Still confused...

Sent in by Yoonhee


I'm a Korean woman who's in my late 30's.

I worked as an English teacher for a while, and now I work as a freelance translator. I visit the Korean anti-christianity site quite often, and I read about this site in there. Altough I'm a Korean, I wanted to share my horrible story with you. (Sorry for my poor English...)

I attended to the Presbyterian church since I was 19. When I was a university student, I was a church-maniac. I went to church from Sunday to Monday. And, I used to pray until midnight. Maybe that's why I've got married a preacher. I've met this minister from a church seminar, and he proposed to me. And, I thought that must be GOD's order, so I've got married him in 2 months.

But, after marriage, he turned into another person. Before marriage, he seemed like an angel, but after getting married, he became a devil. With no reason, he threw stuffs, lied, stole things, watched the pornographic videos all the time, etc. And, finally he hit my face, so my nose and jaw bone has been broken.

Although I truly believed in GOD, I couldn't live with such a devil. So, after I've got hospitalized, I decided to divorce. Now, 14 years has been passed, and for the past 14 years, my life was a total nightmare. I prayed to GOD so sincerly, but I'm still suffering from a serious depression and some phobias.

I just wanted to believe in GOD, and be a good person. That's all I wanted. But, that "GOD" tested me or punished me so cruely. I still can't believe the situation that I'm in now. Before that marriage, I had everything. I was beautiful, had rich parents, graduated from one of the best universities in Korea, etc.

But, since I've got divorced, I've lost everything. Even my own family turned their back to me. If GOD is alive, and if he loves me so much, why should I live like this? Is this "LOVE"? If so, I don't want to be loved by him anymore. I just wanna go back to those days that I didn't know about GOD or the church.

Now, I curse the church people who lies to the innocent people like me, as "Up there, there's a GOD who loves you so much, and he will protect you and love you no matter what happens..." those kind of bullshits. Those who never even went to heaven or hell, and lies about the life after death should be arrested so that they can't seduce the innocent people anymore.

Thanks to "GOD" and the "Church", I've lost my 15 years from my life. And, I don't know if I can be happy as before. My life has been devastated. I know that marriage was my fault and my responsibility partly. But, is GOD really not guilty for my miserable life? Whenever I cried out for help, he never helped me. He's just all talk!!!!!

I think this Christianity is like a virus on human mind, and all the so-called "sincere Christians" are insane! And, I'm gonna fight to clean up this virus in the world. GOD! I hate you! Do you hear me?????

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