I'm still the same loving person

----- I first want to say that I enjoy this site very much. I was raised very much like allot of you here. My Family has deep Christian roots. I myself was once very devoted to my walk. But I had my back slider moments as other Christians would say, and at those times, I would feel "Oh my God! I’m going to hell because of all those things we're told that will get us put there" -- being human, not having enough faith and so forth.

All my life I’ve had questions inside. A lot of those questions could not be answered from the Bible, but still I defended the Word. Or I'd watch the infamous TBN when I felt my faith was lacking. The thing was, I didn’t feel any better about certain situations afterward.

I married my high school sweetheart, was willing to just stay back and be a housewife and raise our daughter . For 7 yrs. straight, I went through living with relatives many yrs. His job hopping and then a drug problem took every thing. All those yrs. I prayed and cried. Nothing ever got better, but at the time I thought he was the love of my life.

When I was 24 I moved to Arizona. Shortly after living there I got into a party mode and a year later I really felt bad for what I did. I asked for forgiveness but for 5 yrs still felt just as bad. I got back in the mode thinking I didn’t have enough faith, It started another unhealthy cycle.

Now to the recent part of my life. 11 months ago my questions got the best of me and I began to read outside of the Bible about human origins. I found out that all humans had their own understanding of creation. Then I read a book called God vs. the Gods. It really helped. I’ve done a lot of researching and I enjoy everything I’ve read.

I got married 6 months ago and my family was fine with him, but now they think he's the reason I lost my faith. The day before Easter my daughter made a comment that not everybody believes in Jesus, and it caused my family a lot of buzzing. My husband felt he should clarify his beliefs with my mom. At the time, I still was doing my own searching.

I wrote my mom a letter trying to help her understand, but it didn’t help much. The Virginia tech thing set her off, and she called me and said those kind of things happen because people aren’t living under God's protection and our country is in trouble and blah ,blah ,blah. I’ve grown out of the perceptions I once had. I’ve learned of early church history, and am still learning. My family is worried I’m going to hell. My aunt even called my dad the other night and told him "before your daughter gets here you should know that she’s not following the faith anymore" and blamed my husband again. They can't see that I'm smart enough to figure shit out for myself. My dad never married my mom. His family was somewhat Christian, although he respects other people's viewpoints. When he told me that she called him, I really got pissed. It was not her place to tell him anything especially because she’s not his sister. My Mom also did the same telling my grandparents. It Should of been me, when I was ready.

Really enjoyed the article; “Not ready to make nice“. I don’t think everyone decides in one day to go against the way they were taught. It takes awhile to shake off the shackles of Christianity. I don’t believe the dogma of the Bible, I don’t believe in hell. And as hard as it for Christians to believe our country was not founded by the dogma either. We all have the right to believe what we chose to or not. I am glad I found this site.

Now the cat is out of the bag, it nice to see other related stories and to be comforted to know I’m not alone. I don’t feel guilty for leaving the faith and the research has helped back it up. I do get mad because my family don’t see that I’m still the same loving person.

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7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Welcome to the world of rational thought! Look around and you'll find others who think like you do. I even belong to an atheist "church." Just do an online search in your area and you'll find freethinking groups.

Regarding your family, just firmly but politely tell them that you have formed your own beliefs now, and you'd be happy to discuss anything but religion with them; hopefully, they'll still communicate with you.

BTW, learning about Christianity is really the best way not to be one! When you learn about the early church and all the political nonsense which went on to found it, you'll realize there's nothing "Godly" about it!

Chucky Jesus

Fretbuzz said...

You're still a loving person, and I'm still a spiritual person!: http://www.exchristian.net/testimonies/2007/02/i-am-still-very-spiritual-person.html

Hi - it was great to read your account. There are many others on this site that still have devout family members, as I do. It's a great thing to see you remain loving through your deconversion. I think if anything, your love can be a strong statement of "non-christian" virtue which doesn't need the beliefs attached to it.

This is a great site isn't it?

Thanks Dave!

Nvrgoingbk said...

Christian hypocrisy is quite a phenomenon isn't it? They whine over religious persecution but think nothing of ostracizing thier very own family members simply for doing the research and discovering that the faith of their youth is BUNK. The Bible admonishes us to "study to show yourself approved". When a Christian does just that and finds the OPPOSITE of what the church has been telling them all of their life, family members, clergy and church members are appalled and reject the one who did all the work of studying. THat's Christian love for you.

Your family's ignorance aside, I am glad to see you walking in freedom and peace now. You are very fortunate, as am I, that you have a rational thinking spouse to walk with. Many of the members here are not that fortunate and find themselves walking the lonely road of deconversion alone.

Looking forward to seeing you post more and becoming an active contributor to the site.

stronger now said...

Your story gives weight to my theory that no-one can fuck with your life like your own family.

Welcome.

Kat said...

As far as your mother's comments about the Virginia Tech shootings:

The Line is Drawn

The whole site is really good and spells out quite clearly what the odds of having prayers answered actually are. This page is specifically referencing prayer and school shootings.

People don't like their cherished beliefs being questioned I'm finding, and they can get hostile.

Lance said...

Thanks for the post. It was good to hear about another's struggles with the aftermath of losing one's faith. Bailing out on Christianity was not nearly as hard as dealing with my wife, kids, extended family and friends.

Even now after I have put my own thoughts and life back together again after de-constructing christianity, I still struggle with the inability of friends and family to understand what I went through and where I am today.

It just seems to be very hard for people to step outside their own belief system and realize that other people may have put the puzzle together in a different fashion. It is just that much harder when it is family.

Good luck with yours.

Aspentroll said...

I am a 73 year old male and have never really been subjected to religious beliefs. My father died when I was nine years old and my mother attempted to bring me up as she thought best in those days. All her attempts at getting me exposed to religion went awry. First Sunday school, I was more or less evicted from the class because I asked to many pertinent questions. Then I had to sit in the church itself by her side while the preacher rambled on about the most uninteresting stuff. I guess she could see my discontent and gave up on me, which allowed me to run freely on Sundays.
I guess what I'm trying to tell you is that I have always had a serious concern about what to believe. I have never been able to accept what I was hearing about God, heaven and hell etc.
So, now, with my access to the internet I have found that there are millions more out there that
have the had the same problem with religion that I have. I have found this very encouraging and now I don't feel alone in my thoughts.

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