It just hit me

Sent in by Philippe

It just hit me.

After 2 1/2 years of faith and devotion, I'm feeling burned out.

It just hit me.

For almost 2 weeks now, I don't pray like I used to.

It just hit me.

After meeting with Baptists, Anglicans, Adventists, Christadelphians, Unted Church of God members, etc. I am now completely lost about my faith and beliefs.

It just hit me.

I miss watching horror movies, listening to rock music, reading books about dinosaurs and astronomy.

It just hit me.

I no longer believe... well, I mean, I no longer believe what some people want me to believe.

Is there a God?

Can't prove it, nor I can't affirm that he (she !?!?)doesn't exist. I think the most important thing is what we do with our life: how we can help others, how we can improve our behavior, how we can be better persons.

Perhaps I see myself now as an agnostic. All I know is that I don't believe anymore in the Christ of the Bible. Maybe Jesus really existed (but the proofs are hard to find), maybe he was a really great man...

Maybe.

But since I wasn't there when he lived, I do not know if he really existed at all.

I feel sad and happy at the same time. Sad because some members of my wife's family will be disappointed, perhaps angry ("Satan got into you!"); happy because I feel relieved.

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27 comments:

NateDog said...

Hey Phillipe

Welcome to Exchristian.net! I figured out that Jesus was a fake about 3 years ago. I also have had the same emotions that you do now. Luckily, when I was a Christian I still listened to Rock Music, and read books about Astronomy, but I don't care for horror movies.

Cheers
NateDog

Micah Cowan said...

Philippe, thanks very much for sharing, and welcome to this awakening. I share quite a lot of this experience from my own "it just hit me"s about a year ago.

I don't mean to tell you what to believe or what not to believe, but I'd like to offer the following thoughts, which you can certainly take-or-leave.

1. The fact that you can't prove that God does not exist, isn't really a reason to believe that he/she might. Otherwise, the same reasoning might be applied to every unfalsifiable claim; such as the existence of the Tooth Fairy, or Santa Claus, or Invisible Pink Unicorns, the Spaghetti Monster, UFO abductions...

2. Agnosticism is orthogonal to theistic belief. You can be agnostic and Christian, or agnostic and atheistic, or agnostic and undecided, etc. Agnostic just means you believe that the answer cannot be determined. For example, I am currently both agnostic (don't believe the answer can be determined), and atheist (do not believe in the concept of God). Penn Jillette (Penn & Teller) put it (slightly paraphrased, from memory): "Once you choose agnosticism, you still have to choose atheism or theism."

ComputerGuyCJ said...

Welcome Phillippe, you're in good company here. We know all about the relief you feel. If you're anything like me, the sadness will stick around for a while, but it will subside and you'll feel more freedom when it does.

Deb said...

Welcome Phillipe!

Thank you for your post. Just remember you are not alone and that your discovery and healing has begun. The first step (realization) was the hardest for me. We're all in this together with you. :-)

Melea said...

Did you all miss the part about christianity being a relationship w/ the creator of everything? It is not a religion (es: do this to get that) So if you were burnt out you were doing all the wrong things. There is power in Jesus, who gives power to those He knows, to do what He wants them to do if we let Him. I know Jesus and His power, peace and forgiveness and love. If you change your mind you can know Him too. Pray for conviction, convincing and coversion w/ your heart not your head. God Bless,
Melea in Melbourne

Anonymous said...

Philippe:
But since I wasn't there when he lived, I do not know if he really existed at all.

Lorena:
That's profound, Philippe. Imagine a God who "sends" people to hell for not believing something that's so f*g hard to believe--no proof, no personal experience, nothing.

Jim Arvo said...

Melea said "It [Christianity] is not a religion..."

Would you be in favor of revoking the tax-exempt status of the Christian church, then? After all, that's only for lands associated with actual religions. Just curious.

Micah Cowan said...

Melea,

There is power in Jesus, who gives power to those He knows, to do what He wants them to do if we let Him.

Then, apparently He didn't want me to know Him, because that was exactly what I begged and pleaded with Him for, for a couple of years: to reveal Himself and resolve the contradictions I was facing in His Word.

Either He has no such power at all, or he doesn't love me after all. Neither choice is particularly comforting to me.

I know Jesus and His power, peace and forgiveness and love.

