That damned human mind

sent in by Grant

I was raised in a christian family and went to church every Sunday. My family is more devout than most i would say. I went throught all the motions and said all the right things but i was always very skeptical. Science was always of much greater intersest to me even as a young child. I never really pondered my mortality until around 13 or 14 and started to openly denounce god around people who werent family and didnt know them. I was so passionate about science and i thought it had all the answers. At 17 while going to prep school(i lived in a dorm) to aid me in becoming a scientist i had my fill of classes and decided to go back home to a normal school. 4 things i believe made me search for god.

1. Fear of death -I relied on the idea of cryrogenics (freezing peoples brains) to keep my fear of death down but when i came back home i grew up and realized there are many problems to it. I let the fear get to me again.My first real funeral experiences were about this time.

2. Explanation for the unknown - Science cannot answer many things such as why i had a premonition or abogenesis ( atoms turning into living organisms)

3. Need for Morals - I was very selfish and would do stuff like steal from church funds to buy computer games.It also was a time in my life to decide between sex/parties/drugs or studies/responsibility/work

4. Social Pressure- I was constantly at odds with my family and in my social networks i was looked down on for being atheist 99% of the time.

I think this change of mindset came gradually but one night i cried myself to sleep and asked jesus into my life. I got that warm fuzzy feeling and decided it was the holy spirit. Jesus solved all my problems quickly! 1 and 2 were instantly solved. 4 was solved after i told my friends and family my conversion. 5 came after studying Chrisitan literature and after actually paying attention in church. This was all the work of god in my life! I rationalized my way through genesis, and read christian books as feverishly as i previously read science books. I was real close to god and prayed alot for about a year and then my devoutness began to slowly wear off over the next year and a half probably due to my friendships with many non believers. Eventhough i lost my motivation and interest i still held out for god to change and rule my life.

I think as many people suggest on this site that the human mind is very powerful and its best interest is optimum survivial of the organism. This is true no matter what delliusions are accepted to seek this out. I think I subconsciously doubted all this garbage the whole time but i needed god as a crutch to stabalize my life. Now I have grown up and realized that my ultimate motivation should not be science or god but to cherish my precious time on this earth that i will remain conciouss. I could have added tons and tons to this testimony but ill keep it short. Thanks for reading it.


Sex: M
City: Memphis
State: TN
Country: USA
Became a Christian: 17
Ceased being a Christian: 20
Labels before: United Methodist
Labels now: atheist
Why I joined: i was vulnerable
Why I left: I can think logically
Email Address: ghendrix0833 at yahoo.com