I left god for good

Sent in by Laurie

In 2000 I became a born again Christian, I read the bible, I went to church, I listened to Christian music, I guess you could say I "lived" the Christian life. And I thought that all my Christian friends were such great people, so loving and caring and understanding. But then I really found out how wonderful those so called "Christian" friends were.

You see I was gay and when I came out of the closet those friends sure turned in a hurry. They were sure quick to point out that now I was going to hell, that I had turned my back on God and the church and as long as I was gay I couldn't know all the blessings God had in store for me. They even convinced me to go through one of those ex-gay classes at my church and for a short while I did and was convinced that I was straight.

But in the the year or more since I convinced myself I was straight I started questioning God and the bible. Why was it that certain things in the bible were wrong while other things were over looked and seemed to be ok in the eyes of the church and those so called Christians. I started to wonder why we needed to pray when it didn't seem like it was God doing all those wonderful things when in reality it had nothing to do with God buy rather how things worked out.

Then my family went through a very, very, ruff time and continues to do so. But when all those ruff times started I remember praying and praying and praying convinced that God was going to answer my prayer. Well time went on and on and on and God was doing nothing. He saw how my family was suffering and he was doing nothing. Then I was told that sometimes God's answer is no but there is a reason. I thought to myself why would God say no to this suffering that has been going on for so long? If God is such a loving person as they say he is then why won't he help when his children are in need?

The more I started to think about it the more I started to doubt God and his word more and more. I thought about all the terrible things God did in the bible, so much killing and so much suffering. How could this so called loving God be so mean and vindictive?

A few months ago I left God for good and I can't even begin to tell you the weight that was lifted off my shoulders. I didn't have to worry about what I was doing or saying every second of the day. I didn't have to worry whether I was offending God and whether I would get into heaven one day. And I could finally live and be myself, my true self as a lesbian. My self-hatred went away, I began to accept myself and to live free and happy. That is something I could never have done with the weight of God hanging on my shoulders.

I am so glad that I finally saw the light, the light without God.

210 comments:

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Scarecrow said...

"This is how much He wants all of us to be with Him in the end."

Oh well, that's too bad for God. Seems he has no control over free will of people, and he has lost control of his creation called humans and his other creation called Satan.

He sure as heck doesn't do a good job managing things. That's for sure. Matter as fact he did a terrible job managing the weather in my part of the country this past Summer. My whole entire garden died, because he wouldn't water my plants.

That's what happens when you trust God to take care of everything. You end up with a dead garden.

God must be on strike.

.:webmaster:. said...

Marc will not honor my request to cease posting, and even IP banning is ineffective against him. He is using IP masking of some sort. I've grown weary of his nonsense, and since he obviously a hardcore troll, I will be scouring through and periodically deleting every post he's ever made on this site.

Sorry for any inconvenience. If at all possible, I'd request that no one engage him further. As long as he is getting attention, he is simply driven to respond.

Thanks.

an ominous said...

I'm still a believer and always will be.

Your experience sounds awful and I'm sorry your friends weren't your true friends. Condemning you was wrong. Not loving you was wrong. Those qualities are a huge, huge flaw in the church. Not even Christ-like.

I'm not gay, but I can imagine your pain; being treated like this by people you trust hurts regardless.

Anonymous said...

Being gay must be a lot like being a non-believer. I work with a "born-again", "bible thumping", preacher's wife right here in my office. I dare not let her know how I really feel because my employer is a very religious person as well. I can tell that I would ostracized (spelling?) terribly if I let on that I did not believe the same as she does.

Try to be happy being who you are.

Anonymous said...

Well I want to be the first to tell you. Welcome back to God! Even though you feel you have left him, understand He hasn't left you. Trouble times are the definition of what will make you feel that God is not in your heart and life. But rest assured God is still with you. He's still overseeing your life and still has a plan for you. This moment of your life that you feel you don't believe is PART of the plan. In the end it will make you stronger and make your love for Jesus even deeper. The world has become a crazy place because of the removal of God from daily life. Look at the morals of children and the stuff on TV. Is it any wonder there are so many young pregnancies, abortions, rap music, teens dressing like charlotons, divorce, money problems, poverty, unemployment, voilence, drugs. These are all SIN. Do you think if God's word was brought into public schools this would be a problem? Do you think if after saying the pledge inthe morning if children could spend 15 minutes saying prayers to God things wouldn't be different? America has tried the atheist lifestyle. It's time to bring the nation back to Christ.

boomSLANG said...

Christonymous chirped... Welcome back to God!

When donkeys fly!...oh wait, they already "talk", right?

Christonymous...Even though you feel you have left him, understand He hasn't left you.