I did too, I really did. Imagine my surprise when, upon losing faith in Jesus, I discovered I still had all the same power, peace, forgiveness and love! In fact, the peace was considerably more.

If you change your mind you can know Him too. Pray for conviction, convincing and coversion w/ your heart not your head.

While you obviously didn't mean it to be, I find this offensive. Should I ignore my head, bury all doubts (legitimate or not), and just "trust my heart"? My heart follows my head; as does anybody's, unless they are engaging in willful self-deception.

Anonymous said...

Phillipe,
Welcome to the growing world of the relgiously disillusioned!
"It is not a religion"
Melea,
You're wrong, Christianity is a religion just like any other system of belief in the supernatural. Fundamentalist Christians like to claim theirs is not a religion but a relationship so they can appear holier and closer to God than other Christian sects, such as Catholics, Mormons, etc. Whatever denominational umbrella you fall under, Christianity is still a religion. And the only "relationship" you have with your god is the imaginiary one in your head.

Anonymous said...

Answer to Melea...

I feel burned out not because of legalism, but because I struggled with prayers, readings ("All the answers are in the Word of God!" what answers? the Christadelphians's? the Mormons's? the Baptists's?...)

I feel burned out, because the more I've read it, the more mixed up I became... and why does God have to reveal Himself in a book that can't even be accepted by all Christians? (textus receptus vs. minority text... what a waste of time this battle is!)

Anyways, my wife thinks that I didn't lose my faith... that it is a phase... she's going to be so disappointed :-(

Melea, I do respect the fact that you believe... please accept the fact that I do not believe anymore.

Regards,

Philippe

Andrew H said...

I can only imagine what it must be like in a marriage going through this. I was engaged when I broke up with Jesus. (its a relationship after all!!) And then I broke up with my fiance...

I remember at my old Baptist church, there was a group for wives with "unsaved" husbands. The whole idea is so demeaning... but assuming the wives (yours too) really believe you will be tormented for eternity, I guess I can understand where they are coming from.

I feel bad for fundimentalists... going through life truly believing that some of those they love will be tortured for all time.

And Melea... you can talk about the "power of Jesus" all day. I challenge you to pray to your cat, or shoe, or dishwasher... pray with all your heart beleiving they will answer. Hold them to the same standard you hold god to in regards to answer prayers... you'll find out that your cat, shoes, and dishwasher also have supernatural powers!!

Anonymous said...

Did you all miss the part about christianity being a relationship w/ the creator of everything? It is not a religion (es: do this to get that) So if you were burnt out you were doing all the wrong things. There is power in Jesus, who gives power to those He knows, to do what He wants them to do if we let Him. I know Jesus and His power, peace and forgiveness and love. If you change your mind you can know Him too. Pray for conviction, convincing and coversion w/ your heart not your head. God Bless,
Melea in Melbourne
===============
Melea what you describe is self deception and self hypnosis. If what you say is obvious it would be self evident don't you think. If Jesus really existed and wanted to have a relationship why not just have the relationship? Why have people jump through hoops to get a glimpse? The God you describe is like a cat playing with a mouse. I really don't care to embrace that scenario and as you can see more and more people do not as well.

boomSLANG said...

Did you all miss the part about christianity being a relationship w/ the creator of everything?

Did you miss the part that this is an EX-christian website for people who gave Christianity a try, most, for considerable portions of their lives, but in the end found it lacking for various reasons, many of which reasons are delineated clearly and concisely in the "testimonies" section? WeLL?...did you?...did you "miss" THAT part? Or are you here expecting us to be impressed with your little one paragraph rant, while you do zero investigation into our side of the story, because you "already have all the answers"? Time will tell, I suppose.

It is not a religion (es: do this to get that) So if you were burnt out you were doing all the wrong things.

It's not about being "burnt out", lady.... it's about being burnt UP. Yes, burnt up....remember?...roasting in everlasting torment?..i.e.."lake of fire"? um..."HELL"??? Yes, and well, for your information, that little "detail" was a deal breaker for most of us who became brave enough to question your Jesus' bottom line, and if such an egomaniac a$$hole deity even existed. I say "no".

BTW, here is that "bottom line", put into terms that even you should be able to understand: "Have a relationship with me.....OR BURN!"

There is power in Jesus, who gives power to those He knows, to do what He wants them to do if we let Him.

