Sent in by Benjamin Anderson First thing's first, this is copied from my blog on blogspot: www.benjamintc.blogspot.com . If what I write interests you, please visit my blog and comment on what I write. What Keeps Me Up at Night My childhood and early teen years revolved significantly around Christianity. I was raised by two Lutheran parents, attending church at least once a week, praying before meals and bedtime, and celebrating all the important Christian holidays. By the time I turned 16, (over 4 years ago) I had gone through a lengthy process of expunging my faith in God, Jesus and Christianity. Too many problems with piled up; too many questions were left unanswered. The result, although far from immediate, was me settling upon atheism as the most accurate set of beliefs regarding the realities of our world. I don't recall what I felt exactly at the time, but these days, from time to time, I almost wish that was the end of the story. I found the truth, so why can't I g

sent in by a Pennsylvanian agnostic I was raised Catholic and went to Catholic school for 12 years. I was obsessed with the idea that praying to Jesus was the only solution to every worry in life. He was my hero. What I was taught about Christianity is that it's about love, kindness, and self-sacrifice and getting rewarded with your own personal invisible super hero who will protect you through life and reward you after you die. The first part are good ideas to live by, but what gets mixed into that is magical properties that seemed to work all the time a few thousands years ago, yet you never see work today. When was the last time you saw a "miracle", something that defies all known understanding of the physical laws of the universe (and wasn't performed by David Copperfield or Blaine using clever tricks)? Once I started being exposed to other religions, books, and movies I started realizing the alternative explanations had about as much proof behind them as th

sent in by John Donovan I was born into Christianity and its teachings. On my Mothers side they are very strict Pentecostals. My grandfather was an Apostolic Pentecostal minister—very strict. I was raised up in that kind of environment. When I was 23, I was on the job and I was working with a Pentecostal person that was very devoted to that faith. He started telling me about Hell—that it was a deep dark pit and a person would fall for ever through flames, with other damned people trying to grab on to you. To be honest, that scared me. I started imagining myself falling through these flames. Well, being as young as I was, and ignorant of Christianity, I fell for it—Hook, Line and Sinker! I started going to a Baptist church, soon went to a Pentecostal church, and became a minister. I preached several years, was licensed, and went to the fellowship meetings. I was the full-fledged thing. I started disagreeing with the strictness of Pentecostal doctrine then and moved on to a non-denominat

sent in by Carolyn How I wish there had been a world-wide web when I was a kid trying to sort this out. I grew up in a nice French-Canadian Catholic family, though there were some complications. My grandfather had an objection to the church itself, so my immediate family was Anglican (as close as you can get without the same hierarchy). That same grandfather read to me from a simplified language Old Testament and, thankfully, let me know that Genesis wasn't literal, and most of the stories weren't 100% reliable. I believed because I had no reason not to. These were the adults and they were telling me the truth. The New Testament was supposed to be the one that was really true, but I didn't understand it and my grandfather didn't have an easy English version. I prayed, and didn't get a response, but I just thought it was a matter of time. My father stopped going to church when I was very young. I think it was related to my brother's death, but he won't talk

sent in by Randy First off, I am here because ChristianAnswers.net could not even provide a simple way for me to ask a question providing nothing but a bunch of hoops to jump through, again! As a second-grade kid I would lay awake and worry that I had not accepted Christ correctly and was thus going to fry in hell forever (infinite punishment for finite offenses, god is love). Every year after that, and before, that I can recall, they told my I was a bad person, no matter what I did: read the Bible, pray, fellowship, memorize the Bible (87 bleeping verses, won a goddamned Scofield Bible for that one). Bottom line, none of their stuff ever made any sense. Of course, god does not have to make sense, HE is way up there were we can't understand. No, asshole, I can understand malevolent behavior. I can understand when I am required to "keep an open mind" while those I am questioning don't have to — 'cause they supposedly know the final truth. Evil is Evil. Lies are

sent in by Cad Jesus didn't die for my sins; I didn't give him permission. I attended three church services a week for over 20 years, and have read the Bible at least ten times, with about a quarter of it memorized. I told myself I had experienced a relationship with Jesus, but really it was a relationship with my ego. It all became suspect when I realized the God I worshipped was worse than Hitler. I couldn't imagine an all-powerful loving God allowing a Hell for billions of people. How many Christians can ponder torturing a total stranger for days, much less eternity? Then I suspected God couldn't give a rat's ass as to whether he was worshipped or not. I looked around and realized that worship was really a sexual outlet for my repressed friends. If you look at people while they worship, their faces are terribly erotic, mixed with a yearning quality that borders on orgasmic. Finally, I realized that anthropomorphising God required infinite hubris. The Christian ap

sent in by don't-know-what-I-believe Growing up I was a child prone to deep thoughts and depression. My family life did not help matters as there was much violence and strife in my home. I remember getting very depressed when I was around 11yrs old as I would think about God, existence, how the universe came to be. My big fear was that I would cease to exist and that the whole universe would one day cease to be. As a child, Christianity seemed to be a foreign concept to me. My family would occasionally attend a church and in the summer time I would go to a vacation bible school. I remember simply not "getting" it. Even though I was exposed to Christianity on several occasions in my childhood, it was a mystery to me. I suppose that my troubled childhood contributed to my lack of understanding Christian religion. During my teen age years I dove into the library and would read much in the para-psychology section. I had a hunger to learn about people and why they behave

