sent in by anonymous Hello to all, I came from a disfuncitional fundamentalist home. I was raised baptist and was raised to fear God and hell. To do anything biblically wrong was a no-no. I had a learning disorder and was continually doubting my Christianity. I was a people pleaser and lived my life trying to fit in, this was not to be, because when you are different you don't fit in anywhere, especially in church, where the meanest people in the world live. Being rejected by all my Christian peers while growing up in the church was hard, talk about rejection! I went for over 40 years believing that I would finally come to a place of rest and peace with myself and with others in the church. Who did I think I was expecting this? I believed it would happen in good time. I participated in ministry and strived to fit in at any cost, and my wife and kids suffered my absence in their lives. When I was in the military I experienced God in many different and unusual...

sent in by Joy-Lyn Gulley I started pre-school at a Christian school. It was a one building deal that supported Pre thru 12th grade (badly I discovered later). My parents put me in private school because they thought I'd receive a better education. Plus the school would admit me early (I was only four) where Public school wouldn't. So from Preschool thru the fourth grade, I went there. In Kindergarten, I was nearly expelled (yes...kindergarten). My crime? Showing my privates to same age boys who'd asked what they looked like. The school counselor interrogated everyone, and talked to all our parents (it wasn't until much later I learned from my Mom that this pig-headed heel had tried to boot me). I was also paddled with a wooden board twice. The first time was during First grade. The teacher was having serious medical problems of her own due to anorexia. She was very moody and very angry pretty much all of the time (she did die several...

sent in by "Withheld for fear of exposure" 1981, Ansbach, Germany: I was a member of the armed forces stationed overseas. I was heavilly into drinking and other self-destructive activities, and feeling very alone so far from home. I came upon a tract in, of all places, the stall of a restroom, and there, with a hang-over headache, and feeling very nauseated from the night before, I read and recited the words that I thought would save me. No miraculous transformation occured, and in fact, I pretty much wrote it off as a desparate attempt at salvation, but it stayed with me, and for many years I 'played' at being a christian. And I played it very well for many years, until I finally married a good christian woman who got me more and more involved in the church. Up until this point, I continued to drink heavilly, having never really given it up. Then one night, after praying, I lost the urge to drink, began attending church more and more, and...

sent in by Robert Marlow I'm well past "recovering" as a Christian now so this probably isn't really a site aimed at people like me. However I like what's been done with this place and thought perhaps my testimony may help encourage others. I think few people realise how difficult it can be to stop being a Christian. I hear so many Christians talk about how difficult it is to be a Christian. What isn't spoken of often enough is how difficult it can be to stop being a Christian when you already are one. Unlike converting to Christianity there isn't any bait like a promise in the afterlife and, perhaps even worse, there isn't generally a large support group waiting on the other side with open arms to help you with the transition. Sites like this are good because they'll at least help some people cope with what can be a very traumatic, life altering experience. My story starts when I was about 6. I don't remember it too well but ...

sent in by Gina I was born and raised Catholic, albeit not in a very observant household. A belief in God/Jesus was always there, and all of my siblings and I were baptized as infants, but we never did make Communion or anything that. My earliest memories of church are of me dozing off in the pews - not that we went very often. Every once in a while, my parents were "convicted" and we had to go for a couple weeks, but it never lasted. My mother was and is what I would consider a pious woman. Granted, she smokes cigarettes, plays the lottery and swears, but she has a heart of gold and has no enemies. In fact, people often comment "I could never dislike your mother". She's the type that is so friendly (in a sincere way), that you cannot help but love her. Anyway, my mother had the May Procession every, well, May. A young girl in our extended family came over, all of us kids lined up, the Ava Maria was played, the older people all said the ros...

sent in by Sam Since I was already so far into my college major at the time of my de-conversion, I had to remain with it; partly because it would take an additional two years to graduate (which I couldn’t afford), and partly because I didn’t have the heart to tell my parents I’d left the faith. I have a double major in biblical studies and theology, and a minor in Hebrew. By the time I graduate I will have completed every single biblical studies and theology class offered on campus, have 18 hours of Hebrew, and 12 hours of New Testament Greek. I was not just an average “application” Christian of the modern western church, but a student instructed in textual/literary/form criticism, Christian Philosophy, Christian Ethics, advanced homiletics, and advanced exegesis by some of the most renowned names in the evangelical community today. I can accurately lay out Heilsgeschichte (salvation history) with a plethora of biblical and extra-biblical sources from the Ancient ...