Yes, yes, Jesus is "all-powerful", but somehow can't figure out how to triumph over the "Devil", who is presumbly responsible for keeping people from "knowing" Jesus in the first place. That makes a pillar of sense, doesn't it?

I know Jesus and His power, peace and forgiveness and love. If you change your mind you can know Him too.

Yes, if I should decide to become a serial killer, I can count on Jesus' "forgiveness". Yup, and as long as I'm sincere, I can have everlasting life and be showered by His "love".

However, if I'm a law-abiding citizen and my worst "trespass" is that I question Jesus existance because I sincerely don't see evidence of his existance? I get roasted in everlasting torment.

Let's review: F%CK that; F%CK Jesus.

Pray for conviction, convincing and coversion w/ your heart not your head. God Bless,
Melea in Melbourne


Hoping that you come to your senses. Try to overcome legendary thinking w/ your head, not your heart, liver, stomach, ovaries....or any other organ that can't reason. God 'less.

Astreja said...

Melea, instead of bleating this "relationship" crap at us, go pray for your super-duper-powerful god to heal an amputee or two. Total restoration of the missing limb and its function.

Waiting...

Nvrgoingbk said...

Melea,

First of all, if Jesus is all-powerful, please put your hand into a snake pit while drinking poison. Jesus said that you should be able to do these things in his name; in fact, he said you should be able to do greater things than He.

I love the amputee challenge as well. Jesus said that whatever you ask for in his name shall be done for you, so can you please raise just ONE dead man or at least lay hands on an amputee. That would suffice for most of us here.

I wouldn't bank on his coming through for you though; his prophecies have already failed in the past. You remember don't you? He said that those standing with him would see his return...so much for ominiscience.

Oh, and Jesus is a "relationship" God? I am six months pregnant right now. When I give birth, I intend to nurture my daughter and reveal myself and my love in tangible ways. I intend to speak to her lovingly, touch her tenderly, bring her up wisely, and lead by example. I do not intend to drop her off at the orphanage with a book of contradicting instructions (Bible), and expect her to worship me based solely on the books content and the word of the Nuns. I could always leave her a phone number to contact me at, however when she calls it, she won't get an actual response...more of an answering machine or dead silence on the other end, which is what I am accustomed to in regards to talking to my "heavenly father". Then at the end of her life, I will not send her to Hell, just because she spent her whole life trying to have a relationship with an elusive parent who left her with no real tangible evidence of my existence in the first place.

If this kind of relationship is acceptable to you, than go on praying to your ceiling. I prefer a little two-way, reciprocal interaction.

Anonymous said...

Phillipe-

Welcome to the rational world, and oh, don't pay attention to Melea's BS. This bit about Christianity not being a religion and that instead it's a "personal relationship" is utter crap. It's nothing but equivocation, and they use it on purpose to confuse.

BTW, there's no need for us to "disprove" the existence of any god; it's up to them to prove it, and they have failed miserably.

Thackerie said...

Phillipe, I'm with you; I have no idea whether a god exists or not and I never will. But, you know what? It makes absolutely no difference to how I live my life. None. Nada. Zilch.

I am a kind person who tries not to hurt other people, and I try to do good by helping others when I can. I don't need to hypnotize myself into thinking I have a "relationship" with some imaginary character in order to be as good or better than any christian who ever lived. I don't need to be forgiven.

Sure, I eat the occasional shellfish, have worn mixed fabrics on occasion and can cuss like a sailor when needs be. But if there is some diety who would send me to eternal hell for that and for having a rational and inquiring mind, then so be it. There's no way I could worship such a nasty thing anyway; it's just not relationship material.

Telmi said...

Hi, Jim [Arvo]

Did you receive my email of 5 May?

A follow-up email I sent today was returned: "undeliverable"

Rgds Telmi

Epicurienne said...

Welcome, Phillipe.

Nvrgoingbk, that's the best description of the "relationship" with God/Jesus that I've ever heard! I'll have to remember that....

Jamie said...

Anyways, my wife thinks that I didn't lose my faith... that it is a phase... she's going to be so disappointed :-(

My wife, too, seems to think that if I just give God a chance, then he'll 'transform' me. It's hard for her to understand, and I find that it seems we are just speaking a different language now... Hang in there Phillipe.

Anonymous said...