Yes, I understand... "He" hasn't "left" me.....because "He" was never there in the first place---"He" doesn't exist.

Fundonymous...Trouble times are the definition of what will make you feel that God is not in your heart and life.

No, not "troubled times"---zero convincing evidence.

Fundy-'bot...But rest assured God is still with you. He's still overseeing your life and still has a plan for you. This moment of your life that you feel you don't believe is PART of the plan.

Listen closely---if this "God" still "has a plan" for me, then quess what?.... my "freewill" is a complete illusion. Further, if my doubting it's existence was part of "His plan"---remember, a plan in which I evidently have no control---then my RETURNING to this "God" is part of "His PLAN" too, thus, it's out of my control; I can do nothing.

See, Anony? See how idiotic your religious philosophies are?

May logic find you.

stronger now said...

Christonymous,(thanks for that lovely term Boom')

I know what made me stronger. It had nothing to do with your imaginary friend.

Can't Spell Christ Without Shit said...

Christonymous chirped... Welcome back to God!

Yep, time to put those shackles back on and be enslaved once again. NOT!!!!

Fundy-'bot...But rest assured God is still with you. He's still overseeing your life and still has a plan for you. This moment of your life that you feel you don't believe is PART of the plan.

Oh yes, here we go with that "GRAND PLAN" that god supposedly has laid out for me. I would rank that comment in the "Top 5" things that christians like to say "That never come true".

God has a plan, I use to hear that all of the time, however nobody can ever tell me what that plan is. It seems god has a communication problem and can't tell me either.

Here is a "Realistic" plan:

1) Go to school and get a career.
2) Make lots of money.
3) Get married.
4) Buy a house and some land.

Now that is a realistic plan, however I'm sure some fundy will tell me that is not God's "so called perfect plan".

You would think that these christians would give up considering that none of their so called "Prophecies" never come true on this site. Nobody ever returns to god on here, and christians continue to give nothing but more than worthless "Lip Service" (Cheap Talk with no power or action behind it).

I have become very bored with these christians. There constant bible quoting present no challenge to me.

Their plan of action on this site has failed, so when all else fails try to scare us with threats of hell and eternal damnation. Try to scare us non-believers into the kingdom instead. Which never works of course.

Once again it is time for God to have a recall on his defective products called "Christians".

However, I do have to christians credit for one thing that they have truly been able to prove on this site. Once you give up your free will to God, and make him your master, you truly become stupid and you lose all common sense.

Thank you dear christians for continuing to support our beliefs about your cult. Thanks also for reminding us why we left in the first place.

Phant said...

Anonymous Prick...........Look at the morals of children and the stuff on TV. Is it any wonder there are so many young pregnancies, abortions, rap music, teens dressing like charlotons, divorce, money problems, poverty, unemployment, voilence, drugs. These are all SIN. Do you think if God's word was brought into public schools this would be a problem? Do you think if after saying the pledge inthe morning if children could spend 15 minutes saying prayers to God things wouldn't be different? America has tried the atheist lifestyle.

Funny, you claim all of this bad stuff is the result of not having Christ in our schools and a lack of Christ not being in our daily lives.

However, when I look at secular nations such as "Australia, Canada, and Germany" who have hardly any use for God period, they are doing quiet well and are way ahead of America in many ways. Especially their education system.

And they did all without God. Imagine that? I assume you have never been outside of this country.

GLBT Advocate said...

ANONYMOUS CHRISTIAN......."America has tried the atheist lifestyle. It's time to bring the nation back to Christ."

That's a joke. You christians still have quiet a bit of power in this nation unfortunately. My people are constantly fighting against the oppression and persecution that you bring on us who are part of the GLBT community.

We still do not have equal rights for the GLBT Community, and you right winged assholes continue to interfere in the private lives of others by banning same sex marriage.

As far as your statement, "It's time to bring this nation back to Christ". What you really mean is, "That it's time to enslave this country to "Your values and beliefs". Basically let's turn America into a "Christian Dictatorship".

America is for all people, and not just christians.

IT'S TIME TO MAKE AMERICA A PLACE THAT ALLOWS ALL PEOPLE TO HAVE EQUAL RIGHTS, WITHOUT THE FEAR OF HAVING RELIGION SHOVED DOWN OUR THROATS ON A CONSTANT BASIS.

Christians preach against us on a constant basis, however we have shown more love, tolerance, and acceptance of others more than any christian bigot ever has or ever will.

I am confident that the GLBT community will prevail in time. Because we are about "True Love" which does not discriminate against others.

That is why people like myself will one day celebrate our victory against "Right Winged Extremists".

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