knew
I was atheist, they would be like a pack of wolves, following me around all day, and preaching their BS to me.
So I just play along with them, like when one of them thanks the Lord for something, I holler out and shout, "THANKYA JEEEEESUS" all the while thinking,
"stupid basturd", hahahaha....Roger, your "shsssh" A/A friend.

bbg said...

I think you're smart. People close to me know how I feel about God. But the rest of my family and family friends just think that I've "fallen away" and I'll "be back". They don't understand the depth of my convictions about god and religion. Mostly because I don't see the need to create a hostel environment for myself to live.

Just one more comment on something else you said. The idea the jesus was poor. I personally don't believe that he truly existed, but when I was first leaving christianity, I found some interesting things about him. He was born in a "manger", but not because he was poor. It was because there were many people at the Inn, because of tax time (people traveling to Bethlehem to pay taxes). It's a common misconception. But another thing I came upon was this article:

"Mary wrapped Jesus in "swaddling clothes". Swaddling clothes are not an indicator of being poor. When the son of a king, a prince, was born, that child was wrapped in swaddling clothes after being washed gently with water having a small portion of salt in it. The salt symbolized the qualities of truth and honesty and was used so that the child would grow up speaking words that were "salted". The swaddling clothes were narrow strips of fine linen cloth, about two inches wide which were wrapped around the baby's body. The child was wrapped from head to foot with only a part of his face left uncovered so he could breathe. The baby's body and limbs were thus held very straight. This was to indicate that he would grow up to be free from crookedness and waywardness; that as a king he would walk straight and tall before his people. The swaddling clothes were left on the baby for only a very short time while the parents took time to pray and make their commitment to God concerning the upbringing of the child.

In Ezekiel 16:4 an insult was delivered "...thou wast not salted at all, nor swaddled at all." To say to a noble-born person that he had not been salted or swaddled was to indicate that he was unreliable and dishonest and that his parents had not raised him properly. Mary and Joseph washed Jesus in salt water and swaddled him according to the custom of the time indicating that he was of royal lineage, as God's son and as heir to the throne of David."

http://www.cortright.org/birth.htm

I think teaching that jesus was poor is another way to control people. We're not supposed to have worldly things, but we can sure give all our "worldly" money to the church. . .

Anyway, I just thought I would mention that. I found it very interesting.

I'm happy for your new found freedom. During the course of time that I was truly leaving Christianity (after battling with myself for years) I lost about 50 lbs. I'm not really heavy, but it was a healthy loss. I wasn't eating differently, wasn't trying to lose weight. In fact, I felt really good through most of that time because I was going to school and raising a daughter on my own and I felt like I was doing really well. But later I realized that I was so much happier than I had been before I left religion. I think I lost weight because I didn't hate myself anymore. My whole personality changed and I was so much lighter. I think it was reflecting in my personal appearance.

It's been 5 years and I still have kept that weight off, physically and metaphorically speaking.

Thanks for your story Emily. Happiness is more easily found when you realize your life is under your own control.

bronwyn

bbg said...

I think you're smart. People close to me know how I feel about god. But the rest of my family and family friends just think that I've "fallen away" and I'll "be back". They don't understand the depth of my convictions about god and religion. Mostly because I don't see the need to create a hostel environment for myself to live.

Just one more comment on something else you said. The idea that jesus was poor. I personally don't believe that he truly existed, but when I was first leaving christianity, I found some interesting things about him. He was born in a "manger", but not because he was poor. It was because there were many people at the Inn, because of tax time (people traveling to Bethlehem to pay taxes). It's a common misconception. But another thing I came upon was this article:

"Mary wrapped Jesus in "swaddling clothes". Swaddling clothes are not an indicator of being poor. When the son of a king, a prince, was born, that child was wrapped in swaddling clothes after being washed gently with water having a small portion of salt in it. The salt symbolized the qualities of truth and honesty and was used so that the child would grow up speaking words that were "salted". The swaddling clothes were narrow strips of fine linen cloth, about two inches wide which were wrapped around the baby's body. The child was wrapped from head to foot with only a part of his face left uncovered so he could breathe. The baby's body and limbs were thus held very straight. This was to indicate that he would grow up to be free from crookedness and waywardness; that as a king he would walk straight and tall before his people. The swaddling clothes were left on the baby for only a very short time while the parents took time to pray and make their commitment to God concerning the upbringing of the child.

In Ezekiel 16:4 an insult was delivered "...thou wast not salted at all, nor swaddled at all." To say to a noble-born person that he had not been salted or swaddled was to indicate that he was unreliable and dishonest and that his parents had not raised him properly. Mary and Joseph washed Jesus in salt water and swaddled him according to the custom of the time indicating that he was of royal lineage, as God's son and as heir to the throne of David."

http://www.cortright.org/birth.htm

I think teaching that jesus was poor is another way to control people. We're not supposed to have worldly things, but we can sure give all our "worldly" money to the church. . .

Anyway, I just thought I would mention that. I found it very interesting.

I'm happy for your new found freedom. During the course of time that I was truly leaving christianity (after battling with myself for years) I lost about 50 lbs. I'm not really heavy, but it was a healthy loss. I wasn't eating differently, wasn't trying to lose weight. In fact, I felt really good through most of that time because I was going to school and raising a daughter on my own and I felt like I was doing really well. But later I realized that I was so much happier than I had been before I left religion. I think I lost weight because I didn't hate myself anymore. My whole personality changed and I was so much lighter. I think it was reflecting in my personal appearance.

It's been 5 years and I still have kept that weight off, physically and metaphorically speaking.

Thanks for your story Emily. Happiness is more easily found when you realize your life is under your own control.

bronwyn

Anonymous said...

I wish you the best. I hope you can find a group of people around were you live that can support you. by the way were do you live if you don't mind me asking. If you need a person to talk to just click on my name and email me much love LOKI.

Valerie Tarico said...

Welcome, Emily.
There must be so many people out there keeping their doubts to themselves. That is one of the great things about both being ourselves and being out of the closet. Those scary atheist stereotypes just don't fit. :)

Nina said...

Emily
I kept it to myself until I was on the website for quite a while. I mean that my whole life was a charade of pretensiousness about religion. When I had told someone it always ended badly.
Now I have more courage and know how to defend myself after reading the comments and posts here. I also never realized how idiotic a christian really sounds. If I sounded like that about anything I would worry about myself.
The more educated people that I speak to usually don't believe either and it is very nice to form a relationship with someone based on reality and not a myth gone terribly wrong.
Keep up the writing.
Nina

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