Sent in by Sam
OMG! And greetings to this fabulously intelligent, reason-minded, compassionate
group of people. I am so glad I found this place and I want to share my story with
"the fold" ;-)
I am 46. My Deconversion began many years ago in my late 20s but I am still suffering
the deeply ingrained effects of the brainwashing that was taking place for my entire
childhood and teen years.
I am fortunate to have my brother to have gone through the Deconversion with and
that has been very helpful. Now we mostly laugh at Christianity, how stupid and
nonsensical it is, but I still have a lot of anger at the religion that ingrained
in me that I am "bad" and "sinful to the core." What kind of f'd-up belief system teaches that to children??
I spent my entire childhood trembling in fear of my supposedly loving Creator (the
one that was jealous and vengeful); I spent my entire childhood ashamed of my body
because I am a woman, and Eve, The Original Woman, the most sinister of the sinners
was the source of Original Sin; she was evil and shameful, so I grew up believing
that I was, too; I spent my entire teen years ashamed of myself because I was starting to want to have sex, and when I eventually did, at the age of 19, I was so ashamed of myself that I had to remove my Jesus sticker from my car because a good Jesus girl would never be having sex in a car with a Jesus sticker plastered on the fogged-up window.
And THEN I spent the next 10 years believing to the core that by removing the Jesus
sticker from my car that I had committed the ultimate, ONE UNFORGIVABLE SIN --
you know, the one they say there's no turning back on and it's an E Ticket
ride straight to hell -- denying I knew Jesus by taking his sticker off my car so
I could have sex there instead :-(
I was in my 20s when the Gulf War broke out and I honestly believed (because Christians all believe this every time there's a war) that Jesus was going to come back for his Second Coming to scoop up all the Christians and I would be left behind.
IN MY 20s!! A well-educated, intelligent professional court reporter by the time
I was 27, and I still believed that load of bull.
So my Deconversion was pretty much one by "default," because by the time I hit my late 20s and had had many boyfriends, drank and partied, I figured I was so out of the running anyway, why bother.
Thankfully, being away from it is what finally allowed me to start seeing things
clearly. My brother and I began having long dialogues about it and came to the same
conclusion: The whole thing is a massive cult and it's for people who don't
need to think for themselves. And because it scares them shitless, even those that
might question it, stay in it.
The final nail in the coffin of Christianity for me has been the latest hoopla
over Oprah and the fact that she has been teaching online classes with Eckhart Tolle
(there is speculation among the more educated Christians that Tolle could be the
Antichrist... oh, and so could Oprah) and Marianne Williamson -- "New Agers." According to the most faithful of the faithful, Oprah is now not considered a "real"
I bet she's grateful :-)
They also consider her "superficial." Right. Oprah. Superficial. I wish everyone was that superficial.
But there is nothing superficial about not wanting gays to have the same rights
as everyone else, is there? There is nothing superficial about a famous evangelist
getting caught for soliciting a gay prostitute. There is nothing superficial about
wanting to take away women's personal choices regarding reproduction.
GOD :-( See? ANGER. I hope that by airing this here, and having supportive people
to bounce the craziness off of, that some of this will start to dissipate.
SO, where I am now is devouring books (like the ones written by the Antichrist himself, Eckhart Tolle) that are re-teaching me that I am NOT SINFUL, shameful or in any way bad. There is no such thing as hell, and best of all there is nothing to fear! I also love Wayne Dyer and Louise Hay (she actually believes we should LOVE OURSELVES! What a concept).
Anyway, I could go on and on but that is the Reader's Digest of my happy Deconversion. I am very much looking forward to getting to know this group :-)