The Eternal Collection Plate

sent in by R Shelby

I have been reading the posts on this website for many weeks. I am not afraid to tell you that even though we are strangers, I consider all of you my friends. You compelled me to leave a brief testimonal.

I am an ex-Christian because in a moment of weakness, when I was very young, I prayed to Jesus to not condemn me to the eternal files of hell. As a young man a family member took me to churches. I was usually accompanied by a friend and we always sat in back to avoiding standing up to sing. We visited several churches, each with their own brand of holy-book dribble. One thing remained constant: each church begged for dollars and the collection plate always made it back to the pew we were sitting. The preachers always told a tired story about how god?s people should give to the church even if their financial future may be uncertain. I found these begging session disdainful. To this day I am stunned that people swallow these stories like a fat woman gulping a chocolate drop.

It was college that released me from the chains of Christianity. Many right-wing war mongers complain that colleges are full of queers and pot heads, no place for god?s sheep. While campuses have their share of drug addicts and lowlifes, the Philosophy departments do not teach students to believe in fiction. What would life be like without knowing the works of Nietzsche, Russell, Hume, Mill and other great men? Imagine knowing nothing more than the cruel, torturous stories compiled into the bible.

America is a bubbling cauldron of theocratic snot. Because of this a man by the name of George "Alfred E. Neuman" Bush was reelected to the Presidency of this once great country. And for what? To prevent the use of stem cells to fight diseases such as Alzheimer's and cancer? And millions of religious trilobites applaud as their leader slowly pushes this country back to the dark ages. Maybe Bush?s next move is to outlaw Polio vaccinations because god will protect the people of his country. Perhaps Bushy may see his days end in dementia, something he could have prevented.

May the intelligence of man and his technologies protect all of my friends, be they agnostics or athiests.


USA
Now: God-Damn Agnostic
Converted because: Afraid of Hell
De-converted because: I have a brain.

17 comments:

Bentley said...

America is a bubbling cauldron of theocratic snot.

What prose? What etiquette?
What linguistic charm?

I agree 100%!

The thing is 2000 years ago they had no way of controlling people, they had no policemen, no telephone, no dial 911, no civil justice system, so the chief preists' promised them a gift, a gift of salvation, a promise of peace and security in the hereafter, if people would just behave and not be violent against their fellow man.

It's called a gift, a gift of fear in the guise of a Holy spirit. Since a spirit cannot be proven to exist, then the people that invented the Holy spirit must have had some devine knowledge otherwise no one could have thought up a clever ignorant scheme such as a Holy spirit.

It's all mind control and people control by emotional fear, if you can convince people that they have an afterlife soul, then you can control them by induced fear, it's called religion, by telling them that their soul will burn in a lake of fire, if they do not obey the commandents set forth directly by the hand of god.

Talk about war mongers, apparently eveyone has forgot what a big war monger Herbert W. Bush was too, these people are supreme capital fascists and professional con artists to the nnnnnth degree.

I predict that G.W. Bush jr. will be secretly institutionalized in a mental facility within 5 years or less from now.

Let us not forget those famous words once spoken by a great philosopher, R. Shelby

"America is a bubbling cauldron of theocratic snot!'

Here! Here! Hip! Hip! Hooray!!!

Thanks R. Shelby, you made my day....lol

tigg13 said...

"One thing remained constant: each church begged for dollars and the collection plate always made it back to the pew we were sitting. The preachers always told a tired story about how god?s people should give to the church even if their financial future may be uncertain. I found these begging session disdainful. To this day I am stunned that people swallow these stories like a fat woman gulping a chocolate drop."

I remember watching a religious pledge drive on tv some years back. The preacher was telling people that he and his church didn't want or need anybody to send them money.

But if you did send them money, then you would be sanctified; you would be showing god how holy and righteous you were and god would surely bless you for your financial sacrifice. "Don't send your donations FOR us - send it for YOUR salvation" He said that they were actually doing everyone a favor by giving them all someplace to send their money to.