sent in by Andrew I started school in 1990, and went to the local Government school where I was promptly assigned to a Catholic scripture class. Being 4 years old, I didn't think too much of it, and I followed the rituals as taught. The next year, I transferred to another Government school, and I continued being taught the Catholic faith. I didn't know what I was learning, except that I was doing what was right. By the time I was 9, I had doubts about what it was I was doing, and when I was 10, I completely renounced Catholicism. Normally, this would be where the story ends. Unfortunately, this is where it really begins. I went to a school where, despite being a Government (Public) school, there was a mandatory school prayer, and as I was later to discover - mandatory scripture. By renouncing my "faith", I encountered the wrath of my teachers. I was not allowed to leave Scripture classes - in fact I was severely disciplined, and FORCED to parti...

sent in by Amethyst Moonstar I grew up Lutheran in Minnesota, which is still a very Christian state. My parents pretty much forced me to go to a Lutheran school where I never really fit in, no matter how much I tried. I begged them to let me go to a public school for junior high, and they finally caved because it would save them money. I lost my mom to cancer when I was in high school, but that is not the event that made me deconvert -- on the contrary, my belief was probably at the strongest then and it did help to deal with her death. But a few things started to happen that made me question. Someone at church told my dad my mom was going to hell because she was afraid of dying. That pissed me off immensely. Because if that was true, then no one would be in heaven. I don't think any human being has ever NOT been afraid of dying at the very end, no matter how religious they were in life. In college, many of my friends were Pagans and/or Agnostics and Athiests. I had s...

sent in by Wesley Brown When I was younger I remember I kept hearing the name Jesus while lying playing with colouring books under my church pew. My parents (my dad a United Methodist pastor) forced me to go to church and some church events (no choice). I hated it because I was always bored but the people were nice to me and the social time afterwards was cool. The vibrations were happy (New age lingo for feel of the room and people in it). I didn’t question my faith at that time. I was a sore loser at my elementary school and not very many people wanted to hang out with me. I remember being pushed down by a bully and called retard a couple of times anyway this one girl named Jenny was the kindest girl I ever knew at that age. She put her arm around me and said “you know what even Jesus cried” I am very much like that now aided by my decision to leave Christianity. Anyway when I was thirteen I was going through a lot of shit I hated my parents and I even threw stuff at th...

sent in by Agagooga After reading some of the testimonies on ExChristian.net, I feel that my story cannot really compare to the bulk of those on this site. I did not suffer from the hypocrisy and iniquity of fundies, as so many of my fellow apostates have. I was not trapped in a vicious circle of hate, self-doubt and false promises for years, or even decades, like so many of you were. I was and am not surrounded by hordes constantly trying to preach the word of their god to me and to save my soul. Nonetheless, I too have a story to share. Most here saw the light when they realised the logical contradictions and absurdities inherent in the concept of the Christian god, when the sanctimony of (then) their fellow believers showed them that Christianity does not necessarily make one a better person, when no gods came to comfort or save them in my time of need, or when they realised that the bible was just another tome of mythology (and not a particularly interesting one a...

sent in by Chris As a child, religion was never forced upon me. My father grew up in a strict Lutheran home, and my mother grew up in a strict Catholic home. I was always taught that I had my own freedom to express myself, but it wasn't always that way. When I first started going to private school in 8th grade, that is when I "found god." At 14 years old, I had moved schools about 4 times and never moved. I had serious social problems as a child, and never had more than one friend at a time. When I became a student at Cornerstone Christian School in Wildomar, California, it seemed like God was the only one who cared. I had hardly any friends, hardly any life, and not much else to do but go to church and delve into the life of a Christian. Little did I know what I was really getting into. I began going to church at least 3 times a week, and reading the Bible and praying on a daily basis. I was never taught to pay as much attention to...

sent in by "Lilith" I was raised a Catholic and found that I was seriously questioning the teachings of Christianity and the sect of Catholicism at a very early age. No one could answer my questions with facts, I was supposed to just "believe." I would wrangle over it with my parents who I consider to be wonderful, educated people. They would tell me "most of it's stories, and if you're good you are on the right path." Well, how can people who think like that go to church every Sunday? I struggled with Catholicism and decided I was an agnostic at age 15. I met a girl when I was 17 and she introduced me to the fire and brimstone of Born Again Christianity. She scared the heck out of me and I tried to believe in the ideology. I finally figured out it was a bunch of scare tactics and definitely not for me. I have tried other churches in the past: Anglican and Eastern Orthodox. Orthodox really suprised me because they th...