He? She? Any great leap of logic pulling you out of the bondage of superstition is enough to make one realize man's concept of any god having a particular sex is nothing more than evidence that we have created gods in our own image and not the other way around.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

Hello,

I've been experiencing a growing doubt over the past couple of years, and am beginning to wonder if what is wrong with my "relationship with God" or "Christian life" is that it's not really true and/or I don't really believe it. I'm afraid that the only way I'll know for sure is to try. But I'm too scared, because if it is true, and I am just deceiving myself, I'm afraid I'll get fried. And even if that makes God mean, he's still bigger than me, and I want to be on his good side. Anybody been there?

Luke said...

Hey Anonymous I know what you mean exactly.

For me, trusting Jesus means I have to sacrifice something I hold dear in my life, and so the fear of trusting in something which (I'm not sure can ever be tangibly proved) is deceptive is real and overwhelming.

1) I reckon pray. Many people here reckon this is useless, but if God is God then its worth a shot.

2) Look at the world. Look at people you love. Design or random? (Romans 1)

3) Ask people's opinions on both sides.

4) Don't be afraid to read the Bible for yourself and/or go to church. Even if God ISN'T real, you may as well check it out. Assess the claims according to how you "objectively" see the world as a human being.

5) Research other religions, philosophies, look at the testimonials on this site. This will likely cause you to question Christianity, but your final assessment will be well-rounded & whatever you choose you cannot be accused of being forcefed "lies".

6) Assess the quality of the authorship of different religious and philosophical texts. On what basis can these peoples' claims stand? (Can we trust them as authority?)

It's scary to trust anything. If God (here assuming he exists) was to reveal himself in his glory though, wouldn't we all be puppets? Because who would reject a revealed God in all his glory? That said, Romans 1 says that through creation God is clearly shown.

Anyways. Do your research. But it sounds, you like me, are trying to decipher whether Christ is THE TRUTH, rather than being just another world philosophy/postmodern branch. So try to assess your research in comparison to Jesus' claims.

All the best with your search!!

Dale said...

There are two conditions that socalled ex-christians have. John says in IJn they went out from us cause they were not of us. Many backsliders were never born of the Spirit. Many of you are bitter, wounded and backslidden and need to repent and turn back to the Father. It is scary to really fall away, you lose any assurance of your salvation. The blood of Jesus cleanses from all sin. Jesus is merciful and kind. Love, Dale

Astreja said...

Dale, damn fucking right I'm bitter. Christianity is a blight upon humanity. Between superstitious believers trying to force their version of morality upon civil society, and parents terrorizing their own children with bogeyman tales of eternal punishment, I'm mad enough to spit thumbtacks.

"It is scary to really fall away, you lose any assurance of your salvation."

Good.
Very good, in fact.

Because "The blood of Jesus" poisons the human mind. To accept the dreadful, life-denying concepts of Original Sin, Hell, and substitutionary atonement is to abandon one's humanity and perpetuate the cycle of psychological abuse.

Just say "No" to the pseudo-gift of salvation, and "Yes" to reason.

AtheistToothFairy said...

Dale wrote:
Many backsliders were never born of the Spirit

Dale,

Yes, and many backsliders who once believed in Santa, were "never born" of Santa, yes?

Actually Dale, not a single person has ever been "born of this spirit" you speak of, because it's just a biological human experience, that exists only in one's own physical mind.
If you can prove otherwise, I'm sure we'd all be glad to hear your evidence....got any?

> Many of you are bitter, wounded and backslidden and need to repent and turn back to the Father.

Repent of WHAT exactly?
Do you know something about me, that I do not?

>It is scary to really fall away, you lose any assurance of your salvation. The blood of Jesus cleanses from all sin. Jesus is merciful and kind. Love, Dale

No, it wasn't scary at all to discover reality.
Also, I never needed any 'assurance of salvation', for I see no purpose of this so called mythical salvation you speak of.

Now about this blood of jesus.
You seem to place a lot of importance on this "blood" of this mythical jesus character.
You aren't perhaps a vampire, are you?

Sin?
Sorry, that word does-not-compute, in the world of reality.

Jesus is merciful and kind?
Yes, I suppose as Hitler was merciful and kind to his own blinded followers, but if one refuses to follow along, then we see the true colors of Hitler and jesus come forth, don't we?


ATF (Who thinks the only "sin" that exists today, is to still believe in this jesus fable)

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