sent in by The MadBuni
I found your website a few months ago and subscribed to the posts, now I am addicted to getting my emails as soon as I get home from work to find out the latest topic of discussion. I knew all the sane people were hiding somewhere and I just found them! What a relief!
I rarely have enough time to stay online long enough to post anything, because my husband breathes down my neck when I am typing messages, he thinks I’m having an internet affair if I spend any time on the computer, but he is computer illiterate. He is also what I fondly refer to as a PIMA (pain in my ass). I love him, hell we’ve been together since 1967, I just can’t stand to live with him most of the time. Our son says we should have divorced long ago. Why don’t I leave? I love to spend money, and two incomes are better than one. He pretty much feels the same way, besides, it’s way too much trouble and effort to get a divorce. Ok, I know that sounds really awful, but I have to get one thing straight, I am a selfish bitch, I became one over time, and there’s a lot of history behind all of this, that I will get into in a few. Now that I have exposed my character flaw, I hope it will not be held against me, and I will still be allowed to stick around because I am so thrilled to find a haven from ignorance where I can get mental stimulation and comic relief at the click of the keypad. The intelligent posts from the regulars continue to amaze me. Thank you webmaster for creating this website where heathens like me can find a place to rest and be free to express my point of view without being burned at the stake! Hey are you really God? LOL. I’ve read quite a few testimonies, and was inspired to submit my story of how I escaped from the dark bowels of religion into the blessed light of reality.
I am happy to say I have been free from religion for quite a few years now. I was raised a Seventh Day Adventist from birth, and I will be 57 years old the last day of this month (DAMN I HATE THAT) sorry for shouting, but I have a thing about my age, (so now you know I am vain too). My mother was SDA my father was not, but she ran the household, so I got the SDA end of the stick. My elementary and high school education was spent in SDA institutions, so I was thoroughly indoctrinated. I don’t think I was a real Christian, I just thought I had to be one to please everyone around me. I was baptized at age 10, and can’t even remember the experience.
The SDA religion is like all others, full of rules and tactics to control the followers. I would imagine most of you know that Adventists worship on Saturday, but they believe in the traditional concept that Jesus is the son of God, died on the cross, rose from the dead, ascended to heaven, and will return some day in the clouds of glory, raise the dead (logistically I think that would be difficult, but oh well, Jesus will find a way). The religion also comes complete with a prophetess, Ellen G. White, and the story goes that she was struck in the head with a rock thrown by a kid at school and shortly thereafter started having visions from God. No, I am not joking, and she began writing books about her visions, which were according to her, instructions from God about how the Adventists were to live in order to receive eternal life. Ellen also prophesied (fantasized) about the end of time, and interpreted the books of Ezekiel Daniel and Revelation something like this: The Catholics will take over the World and make laws that Sunday can be the only day of worship. My mom told me the Pope was the anti Christ, it had to do with a numerical code on his big hat. If you read it sideways or some shit, it equals 666, the mark of the beast. Personally, I think the AC is George W. but I have no proof. Back to my story (I get sidetracked easily). Anyway, the Adventists will refuse to worship on Sunday, and will have to flee to the mountains and hide from the Catholics who will hunt them down and persecute them. They will have to live in caves, eat bugs and worms and drink puddle water until Jesus comes in the clouds. Yes folks, you heard it here, the secret to eternal life is based on what day of the week people choose to worship, and Jesus will determine if they have passed the Sabbath test to gain entry into his exclusive paradise. Did anyone get out the hip boots? Are the Taliban the only loonies in this world? That was my quick and dirty, very rusty version of SDA dogma. I have forgotten (blocked out) most of it.
In my formative years, my mom disciplined me by using God like most parents use Santa. He knew when I was good or bad, and was writing down all my sins in the book of life, and I had better be good or he would not take me to heaven.
I grew into early adulthood a naïve sheltered young lady because I associated mainly with other Adventists. They establish their own communities because they do not believe in associating with people of the world, unless of course they are converting them. I was not interested in boys and did not date much until I met a guy at age 19 and fell in lust/love. He was SDA but that did not stop him from having carnal knowledge of the big bad world and he was just waiting to teach me. I crammed premarital sex, alcohol, drugs, pregnancy, and marriage into 6 short months after meeting him (talk about over dosing). I lost the baby shortly after we were married and he tried to talk me into getting a divorce, poor guy, I am sure there were many more things he wanted to do with his life, but I was so goddamn stupid, I thought I needed him to be happy. I begged and pleaded, and we stayed together. Our marriage was rocky in the beginning but eventually fell into place and I was content to stay home with our two kids for a while. I tried other religions during this time, and even took the kids to The Church of Christ and was baptized again. I finally stopped attending church a couple of years later because I was not satisfied, and did not go back again, but I was still fearful and guilty, and visions of torture and living in hell continued to torment me.
My husband was a controlling and compulsive person, and because I stayed home and did not have a “real” job, I let him dominate our household until I got sick of it. By the time I reached my mid thirties I lapsed into what I fondly term as an early mid life crisis. I handled my resentment and anger with him in the passive way I did everything, I had an affair. I made a huge mess of our marriage and we went through two separations before I regained consciousness and took responsibility for my actions. My husband and I finally compromised on some things and got back together with the understanding we were to share the decision making in our lives and he was to treat me like an adult, not his child. That was the beginning of my journey into reality, and my education in the school of hard knocks for idiots was almost over. I started making good decisions, I found a full time job, went to college for a while, and began to grow up in the real world. I realized I could explore anything I wanted without devils and gods lurking around waiting to torment me, humans do a fine outstanding job without them. One day I noticed my guilt and fear had vanished and I had peace of mind because I had completely left Christianity and God behind.
Am I resentful and angry that more than 30 years of my life was wasted on guilt, fear and lies? Damn Straight I am. I am cynical as hell and have no tolerance for Christianity. I consider it the most dangerous mind numbing propaganda ever invented. I could whine bitch and moan about my unfortunate experience, but it is just a useless waste of time worrying about the past when there is nothing I can change, there is only today, and I am in control of what I do with every minute. Don’t get me wrong, I respect people who choose to believe in God because I believe in the liberty we have in this country for all people to have the right to believe horse shit if they want. I just don’t understand why anyone would choose lies and a dead man on a stick over reality and free thinking.
I have researched a few beliefs like Wicca and new age, and the alien theory, but they too are based on human interpretation with no solid in your face proof, so I guess I am agnostic, bordering on atheist. The only theory I have not studied is evolution, and after reading some of the posts here, I want to do that soon. Scientific discovery is the only thing I have any faith in at this time, so until little green men or Jesus come knocking on my door, I remain ever the skeptic.
When I started writing my “memoirs” I thought I would just give a brief statement about my deconversion, but found it evolving into a mini biography, and I apologize if I rambled, but as I continued to put it together, I realized it was a cleansing and therapeutic experience. I have struggled a long time to get where I am now and do not intend to look back or go back. Thank you for allowing me to submit this, and I look forward to visiting often.
Joined at Birth
Left: Am not Sure
Was: Seventh Day Adventist
Now: Agnostic-bordering on Atheist
Converted because: Was raised that way
De-converted: Reality set in