sent in by Nathan I abandoned my faith in Christianity about six months ago, but before I get to that part of the story, I would like to start from the beginning and relate more or less my “whole” testimony. That being: how I became a Christian, why I stayed a Christian for so long, and what drove me to eventually question and abandon my faith. I was born to Christian parents. After experimenting with drugs and the party scene my parents both converted to Christianity in their twenties. By the time I was born they were strong believers, ready to train up their son “in the way he should go.” I was dedicated as a baby in their church and about a year later they moved to another church in the town that I am living in now, here in Novato, California. At the age of two I accepted Jesus Christ as my personal Lord and Savior. I have only extremely vague memories of this, and obviously I had no idea what was going on. Asking a child to make that type of choice is like askin...

sent in by Sunfell Recruitment Tactics for the Young and Vulnerable The first time I was exposed to Twice-born Christianity was when I attended high school in the bible belt after my dad got out of the USAF. Until that time, I'd gone to schools with a variety of people and religions, and the subject never came up. Before I got to where I was, my best friends were Buddhist and Jewish. At that school, I was an outcast from the moment I opened my mouth on day one. I didn't act, dress, or talk like they did, and didn't know any of them. They all knew each other from kindergarten. I was shunned as the oddball geek, and I hid from the bullies, jocks and popular girls behind books. The first time I was asked if I was 'saved', I didn't really understand the question. Yes, I had savings- why did they want to know about that? I quickly learned that their kind of 'saving' had nothing to do with money. And I'd never been condemned to hell unt...

sent in by Narcissist My father was a dysfunctional non practicing catholic of Italian decent. Mother was a born again evangelical, of Anglo-Saxon decent who copped a lot of verbal and some physical abuse from my father, and was not permitted to practise her protestant religion. Mother was also very loving, despite the crap she copped. When I was old enough, I started copping it too. I was a nerd at school. I would never fight. I never wanted to. I swore I would never be violent like my old man. At high school I somehow discovered a group called ISCF (Inter-School Christian Fellowship). I went along ‘cause that’s what good Catholic/Christian boys are supposed to do. Didn’t really do much for me, except to maintain an awareness that God was always watching me. Always. You see, as my young teenage body entered puberty, I became more and more interested in girls. Coincidentally, at exactly the same time, my face became more and more covered with acne. Joy. So ...

sent in by Sharon Watts Growing up in a Christian home can be a lonely spirit crushing experience. As innocent young children we accepted what we were told by our parents and adults because we hadnt yet developed reasoning ability or a deeper understanding of how the world works. My parents were strict Baptists. Had switched from being Mennonites merely because there was no Mennonite church in the area we had moved to. Now. I dont blame my parents, they did their best, loved us, gave us everything they could, taught us integrity, never physically hurt us and provided for all our needs. Except one. As they believed it was their duty to do everything possible to keep us out of hell, we were trained "in the way that we should go' Tough enough were the guidelines that almost everything that was fun was a Sin; playing cards, dancing..even television, except that once the new pastor happened to have a television in his home, maybe God decided TV wasnt e...

sent in by David Williams Most of these stories are emotional. I could tell mine that way, but I consider those emotions sick now, so I will not indulge them. The day I stopped being a Christian was when I was reading the Bible and realized it was all only a belief. You had to "believe" the stories were true. I asked myself, "What does it mean to believe?" Then I realized, believing is accepting claims without proof. Now what mature person would conduct their life that way? You would be subject to every con, wacko scheme and political crook that came your way. Why would I be obligated to accept a claim without proof? Christianity's short answer is God will kill you if you don't. I summarize it this way now: There is a giant invisible man who will kill you if you don't believe there is a giant invisible man who will kill you. My moment of freedom came when I realized that the fear was a belief too. This has led to the re...

sent in by Anonymous I was born into a fundamentalist family and "saved" at the early age of 4. While I was younger, i was not embarrassed to flaunt my religious beliefs and would strongly argue anyone who disagreed with me or seemed to threaten my beliefs. I remember trying to convert everyone I met, feeling genuinely concerned about whether or not they would go to hell. My parents' religion was very strict and my earliest memories are packed with heavy indoctrination. I was taught that the only way i would go to "heaven" was by praying and asking jesus to forgive my sins. After that I would have to live like jesus would...a sinless, righteous life, doing nothing but good. I was taught through example that women should submit to men and obey their husbands unconditionally...if not, they were sinners. I was supposed to read the bible daily, and pray throughout the day, and enjoy it. But as I grew older, constant prayer became nothing m...