I sat and watched as the little tote board just kept turning and turning indicating that brain-dead idiots from all over the country were actually falling for this scam.

Thackerie said...

I LOVED your post and agree 100 percent. Like you, I gave up the last remnants of any shred of belief in the possible truth of christinsanity in college. (It was a course on the History of the Bible that did it for me.) And, like you, I've noticed that George W. bears an uncanny resemblance, both intellectual and physical, to Alfred E.

I also find the constant pandering for money to be among one of the most distasteful aspects of the cult. Why would god need our money?

Seems to me that anyone with excess cash would do well to provide it to an appropriate charity that could actually do something to alleviate human suffering, rather than to a church or religious organization focused only on self-aggrandizement. Of course, religious nuts aren't interested in making this world a better place; they are only interested in the "afterlife" and to hell with everyone else on earth.

And that's the most truly distressing thing about mind-fucked fundies - the ones who right now are rejoicing about the war between Israel and Lebanon which they hope will lead to Armageddon and the end of this world, the ones who want to keep women subservient, and who value cell clusters destined for the incinerator above real, suffering people. These religious monstrosities and the politicians who pander to them are truly evil people and we must remain vigilant and politically active to prevent them from assuming even more power in our nation.

Dano said...

It cannot be stressed emphatically enough, that if you apply "Occam's razor", or "lex parsimoniae", "law of succinctness" to all religion, it comes down to this;

The more we unnecessarily complicate our lives with imaginary pagan concepts and stories in an attempt to explain our existence, the more difficult it becomes to enjoy living.

It is so simple to just say "FAGEDABOUTIT," and concentrate each day on what is real and be open to discovering the infinite number possibilities that have evolved right along with us for the last 4 billion years.

Dan (Great, to the billionth power, son of "IT")

Anonymous said...

What would the world be without Nietzsche,Russell,Hume,and Mill? Just like it is now: Drugs,sex,rock and roll,and Ex-Christian blogs that discovered the hard way that the real God doesn't take orders from sinners.

boomSLANG said...

Drive-by Fundy said: "...the real God doesn't take orders from sinners."



No, he doesn't....Poseiden will NOT be bossed around...... plus, his three-pronged fish spear is very sharp! Ouch!

LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dano said...

Anonymous wrote:
"What would the world be without Nietzsche,Russell,Hume,and Mill? Just like it is now: Drugs,sex,rock and roll,and Ex-Christian blogs that discovered the hard way that the real God doesn't take orders from sinners"

Dan muses in between his prayers to "Hermes" how horrible it must be to be old, alone, and confused about what you believe. Presuming to speak for a God that you know nothing about. Just parroting Christian sounding cliches, wanting recognition, and realizing that you have given so many years to believing in bronze age "theological snot," signifying nothing.

Dan (If you had prayed to Hermes "Emanuel," you would still be able to get it up.)

infidel666 said...

Anonymous said "God doesn't take orders from sinners".
It's too bad he doesn't because the world would be a better place and we would all get along without religion.
Instead your loving God allows pastors to cheat people out of money, rape children, get rich and basically whatever else their twisted heart desires.

R Shelby said...

Anonymous said:
What would the world be without Nietzsche,Russell,Hume,and Mill? Just like it is now: Drugs,sex,rock and roll,and Ex-Christian blogs that discovered the hard way that the real God doesn't take orders from sinners.

I am amused when a Christian claims that rock and roll is an incarnation of the devil. It was people like him that forced Ed Sullivan to tell his crew not to film Elvis below the waist. Apparently Christians would be offended by hip thrusts that may mimic intercourse between a married couple. Mr. Christian, we haven't forgotten that Elvis was a Christain himself, and a drug addict, and a fornicator and an adulterer. Apparently all that stuff in the bible couldn't save his poor soul; the godly man died on the toilet while taking a dump!

