I create my own life

Sent in by Emily

I'm living in a country where Catholicism is rampant. Atheism is considered evil here, for the religious people here are so deluded by their faith. I almost became one of them until one particular night made me question everything.

I was depressed; all of my personal problems were killing me. I was praying all the time to make them disappear. Nothing worked. I talked to my friend who is studying to be a priest about it. He said that I should go back to the Catholic Church (I denounced my Catholic faith back then). I was moved by his words at that time.

But at the same time, it hit me: I thought, "If God loves me, He should make all my problems gone because I always prayed." I remembered being taught that God doesn't want us to suffer, so why I was suffering?

A lot of questions were entering my mind about religion, God & everything else. After a lot of thinking, I realized what was taught in Catholic schools is illogical, inconsistent & wrong.

Catholic schools teach that all humans are born sinful because of Adam & Eve's sin, a teaching I find stupid because babies did nothing in their mother's womb except live.

They teach that nuns & priests have no money, because they are taught to be poor like Jesus. But as I observed them: the nuns have the nicest digital cameras, the biggest house in the street, & have maids. Is that what you call poor?

But I was scared to tell anyone about my doubt, since it's considered taboo here. But that doesn't mean that I should or could stop the doubt.

With the help of the Internet, I found sites that are run by atheists & freethinkers. After reading & researching, I've slowly turned from an agnostic to an atheist.

I'm loving my atheism my right now. It made me realize that I create my own life & live it. It made me go from the delusions & wrong teachings of the Church. I've become a real person. I'm not a person who depends on someone who doesn't exist. I depend on myself & to the people I love when I need help.

Even though I still don't have enough courage to tell I know that I'm an atheist, I know that my life became more real because I'm not into false hopes anymore.