sent in by Rachel I was raised in a Christian family and my mother remains one of the people I respect most in the world. A desire to please her, and a natural child-like acceptance of what I was taught in, I do believe, good faith, led me to 'give my heart to Jesus' at 8 years old. My parents became disillusioned with the congregational church they then attended and moved to the Brethren shortly after my own conversion. Thus the religious influences on my adolescent years were strict and uncompromising; I had to cover my head in services and was expected to submit to male authority. Cinema, dancing and 'worldliness' was disapproved of and I think I welcomed those clear rules. I was different and I liked that distinction. Once I left school and went to university to study literature (a subject I was warned against because of its influences), I was exposed to a broader Christianity and was very actively involved in the student Christian movement. I learned about s

sent in by Dan I became a Christian as a result of a burnout on drugs (hash,opium) that I had at the ripe old age of 16 while living in Europe. After experiencing a great deal of paranoia and instability, I encountered a pastor of a newly developing church called International Christian Fellowship. Basically this was a spin-off of the Assemblies of God, made for the European market. Their claims of charismatic encounters with a "real God" intrigued me as did their assertions that the miracles and all of the things the bible said were true. Because of a great need to believe in something and get my life back together I swallowed everything they said and became a devoted follower of Christ. I was convinced that because of my "sins" of drug use and listening to Heavy Metal music I had opened the door to the Devil and this was why I had so many doubts, was so messed up, etc... Being so young and impressionable I believed all this, burned my albums (ouch!) cut my hair (

sent in by Gretchen I've always been a people pleaser. No matter what it was, I would do it. I guess that's why it was so easy for me to fall into the trap of Christianity. I remember my conversion well. I was attending vacation bible school and had been listening to this woman talk about Jesus' love and sacrifice for us. How he didn't want us to go to hell. How we were not worthy, but if we let him into our heart, he would come in and wash all of our sins away. Afterward they did an alter call. I sat their thinking as a child does, how much the stupid little things I had ever done was hurting him. I went up to the alter and, with the help of a teacher, said the sinner's prayer. As I prayed, I cried and begged Jesus to forgive me. When I was finished I felt like I had been given a clean-slate. I started to go to church full force for awhile, but tapered off. I only went to church sporadically. When I did go it was because of my grandmother. She was a devout Christia

sent in by R Shelby I have been reading the posts on this website for many weeks. I am not afraid to tell you that even though we are strangers, I consider all of you my friends. You compelled me to leave a brief testimonal. I am an ex-Christian because in a moment of weakness, when I was very young, I prayed to Jesus to not condemn me to the eternal files of hell. As a young man a family member took me to churches. I was usually accompanied by a friend and we always sat in back to avoiding standing up to sing. We visited several churches, each with their own brand of holy-book dribble. One thing remained constant: each church begged for dollars and the collection plate always made it back to the pew we were sitting. The preachers always told a tired story about how god?s people should give to the church even if their financial future may be uncertain. I found these begging session disdainful. To this day I am stunned that people swallow these stories like a fat woman gulping a chocola

sent in by Shellie Dear Rog, Please note that I fully understand your commitment to religion, Jesus and the Bible and I mean you no disrespect. As I have said, for most of my life I was very much the same way. I took years for me to fully accept that Christianity is (in my opinion) very misguided and well, wrong. Religion is a personal thing, and you have never once tried to push your beliefs on me, except for last night when you told me to have fun in hell. I just see you in this in-between place (where I once was) and I want you to hear my story. I have a lot of respect for you. You are very intelligent and I often find myself engaging in sophisticated conversation when we are together. Here goes... These are the 5 major questions that kept popping up in my head and would not go away. 1. Why are there so many different denominations, who all interpret the same book in various ways, and which one is right? If the Church of Christ-ers are right, then all Presbyterian, Methodist,

sent in by Robert Both my parents were raised Catholic, and just like most Christians I've met, had never thought twice about it. It was always 'the way things are' even if they didn't quite live according to the doctrine. Like all children, I believed what I was told, and when any question regarding how the Earth was made or why we were here, or why something was the way it was, I was immediately referred to the Bible by my mother. I had gone to a Catholic church until the age of 5, when my family then started attending a Christian church. I became very involved with the church the older I got, but never really felt the spiritual aspect. I would go to a youth group on Sundays and felt it more of a social gathering than anything else. I played percussion in the worship band and attended weekly bible studies, but only to see cute girls, or to hang out with friends. I had always felt too old for my age, and although I didn't have very many friends at school, I felt li

sent in by Mike I'd be grateful if anyone could tell me the best ways of coping with leaving fundamentalism. I've been a Christian for 23 years, mainly in the charismatic movement. But after several years of increased doubting about the inerrancy of the bible, I've reached the stage where I can't go on any further. I've debated long and hard with my friends at church, trying to get them so see the contradictions, atrocities and mistakes in the bible, but all I get is a glassy-eyed stare and a mantra of "you need more faith. Try reading the bible more." From reading previous posts, I realise that leaving a fundamentalist church isn't the easiest thing in the world to do. Even though all my friends know the validity of my faith thus far, I'm still expecting barbs such as "you must never have been a true Christian if you now doubt." Things like that will hurt, but I don't want to be a whipping post for other people's insecurities. Ev