Anonymous said...

the real God doesn't take orders from sinners.

Would the real "God" please reveal himself/herself to us please!

Were waiting!!!

tigg13 said...

And God said, "Let there be drugs, sex, rock & roll and ex-christian blogs."

And there was.

And god looked apon it and it was groovy.

Lee said...

This was a GREAT post, by the way...prosaic, as ben said! I like the way R. Shelby thinks...we should get drunk together!;)

I think that "America is a bubbling cauldron of theocratic snot" should be the rally cry of all secularists, agnostics, atheists and YES, even christians, who may see THEIR particular brand of christianity pushed to the side for the "more acceptable kind."

If many christians have their way, the Roman Catholics will be outlawed as the "anti-christ church of Rome" they babble on about...Seventh Day Adventists, Mormons, Unitarians...even QUAKERS and AMISH, probably the LEAST offensive of the christian sects, will all be extricated, excised, excommunicated or ex-laxed..

So, WATCH YOUR ASSES, non-right-wing xian sects...YOU'RE NEXT!

Nvrgoingbk said...

Anonymous said: "What would the world be without Nietzsche,Russell,Hume,and Mill? Just like it is now: Drugs,sex,rock and roll,and Ex-Christian blogs that discovered the hard way that the real God doesn't take orders from sinners"

Yeah, and I can see how far your religious propaganda has gotten this world. I mean afterall, where would we be without the Spanish Inquisitions, the Chrisitan Crusades, Hitlers brand of Christianity, the slave owning Christians of Europe and early America, the Witchhunts, the perverted Catholic priests, the butchering of the American Indians by "loving" white Christian men, the Jim and Tammy Faye Bakers of the Evangelical world, and all of the Bible toting, quoting, promoting adulterous, swindlers who rape the parishoners of their hard earned money, their naive trust, and their children in the back rooms of the church. Fuck you and the talking donkey you rode in on! You're in the wrong place to be showing your ass. You're out numbered. We'll make you cry like a little girl and not even have to repent afterward. Take that shit somewhere where people still believe in talking snakes, a sun that revolves around the earth, insects with four legs, a boat that can hold two of every creature on earth, a God that takes delight in the slaughtering of infants and children, a savior that can't even come up with original sayings, a Creator who creates the entire Universe without light, a virgin birth comparable to that of all of the other mythological virgin births told of around the world, and a guy who loses his strength after having his hair cut off! If God took orders from us maybe children around the world wouldn't be dying in their mothers' arms from starvation and people would stop killing eachother in his name. Maybe if God started taking orders from us, children wouldn't be abducted from their beds while they sleep to later be raped, strangled and buried alive. Maybe if your God started taking orders from us He'd let us in on some of his little secrets like a cure for cancer, AIDS, or the ebola virus. But, Hell, what do heathens like us know?

BTDT said...

"America is a bubbling cauldron of theocratic snot"

R Shelby - if you haven't done so, make this your signature :)

south2003 said...

The "real" god needs to take my order:

Bring me a cold one and hurry the F up!!!

LMAO

R Shelby said...

Fellow Ex-Christians,

Thanks for all of the great responses. Consider me a fellow soldier in this forum. I made many new friends in just a few days.

May all Christians who dare post in these forums be rebuked!

R Shelby.

I Turbott said...

I would have to agree with R.Shelby on the collection plate thing, the pressure they put on people to buy their salvation is terrible.

Religion started from a prehistoric misconception, which is understandable as the average caveman was as smart as the average christian. Some accident occured and they lost a tribe memb er, then one of them noted some animal nearby and made the relation that the dead person was now the animal.

From there it progressed to afterlife and a deity, to what is tearing the world today.

Basically the modern christian claims belief 7 days a week, shows it 2 hours a week and believes their contribution to the plate pays their way to an eternity of kissing the butt some vain and temperamental deity.

Once they can end the hypocrisy, maybe they can open their minds to reality.

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